For Our Brothers Suffering During The Holidays

[Remove me!Participant]

I’ve seen quite a few post lately that many men here are having a rough time especially with Christmas around the corner.

I’m writing to them. This will be my 6th Christmas after my divorce, and I know what it’s like. I have fought with severe depression, and still do at times. But I hope my past experiences can help you guys out.

My first Christmas I remember staying in the house for at least a week straight, not leaving it except for getting cigarettes or booze. I suffered so much then. As the years and Christmases have come and gone, it has gotten easier. But I want to leave you with a bit of advise on this thread.

When suffering from depression or the fear and anger that you are left with after a divorce, like I was, I found my life was a lot like a train. To get things started and moving forward, it took A LOT OF POWER to get it moving and to pick up speed. But once the train was running as fast as it should be down the tracks, it is easier to keep it up. Then there were times I’d slip up and slow the train down or even stop it. It took just as much will power and energy to get it moving again. But once it was going again, you just gotta make sure you put in that effort to keep it going, which is not as hard as starting it.

So to the fellas on here who’s train is stopped, I know how hard it is to get it moving. But believe me, it is worth it to get it moving down the tracks.

Don’t look back right now, just keep looking forward at where you need to be. With time, it gets easier and you all will be fine.

I’ll be praying for you all that you can get your lives moving down the tracks and be where you are supposed to be and not where you are right now.

Like a bird on the wire, like a drunk midnight choir, I have tried in my way to be free.

[DocParticipant]

Nicely put JD.
I like the Locomotive analogy. You are right to use it.

But may I add that the Locomotive is fully laden with the pain we have experienced. But when it’s up to full chuff it’s momentum is massive Due to the weight it carries.

In life the weight of our pain is what eventually carries us through.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[Remove me!Participant]

Great point Doc.

Like a bird on the wire, like a drunk midnight choir, I have tried in my way to be free.

[MACHOParticipant]

Great post jd anderson2010, this post will help many men… why am I so certain? It’s already helped me

You must own a better Crystal ball than I

[VasWanderParticipant 58]

I’m on my third Xmas being alone, & without my beloved dog. I used to joke with my ex that my relationship with my dog was the most successful of my life. She told me never to say that to another woman…go figure F~~~ her! I’m at peace these days & actually say happy Holidays to strangers even though I couldn’t give a f~~~. I’m not a total narcissist & do help when I see one in need and appreciate your sentiment. My advice to guys having a tough time is stay sober & get out of your comfort zone and experience something new. Maybe it’s a hike, a ski, a run, or even a new restaurant but the thing is get into a new place where your mind isn’t dwelling on the past. Yes you may be paying for your past, but make a plan for your future – set goals – and move forward. The past is dead brother! It’s all about mindset and perspective. Be thankful that you are a strong Man and are gifted as such. Exploit your strengths and prevail. Don’t want to sound like a Tony Robbins (great guy – love him & recommend him too) but be strong, hold your hear head high, don’t get f~~~ed up on drugs (including alcohol) and get psyched on life again. Good luck & Happy Holidays. T.

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul

[Remove me!Participant]

I’m glad, Macho.

Like a bird on the wire, like a drunk midnight choir, I have tried in my way to be free.

[FreedomGuyParticipant 51]

Why not travel to Asia during this holiday season? Thailand, Vietnam, Malaysia. It is all summer there.

[Anonymous 14]

MACHO wrote:

Great post jd anderson2010, this post will help many men… why am I so certain? It’s already helped me

What else would you expect from one of the HighwayMen https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouZSLckCvgQ
🙂

[Anonymous 43]

I will help you men push your train. I will push, pull, grease the axles and shovel the f~~~ing coal. I do not want to lose any man to depression, anger, despondency or hopelessness. I have helped 7 men get their s~~~ together through this site. Seven men reached their hand out one last time before taking a flying leap into the great beyond and I took their hand and pulled them back. God damn it I don’t want to read about another man dying because of some c~~~ and her divorce proceedings. If I could survive, you can survive. Sometimes things are hard. so what get back up. Do not let the c~~~ win. Do not let that c~~~ win.

If she wins, she writes the history. She will cover up the truth and tell lies to her friends and family. She will get the hands on shoulder and the hugs at your funeral, she gets the sympathy and the post wake luncheon, you get the dirt nap. Sounds like a s~~~ty deal to me. I know every day I am alive, my ex is annoyed. Every day I am alive, the half of the 401K she had to share with me is making dividend reinvestment money for ME, not HER. She cashed her s~~~ out in the divorce, leaving her with zero retirement savings, she has to work until she has a blowout aneurism and drops dead at her f~~~ing computer. I wake up every day I draw air, and laugh, knowing I am vexing her. Someone out there cares enough to hate my guts, and it fills my heart with joy. I don’t want to die, I want to live!!!

When everyone goes home and that c~~~ is alone she will sit on the edge of your bed and laugh. She will laugh and wait for the insurance check. She will cash that check and then she will celebrate her new found freedom, not as some cougar divorcee, but as a widow…much higher status. She can bag a better man as a widow, a wealthier man with wealthy friends. Men will bang a divorcee, but marry a widow. And the process starts allover again.

Do not let the c~~~ beat you. She will laugh at your memory. The survivors write the story. The dead, who the f~~~ cares about those losers. Dead is dead.

I am alone for Christmas. I am looking for work, that fills my days. For Christmas in the past, post divorce, I gave up my time with the kids. Not much fun hanging out with me in the university town 200 miles away from where my kids normally live. Friends and family are much more entertaining. One year, I moved on Christmas day, I think it snowed 8 inches that day. That was one of those greater good things that men are able to do and the women can not. I lost all of my rewarded Christmas time with my kids because there was a cruise or a trip to Europe or some such bulls~~~. Judge F~~~wit would hear my protest, and crush me. Fine, F~~~ you your dishonor. F~~~ you and the laws you ignore. I would have a day or two at the beginning or the end of Christmas break. I was an after thought, a visitor. I had to just suck that up, for the greater good. The greater good of the children, the greater good of the c~~~ and maintaining the lies that she told friends and family, for the greater good not to interfere in how my children were raised.

That’s what made moving 2 states away so good, freeing, liberating. I was set free from all of that for going on three years now, and now it is gnawing at me. I did what was right and for the greater good of everyone except me. What about my greater good? Sorry, man, you do not matter. So I strap that part of me down tighter, more radiator hose clamps, more duck tape, more plaster and concrete to crush the father instinct in me, and I crush it under tons of pounds per square inch and kilobars of will power. All for the greater good.

Last Christmas, I don’t remember what I did, honestly. I’m sure I posted about it. Oh, last Christmas, I ordered a couple Christmas lego sets: a Santa’s toy work shop and a Christmas train. I built them sitting on my couch, and built them on a coffee table, and my parakeet watched me. I built the sets, then ran the train until the batteries wore out. I took it apart, threw the batteries out, put the boxes in the closet and went to bed. I bought all my students gifts, hats, gloves, a stocking with toys and candy canes and kisses. Some kids, I bought coats, clothing and shoes. Most of the kids complained, threw things away, mocked me. One child thanked me. She apologized for the behavior of the rest of the class. I gave away all the classroom Christmas decorations, and left the Christmas tree in the closet, for the next teacher. one thank you. one. that one thank you made it all worth while. I think I spent $800 on gifts, decorations and clothing. I spent $1500 on books and other supplies for the class. I spent $13 on a bag of candy and it was all stolen. I took the rest of what I brought the class and took it home. I gave all those books to goodwill in garden city KS. So no one in my town would benefit from my contribution. my failure my pain.

Jebus on the cross I tried. I wanted things to work out. I thought I was going to get a contract, and instead I got a dead bird and bullet casings on my door step just before spring break.

it has been a long year brothers. f~~~ me how did I get here. im supposed to help you guys, and instead I am here at the bottom step looking up at he sky hoping that stuff will just work out somehow. sorry brothers. I am weak sometimes, I am spent. i struggle with the past, and I have to fold it up and put it away just like the rest of you. I am not a hero I am a man flesh and blood and bone. im tired.

I guess if you need me, reach out. I hurt, but I will help you too, as best as I can. umm if you want to go with me on Christmas on a trip around Kansas city waffle houses let me know, I’ll be happy to have company.

This year, I don’t have a couch, I don’t have a coffee table, I gave away the lego sets, and I cant have my parakeet here.

So. I have nothing. I will go out and do something. I am going on a Waffle House Crawl, 24 hours of visiting as many Waffle Houses as I can for Christmas. If you are in or around Kansas and you would like to join me, you are welcome to come along. PM me for more details. Gawd, I am going to be so sick!

I refuse to sit in my apartment and just sit and be miserable.

I know Christmas is difficult emotionally. missing kids, missing family, far away from what you think Christmas should be. I suggest that you make Christmas something different, unusual and maybe it will replace the Christmas that the world expects you to have.

I’m gonna eat so many carbs I will need to push a train to work off all that sugar.

this post wont make sense I wrote the middle last I think. Damn I hate being broken, but it beats the alternative. s~~~ I could still be married to that raging c~~~ still stuck in the s~~~ vortex, dealing with her f~~~ing family and their 20 kids, cooking, cleaning wrapping thousands of dollars worth of bulls~~~ shoveling a brick driveway and being beaten up in the middle of the night because my special snowflake has a bad dream about me f~~~ing all the women in town.

[Secret Agent MGTOWParticipant 22539]

Everyone hee has stories and scars. It is good to talk abut them and share them and by doing so, learn from them and work through them. Others benefit from the info and lessons learned through lots of pain and introspection.

None of us thought our futures would end up this way.

I have problems. I have troubles. Weaknesses. Things to work through. Personal things I need to overcome. I still thank God for my problems. I know there are lots of people who would wish to have my problems instead of the ones they are dealing with.

I say that not to rip on anyone, or to discourage anyone from sharing and venting, that is so not the point. I say it because for me, it helps me with my perspective on things.

Women want everything, but want responsibility and accountability for nothing.

[Anonymous 42]

Remove me! wrote:

I’ll be praying for you all that you can get your lives moving down the tracks and be where you are supposed to be and not where you are right now.

I pray for you guys all the time, well maybe not all the time, but definitely every time I read a man is in distress.

Strange how society knows the wants, needs, and desires of women while at the same time only mystery hangs over the men. We’re not even human-beings according to the way they treat the men. We’re only beasts of burden to whip, strip, and abuse until the bitter end.

[MarketWatcherParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

I pray for you guys all the time, well maybe not all the time, but definitely every time I read a man is in distress.

That is when they need it the most Tower. We all keep moving the train forward and that is all that matters. Progression, not regression.

[Author]

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