How I handled an ex-gf reaching out to me

[Masculine_ManParticipant 2735]

Without making this too long with the details I’ll give you the quick background of this story. I had a gf, we broke up, she found someone new, they get engaged, they get married, and live happily ever after. At least that is what I thought until I saw an e-mail with my ex stating she “Was thinking of me lately. The breakup was on bad terms, I accused her of seeing this guy while we were together (who breaks up and finds someone in a week?) and they get married within a year.

To make a long story short, several things happened to me. I immediately felt the red pill rage kick in. Something that I thought cooled off with time. It did not. I wanted to write a long scathing e-mail on why it was incredibly poor taste for her a married woman to contact me because she was thinking of me. I wanted to tell her she means nothing and I do not want any contact with her. I also wanted to tell her reading her name made me sick to my stomach, equivalent to seeing a third trimester abortion. Thankfully I came to this site for wisdom and found solace in several posts. The first one was from OldBill and it helped me a ton. “Quit giving these women free rent in your head” (Link: /forums/reply/252495/) The next was a combination from Stealthy and Keymaster which is, “It is too late.”

I was able to regain control of my emotions, I was able to ignore and delete the e-mail, but most importantly, I stopped caring. I did not give her my time, I did not give her my attention, I did not give her free rent in my head. Instead, I gave her the empty chair.

If it costs you your peace of mind, then it is too expensive.

[Nathan R. JessepParticipant 1102]

Masculine_Man wrote:

I was able to regain control of my emotions, I was able to ignore and delete the e-mail, but most importantly, I stopped caring. I did not give her my time, I did not give her my attention, I did not give her free rent in my head. Instead, I gave her the empty chair.

High five!

[JuehueParticipant 1316]

Nice, I would have automatically forwarded it to her husband. If the husband reply, then forward it back to the wife.

[experiencedParticipant]

Bro, since you’re a guy, I’ll candycoat it without sarcasm (sarcasm):
Be sure to not block her email address from contacting you. Don’t set up a filter that automatically deletes her shut no not shut, her s~~~ attempts at contact.

You did great. (not sarcasm) you saw her for what she was, is, and always will be.

And for you laydee lurkers, that means, he saw her as a modern day laydee – a hypergamous, cheating, shallow, selfish cxxx.

Cxxx means count, no not count, c~~~.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Masculine_Man wrote:

I immediately felt the red pill rage kick in. Something that I thought cooled off with time. It did not. I wanted to write a long scathing e-mail on why it was incredibly poor taste for her a married woman to contact me because she was thinking of me.

I have been in an identical situation – exactly. Twice. And it IS in poor taste.

The first one, I wrote back that scathing email you’re talking about. She wanted to have lunch like we were still old friends “to get away from her screaming baby”. I told her I’m not interested in entertaining her for that reason.

“Go be a a mother and a wife. Bed. Made. Lie.”. I said. (It was f~~~ing epic). Of course. She came back at me with the toddler equivalent of “I shall not be speaking to you anymore”. Like she had the moral high ground.

“If you say so sweetie.”

Another one emailed me on Feb 14th (!!) after she got married. And on my birthday – repeatedly. All I could think was “better him than me”. Can you imagine being her husband and knowing your wife is emailing an ex on 02.14….. and then she suggest we be “friends on Facebook”. I just ignored that altogether.

Masculine_Man wrote:

Instead, I gave her the empty chair.

I was always the type to respond to every email out of courtesy and friendliness, but there comes a time when you look at it and think “do I really want to respond to this?”. Is it even WORTH composing a reply??

@oldbill is right. Don’t let her live in your head rent free.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Psl47Participant 678]

well done sir!

.

[ILiveAgainParticipant]

A wise man….

“One chance per woman per lifetime”

Can’t remember his name …. something to do with running this place though. Maybe the janitor or something 🙂

[Masculine_ManParticipant 2735]

Yeh not responding took willpower but thanks to all the wisdom here I realized it was must logical.

If it costs you your peace of mind, then it is too expensive.

[Masculine_ManParticipant 2735]

Juehue wrote:

Nice, I would have automatically forwarded it to her husband. If the husband reply, then forward it back to the wife.

While it sounds great, that would show her I care enough about her to ruin her marriage. He will learn the hard way and be a member. She will have her cats.

If it costs you your peace of mind, then it is too expensive.

[AwakenedParticipant 35200]

Masculine_Man wrote:

I was able to regain control of my emotions, I was able to ignore and delete the e-mail, but most importantly, I stopped caring. I did not give her my time, I did not give her my attention, I did not give her free rent in my head. Instead, I gave her the empty chair.

I am a sucker for a happy ending !!

If anything you should send her husband a Than You card, not really, but the thought amuses me.

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[OgreParticipant 5863]

@Masculine, Bravo. I can tell that you were conflicted since you brought it here, but you did the right thing.

KM already used one of his patented lines in this thread so I’m going to pirate the other of his that’s my actual favorite. One chance, per person, per lifetime.

She’s your past, and when you allow it to comeback up it just winds up like a backed up septic tank.

WHEN she divorces weeks, months, or years from now she can be some other guy’s problem.

I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.

[The_YoungParticipant 1073]

A very wise decision. Very mature of you.

I would have probably went with it, but at last second before we meet up and f~~~, screenshot all of the emails and show her boyfriend.

Brother, we need to stick together.

[Masculine_ManParticipant 2735]

The_Young wrote:

A very wise decision. Very mature of you.

I would have probably went with it, but at last second before we meet up and f~~~, screenshot all of the emails and show her boyfriend.

But then she still gets a win, she gets to have me and she gets to f~~~ with a new guy. I can at least take myself out of the equation. She does not get to have me so she does not get what she wants.

If it costs you your peace of mind, then it is too expensive.

[experiencedParticipant]

The_Young wrote:

A very wise decision. Very mature of you.

I would have probably went with it, but at last second before we meet up and f~~~, screenshot all of the emails and show her boyfriend.

Now ‘this’ is the way to do it! Except I wouldn’t f~~~ her and I’d get her reaction to being turned down as well

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[Sky-OParticipant 18934]

I had an ex still contacting me awhile ago. She thought she was safe in assuming I didn’t know anything about the new guy.

But she was wrong. I never engage in tactical operations without full intel on my side. And I never disclose I have it.

Sun Tzu: Art of War – Chapter 8. . . .

‘When on surrounded ground, plot. When on deadly ground, fight.’

I never like the way she always had a guy secured, well trained and conditioned to be her cuckold while she maintained multiple sources of emotional validation, attention and sex on the side.

I could tell the entire story in this post and it would go on forever, so I’ll just detail what I did on Valentine’s Day the following year.

All logistics were already set up. Existing intel was confirmed and I took the day off from work, set up a forward field base in a spare bedroom at my house. Dry erase board on the wall, tentative time line, projected target analysis (the new guy), a half rack of Redhook IPA and the new Fates Warning album on. Starting at 6am. . . .It was game on.

I went online to confirm via my user name login that the dozen roses I had ordered for HIM were in route. I used a prepaid Visa card for the order, with no link to me. But had the message with the roses be from her.

Reconfirmed another guy she was still banging on the side had the same cell number. The beta didn’t know about him.

The clock began to tick. . . .

Operation: Expose the Slut was in progress.

Confirmed online that he got the roses (delivery confirmation to his work address) then I used one of the Trac Fones I secured for the mission to call his work and asked for him. They put me through and he answered which meant he was there to get the delivery. I hung up.

Then I used a Spoof Card to call the other guy she was banging: with the beta’s number and hung up when he answered while dialing in via Spoof Card on my other phone to call the beta with the other guys number.

It turned out they both winded up calling each other back. I also sent each one a text from the Trac Fone referencing her being a c~~~ whore and each guy’s name. One of them called the other and it converged in chaos from what I heard.

Then since beta had a Verizon plan and so did I on my actual phone: I utilized the ‘inbox forwarding’ feature to start forwarding her sexually graphic voice mails to his voice mail.

I had a rule. Three an hour on the hour for six hours straight. It was a shock & awe bombardment. Sky-0 style.

Then without knowing what was taking place on that part of the battlefield. I texted her that I keep getting calls from two guys that I don’t know and they were both asking me if I was banging her. LOL. Then texted her to thank her for the roses she sent me earlier that day. Basically I was running counter intel cover so she would think I was under siege too. And she would assume it was another guy/c~~~ since there had to be at least one more.

I never answered when she called my phone 31 times in ten minutes.

Then with the Trac Fone, I took pics of letters she had wrote me on Sheraton Los Cabos letterhead (included in the pic) and sent them to both guys.

And for the grand finale. She always slept with a giant red plush bear (despite being 33 years old) and I had previously taken a pic of it on my bed when she was in the shower, but had him holding a pair of her handcuffs and a vibrator (that she had me use for DPs). The bear went everywhere she slept so they would have had it at their places to.

I then fired that pic off via the Trac Fone.

– –

End result. She had an apocalyptic meltdown, nervous breakdown in the aftermath, had to take two weeks off work in the aftermath and when I talked to one of her girlfriend’s a month later she said that beta kicked her out and she was living at her parent’s house.

[Better without YOUParticipant 234]

That would be amazing if you sent that email to her now husband, or just printed copies and threw it all over the f~~~ing yard, or post copies on some community bulletin. Just f~~~ all of her s~~~ up. But I feel like the poor guy is one of those guys who will “try and work through it together” failing his s~~~ test. Poor bastard.

Edit: On second thought he might come after YOU, ha! Better to just probably do nothing and enjoy knowing what a horrible person she is.

[Masculine_ManParticipant 2735]

Sky-O wrote:

I had an ex still contacting me awhile ago. She thought she was safe in assuming I didn’t know anything about the new guy.

But she was wrong. I never engage in tactical operations without full intel on my side. And I never disclose I have it.

Sun Tzu: Art of War – Chapter 8. . . .

‘When on surrounded ground, plot. When on deadly ground, fight.’

I never like the way she always had a guy secured, well trained and conditioned to be her cuckold while she maintained multiple sources of emotional validation, attention and sex on the side.

I could tell the entire story in this post and it would go on forever, so I’ll just detail what I did on Valentine’s Day the following year.

All logistics were already set up. Existing intel was confirmed and I took the day off from work, set up a forward field base in a spare bedroom at my house. Dry erase board on the wall, tentative time line, projected target analysis (the new guy), a half rack of Redhook IPA and the new Fates Warning album on. Starting at 6am. . . .It was game on.

I went online to confirm via my user name login that the dozen roses I had ordered for HIM were in route. I used a prepaid Visa card for the order, with no link to me. But had the message with the roses be from her.

Reconfirmed another guy she was still banging on the side had the same cell number. The beta didn’t know about him.

The clock began to tick. . . .

Operation: Expose the Slut was in progress.

Confirmed online that he got the roses (delivery confirmation to his work address) then I used one of the Trac Fones I secured for the mission to call his work and asked for him. They put me through and he answered which meant he was there to get the delivery. I hung up.

Then I used a Spoof Card to call the other guy she was banging: with the beta’s number and hung up when he answered while dialing in via Spoof Card on my other phone to call the beta with the other guys number.

It turned out they both winded up calling each other back. I also sent each one a text from the Trac Fone referencing her being a c~~~ whore and each guy’s name. One of them called the other and it converged in chaos from what I heard.

Then since beta had a Verizon plan and so did I on my actual phone: I utilized the ‘inbox forwarding’ feature to start forwarding her sexually graphic voice mails to his voice mail.

I had a rule. Three an hour on the hour for six hours straight. It was a shock & awe bombardment. Sky-0 style.

Then without knowing what was taking place on that part of the battlefield. I texted her that I keep getting calls from two guys that I don’t know and they were both asking me if I was banging her. LOL. Then texted her to thank her for the roses she sent me earlier that day. Basically I was running counter intel cover so she would think I was under siege too. And she would assume it was another guy/c~~~ since there had to be at least one more.

I never answered when she called my phone 31 times in ten minutes.

Then with the Trac Fone, I took pics of letters she had wrote me on Sheraton Los Cabos letterhead (included in the pic) and sent them to both guys.

And for the grand finale. She always slept with a giant red plush bear (despite being 33 years old) and I had previously taken a pic of it on my bed when she was in the shower, but had him holding a pair of her handcuffs and a vibrator (that she had me use for DPs). The bear went everywhere she slept so they would have had it at their places to.

I then fired that pic off via the Trac Fone.

– –

End result. She had an apocalyptic meltdown, nervous breakdown in the aftermath, had to take two weeks off work in the aftermath and when I talked to one of her girlfriend’s a month later she said that beta kicked her out and she was living at her parent’s house.

Epic story, but I don’t care enough for my ex to do that type of operation. Still though, wonderful job.

If it costs you your peace of mind, then it is too expensive.

[narwhalParticipant]

I see this as a catch-22 scenario. No real good way out of this. I completely understand and support the no contact plan, but it has it’s flaws. Your ex-GF will either make further attempts at contact or assume you are a jerk for not responding. Either way, she will not consider the consequences of her actions. She will continue to seek attention outside of her marriage.

On the other hand, contacting the husband has many flaws as well. As already mentioned, you are spending your value time and giving her indirect attention. There is also no guarantee that her husband will do anything about it. He probably doesn’t want to and she will spin it innocent communication, play the jealousy card, or blame you for the whole exchange. Personally, I am a also a fan of maintaining privacy.

But as the saying goes, evil prevails in this world when good men sit back and do nothing. So what should be done. Perhaps this is best addressed in the hypothetical and not in reality. By this I mean that the best way to combat this particular evil is to help make men be aware and prepared to recognize and deal with it in advance.

Ok. Then do it.

[SolidusXParticipant 854]

Good on you brother for sticking to your guns! I also like doing the whole “Who is this?” message back to act like you have no idea who the f~~~ she is.

Knowledge is power..... Don't waste your brain on bullshit

[XSDBSParticipant 3598]

narwhal wrote:

I completely understand and support the no contact plan, but it has it’s flaws.

“No contact” has no flaws.

It is the perfect (lack of) response/reaction when an ex attempts to re-connect.

[Author]

Posts