hey guys.

[AnimekirkParticipant 8]

My name is Joe. Nice to meet you all. Gonna be honest here. I’m not sure if “going my own way” is what I need in life but it’s been what I’ve been doing for the past two years and so I figure I’ll check things out from the perspective of people who’ve been at this longer than I have. so here’s my story…

I was Raised in a fairly traditional household which instilled in me the desire to be a husband and above all a father when I grew up. My parents always told me I needed a good Job, a Car, all that good stuff to prepare for taking care of my “future wife”. I watched my dad slave away for over 15 years of my life and watched my mom spend most of his money while he got scolded and accused of selfishness whenever he’d spend any on himself. I started to question this way of life that he seemed to be grooming me for. “dad I don’t think I’d be happy living this way” I said to him. “If you want any chance in hell at a wife and kids, you don’t have much of a choice son.” he’d reply. meanwhile my sisters were taught to basically just be generally nice people, as well as how to look out for “the right man” to take care of them. my dad constantly compared me to them asking why I couldn’t be as good as them, putting them on a pedestal while criticizing everything I did and blaming me for not living up to my potential.

As a young adult I watched one of my teenaged sisters effortlessly land jobs at places, getting promoted to manager within weeks while I would struggle just to get a call back. Life always seemed infinitely easier for females from my perspective. I had a strong desire to become female all the way from 14ish into my early 20s. only within the past 4 or 5 years have I made peace with my “maleness”.

Throughout my life I’ve had several romantic relationships, all of them lasting at least one year, none of them including sex(I’m still currently a virgin at 27). All my relationships ended the exact same way. The girl I was with giving me a huge overload of affection, I love yous, romantic and thoughtful gifts, ect. in the last few weeks of the relationship before abruptly ending it, saying things like “the spark was no longer there” or they simply “fell out of love with me” with no further explanation. the last time it happened was about two years ago. I had once again fooled myself into believing this girl was different and so allowed myself to trust again only to have it end in the exact same way as all the times before. she said she had suddenly realized that what we had “wasn’t REAL love”. I was devastated. Quit my Job, didn’t leave my room for almost a solid month, attempted suicide a few times.

My sister who by this time had become a mother, gave me an offer to take care of her kid for her full time so she could work. I decided to do so so I could feel less worthless. I took care of her little girl for a year and a half full time, she paid me 100 dollars a month for it but i didn’t care about the pay, I was glad to help her out.I had put up with countless friends and family members bashing me for the extremely “unmanly” position i was in taking care of a kid instead of working. I would have liked nothing more than to shut them up but I didn’t for my sister’s sake cause she needed me. It wasn’t until about 5 or 6 months ago when me and her got into some argument that she flat out accused me of “Using her kid as an excuse to keep from having to get a Job” I got extremely offended that she would use my generosity and then attempt to throw it back in my face in this way. I walked out right then and left her to take care of her own kid.

So here I am now. Stable, but lost. I’m not sure where to go in life. I went from my only aspiration in life being to find a woman to love, to being literally incapable of trusting the women in my life. I’m finding it Hard to see hope on the horizon, cause I’m cripplingly lonely and all my friends do nothing but try to convince me to get “back in the game” but I’m so sick of all the BS that I don’t think I could take it. I want to find some way to live without feeling constant pressure to get with a girl only to be faced with the seeming impossibility of that task.

Sorry for the long introduction, It was more of a life’s story. I’d appreciate some thoughts, good or bad, I can handle it.

[JanglesParticipant 18]

Well, Let me be the first to extend a Welcome, and well met!

Sorry to hear that our other half has been pretty s~~~ty to you. I think you’ll find were a different sort here. Stable is good I’d say. Gives you a good place to build and keep moving forward. Keymaster on here had some rather potent things to say about how that ‘pressure to get a girl’ is programming. Even you said yourself your parents told you over and over from the get go that is how its supposed to be. I totally get the urge to get married and have some kids. Fathers are a touchy subject with me on the whole, and holy damn do I actually like weddings. As for that ‘making peace’ with your maleness I think thats a step in the right direction but I’d say you need to learn to revel in it. We are, pretty badass after all.

Time to carve your own path man, know this however, more than a few of us here to keep you company on the road. Once again, welcome.

[AnimekirkParticipant 8]

Thanks for the kind and supportive welcome. It’s nice to hear some words of encouragement. I’ll keep that thing about learning to ‘revel’ in my maleness in mind lol. Guess It’s kinda hard for me to revel in much of anything, but I can totally see the value in what you’re saying. I’m glad to have some company on whatever road this is. It’s pretty comforting. Thanks again.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

This was one hell of a moving intro. Brave soul, man.
You mentioned a BOATLOAD of triggers that ping-ed hard.

my dad constantly compared me to them asking why I couldn’t be as good as them, putting them on a pedestal while criticizing everything I did and blaming me for not living up to my potential.

BIG key right there. He’s not doing them any favors, but he’s doing you plenty.

You already know women start out their lives with every conceivable advantage. From your sister saying “dad he punched me!” which would earn you a “don’t ever hit your sister again or you’ll be grounded for a MONTH” while she looks at you and SMILES at her advantage…. when you didn’t even touch her. I’ve been there and goddammit, you look up at the Universe and wonder if it’s EVER gonna get better.

And it DOES. Men actually have to EARN their way out of worthlessness. But inside that is the hidden treasure your sisters won’t learn for decades. Tough love is IMPOSSIBLE to appreciate when you’re up to your neck drowning in unfair bulls~~~, and it would be OK if we started life at 0. But we don’t. We are negative 10 and have to bust our asses just to get to 0. Staying ABOVE 0 is the “success”…. while women blindly waltz through life with +20 points at all time, and don’t ever seem to lose any….until the sweet spot which is just ahead. They REVEL in this and will smear your nose in it in the mean time.

I had a strong desire to become female all the way from 14ish into my early 20s. only within the past 4 or 5 years have I made peace with my “maleness”.

It only seems that way. Being handed unearned privileges is NOT an advantage. It’s a farce. Wait until you are 36, if you carve your path you will not want to go back to 26 in a million years…. and one guy here already said he had NO idea that life at 50 would be so much better than life at 18 for him. It’s a GOOD thing. Impossible to see yet. But it is. Would you rather be swimming in privileges or would you rather have self respect? You don’t have to answer that right now. Just hold it close to you.

I don’t know what to say about the tragedy re: your sisters about-face re: “using her kid”. But Im not surprised. I nodded loudly when I read that. But the next paragraph on finding your direction is the one we all relate to. Feeling like a lost fart in a thunderstorm at 27 is kinda normal. I doubt ANY guy is solid with it. And you still have time to get serious and make some mistakes. Just don’t make the one where you fall too hard for the first girl who pays attention to you, and is nice to you. because you can’t see the future yet.

Welcome in the most sincere way.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[AnimekirkParticipant 8]

Thanks for your response. I really appreciate you insightful viewpoint.

And yeah, as I said in my post I’ve been through relationships to the point where I’m sick of them. I’ve made the mistake of falling too hard, too fast for a girl way too many times. I’m in no hurry to make that particular mistake again. To be honest it wouldn’t surprise me at all If I just never got into another relationship again and ended up actually being more than okay with that. To use a really strange analogy, it’s like if my favorite food was pizza and the going price for pizza nowadays was 100 bucks a slice. Love me some pizza but that’s too big a price to pay, I’ll have to either become wealthy enough so that 100 bucks Is a drop in my financial bucket so to speak, or I’ll have to find myself a new favorite food.. lol. But I realize I’m still young though. I’m not the same person I was at 23, and I’m gonna continue to change as i get older. who knows how I’ll feel about relationships moving into the future so I wont say anything definitive.

[Crazy CanuckMember 4215]

Hey, sorry for your luck. If these people say the same crap again then you can reply to shut them up. I suggest to ask them “Is your life that miserable that you need to pick me? It seems that you are below my level and you are trying raise above me.”

I remember my uncle was getting other family members to attack me when I wasn’t work. I have an illness so it’s difficult to just go to work. Some days was so bad I would just lie in bed. I’m better now but it’s funny. The jealousy in my life is huge. My aunt is pretty wealthy but lost her husband. The whole idea being married with lots of money making people happy is an illusion. I’ve watched my own father become a millionaire and then lost it all. He was extremely depressed when he had millions which drove him to drink and run the business down.

People are happiest when they are constantly growing. Read is probably the best way to start off. You should strive to a job though, I went nuts I didn’t work. Also $100 for babysitting was a huge favour for your sister. I would try to forget what she said and just forgive her. It’s not worth the stress. Women like her aren’t worth it.

Obviously you’re strong and you will get stronger.

"If pussy was a stock it would be plummeting right now because you've flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too easy." - Dave Chapelle

[AposematicParticipant 2671]

Animekirk, +10 manpoints for looking after your niece.

Seriously, I have studied stay at home dads and their kids for 20 years now.
The kids are simply brilliant, calm, disciplined, stable..
It is the well kept secret that kids would thrive in a system where
men had the custody and could do the bulk of child rearing.

Afinogyny.. from the Greek Afino {to abandon/ to set down/ to leave /to allow/ to let } + Gyny {Women} MGHOW’s philosophy to not engage women without “hating them”. Narcorca =Narcissistic Orca typically spouting to a bathroom mirror taking an arms length selfie ; Wallinate describes post wall females whose SMV is terminally negligible New Years resolution "To not make women happy" . Instadestitue: yet another Neologism for Men that cohabit with women that decide to pull the handle of intervention orders.

[Total LeeParticipant 1573]

I don’t doubt that for a second. +10 man points for you too. It becomes very obvious when you observe female teaching methods. When I see single moms anywhere in line at the store or checkout counter, and the child is unruly or acting out, her discipline doesn’t stick. I can’t really explain it, but It’s as if the child instinctively thinks she’s being moody or acting out herself, and doesn’t quite take her seriously. But when a father does it the kid pulls together and smartens up. This isn’t because he is taller, or stronger or his voice is deeper. I think men are more fair and don’t lose their tempers or discipline for the sake of being bossy. Moms like being bossy which is not the same as being right. An off the top example: her reason for not buying a kid a chocolate bar are just “put that back I mean it!”, but a father will say “it will make you fat. It’s not real food.” or “I would say yes if you cleared the dishes from the dinner table more often.”. It’s a whole different style. It’s almost like running a business.

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