Forming a truce with the wife, for the benefit of the kids?

[Fundamental_manParticipant 209]

I have no illusion about the character of most replies that I will get (tounge in cheek!), but here it goes…

Has anyone here (necessitated by a crappy relationship) succesfully reached a truce with their wife? If you bring out the facts, show her your knowledge about hypergamy, nagging, irresponsibility etc, is there any way to get the relationship straight, and lose the drama?
Could a woman accept that her “mystery” and perogatives are revealed and discarded, leaving her to face virtue and consequences, at least to a degree? Or else, the separation is inevitable, hurting the man, herself and most of all the kids…

I am thinking in these lines, as my wife and I live separately since over a year, but are still married.
I miss my kids when I am not with them (half the time) and they now can only see me or their mother half the time.

Again, my life is OK without my wife, but our kids never asked for this, and they still cry from time to time, as they miss the parent they are not with ATM.

On the other hand, I am concerned that a confrontation will worsen the (quite good!) day to day relation I have with my wife, in case she does not want to reunite our family. As she is a woman, she might not take ownership, refusing to accept the long term suffering our separation causes our kids. If she then is the one stopping the reunion, the knowledge might cause a lot of anger and “blocking” down the road.

[Secret Agent MGTOWParticipant 22514]

Your question is far more complicated than you think.

I would never talk to her about a truce. she will see it as weakness she can exploit. And she will. SHE WILL NOT BE BOUND BY A “Truce” if she is not bound by a marriage vow. So just toss that out and dont appear to be weak in front of her, she will only see it that way.

Instead, just don’t badmouth her in front of the kids and always keep yourself on an even keel. Based on your kids age sometimes you might explain certain things as appropriate, and to their level, not going into great detail, but just being clear about what you are doing and why, its a good way to teach and show them your principles.

Women want everything, but want responsibility and accountability for nothing.

[Anonymous 13]

You can NEVER go back.

One chance, per woman, per lifetime.

The machine cannot be reasoned with or made to see sense.

It’s a toxic cesspool of s~~~ and it’s all down to the modern bitch.

Sorry, no hope.

I’m sorry about your kids, it f~~~ing sucks.

[Ranger OneParticipant 16836]

Fundamental_man wrote:

Has anyone here (necessitated by a crappy relationship) succesfully reached a truce with their wife? If you bring out the facts, show her your knowledge about hypergamy, nagging, irresponsibility etc, is there any way to get the relationship straight, and lose the drama?

Could a woman accept that her “mystery” and perogatives are revealed and discarded, leaving her to face virtue and consequences, at least to a degree?

No.

No.

All my life I've had doubts about who I am, where I belonged. Now I'm like the arrow that springs from the bow. No hesitation, no doubts. The path is clear. And what are you? Alive. Everything else is negotiable. Women have rights; men have responsibilities; MGTOW have freedom. Marriage is for chumps. If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart-R'as al Ghul.

[Anonymous 38]

Ranger One wrote:

Fundamental_man wrote:

Has anyone here (necessitated by a crappy relationship) succesfully reached a truce with their wife? If you bring out the facts, show her your knowledge about hypergamy, nagging, irresponsibility etc, is there any way to get the relationship straight, and lose the drama?

Could a woman accept that her “mystery” and perogatives are revealed and discarded, leaving her to face virtue and consequences, at least to a degree?

No.

No.

She probably ‘could’. She won’t. End of story.

[Fundamental_manParticipant 209]

Thanks guys!
Our daily arrangements work very well in general, and that is worth a LOT! My concerns are for the kids, and they find it so strange that mum and dad live apart – especially since there are no loud argument or general conflict between us.

My heart agrees with what you say, but I was curious about other men’s experiences.

[HermitParticipant]

I know your situation is different, but while I was married, the x used to threaten divorce every single year to try to get me to fall in line…..one of her control methods. One day I got tired of it and I told her that I know we don’t belong together, but that’s not our son’s fault and he shouldn’t have to suffer because his parents made a big mistake. She seemed dumbfounded and left me alone for quite a while.

I’m not sure how long the marriage lasted after that and I don’t think I’d call it a truce, but at least she waited until he was 17 to kick me out of “our” house.

If you’re already living apart, I’d go ahead and get a divorce and get it over with.

The evil in women’s hearts leaves them no moral bounds as to inhibit them from descending to the lowest levels of darkness to acquire their self entitled desires.

[Fundamental_manParticipant 209]

Thanks!

We have our own homes, but celebrate Christmas, birthdays etc together. It is like being coworkers, respectful and caring relationship, but there are some “no-go zones” as for actions and discussions.

[Beast05Participant 46]

I’ll second the motion of one chance, per woman, per lifetime.

Also, the longer you wait to file, the more alimony she will get. You may want to wait for a while though to establish 50/50 with your children, as well as ensuring she gets a great job where you aren’t providing for her. Just my .02.

[Fundamental_manParticipant 209]

I live in Sweden, no alimony, no responsibility to provide for her. 50/50 custody is the norm and what will happen in case of divorce.

[RomulusParticipant 4667]

I formed a truce with an exwife because I had custody of our 2 kids and it was necessary to coordinate lots of different events as well as visits.

I don’t think I could have made that jump while still married. No matter what you say, living together or not. If you’re married to her than she assumes some claim on you.

Anyway, I wouldn’t stay married to someone I couldn’t live with. What the hell for? So she can claim all the benefits of your as a hubby, but have none of the responsibility. That’s nirvana for a woman.

What worked for me was to be quite pleasant, and limit the interactions to nothing but the business at hand. I don’t mean I walked around in a huff when we had to do something together like high school graduation.

I didn’t. I was pleasant like I would be if I was sitting next to my child’s sophomore English teacher. Nothing to hint or allow her access to the intimacy we once shared. Nothing beyond usual daily conversation I would have with anyone else.

Women, they believe they own a part of you……when they can access your emotions. Good or bad. It doesn’t matter.

What matters is they can get to that place inside you some other woman cant. My ex would try. A dry joke which related to our situation. A thoughtful inquiry to how I was doing.

At first, my deflections and not jumping at the bait would cause her to push a little hard. She wanted to talk about the kids. She hopes I’m doing OK.

So, you’re familiar with the phrase Ghosting. I ghosted my emotional self with respect to her.

What makes it work is I was never unpleasant or huffy or short with her. Flat and polite and pleasant. Stick to the daily event that compels us to share some time, that’s it. She is unable to engage me and unable to evoke a strong positive or negative reaction. She’s like a store clerk I have to deal with to pick up the package I ordered.

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

[MonkParticipant 16988]

Truce: A temporary (and often illusory) pause in hostilities.

[Anonymous 43]

Truce? yes,after I was exiled to f~~~ing Western Kansas, and after Judge F~~~wit realized after 300 court appearances that the c~~~ was using the court to harass me.

As long as I pay $500 a month, the truce is still on…

Western Kansas= American Siberia

[Fundamental_manParticipant 209]

Well… I obviously struggle to describe our relation…
We had a rough patch, did not manage to invest enough in our relationship to maintain momentum and compassion. Our home turned into a hard and “dead” place, with two indifferent-ish adults and two kids, too young to understand.

My hope and thought today was related to doing a fresh start, moving back together for a week or so. According to most MGTOWs, a man must basically keep women on a short leach, in an assertive and stubborn way.
I do not want to be that assertive leader in constant charge, as I believe in freedom, virtue and responsibility. And that is why I ask if such a “truce”/”compromise” can be reached with a woman, without the need of constant battle and s~~~ tests!

So; “I know you, you know me, let’s stop this s~~~ and do something good, for the kids.”

[NerdTunnelerParticipant]

Nope…She is acting like a child and not owning up to her choices. You are probably at the stage where you are using the kids as an excuse to get back together with wife because of loneliness/familiarity…

Unless you learn how to self actualize she will whittle you down again into a mess after a few months of being together from all the drama and s~~~ tests…Just my .02cents..Your choice though…Good luck…

I stand with feet apart and let my balls hang free...Manginas dont have balls...See how they stand and sit at the whim of their masters...

[CombatRollParticipant 2594]

I know you are feeling weak b/c of the kids. You want to be there EVERY night to put them to bed and wake them up.

I get it.

It wasn’t too many years ago, I was you.

I was in a s~~~ty marriage with a selfish, heartless bitch.

Missing the kids, I went back and stayed another 8 years! It sounds crazy, but 8 years of misery passes pretty easily when you turn into a numb zombie.

DON’T DO IT.

I missed out of 8 years of freedom and more assets that I’m going to lose.

I thought I was doing it for the kids, but the kids don’t need to be in a home with 2 adults who don’t love each other.

[Anonymous 1]

Fundamental_man wrote:

I live in Sweden, no alimony, no responsibility to provide for her. 50/50 custody is the norm and what will happen in case of divorce.

there’s your answer.

Divorce, keep your relationship with the ex civil, and treasure the time you have with your kids.

I’m not even sure why you’re asking the question – I’m afraid the answer seems blindingly obvious from where I’m standing.

More importantly, you need to become a little more selfish.

You are #1 – without your own grounded sanity, your relationship with your kids suffers.
Your children are #2

She is — way down on the list.

[revistaParticipant 232]

Been split up for 4 and half years now.i despised her to start with.wanted her to die(and her new boyfriend).even contemplated doing something to there cars(outside MY old house).as long as kids wasnt in car obviously.i felt lower than snakes belly and didnt speak to her for a year.either communicated through her mom or kids.after a while i realised my hate towards her was only hurting me and my kids.so i started being civil for the kids.the kids seemed happier and i become happier.to the point where i couldnt care less what she does.now were quite friendly,shes tried to hint at a reconciliation when shes been dumped by her fella but no going back for me.kids in routine and love my drama free house.it gets better in time brother.all the best.

[MonkParticipant 16988]

Fundamental_man wrote:

I do not want to be that assertive leader in constant charge …

Then resign yourself to spending the rest of your life as a doormat.

… as I believe in freedom, virtue and responsibility.

You might, but she doesn’t.

To her, freedom is something she has, virtue is whatever she says it is, and responsibility is something only you have.

[Author]

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