Gregory's Life Story: Don't pity me. Be thankful I've grown.

[GregoryYammoskParticipant 1]

 

My name is Gregory, and to begin with I am a 23 year old white male from Washington State in the United States of America. I’ll start out by going over my current beliefs, and then go over how I got to them. Sound fair? Be warned: there be life experiences and personal views ahead!

 

 

 

I am “Christian” in the sense that I believe that Jesus Christ died for my sins and was the Messiah and all that, but I’m heavily against organized religion. I’ve gone to church all my life, and now go as often as I can (to a church that is really a bunch of people meeting in a school). As such I view the world very different then most people. I believe God (as in a divine creator of all reality) created everything and loves everyone alive equally (since “He” is outside of time there is literally no way He cant love everyone equally). Because “God is Love” and He asks everyone to love everyone else that means that I’m a servant to all. “True love” has a detailed definition in the Bible, and it includes putting the needs of others before yourself. HOWEVER: Jesus teaches all Christians to be “wise as serpents and gentle as doves.” Meaning that though you seek out to help those around you in need you are NOT a doormat to ANYONE. A servant is not required to sacrifice themselves or anything they own unless they choose to, they are simply there to help. Note that servants are also generally compensated for their efforts, which means I am no-ones slave. This obviously puts me at great disadvantage in a world where a man is considered the slave of a woman (and in rare cases in 3rd world countries the reverse).

 

I believe this to be wrong! A man and woman should be EQUAL in value, and thus I am a Humanitarian or “Equalist.” All genders, all sexualities, and all races equal to each other. I also believe however that all races and both genders have their own strengths and weaknesses: men are better than women in some things, women are better than men in some things, whites are better than hispanics in some things, and blacks are better than asians in some things. Does this make me racist or sexist? No! This simply means I respect the individual. However if I was to say any of this in public you bet your ass I would be marked a sexist or racist IMMEDIATLY (which I have). How sad a state is this world in?

 

I also believe that sex before marriage is “wrong.” What society calls marriage today is a joke and a scam. People easily forget that marriage is the highest form of commitment possible (“married to your job”), and people that are committed to each other shouldn’t even need a contract! Because I believe in God, he is the one a man and woman make that commitment to, and if you break that commitment with or without contract you have to answer to Him. If you’re going to “sex someone up” you better be severely invested in them, and you better make sure you can trust them to be the same (almost impossible in today’s world).

 

Am I a “white knight?” No. Am I “chivalrous” to women? Yes. But I’m not going out of my way to serve any random woman that I see, just as I wouldn’t do so for a random man that I see. If I’m going to respect someone, I expect some amount of respect in return. Does this mean I get a free pass to be selfish and self serving? Also no. But unless I’m in a situation where I can make a positive difference in someone elses life I am allowed to take care of myself. I have to help myself in order for it to be possible to help others.

 

 

 

So wow. Those are all some heavy hitting and in your face beliefs aren’t they? And I’m literally unshakable and unwilling to change my personal moral compass or belief system for ANYONE? I’m either a stuck up ass, or a REAL MAN! Of course this coin has two sides, and everyone else has free reign to believe whatever they want to believe as well without having to change for me.

 

Everyone has problems though. Oh no I’m flawed! This is certain doom when it comes to women, since no woman is going to accept anything less than perfection. Or is it? My hope is that one day I will find that 1 human female that has beliefs similar to mine (aka is an actual human being that is female). The cool thing about flaws is that they can be your strengths as well.

 

 

 

My flaws/strengths are as follows:

 

-A debilitating fear of the opposite sex (will cry if I perceive a female as mad as me regardless of if its true or not. Is afraid of a girl touching me especially sexual organs and such actions cause panic/distress. Finds it extremely hard to trust females).

 

-Gets horny a lot and longs for female companionship.

 

-Autistic in the form of Aspergers Syndrome (very naive and can be too trusting. Extreme stress will revert personality to that of a child. Low attention span. Easily obsessed with things of interest. Highly dependent on physical touch and receiving attention in relationships).

 

-Passionate and stubborn.

 

-Flips between: extremely head strong and active OR extremely laid back and passive.

 

-Very understanding and willing to compromise. ONLY IF the other party agrees to compromise as well.

 

-Looks for the good in everything, and points out the bad in everything.

 

-Logical to a fault. Unless stubborn in which case no logic can dissuade me.

 

-Very good with animals and kids.

 

-Optimistic unless depressed in which case am pessimistic.

 

-Easily depressed. Easily elated.

 

-Will not medicate for anything unless medical emergency.

 

 

 

and probably a whole lot more that I wont bother with right now. You probably spotted a few contradictions in there, which there are. Funny how trauma can do that to a persons personality isn’t it? So now if you want to learn how all these beliefs and flaws/strengths came about then read on for my past.

 

 

 

No one has an easy childhood, and there have been plenty of others that had it worse than me. There are also plenty of those that had it better off than me too. The past is gone and though it only has as much control over me as I allow it, it has undeniably affected me.

 

Born into a family of 1 mother, 1 father, 1 older sister, 2 younger sisters. Dad didn’t want kids, mom didn’t want a boy. Due to the horrible luck he had with women in the past my dad was very abusive in 3 of the 4 ways (physical, emotional, mental). Mom had already been married and divorced and was/is extreme feminist. She was abusive in 4 of the 4 ways (physical, emotional, mental, sexual), though I suffered much less sexual abuse than I could have. Like really not that much but it did happen when I was younger.

 

Growing up little Gregory was loved by mom and taken care of. Obviously I was fed and clothed otherwise I wouldn’t be here now would I? So despite the bad that my mom did to me, she did good for me as well. Its undeniable fact (note that it doesn’t excuse anything). “Mommy loves you” was however EXTREMELY dependent on the acceptance of “mommy controls you.”

 

In the eyes of dad all four little children should keep out of sight and speak when spoken to.

 

Starting from about age 5 punishment came when anyone stepped out of line, and little Gregory would always try to get between dad and sisters. I cant tell you how good I got at diverting attention towards myself. Want to know how I got so good at being patient and being tough? Imagine throwing yourself into the path of an angry bull willingly every few days. I loved my sisters and I still do. Thankfully dad wasn’t around much, because when he was it was bad. Its hard to blame him for devoting himself to work and cheating on his wife when you see what his wife was like. But mom did step in and try to protect me from dad, but eventually stopped when it was obvious I was doing it on purpose. The REASON I was doing it didn’t matter (protecting my sisters) just that I was “asking for it.” Not to say I didn’t get singled out enough on my own though!

 

In the eyes of mom little boys are just tumors of society and little girls are gifts of God. She was very “Bible Belt” and very feminist. I could literally “do no right” and my sisters could “do no wrong.” Kids aren’t stupid, and it didn’t take long for my sisters to figure this out. Starting from the age I could walk I was walking on glass. Keep your hands to yourself became don’t touch your sisters because it could result in anything. Teasing my sisters was an impossibility lest I suffer the consequences. Being masculine was punishable (but I had to be mommys little man and do whatever I was told of course). Disobedience was severely punished, but I got to watch my sisters walk away free from things. If I made fun of my sisters I was punished, if they made fun of me I was told to grow up and accept it.

 

Keep in mind that constantly throughout my entire life I was told all the feminist rededicate. Men are worthless scum/pigs. Gregory you are a boy and worthless. You are bad so DONT be like your EVIL father. Yes I was told throughout my entire life that I was literally a waste of air and food. During my teenage years I was told all the time that I was literally stealing food out of my sisters mouths by eating food. Imagine being scared to eat and have to sneak food! Yup, and people wonder why I have eating problems. When I was older my mom would hit me whenever she wanted, even when I was driving a car! All sexual anything I had to suppress for obvious reasons.

 

Now of course all of these things would cause mental issues in a child, why wouldn’t they? Around age 8 years I almost developed a female split personality (I wonder why?) but thankfully with help from other adults prevented that. Rage issues? You bet your anus I had rage issues! Take the vibrant energy of a boy below the age of 7, combine it with the hyperactivity of an autistic child, and then subject them to horrible abuse from every member of their family while simultaneously having them suppress all emotion out of fear. When little Gregory DID go off, he WENT OFF. The consequences were of course extremely severe, and I do not condone my actions regardless of how they came about. The rage issue didn’t last past age 6 though, and if you will allow a sidetrack I’ll tell you the story. Keep in mind that 1: My family would ignore me and pretend I didn’t exist when they were mad at me. 2: Being autistic made it hard for me to make friends. 3: I was home-schooled until college (which was a good thing).

 

 

 

“Little Gregory and Prayer Bear”

 

There was a Christian childrens movie thing called “Prayer Bear” back in the 80s and 90s. A stuffed bear doing the Sesame Street thing with Bible lessons exclusively. I had a bear similar to the one of the videos and even had a little shirt for it with my favorite Bible verse on it. This bear and me were like Linus and his blanket from Peanuts. I’m not even kidding you. So of course many punishments involved taking this bear away for a period of time. Now remember that my family would routinely ignore me and pretend I didn’t exist when they were mad at me, sometimes for days. So this bear and the family cats were literally family and people in my eyes. Taking away this bear was taking away my only friend.

 

So one day in year 6 of my life I did something REALLY bad. I mean I don’t remember what it was, but with rage issues like mine it could have been pretty bad. It was dark outside at the time though I remember that much. I was already crying because my mom had taken said bear away already. She took my into the storage/sewing room and told me that what I did was 100% unacceptable and would not be tolerated ever again (it could have been but I don’t remember). She took a pair of scissors and cut the bears head off in front of me.

 

I remember this night so clearly, it was like time had stopped for me in that moment. I know not everyone believes in God, but God took me out of reality to talk to me personally. He told me that if I was to continue with this lifestyle of anger there would be much worse punishments in store for me in the adult world when I was a grown up. He offered to take the rage away from me if I gave it to him. On that night I made a deal with God, and since then I have never been violently angry ever again in my entire life.

 

As for what happened after that moment had passed. I stopped crying that’s for sure. I don’t really remember anything else except walking to my room, closing the door, and falling on my bed. At some point in the next year I got another bear that became the “new prayer bear” but it was never the same of course. I still loved that new bear though.

 

 

 

 

 

Fun story huh? Well there are a lot of stories like that throughout my life. I mean my mother even told me when I was 21 that she had a miscarriage in her previous marriage, and then told me she wishes I had been that baby and the baby that died was born in my place. There really is no comeback for that kind of thing. Of course I’ve been suicidal throughout my life, and my mom told me that if I wanted to die why not do it and do the world a favor. I even get that way now, but I’m not allowed to die because God wont let me let (for good or for bad).

 

I’ve never been known for getting into trouble. I have no criminal record, no children, don’t drink, don’t sleep around (terrified of sex remember), don’t party, don’t smoke, heck I don’t even swear! But you want to know how many adults believed me throughout my life growing up? None of course, my mom is a master manipulator. Going for help always backfired, and getting police involved I knew would land me homeless (which it did but more on that later).

 

No girl has ever dated me, no girl has ever gone out with me. I don’t know what kissing is like, or what snuggling is like though I desperately want to. I long for female relationship with someone that actually cares about my well being. But of course I have yet to meet a single girl in my entire life that does anything but confirm what I’ve always thought about girls. Uncaring, self serving, use men, untrustworthy, cruel, scary, mean. There are girls that are nice to me of course, but they wouldn’t notice if I died on the floor next to them either.

 

 

 

Well whats the Gregory situation like now huh? Well at age 21 my mom’s control on me really started to disintegrate. I adapted a “not caring” attitude, and my life of holding a job since I was 12 stopped and I was unemployed from ages 18-21. I had a car of course, and some savings, but wasn’t earning anything new. Dark time in my life and I wish I could get the wasted time back but I cant. I still have trouble motivating to do things, but its a working progress. Anyway, one day she took away my house key and my car key (which I paid for and my name was on the deed) and demanded I go to the psychologist and that I would not be getting my keys back even if I did go (PS the shrink man flat out told me in a previous session that he saw no purpose of me coming to see him since he felt my environment made it pointless and unhelpful. WOW! And they are normally insensitivived to trick people into coming back for more money!).

 

So I said no. I wont go and give me back my keys. She immediately told me she would call the police if I didn’t (she legitimately feared I would kill her in her sleep due to her extreme paranoia of losing absolute control of me). I don’t know what came over me, the grace of God really, but I said no again. She immediately called 911 and told them her son had a knife and was trying to kill her. I of course began crying and ran downstairs to hide, I called 911 too figuring two conflicting calls from the same house would keep me from being sent straight to jail (I had imperfect knowledge of how little rights men have at this point). While the police were on the way my mom sat on the couch and called her friend telling her she would finally be rid of me (she had tried many times before and failed to get me enlisted in the army (was rejected on health concerns) and committed to a mental hospital (was turned away since I was sane)).

 

The police show up a few minutes later and find her sitting on the couch relaxed and a 21 year old man hiding and crying in the garage. Obviously the lie is see through for them at this point, but they still have to separate us. The moment I walked out that door I was homeless, and I told the police that but they couldn’t do anything about it of course. They took me to a recovery clinic and they were confused as to why I was there since I had no criminal record or even speeding ticket and had never made an attempt on my life before. Needless to say I was released, now homeless. I had been officially disowned by my family a month earlier, and had no “real” friends to speak of (or so I thought).

 

Over the next month I somehow managed to get the pastor of the church I was going to have my mom keep my belongings (which she would have sold/trashed) legally until I was able to pick them up. I then got help from a old couple I knew for a week, got my car and some things, and then spent a month in a homeless shelter/my car. Thanks to God’s grace I was able to connect with another pastor I knew and he helped me find a couple who took me in for low rent and I’ve lived there for about 2 years now (again I’m 23). I was able to get everything back from my moms house (I hear she is with a boyfriend in California now but I don’t know where any of my family is for sure).

 

 

 

I have a steady job, a better car, food, water, a room for now, and people I meet with weekly to hang out. Its been a long long road to recovery, and obviously I have a long way to go. Despite my history and disabilities I can function in society and workplace. There is no doubt in my mind it was thanks to God that I am alive today, and thank him for bringing amazing people into my life throughout the years to help me survive. Do I still crave female companionship? Yes. But I’m at the hard position where I need it very badly, but am unable to get it.

 

I have learned much about how the world works, and how this country hates men (and women). That is how I found out about this site, through a video by “The Factual Feminist” who actually restored some of my hope in mankind. An actual woman who is really humanitarian but calls herself feminist to try and counteract the poisonous and rancid reputation that word brings with it.

 

 

 

That’s my story. My name is Gregory, and I am a Man Going God’s Way. But in doing so I fully support this movement MGTOW and despite the fact I believe in the book of Revelation I still wish the world could get along and set aside the differences between gender and race.

 

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

welcome to mgtow Greg,
sorry to hear your situation is as unfortunate as it has been. But I can tell you that the female companionship you crave is vastly over-rated. You crave it because you imagine it to be something that it is not. To get it usually requires pretty enormous sacrifices of time and effort and energy and money and peace of mind. These sacrifices do not guarantee delivery of that companionship, and when they do not result in that delivery, they are already gone and cannot be recovered. When the delivery does happen, the companionship is usually not what you imagined. And you realize that even when it is delivered, it is still not worth the sacrifices it required.

Take your time and energy and efforts and invest them in yourself. Exercise, education, working, hobbies… all of these are a more worthwhile and beneficial thing to invest in. The women who are available to invest yourself in are NOT worth it.

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[davParticipant 422]

Hey Gregory!

Sitting in my car right now and read your whole story. I feel anything I say to you right now is woefully inadequate. But to say you had a rough start in life is a massive f~~~ing understatement. I think you are a very brave man and I wish you all the very best and welcome!!

[harpo-my-“SON”Participant 2410]

hi Gregory the need for female companionship is more a natural instinct or desire at your age. A want rather than a need.

I pray you realize this because after reading about everything you have been through I don’t believe your ready for any kind of relationship with females. This place pulls no punches and tells it like it is.  I will as you requested have no pity only concern, if that’s fair enough. My concerns are that at 23 with no sexual experience with females you are very vulnerable to the manipulative nature that is instinctively in all women. dealing with them can be like the sweet science of boxing.  I will only advise you to keep your guard up and protect yourself at all times. Welcome to MGTOW

I was bound to be misunderstood, and I laugh at those who misunderstand me. Kind mockery at the well intentioned, but unfettered cruelty towards those would be prison guards of my creative possibilities. This so as to learn as much from misunderstanding as from understanding. Taking pleasure in worthy opponents and making language fluid and flowing like a river yet pointed and precise as a dagger. Contradicts the socialistic purpose of language and makes for a wonderful linguistic dance, A verbal martial art with constant parries that hone the weapon that is the two edged sword of my mouth.

[VoidraitheParticipant 477]

Gregory,

Welcome and agree with you about Christina Hoff Sommers (The Factual Feminist) and also Karen Straughan (Girlwriteswhat) are two voices I’ve found that are making sense to me.

[Krab_AssParticipant 267]

Welcome Greg.   I feel you are among friends here.  I don’t mind telling you (and the whole world)- my daughter has Aspergers.  Don’t you EVER feel ashamed / less of a person because of your GIFT.   I heard it somewhere that Albert Enstien(sp?) had Aspergers.

I am sad to hear of your hard past.  I know it probably doesn’t help right now  – but …. what doesn’t kill you DOES make you stronger (again – IMO).

Welcome friend.

 

"I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what I do! That is character!"
~ Theodore Roosevelt

[Anonymous 1]

Hello Gregory,

I don’t have much experience with women so I am not in the position to give advice, but I do know that female companionship is “over-rated” like what BrainPilot stated above.  BrainPilot nailed it on the head with this line right here: “You crave it because you imagine it to be something that it is not.” When I had my first girl experience I was let down and was in a big shock because it did not play out the way I always thought  it to be.  It has been a year now and not much have change.   The first girl that I am seeing now is the type that I should stay away from but for whatever reason I can’t seem to let go yet.  I will have to pay a price for this. Take the time to invest in yourself  and a women is the last thing you want to get involve with at this  point.  I am truly sorry that you had to go through all that BS from a women that was suppose to love and care for you.

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