You guys should get a laugh out of my “marriage” of seven years. You can say that I am a master-level sucker who overlooked (intentionally) a few red flags.
First, some quick background. Wife is a naturalized US citizen, originally from Vietnam. She had/has a son from a previous relationship (I had no kids), we currently have two from this marriage. She has Master’s level degree from US University, I have a BS in business, yet make 5x what she does since she runs a nail salon instead of using her degree.
1. While engaged, she informed me she was selling her business in the town we agreed to live in and going to work for her sister an hour away (no consultation-unilateral decision.)
2. Wedding plans went from agreed upon small wedding (family only/courthouse) to a $30k blowout.
3. Day after wedding, she asked if her ex-boyfriend could live with us (I considered divorce right then-should have done it then).
5. We had agreed to travel to both of our extended families on Christmas day. That morning, as we pulled into my sister’s house (where my parents were), she stated that we would only stay for a half hour.
6. My mom was in the hospital for a few days. I told my wife I was going to spend some time with her and my wife wanted to come with me. I clarified that I would likely be there for 3 or 4 hours, and she agreed. I suggested she drive separately (we live two minutes from the hospital) The moment we parked at the hospital, she said we would leave after 15 minutes (see a pattern?)
7. Questions my work ethic repeatedly because I took a day off (for mental health). As I said, I make a good living.
8. Has pushed me for another big vacation this year even though I thoroughly explained why we should not do it this year (finances are tight and we have big upcoming expenditures for the house, and need to improve our position for retirement). In six years, we have been to the DR, Costa Rica, Jamaica, Scotland and UK (3 weeks), Cancun, Florida, Vegas ( three times), Sedona, and numerous other small trips. We can take it easy for a year.
9. House hunting-nothing was good enough-it took me 18 months of spending countless hours per week looking for the “right” house.
10. She has called my mother to try to talk about intimate details in an attempt to triangulate and get me in line. I’m a middle aged man-give me a break already.
11. We have different value systems (she lies with ease and has no problem trying to pull one over on someone). She tried to get me to commit $20k fraud getting our roof, which is in great condition, replaced using a fraudulent claim.
12. Taking the stance that me smoking a cigar outside (with the kids inside the house) is exposing them to second hand smoke. I’ve pointed out that she worked in a nail salon through two pregnancies, and watches the kids there to this day, exposing them to many chemical fumes, she refuses to acknowledge that there are any associated risks.
13. Called me one day telling me she had two guys from the city (we live 30 miles outside) trying to sell her an 8 oz bar of gold for $5k, but they wouldn’t let her cut into it to test it. I told her is was a scam and to kick them out and call the police. Instead, she got into our car with them, drove to the bank to withdrawal the money while she was five months pregnant with my daughter.
14. Has called my parents on two other occasions to tell them I am lazy and shiftless and I was going to lose my job (none of this is true).
15. Told me that she wanted a divorce if I didn’t quit cigars (as I said, I don’t smoke in the house, I shower and change clothes after, only smoke outside or in the cigar shop). I said I could quit, but we would still have problems to work on. She said she has done everything she could to be a perfect wife and could do no better. Then told me she doesn’t want my sons or daughter to be around me because they would grow up to be like me, or marry someone like me.
16. I misplaced my wallet a few days before Christmas. I told her I needed some cash to see me through (first time I ever asked for cash from her). She dragged it out, not giving me a few hundred (I have thousands in my checking, just couldn’t get to it). Christmas eve she told me she did it intentionally because she thought I would spend it on booze and cigars.
17. When we discussed divorce again last week, I told her I had every intention of keeping my kids in my life. She said she thought I would turn into a deadbeat dad like the father of my step-son. I told her I was the man that took that deadbeat’s blood, took him into my home and treated him as my own.
These are just some highlights from seven years. Obviously she didn’t get her way in these scenarios; I know what sh*t tests are and how to pass them-I just don’t want to live my life dealing with them from someone who is supposed to have my back. I’ve stuck through it this far for the kids, but at this point, this isn’t good for them either.
She has agreed to an amicable divorce rather than give money to lawyers (I know, big chance of this happening). I’m not looking for advice on saving the marriage-we have no marriage at this point, I just thought you guys might get a kick out of this.
Anonymous 2 years ago.
