Experience from my divorce – Discourse or Tips?

[MoreSkyParticipant 4865]

Gents,

I started writing a post based on my recent divorce experience on how to minimise costs and to minimise any financial settlement. It got extremely lengthy very quickly. I don’t know if there is an appetite for a lengthy discourse on this subject or whether just to post a few headline tips.

I don’t mind writing a series of posts on the subject if that is preferred. Please let me know if you would like to see a summary set of tips or a number of (probably lengthy) posts on various aspects, or nothing at all. I don’t mind either way.

Most of it is not rocket science and parts will almost certainly have been discussed elsewhere.

"...reinvent your life because you must; it is your life and its history and the present belong only to you.” It is Your Life, Charles Bukowski.

[AwakenedParticipant 35200]

MoreSky wrote:

I don’t mind writing a series of posts

I don’t mind reading a series of shorter posts as compared to a novel.

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[WraithParticipant 97]

A concise version would be the easiest to absorb at first glance, there is no reason that you couldn’t link off to more “in depth” content OR your previous posts on the matter in the body of the article.

I for one would be interested in reading your stratagem…

[DorkShitParticipant 4353]

Yeah, concise me.

Peace brothers

[xenonParticipant 2007]

Bullet Points are always good and sorely missed around here.

[MoreSkyParticipant 4865]

OK. I’ll give the Executive Summary version a shot.

"...reinvent your life because you must; it is your life and its history and the present belong only to you.” It is Your Life, Charles Bukowski.

[Solo MAN’S WisdomParticipant]

MoreSky wrote:

Please let me know if you would like to see a summary set of tips

Tip #1. Never Marry.

Tip #2. Live Happily Ever After.

The End.

When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.

[GregB0Participant]

A series of Exec Summaries based on topic would be great, that would allow for more detailed analysis and feedback as needed.

Thanks for your offer, this will ge great information to use personally or pass along to those in need.

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[MoreSkyParticipant 4865]

GregB0 wrote:

A series of Exec Summaries based on topic would be great, that would allow for more detailed analysis and feedback as needed.

Thanks for your offer, this will ge great information to use personally or pass along to those in need.

Thanks for the advice Greg. Will do.

"...reinvent your life because you must; it is your life and its history and the present belong only to you.” It is Your Life, Charles Bukowski.

[Anonymous 43]

I went into my divorce expecting a clean break, and all parties following the rules. Here are the rules, follow then, how hard is that?

What I got was weekly court visits for complaints against the c~~~ often taking weeks to resolve. After $300,000 in debt, I am in another state, no contact order, and happy not to be in jail for one of 100 ways to be in contempt.

[MoreSkyParticipant 4865]

May, I did think quite hard about whether to do this or not as I’m aware there are many here, including yourself, who find themselves in a much worse situation than I found myself in. Custody of children is by far the worst part of any divorce and to a certain extent the financial side of it pales into insignificance besides that.

But I am hoping that I can give a little help to those that are in a similar situation that I was without causing any additional angst to those who have far more complex and stressful issues.

Please let me know if step over any lines at any point.

"...reinvent your life because you must; it is your life and its history and the present belong only to you.” It is Your Life, Charles Bukowski.

[nonameParticipant 746]

Thanks MoreSky.
Your posts could not came at a better time, had a weekend with two friends. One of them opened up and he is on the edge of a cliff.

Has two boys is a provider and pleaser to her and the s~~~ she did and does is f~~~ing sick.
His decision is to try and be better and see where it goes (he is in pain, sleeps 2-3h and it started to affect his work).

This man is a poster “best dad and caring husdband”.
I spilled the pills and he gets it, your posts will help to handle the situation.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. - Aristotle
Warrior asked Fear, “How can I defeat you?” Fear replied, “If you don’t do what I say, I have no power.”

[MoreSkyParticipant 4865]

noname wrote:

This man is a poster “best dad and caring husdband”.
I spilled the pills and he gets it, your posts will help to handle the situation.

Very glad if it’s of any help.

I’ve started the thread going through my experience and will continue to complete it over the next couple of days

/forums/topic/minimising-divorce-and-settlement-costs/

Let me know if there’s anything specific you want me to expand on or cover.

"...reinvent your life because you must; it is your life and its history and the present belong only to you.” It is Your Life, Charles Bukowski.

[nonameParticipant 746]

Reading it at the moment.

I’m glad it is over for you and wish you the best in life to come/is.

Ps. will do if it comes to mind.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. - Aristotle
Warrior asked Fear, “How can I defeat you?” Fear replied, “If you don’t do what I say, I have no power.”

[Anonymous 12]

Thank you, MoreSky.

[NoMoreParticipant 1233]

Thanks MoreSky!

I’d add a section for those who have kids. Things you need to know if you have kids;
– Their teachers’ and school names
– Their clothes/shoe sizes
– Their pediatrician’s name
– Any allergies, medical problems, or daily meds
– Any ‘favorite’ thing such as toy, band, sports team, etc.
– Names of their friends

These are things her lawyer will ask you to show that you aren’t involved in your child’s life.

A co-worker recently told me, "If you want to see who someone really is, divorce them." I have found out how true this is. When your wife drops the façade of being the caring partner, you will witness all of the greed, hate, and spite that she has masked. It is truly breathtaking!

[MoreSkyParticipant 4865]

NoMore wrote:

Thanks MoreSky!

I’d add a section for those who have kids. Things you need to know if you have kids;
– Their teachers’ and school names
– Their clothes/shoe sizes
– Their pediatrician’s name
– Any allergies, medical problems, or daily meds
– Any ‘favorite’ thing such as toy, band, sports team, etc.
– Names of their friends

These are things her lawyer will ask you to show that you aren’t involved in your child’s life.

Custody issues are not really something I have direct personal experience of, as that was the first thing that was sorted out, even before she left, and was non-contentious. Our daughter was included in the discussion and her opinion on what she wanted took priority over anything else.

That said, on the occasions my daughter is with me, I now look after her on my own, whereas during the marriage there were aspects that were dealt with by the ex-wife. These do need to be known. I hadn’t really thought of this as part of the divorce process but you are absolutely right and I’ll have a think and will write a section on such things and will, perhaps, ask for comment/contributions from those who have more experience of custody matters.

Most of the items you have listed should be known anyway but preparation is key. There are also issues like having to buy two of lots of things (one for each house) without it becoming a competition.

"...reinvent your life because you must; it is your life and its history and the present belong only to you.” It is Your Life, Charles Bukowski.

[Author]

Posts