Hey folks,
Sooo… yeah. I’m a divorced, late forties man with a good career (now) who has a story to tell, as, I can see, do so many on this forum.
I want to start with the statement that I am an Egalitarianist. What that means is that I reject special treatment or consideration according to gender TYPE. What that does NOT mean is that I think situation or context don’t matter. For example, it should be obvious to anyone with a brain that women are, by their nature, better socially than men and men, by their nature, are better creators. So if you have children, and a solid, respectful relationship with a spouse, you would see a situation similiar to what we would expect in a ‘Traditionalist’ format. As Karen Staughan and many others have pointed out, there is a REASON why the traditional structure worked.
I don’t believe that women or men should be restricted to their gender roles, nor should they receive special treatment (legally). Social conventions are another thing, and any social group should be free to create any conventions that it desires to denote ‘membership’, as long as it does not violate the individual rights of the members, or prevent them from leaving if they should wish.
So I am essentially an extreme libertarian, who thinks that the laws should be written to enhance personal liberty and fairness in the marketplace of money and ideas.
I say all of this because my story is unusual, in the broader context of relationships. My marriage was Open. What this meant to us was that we were free to date other people, as long as that didn’t impact on each other in a practical way, and we gave each other veto power over each others activities outside of our home. Simple arrangement, easy to understand. No, I didn’t know that a man could be held accountable for child support of another man’s child, but I did insist that my wife get an IUD before we embarked on this adventure together. I loved her, and I wanted what was best for her and myself.
Anyway, this went on for some time, happily. Our marriage lasted longer because of it. Because we each were able to get some sort of boost from outside the relationship. Inside it, things got grim pretty quick.. within 3 years of being married, we were already at a sort of seven year point, with respect to sex and compassion. Of course, I assumed it was my fault, and worked harder to try to figure it out.
I took it on the chin. I worked harder, made more money, and bought that single family home she wanted, and at the same time put her through technical school for a profession she was very enthusiastic about. This was all done at great sacrifice, and put me into some amount of debt. For 2 years I drove her 1 hour into school, every day, then went to work, then picked her up, then went home. I was the one who cooked dinner then, and I even helped with the housework, since she was studying for her career. and we had agreed that once she ‘got out there’ the pressure would come off my shoulders a bit and I might be able to take more risks, get some more time off, and recover. Build a better future, you see.
Well, that never happened. She never actually went to work in her field as more than a patsy to other professionals. When we had invested 15k in equipment for her work, she STILL refused to take any initiative, stating that she was ‘going through a rough patch’ and other such things.
Then she brought up children. Thank goodness I insisted that no, we are not going to have any children unless she had her career off and running, and she was productive, and had at least managed to pay back the effort and money that had been put into it.
It all went downhill from there. I got less and less attention or compassion, and was completely taken for granted. Her parents were clearly disappointed we had not had children, but I told them the same thing.. we will have children once she proves she can work, and uses her skills to produce income. I still thought this was my fault though.. that I was somehow not providing her with the proper motivation or environment.. amazing right?
In the end, I realized this was going nowhere, and I worked things out so that the marriage would end.. going through a lot of painful self blaming in the process. I even convinced myself that I had held her back by ‘helping too much’. It was a dark time. I became near homeless for awhile, and moved cross country to find work to try and dig myself back out. My house had to be sold in a down market, and so I lost all of that money as well. I was totally broke and bankrupt. If it had not been for the incredibly generous help of an amazing friend (who is my best friend to this day and, yes, a Woman.. they do exist. Mind you, she’s an Artist and not American) I would not have made it out.
And my Ex still had the gall to demand I pay her credit card bills. “Honey, I’m borderline homeless.. I dont have any money to give you” to which she said “What? What about me? I’m sitting here looking at debt I can’t repay!” (this while living rent free with her parents and not working). Thankfully the divorce did not include alimony, and I spoke to a lawyer about that.. he said “actually you could ask her for money, considering you put her through school with the clear intention of her becoming a professional. I’t wouldn’t stick, but it would make it hard for her to prove she can’t support herself, or that she missed an opportunity to earn money while married to you”. With that threat on the table she backed down and signed a 50/50 split of basically nothing, since I had no money or a house by that time, and had already paid more than my share of the credit card debt.
Now, I am earning six figures again, have rebuilt my life, and am moving forward. It has taken me almost 5 years to recover from this pit of despair I went through and now I am facing 50 with few prospects. I’ve had a few blisteringly hot girlfriends in the meantime and let them all go for reasons Im sure you guys have all been through. Im working on it.. JUST got rid of 100% of my debts, have a little money in the bank, and am working on the future.. not sure where to go from here, but MGTOW has given me hope.. that I wasn’t crazy. I have been in such darkness for the last few years, but now I can see a way out.
This is what hit me when I started listening to and reading the material on MGTOW and MRA.. I am a very well educated person and even I was duped by the bulls~~~. I realized I have been moving towards MGHOW for many years, and only now do I have a frame and full understanding of WHY THIS HAPPENED. I’m not Crazy! I want to shout it from the rooftops!
Thanks for reading this folks, and, as Paul Atreides said once: “Father.. the Sleeper has awakened!”
I think my Dad would have been proud. Peace.
MadScientist 4 years, 9 months ago.
