Don't try to plug back in.

[KahnParticipant 41]

Greetings,

I’ve been watching all this stuff for some time, I am 21 -soon-to-be-22, and have been following Barbarossa and Stardusk’s video’s since I was 18.

5 years roughly.

My story is long and quite frankly very painful, so I won’t be telling all of it now, maybe later, but for now just some of it so that you can understand my background when I try to explain some things I learned and that I would warn any man of when dealing with women, especially things I would say to anyone who is sitting on the fence and who knows what Barbarossa and others have been saying is probably true but just doesn’t want to believe it.

I know what that’s like. I’ve been there.

My parents separated when I was 17, then got divorced about a year after that. What happened was we lost our house after the 2008 crash. We moved to live with relatives who offered to buy my parents a house.

My mom went ape s~~~ after the move, and she actually turned down the house my grandmother offered our family. shortly after she got a job she got involved with another man,  the separation was bad. The police were called, my dad ended up in jail because he told my mom he wanted her to leave the apartment we were staying in (it was owned by my grandmother, and my mom’s name wasn’t on the lease or anything – hell, I don’t even think there was a lease).

fast forward a bit, my mother and I are living in an apartment that she rented. The move and separation destroyed my life, everything I had or cared about was back before the move, and now I was in a small town in what most people would call “bum-f~~~ egypt” with no car or friends, and no real way to get a job, small towns are s~~~ty that way.

and I was living with a mother who resented my existence, and literally told me she wanted me gone (and threatened to kick me out on the street) so that she could move her boyfriend (the man she replaced my father with) in with her. she liked to remind me she wouldn’t tolerate any behavior that reminded her of my father.

…

But I kept going, I tried finding a job, when that didn’t work (hard to find a job without a car), I got into community college and walked to it everyday. Turned out I was smart enough to get A’s with relatively little effort, and Uncle Sam can be generous sometimes with grants.

Eventually my mom’s boyfriend cheated on her and stole a bunch of money from her. all of the sudden I got treated better, upgraded from “unwanted thing” to “pet”. Eventually got a truck, and job. When I realized the s~~~ty job would never go anywhere I went to my grandmother and begged her to send me to university, and she said yes. I am, out of 8 grandchildren, the only one she has ever done anything like that for, perhaps it was pity, or luck, or some resemblance to my grandfather that made my grandmother decide to do that, I don’t really know.

All I knew was that I had crawled from the abyss, I even managed to afford the dorms somehow and get away from my mother. I hated living with her, and university managed to get me away, not far, but far enough. My mother was hardly the only woman that’s been abusive to me, or even the MOST abusive woman (but those are stories for another time), however when it comes from your own mother it is more damaging.

During the time that all these events unfolded, I found ManWomanMyth, then Barbarossa when he was just getting started, and eventually Stardusk.

I needed answers, I needed an explanation, and they had one; Or, at least, were getting close to one.

I checked daily for new Barbarossa videos, I would listen to them over and over…

When I got into university life got better, but I was going to a school where the male to female ratio was literally 5:1.

My god, if you ever want to see hypergamy in its most twisted and f~~~ed up form go to a engineering school. That said, if there was ever a place to avoid women and ghost, that would have been it.

The problem was, I needed to see for myself, I couldn’t just take Barbarossa, and the rest of the manosphere’s word for it. I needed to see for myself, if it really was like that.

Years and years of reading books, watching movies and listening to love songs ALL of which tell you that love and romance is this great wonderful thing leaves a mark in your mind, it is a very pretty lie that is difficult to give up.

So I had to see for myself, this eventually ended up with me joining (don’t laugh) a dance club at the school. I already knew a lot of people in it,  so it was easy to rationalize it, but also, I wanted to spend time with women and see how they really were, to learn for myself rather than just take someone else’s word for it.

I also found (don’t laugh) that I liked dancing, and to be sure, there are few experiences that compare to dancing (well) with a beautiful woman.

Most men are only ever exposed to a very abrasive form of sexuality, but in dancing you find something much more subtle and pleasant: sensuality.

And I got to see what I was looking for: for the most part, even though I enjoyed it, and for sometime managed to keep out of trouble; I saw female nature on full display. But even then I didn’t want to accept it, and it wasn’t until a girl finally managed to get her claws into my heart strings that the true horror of what women are really managed to sink in.

That said, this is getting really long, and the rest of the story is very painful for me. I have spent several months trying to forget it, so I will tell it some other time I think.

but I do wish to share some things I’ve learned, practical advice for fence sitters and anyone else:

1. Never ever play “friends” with a woman.

At least, if you are attracted to her, if you are, she will know and will taunt you. Women do not respect their male friends, and if you get attached (which she will not, make no mistake) then you are in deep s~~~.

2. Never be kind when you reject a woman

Within reason, last thing you want is a bunch of white knights jumping you because you “made a girl cry”. I say this because she will not appreciate your kindness, and she will try to cause trouble for you regardless, so I would recommend putting fear into her so she knows if she f~~~s with you, there will be some social repercussion for her. Of course, this may not always be viable, so often the best thing to do is remove them from your life completely. Don’t hesitate to do so, because no good deed goes unpunished, and she will find a way to do so.

and of course, we all know women are never kind when they reject men. So why pay them that courtesy?

3. Never trust a mangina, white knight, or metrosexual man (mangina on steroids).

These guys will hate you if you have any success with women. They will hate you if you are a “threat” to their place in the female power structure, and they will hate you if you have ideas that differ even slightly from the blue pill norm. And they will backstab you the moment they can get away with it. Never call one of these “friend” because they can, and WILL throw you under the bus given a chance (ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN).

4. NEVER. EVER. BUY INTO NAWALT.

Been there, done that. DON’T F~~~ING DO IT. NAWALT gets discussed a lot, and for good reason. The reason it is so damaging to YOU

and every other man in the world, is because A) it’s not true (Who knows, maybe there IS a unicorn somewhere, who cares?)  and B) Many women can appear NAWALT, but make no mistake, these are the most dangerous women of all. The sluts are easy to deal with, because you can see their moves and dodge their attacks most of the time, but NAWALT women are good at getting in close, stabbing you where you are weak, and twisting the knife.

5. If you do ignore NO.1 or just in general are spending time with a woman, always push for sex. Never put up with a relations~~~ with a woman if you are not getting sex or possibly loads of money (and that second thing will probably never happen).

To be clear, if you are having these nice tender moments with women and thinking that “this is nice, I don’t even care if I’m getting laid or not, just spending time with her is wonderful and makes my day” yeah all that is WORTHLESS, you will realize this the moment she throws you away, and you spend the next 3 months as a nervous wreck while she is f~~~ing some other guy, (oh, and she will forget about you in like… less than a day).

REMEMBER: Briffualts law is ALWAYS in effect, and she will ALWAYS be getting more out of the relationship then you are, so make sure your getting something.

And by “something” I mean sex, because women have nothing else to offer, as previously mentioned, any sort of emotional bonding or happy memories you think your creating, are absolutely WORTHLESS because she can forget about you and move onto the next guy without batting an eyelash.

Anyway, thats enough for now, I obviously have more to say, but real life must be attended to.

 

Cheers, and NEVER take the blue pill, if you are a young guy like me, do yourself a favor and just LISTEN TO BARBAROSSA AND THE OTHER MGTOW. You will save yourself a lot of grief if you can.

 

[Anonymous 42]

hey kohn, it looks like you whacked your self over the head with every MGTOW rule, you’re lucky your neck’s not broken… Through the ringer with women,,,I hear you loud and clear, welcome back to MGTOW no longer a heart broken….

[John DoeParticipant 743]

I am almost never impressed by a starting post, or any other post for that matter.  Your post impressed me.

I went MGTOW (officially, but technically prior to that) around your age, about 4-5 years ago.  I think a lot of MGTOW focus on the relationships with women only, naturally because sex is a large factor.  However they ignore the social repercussion with male peers.

Manginas/white knights/etc. can cause as much, if not more problems than females in many respects.  Women are a huge issue to deal with, but dealing with male peers can rival it as an equal.  I think this is a subject that should be discussed more often.  When you take the red pill and remain single, dealing with your “brothers” can be a separate fight in itself.

Welcome.

[Anonymous 1]

“(oh, and she will forget about you in like… less than a day).”  I experience this not to long ago.  We were never intimate or anything but she turn her switch on me like magic.  After the new guy left she contacted me back and ask how I was doing and some other bs.  I only entertain her for a bit to see what crap she had up her ass.  I called her out on it and never heard back.  How easy they can forget us is very surprising for me.  Welcome to MGTOW!

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

Damn, this kid is smart… Son, are you sure you’re only 23?

However unpleasant your experience may have been so far, as someone twice your age I can tell you that there is great value in the insights you’ve gotten from your experiences. It’s emotionally unpleasant to give up the ‘pretty lie’ (very well spoken here), but the emotional unpleasantness of seeing that reality is equally emotionally unpleasant at no matter what age you discover it. However, many men, and probably the majority of men of my generation, didn’t make this discovery until much later in life when the women in their lives had their meat hooks sunk into their wallets as deep as their hearts.

I don’t mean to minimize any of the grief you’ve experienced so far, because it’s real and it sucks. But at the end of reading your intro’, my first thought was “This kid will never grow up and be taken for half of a pile of assets it took him decades of work to amass…”. Had that scenario played out, the emotional pain would have been the same, but the financial losses would have been added to it. And they would have been irrecoverable.

The other thing to point out to you is that you’re smarter than the average person your age, which you may also have started to figure out, and brains and education will allow you to overcome and escape from the parasites you’ve already met, and the others who are waiting for you.

welcome to mgtow

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[Krab_AssParticipant 267]

BrainPilot wrote:

Damn, this kid is smart

Agreed BrainPilot!!

Kahn – I can honestly say that you have learned things that it took some of us (me especially) YEARS to understand.

By attaining such knowledge you will save yourself much pain, time, grief and money.  What is more – the stress and toll of years and years of misery (that we older gents have faced) won’t be something that visits your household.

Welcome young sage!  (I can say that because I am an old fart).

 

"I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what I do! That is character!"
~ Theodore Roosevelt

[Smitty the Great OneParticipant 1535]

welcome to Rylos my boy!!

Life is too long to play by someone elses rules....

[KahnParticipant 41]

Thanks guys! I just wish I didn’t have to go out and learn it the hard way.

That said, you’re right, I got off lucky since I didn’t really lose money over all this.

John Doe wrote:

I am almost never impressed by a starting post, or any other post for that matter. Your post impressed me. I went MGTOW (officially, but technically prior to that) around your age, about 4-5 years ago. I think a lot of MGTOW focus on the relationships with women only, naturally because sex is a large factor. However they ignore the social repercussion with male peers. Manginas/white knights/etc. can cause as much, if not more problems than females in many respects. Women are a huge issue to deal with, but dealing with male peers can rival it as an equal. I think this is a subject that should be discussed more often. When you take the red pill and remain single, dealing with your “brothers” can be a separate fight in itself. Welcome.

I absolutely agree, The lows the manginas will go to attack you is really something, in my case (as you will see), they don’t even need something real or concrete as a reason to attack you. They will just do it because you made one of their goddesses unhaappppyy.

This is something that really needs to be addressed, unfortunately the only tactic I can think of for dealing with them right now is to just keep them at arms length. It doesn’t hurt very much when some random asshole attacks you, but when someone you think is your friend does it… well yeah.

Anyway, writing this all down has helped a LOT, so I would like to write the second part.

So this is my story Part II

As per where I left off, I got into university, my life was getting better but it was still hard.

hell, the school I went to has a reputation for being ball-bustingly difficult. Somehow I was making it, even despite a sub par education prior (I was home-schooled by my mother, take a guess how that turned out?), and somehow I was passing classes that even other people often ended up taking 2 or 3 times.

I had my failures, but the success were mine. Which means a lot after having your own mother try to destroy your sense of self worth over the course of several years.

But it was still hard in other ways, and the end of every semester was a reminder of where I had come from. I was poor and couldn’t afford to stay in the dorms all year around, so during the summer I had to go back and live with my mother. I literally had nowhere else to go. So I found myself, in my mom’s 1 bedroom apartment, after doing the impossible during my first semester and coming out with a good gpa, Crying. Christ, I had watched my fellow dormies go HOME to their FAMILIES, while my reward was to go back to the bitch that spent years making it clear she was just LOOKING for a reason to kick me out on the street so she could move the MAN SHE REPLACED MY FATHER WITH in with her.

and I felt like a loser because I wasn’t even really able to interact with women in school or anywhere else. This isn’t to say I was a failure with women, Hell, sluts don’t even care how broken you are, they will find you no matter what and express interest if your good looking enough. I remember girls that had boyfriends flirting with me, I even dated a stripper VERY briefly (I ended it, got tired of her bulls~~~).

But I was in university now, and I wanted better. And I wanted to know if AWALT was true, I NEEDED to know. Good old male mother need right?

So I ended up joining a dance club, It had more girls there than anywhere else on a campus with a 5:1 ratio. Nevermind that most of the girls weren’t even good looking, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t there to meet girls, I was there to observe, and I was hoping that maybe I could make friends somehow and maybe heal from my mothers abuse.

It seems absurd, thinking that and looking back.

For the first few months it was just fun and games, I found that I liked dancing, and whats more; I was GOOD at it. For a guy that’s been through a lot and questioned his own self worth quite a bit, to find that you’re good at something, even if its something silly like dancing, is very nice.

Then the fun started to end, A girl that I had been dancing with all of the sudden started telling her boyfriend I was making moves on her. Which wasn’t true, I was a bit flirty with ALL the girls, but as said before; I was there to observe and had no real desire for a girlfriend or anything else for that matter.

After her working on him for some time (and me wondering why that dude was so p~~~ed off at me), things came to a head at a dance party where the guy actually came to me asking if I wanted to fight him. I flashed back to my first job, prior to going to university. It was  factory job, S~~~ty work for s~~~ty pay, and what motivated me to go back to school. Only really desperate guys would work there, many on parole. You know what most of those parole guys had in common? Getting into stupid fights, like the one this idiot wanted to start with me.

I was gripped with fear, not of him (part of me wanted to fight him, not for the girl, but just to prove I could do it), but of a legal system that could, and most likely would destroy my life If did fight him.

So, I rolled over and played dead. I told him (loud enough for the GF to hear) that I had no interest in his girl, and that I did not want to fight him.

Neither him nor the girlfriend respected me after that, humans are stupid base creatures that way, but I knew something they didn’t and I had no-one to bail me out if things went to court. Of course, the girlfriend still hated me for effectively rejecting her and not playing her game, she caused a lot of trouble for me down the road (as you will see).

Fast forward several months, I am still a member of the swing dance club (I actually quit for a little while, but I enjoyed dancing a lot, so I came back).

All of the sudden this one guy (we shall refer to him as White Knight) starts harassing me. Little things at first, making comments, insults, the lot. It was strange because previously we had gotten along fine. He was the “Alpha Male” of the group, and we even hung out a couple of times. I wasn’t really a threat to him, I couldn’t keep up in any way really: he was a senior, 6.4 Frat boy and he was a member of the dance clubs leadership.

Then I realized: He had a part time (later full time after he graduated) job working for the GF’s (from earlier) parents. Holy s~~~! Turns out she had started saying things about me behind my back.

This was a real problem because now he was actively trying to make me look bad, and attack me in any way he could. I hadn’t given him much to work with, but the “Alpha Male” type is good at swaying his female flock’s opinion against one of the “lesser males”. (as a side note, this guy had maintained “secret” relationships with several of the females in the club, it may be safe to assume he’d slept with half of them or so.)

I am ashamed to say that I had little defense against his attacks, and he made me look like a damn fool (verbally) many times in front of a lot girls, one who I was even interested in for a time (more on that later). In a fight between two males, women will always join in to spit on the one who appears weaker. Years and years of my mother eroding my sense of self worth came back to haunt me now.. I really just had no defense against the guy.

but, I had one thing going for me, something he didn’t have: I was good at dancing. White Knight had been dancing for roughly four years. I passed him up in ability in a matter of months, because he, unlike me, had no talent. Some people just have no natural rhythm. And at the end of the day, this is what matters in a dance club: the ability to dance. This alone gave me the social status to not only fight back against him for a little while, but even (for a small while) win.

Which honestly probably made things worse. His attacks became more vicious; White Knight was very likely a narcissist, he always needed everyone to think he was “Awesome.” Which is probably part of the reason he hated me so much: I was not impressed by him like everyone else. I had crawled out of hell (living with my mom in a 1-bedroom apartment) and managed to get into university, as a person who had overcome adversity, I was not impressed by his stories about how great his life was, nor was I impressed by the fact he was in a frat. In fact, I had been in his frat house and SEEN the library they have the ANSWERS to most of the tests and homework for ALL the classes in the school. A lot of cheating goes on in university, and most of it goes in in the frats; a fact I was disgusted by.

Before continuing, allow me to introduce a few new actors to the stage:

Girl A

Girl B

Girl C

and the metro-sexual.

Girl C was a girl who, during the summer, was introduced to the dance club, she was not part of the school, and instead went to school in another town, but grew up in the area. Long story short, I fell for her.

Girl B, Girl C’s friend, whom she introduced to the dance club, and who wanted a relationship with me, and who I rejected.

The Metrosexual. Remember rule 3 from my first post? Right, that is based off of him. I made the mistake of trusting this guy and thinking he was my friend… Honestly, if I were to see him today, I am not sure if I could stop myself from killing him. As melodramatic as it sounds, betrayal is a difficult thing to deal with. He was the first person in YEARS, besides the campus psychologist, who I trusted even a LITTLE of my story with (my experiences with my mother).

Girl A was the girl previously mentioned that I was interested in for a little while (prior to meeting Girl C), but lost interest in because she was obviously just toying with me, and was at times downright rude. I grew weary of this, and realized she cared more about White Knight anyway (she worked for him). So I just didn’t give her time of day. I wasn’t mean, I wasn’t cold, I just didn’t go out my way to do stuff for her or talk to her anymore. It was obviously a waste of time after all. Not to mention she had dated Metro-sexual (briefly, he got into a relationship with someone else later) WHILE FLIRTING WITH ME. Yeah. I didn’t even know they had dated until later.

One night, she was sitting in the corner looking depressed, I was worried about her. I didn’t like to see anyone doing that, I went and picked her up and took her to the dance floor, ignoring her weak protestations. And we danced. (to be clear, there is no way to force anyone to dance). later that night, I wanted to talk to her, I wanted to smooth out the uncomfortable tension that had been between us and at least just be friendly, and I wanted her to be happy and to get along… but instead she just acted like I was the bad guy for not groveling to her abuse and wouldn’t talk to me.

This gave White Knight the ammunition he needed.

1 Month after this happened he came to me and told me he had gone to the police about what I had done (yes, you heard right, he actually conflated picking her up and taking her to the dance floor with f~~~ing RAPE.) He threatened me saying that if I did anything like that again he would go to the campus police on me, he even told me that he had received other “complaints” about me (undoubtedly from the GF in the first story), but wouldn’t tell me who they were from in order to “protect them” for fear I would “retaliate.” Yeah. This whole “We can’t tell you who complained about your or why because we are afraid you will retaliate” bulls~~~ got pulled on me several times through the year, including from the guy who I thought was my friend, Metrosexual.

I swear, if anyone does that s~~~ to me again, I will just say: “that’s fine, I will just retaliate against YOU instead.”

at first I was stunned by his accusation, then I was upset. I went the campus police and told them MY side of the story, because White Knight, during his accusation had even threatened physical violence…

In any-case, I had little support. Metrosexual supported me some because White Knight had rocked the boat quite a lot, and Metrosexual just wanted to assigned blame to everyone-and-no-one, so things could be all “good feelings.”

The only Apology I get from White Knight for his attack is “I’m sorry you misunderstood.” Yeah.

Afterwards I am extremely disenfranchised from the club, Tension between me and Girl A are at all time high because she knows that I know she instigated White Knights attack, Metrosexual spends a lot of time with her calming her down because their “friends,” I don’t know what she told him, but eventually I realize Metrosexual is cutting me social events and also lying to me about what is being said. I am simply not invited. Initially I don’t really care, except for

Girl C.

Girl C is a classical beauty, with a perfectly shaped body and a crystal voice. I could listen to her talk for hours. But that’s not why I was so attracted to her; silly as it seems, she could push all my buttons and had the background and personality that I thought I liked in women.

But even that was not what made her so alluring, No.

You see, in dancing you have varying degrees of synergy between dance partners, I have danced with many girls and this synergy can take your dancing to a whole new level.

The natural synergy I experienced between me and Girl C was greater than with any other girl I have ever danced with, and the more we danced, the greater the synergy became. I know she felt it too, we talked about it. Hell, I even asked another male dancer about this phenomenon, and he said he had experienced something very similar (he, however, made the wise decision to GET AWAY from that girl).

After about a month of knowing her I asked her out, only to find out that she had been dating another man for a month. I was rejected, and friend zoned. Eventually I got tired of this, and it was a key contributing factor to my disenfranchisement with the dance group. I didn’t like being used as a dancing robot, which I was starting to realize was what I was. I was a good experience, and the girls (especially Girl C) liked that, but outside of that I was nothing. Just an amusing toy.

Tension continued to grow between me and Girl A, things came to a head when one day, Metrosexual calls me up and tells me not to go to dance club anymore, that nobody likes me and that nobody wants me there. It was a long call, during which he spewed a lot of vicious hate at me. I was stunned, angry, and hurt. Everything. I resigned myself to this, I hated it to give in, but at the end of the day what motivation did I have to keep going anyway? After all the attacks, I was tired of it. So I said my goodbyes to Girl B, who I also thought was my friend.

Girl B I had rejected at some point, she was Girl C’s friend and wanted me badly. I on the other just couldn’t be in a relationship with her while thinking about Girl C. after a very brief “relationship (not even one date, just some kissing), I broke things off and said “I don’t want a relationship, I don’t want to hurt you.” and kept my feelings to myself, thinking that the summer would end, and I could leave this frustrating attraction to Girl C in the past.

But it didn’t happen that way, after Metrosexual’s Vicious phone call, Girl C texted me and said I couldn’t just leave without saying good-bye. I agreed, and we arranged to meet and dance. Before the meeting she texted me and told me she was “just looking for friendship” to which I replied “your leaving, so why does it matter” (as mentioned before, Girl C went to university in another town serveral hundred miles away) she replied back “as long as were on the same page.”

We met, and danced together for probably 4 or 5 hours strait. Just the two of us. It was magical, as I have said before, synergy between dance partners is HUGE, and the synergy, while already better then with anyone else, only grew stronger. The time passed, and the dances never seemed to grow dull. When we weren’t dancing we talked, and I grew to like her even more, as I learned more about her. We agreed to meet again later,

So we did, several times, and our dancing grew and changed. It was different, it wasn’t just dancing anymore. It was almost like were were communicating in this extremely intimate way with nothing but our bodies. I swear, I think she even had an orgasm at least once (I kid you not, what do you think it is when a girl falls to the ground, unable to stand, with a flushed look on her face?). Things changed, and I fell for her more and more.

But I fought it, I resisted because I knew she was leaving in just a few weeks, and I wanted a relationship. I am almost certain she at least tried to communicate that if I made a move she would be receptive to it (in that way the women do, where thy send you mixed signals, so it is hard to say). That said I had promised her, this was “just friendship” even though the way we danced was beyond friendship. And I also knew, that if I made a move, what would likely result would just be a fling, but I wanted more.

I wanted her to make the decision, I NEEDED her to make the decision, if it was to be made at all, because I knew, and was terrified by the reality that if I made the decision for her, and made a move on her, and it WORKED; then some other guy may well be able to do the same, and that in the end it really would not have meant anything.

Which was the truth. In the end, it really did not mean anything.

This is getting long, and is difficult to write, so I will start to wrap it up here.

I started going back to dance club, I was not going to be stopped just because Metrosexual told me not to go, I didn’t care, I just wanted to be with Girl C, and I even “forgave” Metrosexual (even though his apology basically amounted to “I’m sorry for what I said, but I still think you are the problem”)

God… I feel so pathetic..

Anyway, the summer ends. On the last night with Girl C we are with the dance club, we have a recruiting session (first night of the semseter) in which Girl C and I teach end up entire class of new people how to dance. It is so easy and natural, to do so. Girl B see this and sends a guy to dance with Girl C the whole night, and makes sure Girl C never gets any time with me afterwards. Girl C leaves early that night. I don’t know why. I don’t follow her, because I know I have to try and forget her, she is leaving after all, to go to that school hundreds of miles away.. Before she leaves she tells me she will be “very sad if she never sees me again”.

I am confused, It was supposed to end after the summer. I was supposed to forget about her and move on with my life. I did what she asked, we were “just friends” and I never made a move. Now the idea of continuing our relationship is put into my mind and it is like a slow poison that burns at me.

The next week I text her and jokingly ask I need to steal a helicopter to get her to meet up and go dancing in a town that serves as a halfway point for both of us, she tells me “Sorry, friend, but I am going on a date, maybe in a couple of weeks I will go with some other friends.”

I am devastated, the message seems clear: she has written me off, even after saying herself she wanted to continue.

I take a few days to think about it, then text her back saying I don’t want to be friends, that this has to end.

she stays back that she feels sad that I found our friendship to be sham, but will accept it.

I tell her I never felt felt ashamed to be her friend, that I adored her, but that I couldn’t keep doing this.

1 month goes by, I am under a lot of stress with school, but to make matters worse, I cant forget about her. No matter how hard I try she is like a ghost following me around. I have dreams.

Then I run into metrosexual, I beg him to give me Girl C’s number so I can go and apologize. I just want to see her again, to dance with her like we did over the summer.

He gives it to me, and like a sucker I go and call her. I apologize for everything, I tell her I’m sorry for being so dense, she agrees that I am dense, that says the past month has been hard for her too, that she felt betrayed by me ending things but that she will forgive me. I am happy for a little while, but confused by out conversation, and unsatisfied.

then I do something really pathetic, try not to laugh. Afterwards I wrote her a love letter, after one month of self imposed psychological torture it was probably something of a garbled mess, but in it I basically (VERY SIMPLIFIED) said “I love you, but I don’t care if I’m not allowed to do that, I don’t care if your with another man, I want to share a dream with you, please lets keep dancing, you and I have a talent, if we kept going we could become some of the best dancers in the world.”

Her was short, and indifferent: “I don’t think you really love me, I think you are in love with the idea of me. I am in a happy committed relationship, we will never dance again.”

at first I was relieved, I thought now, maybe, I can move on.

But then the nightmares started, I nearly stopped eating, 1 meal a day at most, my school schedule guaranteed little sleep, but now even the precious little sleep I could get became difficult and tormented.

Going to a difficult university and having a nervous break down doesn’t work. the sheer extent of the manipulation and vicious attacks leveled against me started to become clear, I dropped all my classes, I couldn’t keep going because I was starting to have panic attacks in the middle of class. I have never had a panic attack in my life until then.

I remember being at my mothers apartment having a breakdown after Girl C’s rejection. I had been living with my mom that semester because I could no longer afford the dorms. I punched a door, and was on the verge of crying when my mother came at me and started yelling at me to get out. I nearly killed her on the spot, and even now part of me regrets not going down that dark path. But instead I just took it. Shortly after my dad found out about everything that happened, and offered for me to come out and live with him.

I am now back in my home state, where I started before my parents divorce. I am with my dad and uncle now, even 4 years after the divorce my dad is still trying to put his life back together.

As for me, well… I am just trying to find something in life to care about. When I first got out here I cried three times a day, and the nightmares were truly horrific, but that has changed. I can sleep at night, the nightmares rarely occur anymore, and I have started eating again. I got a job, and am putting together the pieces.

One thing is for sure: I want no woman in my life ever again.

I am sorry if this second part becomes slightly jumbled towards the end, it was not easy to write and I am quite frankly ashamed by the whole thing. when you read it, you will probably be able to see where I got my 5 rules listed in the first post.

And again, any bluepiller or fence sitter out there, or guys my age; I would urge you to listen to Barbarossa and the other MGTOWs.

Women have nothing to offer, I know, I went looking for it. I threw all red pill wisdom to the wind in an attempt to do so,

at the end of the day, they can replace you very easily. It does not matter who or what you have done, they can and will replace you when it is convenient to do so, or when they become bored.

Something I learned from this is that you are ALWAYS the bad guy, regardless of what is actually happening. You, are the villain purely by virtue of having a dick.

And as a warning to all you blue pillers out there; no matter what concessions you make, no matter how many other men you throw under the bus, no matter how much you say “those other men are bad, but not me! I am different!” Remember this: your turn is coming, because you have a dick. Your a “bad guy” too.

Anyway, Cheers, and as a reminder for all my MGTOW brothers out there’s, Stay safe, and stay focused not on women, but on what makes YOU happy and YOU’RE dreams, because women will suck that out of you, and make you wish you never dreamed at all.

 

 

 

 

[Smitty the Great OneParticipant 1535]

well my fiend you have learned a very important and valuable (albeit painful) lesson. You allowed yourself to become emotionally compromised. You can still have contact and short term relationships with women, but you now know better than to believe a woman actually loves YOU. You made every mistake in the book when it comes to attraction, which is why you ended up a neurotic mess. I’ve made those same mistakes repeatedly in my life. I know it is tempting to give yourself away to passion and “romance”, but it’s all just an illusion. You cannot ever make ANY woman a priority in you life. The very act is repellent to women as it is viewed (rightfully so) as neediness. You displayed yourself as insecure and paraded your weakness before the group, what did you think was going to happen?

You don’t have to forgo a life without women altogether, given your age your biological impulses will betray you over and over. So you’d better “learn the game” if you ever want to stand a chance of playing your role right. You have the vast resources of all MGTOW here at your disposal. You have our demi-god Tom Leykis as a role model, learn damn you, learn.

You seem like a good hearted guy, and you’ve overcome a lot. Don’t let something manageable like women be your Achilles Heel.

Life is too long to play by someone elses rules....

[Anonymous 0]

It is why I own a Fleshlight I will NEVER compromise myself to a Woman I saw all their S~~~ growing up from the late eighties to early nineties right up till now (I was born in 1983) yeah I’m 31 and I ALWAYS KNEW something was seriously F~~~ed up somewhere and I KNEW it had to do with Females then I found the name for it and It was the Whore that Sits on the dragon – Feminism Thing is The bankers started feminism To Control the world they had to control females Reproductive Organs Henry Makow says it better then I can Here: http://www.savethemales.ca/001904.html another one of My favourite articles of his is: http://www.savethemales.ca/000585.html

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