hi all. I don’t want to go into too much length. but I believe I have been an unknowing mgtow for quite some time. but it was only last year I came across the concept. and not until later later that I decided to go my own way.
before I go any further, forgive my spelling at times. I am dyslexic and the spell checkers on pc’s these days. despite our tech. are pretty awful.
my major turning point was a relationship with a woman, not that long ago. who I think mainly interacted with me for fun. but told me she really thought I was great. said one thing and then acted differently.
i was trying to communicate as we were in a new relationship, and i wanted to be on the same page. i was being genuine and all I was offered, was derision for it.
during the time we where dating, i felt the doubt but like many. but i ignored it. thinking i was stupid. I should of trusted my instincts.
in the end i cut the ties and feel alot better for it. the conflicting information i got was over whelming.
having cut my ties I feel much better just concentrating on myself. now to talk about my mother, who I think has been one of the biggest reasons. though I was not always sure about. but now having thought about it, it seems obvious.
my mother, especially in recent times made me start to notice similarities in other females. her current but ex husband apparently raped her but the police don’t want to know. and i doubt what she has to say about my father as i have never been actually encouraged to talk to him.
her lies on Facebook about me the first time we properly fell out. when i spoke to my brother about drugs. apparently i was pushing cannabis on him. of course now, i look back with hignsign and know it was a bad idea.
but i am the eldest child and thought i was doing the right thing. he was 12 and at secondary school and d.a.r.e the ‘drugs education’ program is s~~~. so i showed him what it looked like. let him smell it and i certainly did not try and make him smoke any.
when she confronted me about this, all she did was shout. there was no conversation. no argument. no reason. i was wrong full stop. regardless of what i had to say.
a year of so later i apologised for lack of vision but explained my love for my brother and why i did it.
i made a few points about what i was not happy about but that dident seem to matter. and i just wanted to see my brother and sister. and overlooked certain details.
as of yesterday my mother told i had to leave today as she stated feelings as a reason. ‘i don’t feel safe in my own house/bed’. despite the fact that i have no history of violence. (and currently hold a DBS check, that’s a safety check to work with vulnerable children and people)
aslo she stated that i should be grateful she only charged me £20 not £30 fortnight for food. and she only charged me for food because the local authorities declaired she could not charge me rent. but I was happy to play for food anyway. its not a big deal. but regardless of the fact im human (and diabetic) she would try to shame me for f~~~ing eating.
she had previously written me a note informing me i had until January 31 to move out. and when i mentioned that, she asked me if i was threatening her. when i was, in fact just stating her own words.
it turns out she can just change her mind.
yes during the time i moved back in for, i could of made a better effort to save but i did try and i failed.
i ultimately refuse to be ashamed for my mistakes and so i am not controllable. which would seem to be the real reason for being forced to leave.
she knows i suffer with depression aswell as diabetes. but still she doesn’t feel safe so ill throw out my 25year old son, based on a feeling. that is not based on reality.
the same son who helped her practically raise his own brother when he was born.
for twelve years i was practically brother and father to him. (especially during the first 5-6 years when she was a single mother)
i never harmed or let harm come to him. yet im the enemy because i talked to him about drugs.
that’s a little about my red pill. on a lighter note.
i love music. i play guitar and sing and bits and bobs of other instruments. i love writing.
i enjoy a good walk into the wilderness forgetting bulls~~~ of our so called ‘society’
thanks for reading, im sure we shall have some interesting interactions.
… 5 years, 1 month ago.
