Fun on OKCupid

[zyo81Participant 84]

So as I’m sure you all know the days/weeks before vanlentine’s there’s generally a ramp up of online dating activity.  Normally I try to get a hookup in, but seeing as I knew I’d spend valentine’s at a gun show, I thought I’d take the opportunity to have some fun with some fresh faces in my area.

Girl1:

Me:  Jesus what an essay you wrote. Is toyota paying you to say that?
Her:I wish, but nope, I just like my car a lot. Great starter message, by the way.</span></span></div>

Me:If only your reply was as inspired we would really have something. Now you’ll have to work hard to impress me
Her:I don’t know why I should have to work hard to impress anyone, but thanks for the suggestion

Me:I guess you’re right, you don’t have to, you can just get a bunch of cats
Her:What’s your intention with these messages? I’m genuinely curious about why you’re using this approach to message someone

Me:I speak my mind. My only “approach” is to kill time till 330

Girl2

Me:I’m not allergic to cats, I just hate them. Aren’t you a little old to spend all your time playing video games?

Her:I do what I want. Dickhead. Aren’t you a little old to be looking for casual sex on a dating website? Wow I’d hate to be that old and not be able to find someone who will commit to me.

Me:I’m not looking for sex, just killing time. I don’t want to be committed . Life is much more fun single. And don’t worry, if you spend more of your twenties staring at a game you’ll be here soon enough. Except nobody wants a single woman in her thirties

Her:I have a line of guys trying to be with me. I’m just very, very picky. I work 40 hours a week, buddy. Guys love that I play games. You have noooo clue

Me:Guys will say whatever you wanna hear cause they’re horny. And that line of guys is a bunch of losers or you’d be with one of them already. And congratulations on having a job. I suppose you want a statue erected in your honor

Girl3

Me:Your friend in the blue dress is hotter than you

Her:your        (I can only assume okcupid has a language filter, as this was the entirety of the message that was viewable to me)</

Girl 4

Me:Damn you have some huge t~~~

Her:You’re disgusting

Me:Thanks babe

 

 

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[Soul ManParticipant 1856]

Nice work!

I especially love the girl asking wjy she should work hard to impress  anyone.  Gee…they sure expect US to jump through hoops like a circus animal to impress.  Their hypocisy knows no f~~~ing bounds….

Then the chick with “the line”…yeah…that’s what 99.9% of these ditzos on dating sites do.  They get a little attention from anonymous strangers, they get their “fix” of validation (I’m STILL hawt!), their panties get moist, then they go back to feeding their 10 cats.

And we wonder why you have a better chance of seeing Bigfoot in L.A. than actually getting a date with a sane woman off a dating site.  Our society is f~~~ing doomed all to hell.  Now sit back, have an adult beverage, and watch it burn.

HISTORY...learn from it, memorize it, DON'T repeat it...

[zyo81Participant 84]

Way ahead of you on the adult beverage department.  I think it’s hilarious that I get a 90 percent response rate when I say “rude” things.  Almost too easy to have this much fun.  I encourage everyone to try it.

[John DoeParticipant 743]

My brother is a bartender.  He tells stories about how he tells customers to go f~~~ themselves or offers to give sexual favors to random people he never met.   He will start insulting people over nothing and out of nowhere.  They actually tip him more for this.   If he is nice they actually tip him less.

To make matters even worse, this is an Applebee’s not a biker bar.  That is modern America.

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