Hello,
I’m 39 and am really fascinated by the MGTOW philosophy. I wish that I had access to this information when I was a teenager! Like many men reaching mid-life I have come to a revelation about the true source of my unhappiness when it comes to my relationships with women. I grew up with a critical/angry mother and a emotionally distant/absent father. I went to a small mid-western high school where the only thing that mattered was sports. If you weren’t on the football or basketball team, then the guys didn’t have much use for you and pretty much either ignored or teased you. So I grew up rejected/ignored by men, but girls seemed to like me. You don’t need a Phd in Psychology to see where this is going. Unconsciously I found myself desperately seeking any kind of approval or validation and women seemed to be the only ones willing to give it to me, even if it was in extremely small doses and with a lot of strings attached. So that became my focus. If I could just find a woman to love me, then I could start to love myself. This is not an uncommon story in 21st century America for young boys growing up. I’d say from 15 to 40 I unconsciously focused all my efforts on getting into relationships and then desperately trying to make them work.
The ironic part to me is that despite my approval-seeking behavior and low self-esteem my life could have turned out just fine had I actually found a woman that wasn’t a total psychotic bitch. For 25 years I was miserable, broke and confused as to why each relationship turned into a total disaster despite my total commitment to making it work. Eventually I realized what I was doing wrong. Women were operating off a totally different Rule Book then I was.
In my mind, and most reasonable men’s minds I would dare say, I believed in the quid pro quo. I believed that a healthy relationship was built on a foundation of mutual trust, mutual compromise and mutual respect. If I make a mild compromise today, later on she will return the favor and make a mild compromise on my behalf. I spend a little money on her, she’ll spend a little money on me. I do something I don’t want to do in order to make her happy (like having her in-laws stay at our house on vacation for a month) and in return she compromises and does something she doesn’t want to do for my benefit. It took me decades to realize that women do NOT think this way at all. Women NEVER compromise. They demand and take everything they want and have no reservations about brutalizing you in order to get it. Most young men growing up have no idea this is how a majority of women think.
In my mind good deeds and sacrifices were “bankable” commodities that could be called upon at a future date. Honestly I think most men hold this opinion because when dealing with ordinary, rational people this is generally how healthy friendships operate to a certain extent. My ex-wife had to travel a lot for work and had to go to the airport at least twice a month. It took me an hour to drive her there and then an hour to drive back home. She didn’t like taking the airport shuttle (though we could easily afford it) because she found it “annoying” and just preferred that I drop her off and pick her up. In my mind I would think, “This is a huge inconvenience, but all relationships require compromise and sacrifice. If I cheerfully and dutifully perform this task and make her life a little easier 5 times in a row, then those good deeds should “buy” some goodwill from her in the future.)
Has that theory ever worked with a woman?
After dutifully driving her to and picking her up from the airport 5 times in a row I decided to “call in” a favor and not drive her the 6th time. I told her that I didn’t want to drive her and that I was going to call the shuttle to pick her up. Now how do you think she responded? Was it a) to smile and say, “No problem!” b) to be slightly annoyed, but acknowledge that, yes, I have been a saint and agree to take the shuttle without a word of complaint or c) throw the biggest hysterical screaming fit in the history of hysterical ball-busting female hissy fits – and then demand to know why I am such a selfish asshole?
(sigh)
The problem with American women (and this psychological phenomenon of hyper-entitlement seems to afflict American women the hardest) is that they do not view their husbands/boyfriends as actual human beings worthy of consideration or respect. In my observations I’ve noted that even the worst woman I’ve known still has enough emotional intelligence to understand that she can’t act that way with her friends or her boss or anyone else. Women have become so brainwashed into believing that boyfriends are sub-human that they honestly can’t even comprehend that they are doing anything wrong. I’ve seen women cheat on their husbands and then lie to the police and claim that they were beaten just so they could more easily get full custody of the kids, his house and of course 50 percent of all his future earnings. This is psychopathic behavior.
But young men today don’t realize that most women they will date are psychopathic and incapable of empathy or compromise.
I think this is a new phenomenon brought on by the whole Girl-Power movements of the 1990’s. It quickly escalated from “Girls are Equal!” to “Men are Sub-Human!”
Anyway, that’s my story. I think every 15 year old boy should be told about MGTOW to save them from decades of misery and financial ruin. Possibly jail time too.
VileNord 5 years, 5 months ago.
