Good Fences Make Good Neighbors. But I Don't Want to Build It

[Mr. ManParticipant 2916]

Last year I spent much of my precious free time building a beautiful picket fence with a gate for my mom, and word got around how nice it is.

Today, while visiting my female cousin for the first time in many years, she casually — yet emphatically — added to the conversation that she needs a fence built, and wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could help her and her SO build it!

I simply looked at her blankly and did not respond to her suggestion that I sacrifice the rest of my summer to build her fence, because that’s what was at stake — my summer. So I quickly changed the subject.

Why is this story noteworthy? Because pre-MGTOW me would have simply said yes to her request. I would have given in to the default narrative that’s been programmed into my head my entire life, that men make things for women. It’s what we do. We step up, sacrifice and we get things done.

Well, I’ve been through hell and back in the last five years, and has anyone in my family “stepped up” and offered to get things done for me? Nope (Except for my mom. That’s why she has a beautiful new fence!). I’m a man, so I’m expected to crawl from the ashes on my own. Which I’ve done quite nicely.

You guys here in the forums have taught me how important it is to protect my time and other resources from women. And to protect those resources not just from the free-range harpies trying to lock me down into a relationship, but from all women in my life.

Thank you men, you just saved the rest of my summer from being taken over with an chore that does not benefit me in the least.

Cheers!

[Jan SobieskiParticipant 28791]

She could hire you.

Love is just alimony waiting to happen. Visit mgtow.com.

[Mr. ManParticipant 2916]

Jan, it was clear she thought this would simply be a really fun thing to do together, build a huge fence all the way around her property for her. Wouldn’t that be fun!

[TaxGuyParticipant]

I’m reminded of a sign in a mechanic’s shop where I grew up:

Rates:

$25 per hour
$30 if you watch
$35 if you help
$50 if you worked on it before you brought it in

You avoided two problems: Building the fence, and building it WITH her.

Well done sir!

Order the good wine

[FermatParticipant 3478]

Great post. You could get a whiff of that classic female manipulation disguised as a request. “Wouldn’t it be lovely if you could…” that’s how it always starts.

I have discovered a truly remarkable list of reasons why women are not necessary for a happy life, but alas this margin is too small to contain it.

[Mr. ManParticipant 2916]

TaxGuy, I love those signs. My favorite auto repair shop sign was hand-scrawled on cardboard and posted prominently in the waiting area. It read: “Attention Hunters. You can tell ONE, five-minute hunting story per year. After that, no more hunting stories until next year.”

Cracked me right up.

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

Jan Sobieski wrote:

She could hire you.

^this.

Don’t say yes. Don’t say no. Instead tell her your one time offer flat rate for fences is $40 per linear foot. More if permitting is required.

She’ll balk. She’ll complain that that’s too expensive. She’ll bitch that you should be doing it for free “because family”. She’ll tell you she might as well hire someone. Then she’ll call some contractors and find out they charge a lot more. Too bad for her you made her a one time offer.

But that is not your problem.

[Mr. ManParticipant 2916]

A “No Scoreboard.” That could almost be its own Category in the forums. Men posting every time they used the power of No.

[Anonymous 54]

A Man deserves his summer.

[GrumpyParticipant]

Sort of on topic here.

My brother in law is a carpenter in his spare time. He does frikken phenomenal work.
I talked to him about some renovations I need/want to do, and got his advise. I bought the beer and we talked.
He knows the limitations of my carpentry skills and so do I. I can do all the plumbing, electrical, mechanical, and roughed in stuff. I just cant do both rough and finishing work, its one or the other for me.
It never dawned on me to ask him for free help, or to do it for me. However I know the worth of his time and skills.
I hired him for his spare time after hunting season (we both hunt). I pay for his time and skills, and all the supplies needed to get the work done, and act as his assistant.
All he had to say was no, and then my options are either I pay a contractor 25k, or do it myself.
Again it never occurred to me to ask or expect anyone to do work for me for free.

There was a time in my life when I gave a fuck. Now you have to pay ME for it

[Mr. ManParticipant 2916]

See, Grumpy, that’s just it. Your example shows how men think, “Damn, that’s a big project, he’s going to need cash for this one.”

But a woman simply expects it: “Hey guys, let’s get ice cream! Hey guys, let’s build a fence! Hey guys, lets put on a new roof!”

[Puffin StuffParticipant 24979]

I keep an emotional “Good Fence” up when dealing with the shifty sex.

I have enforced boundaries up when ever I’m dealing with a liar, and their all like that.

#icethemout; Remember Thomas Ball. He died for your children.

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

The best response I have for requests like these: “Oh, You don’t need me for that little project. having me do it would be overkill. I know a great carpenter who could do it for a lot less than me… And he actually NEEDS the work. Let me get you his number…”.

Verbal judo.

you speak like you (reasonably) assumed all along that she was going to pay you. She now has to come out and explain to you directly in front of other people, that she expected you to do it for free… and look like the manipulative parasite that she is, or take the number and call the professional. If she’s pushy enough to actually ask me to do it for free, she looks like s~~~ no matter what version of “No” I respond with.

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Mr. Man wrote:

Today, while visiting my female cousin for the first time in many years, she casually — yet emphatically — added to the conversation that she needs a fence built, and wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could help her…..

Great post and congrats on sticking with your manstincts.
I once saw a great response to requests like that, and use it every so often:

“Oh wish I could. But I don’t want to”.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Solo MAN’S WisdomParticipant]

Mr. Man wrote:

A “No Scoreboard.” That could almost be its own Category in the forums. Men posting every time they used the power of No.

This entire web site is dedicated to those men who have learned the value of “NO.”

When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.

[EyeswideopenParticipant 2930]

To the OP, Good for you.

My family is really close, and we often help each other with tasks. But it is a fair, honest division of labour – trade in kind.

Take my sister for example, she is still a women with all the associated pitfalls and traps, but my father taught her to be forthright and blunt. If she wanted me to build a fence, for example, she would just straight up ask me to build the fence. None of this suggestive, manipulative non sense. Granted, I am sure she approaches the situation with me different then her husband because it is not a romantic relationship.

The second a chick asks for anything in an indirect, or manipulative way, the answer is NO. It’s sad, but with women you really have to keep a running spread sheet of services rendered and their effective cost, against what services she has rendered and its cost. If the equation remains unbalanced for too long you are getting used and time to hit the ejection handle. And sex is not considered payment in kind. She gets an orgasm, I get an orgasm, so this is always net zero. This is a huge mistake I made with the ex. In the over 7 years we were together I did:

1.) Thousands of hours free labour for her “business” – more like a hobby.
2.) Helped renovate 2 houses. I did about 45% of the work, the rest was contract. She “designed”.
3.) Did all the maintenance at the house.
4.) Did all the cooking.
5.) Got her a great paying job by working connections. It was at this point she met Chad(s) and started monkey branching.

To the lurkers, don’t be me. I honestly thought I was investing in a relationship that would show reciprocity.

NO! As Bunker said is a very important word.

- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein

[Mr. ManParticipant 2916]

@eyeswideopen

This side of my family is like yours, close. And quite frankly, I love to work together with people in ways my skills and expertise as a craftsman can help. But I’ve done it for too long with no balance on the spreadsheet.

Anyway, I’m glad I’ve finally discovered the power of No, especially now that I’ve rebuilt my woodworking tool inventory. Better late than never.

[EyeswideopenParticipant 2930]

Mr. Man wrote:

This side of my family is like yours, close. And quite frankly, I love to work together with people in ways my skills and expertise as a craftsman can help. But I’ve done it for too long with no balance on the spreadsheet.

Anyway, I’m glad I’ve finally discovered the power of No, especially now that I’ve rebuilt my woodworking tool inventory. Better late than never.

Agreed. That’s what I love about this site. I keep learning.

As a side note – Hominid I have a bad feeling that I might have taken the same path you did had I not found this site i.e. multiple marriages. (No judgement intended)

Knowing my old self, I would have tried to rationalize women’s nature and figured my last relations~~~ was a fluke. I know AWALT; even more so with today’s legal system.

- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein

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