Groceries with Grumpy

[GrumpyParticipant]

****Caveat***
Not to be confused with Stealthy’s Online Cook Book or any other serious dining pleasure offered by others.

Tonight I decided to spoil myself and have a treat and order some home delivery. (of food you dirty buggers). I rarely treat myself to restaurant food when I am home, and my own cooking style is rather utilitarian and “boring” unless it includes deer/elk/moose and fresh plain bannock according to others.

So after a few hours of agonizing and debating with the pup (more on her later) on what I/we were remotely interested in eating. The pup barked twice when I mentioned “Chinese food” for the 13th time, so I naturally assumed 2 barks mean yes as per every f~~~ing Lassie episode I watched as a kid taught me.
Ha, and women think I’m not astute or not listening to others.

So I get about half way through reading the menu to the pup when her eyes glaze over in non interest.(Hey I have to read it to her, she cant read, and I like my pup so I’m nice to her). I decide that I’ll get one of those “dinner for 3” deals, don’t judge me.
So I proceed to tell the pup whats in the deal and she showed no interest, well at least right up until I changed the beef/chicken parts to cat.
Stuff like Dry Cat Ribs, Cat Chop Suey, Cat fried rice….. You get the picture.
Then she perked right up and seemed very interested.
So being the good pet owner that I am, I call it in while the pup ran around the living room like a spastic robotic vacuum cleaner that barks.

About an hour and $60.00 ($3.50 USD, according to some people) later, the groceries show up and the pup attacks and starts to hump the drivers leg, sometimes I really think she is gender confused, but I digress.
I pay the driver while he pries the pup of his ankle, he doesn’t look hurt or too badly shaken up, so I tip him $5.00.
By this time, the pup wants her share of the grub she put out for and is stalking back and forth behind me drooling like a fat chick at the candy store, so I make her a plate with no rice. She doesn’t like rice, she’ll eat maggots, dead birds, and other crap, but she will not eat rice.

So while I am enjoying the meal, she wolfs down everything in her path including the chop sticks I gave her, farts, walks over to her bed, farts again then goes to sleep for 10 minutes, then wants more food when she wakes up.

As I write this I have come to the following conclusions.

1. My dog still doesn’t know how to use chop sticks.
2. My dog is a food whore
3. It’s a good thing I dont order delivery or take out food often.
4. Maybe I should get out more often because I just wrote a story about my dog eating Chinese food and how it amused me..

Naw must be the MSG in the food.

P.S
I f~~~ing told you upfront it wasn’t like Stealthy’s food posts.

There was a time in my life when I gave a fuck. Now you have to pay ME for it

[BlacqueJacqueShellacqueParticipant 6890]

I am not a dog person Grumpy, but this really made me smile. You are one who should own an animal. Your dog must love you very much.

[PistolPeteParticipant 27143]

That was a great anecdotal story man! (I love Chinese and Indian food)

What is the breed of dog?

[HitmanParticipant]

6 min f’n funny as f~~~ clip..
the dog jokes made me think to post it..
enjoy..

[GrumpyParticipant]

The “pup” is a 2 year old spayed Miniature Pinscher or as I call her, “my 5lb Purebred Food Purse”. She thinks she’s a full grown Rottweiler until its bed time, when she thinks she’s a f~~~ing St. Bernard.
I ended up as her “owner” when my daughter left her with me when she was about 3 months old.

@BJS
Naw, she knows who provides for, and protects her. So she tries to protect me as best she can.

@hitman
Mr. Rodney Dangerfield (Some respect finally)
His stuff still makes me laugh.

There was a time in my life when I gave a fuck. Now you have to pay ME for it

[HitmanParticipant]

Grumpy wrote:

@hitman
Mr. Rodney Dangerfield (Some respect finally)
His stuff still makes me laugh.

glad you could have a laugh my friend..
he was a man ahead of his time.
fast wit and really a good man.
his wife died and he raised his kids on his own.
took a break from the spotlight to do it.
smoked mad amounts of weed ,
and was awesome to see.
i had the pleasure of seeing him at Dangerfeilds in NYC..
many years back.
laughed my ass off!!!

[ChummeyMGTOWParticipant 163]

Thanks Hitman! That was funny s~~~…

[Anonymous 24]

I wish I had a dog, but I am the type of guy who is barely able to take care of himself, let alone an animal.

Love me some Dangerfield Hitman. I just watched Easy Money a few nights ago from my 1k+ VHS collection. Pesci and Dangerfield should have done 10 movies together!

“I met her at the Macy’s parade, she was wearing ropes”

[Author]

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