I’ve been lurking here for a month or so, reading a lot of stuff on this site. A lot of good information here, things I felt for most of my life, and had difficulty putting into words, but here goes.
I was raised in a large family, my dad was incredibly abusive and we were brainwashed with religion for the whole time I was there. I did random crap jobs after high school, just kind of drifting, not literally, I stayed in the same city. I worked home construction for a couple of years, then joined the Army as a medic. I went straight to Iraq in early 2004. That was an experience to say the least, and I won’t go into detail, even almost 11 years later.
I had always been painfully awkward about women, couldn’t talk to them, couldn’t ask them out, ect. I had a few dates in my life, all painfully awkward and that went nowhere. I never wanted to get married, early on I could see it as a screwjob and a racket that I wanted no part of. I did want the ideal woman, and often fantasized about how my life would be if I could have an amazing, beautiful woman to share it with. I dreamed of being the perfect man for her.
Things changed quickly when I was 33. I got tired of the way I was. I had started college in 2006, went off and on because of PTSD issues. I started working out, I was a fairly tall guy, pretty good looking, and was hitting the gym 6 days a week. In retrospect, though I didn’t notice at the time, I had women all over me. I was a Chemistry major, and definitely not your “typical” looking nerd. I had plenty of opportunities to date really hot women, but I was nervous and didn’t know what to do, and it didn’t happen.
I started reading “Bang” by Roosh V, and I learned the tactics, ect, in his book, and started applying them. I got immediate results. Started getting numbers, going out, talking to women. But then I hit another brick wall. I couldn’t take it past the intro. I posted an online ad on POF, and met this really cool girl. She was a mother of 3 kids, divorced. We went out and had dinner, and talked for 3 hours, went back to her place, and I had sex for the first time at 33.
Needless to say, I went total beta and craved that pussy like it was the end of the world. I started skipping class to be with her, and not studying when I was at her place. We ended up breaking it off after a couple of months. I was pretty devastated, and felt that I needed a woman to complete my life, and couldn’t be happy with one.
I got desperate and banged a few fat, ugly bitches off Craigslist, women far beneath me. I kept contacting my ex, wanting to get back together. Even when she blocked me, I found ways around it. I knew it was stupid, and could possibly result in police intervention, but I didn’t care. After awhile, it sort of faded, and I realized slowly that I was the only one that could make myself happy, having a woman wouldn’t do this.
Before all of this, in 2010, I had done a thru hike of the 2,185 mile Appalachian Trail, and it was an amazing experience. It was the only time in my life I was truly happy. Now, having to leave school again due to changes in my meds, and advancing issues, though I am getting help from the VA, I am going back out there again. I will be flying to Charlottesville, VA, on the 24th of February, and starting about the halfway point. I made most of my own gear(I’m really good at sewing and am mechanically inclined), so all I will need is food. I have a few thousand saved up, and I am pretty good with my money. I plan on being out there 9 months to a year this time. After that, I may just stay longer or whatever. I am working on my military disability, so who knows how long that will take.
I’ll eventually finish my degree, only have a year left. Would hate to have taken Calculus 2 and all those other classes for nothing.
Anyways, thanks for all the help, information, and words of encouragement in the posts on this site.
rainydaykid 5 years ago.
