Do I need a pick-me-up?

[alternative_rooParticipant 26]

It’s funny but after I sit down to think about things, after my last long term relationship fell apart (I’m a bit of a dichotomy as I’m gay but I will explain how I feel like gay relationships are not that different from straight ones later, maybe).

I used to do a lot of things before my relationship and then a good bit at the start, but as it went on I did less and less. Now I seem to sit around all day doing nothing, I’m not really in the mood to play games or watch films most of the time and when I do I can’t think of anything to do/watch.

I should be able to “man up” but it isn’t that easy, would be good if I had someone to kick me up the backside but that wont work. I don’t suppose anyone has a tip or two on how to push myself back into enjoying life?

[Anonymous 9]

Howdy Roo,

I can relate to where you are coming from.

Motivation comes from within. Rigorous exercise helps produce endorphins that fight off the funk. Laughter is good. Meditation is good. Trying to learn something new everyday is good, even if it is something small.  Good luck.

[alternative_rooParticipant 26]

@GotSmart

Hay there, well I should add that it’s not just sitting around playing games and watching movies that I used to do, I was into fighting (for sport), going to the gym and really looking after myself. Now, not so much.

[chirParticipant]

Call some friends, talk to them see whats up.  See if they want to get together have some fun, sports, barbeque, go to pub.   Reconnect with your buddies.  Feel better.

Go exercise, don’t eat fast food, play some games, do some raiding or kick some ass.  Feel better.

Your choice to feel better.  There is no man up.  You’re already a man so you ARE man up.

Men don’t have a billion support groups or government programs to make them feel better.  Why?  Because we can take care of ourselves when we put our minds to it thank you very f~~~ing much.

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion, it is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning; it is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

[Puffin StuffParticipant 24979]

I agree with what GotSmart had to say. Maybe if you tried to force your self to do a little training, it could be a positive cycle, work out, feel better, work out some more, feel a little better.

#icethemout; Remember Thomas Ball. He died for your children.

[Anonymous 9]

Roo,

I too lost motivation and purpose when my relationship ended. There were even thoughts of suicide. There is a history of depression and mental illness on both my mothers and fathers sides of the family. I watched my mother sit in her rocking chair for the last 10 years of her life, feeling sorry for herself and wanting someone to RESCUE her, knowing she was the only one who could take that first step. I don’t mean to sound harsh but YOU are the only one that can take that first step. Get mad at yourself if you have to but take that first step, and then the second. All I can offer is encouragement.

[alternative_rooParticipant 26]

I could. I really need to fix my financial situation, living off of disability benefits in the UK doesn’t amount to much, sure we get more than the US but when you factor in every expense it isn’t that much (you also have to take world economics into account). So I could do with a s~~~ ton of money (pity I’m not a woman and can claim hardship or abuse so I could get 4k a month from patreon).

Anyway, guess you’re right. I probably need to be a bit more selfish for a while. If anyone is interested I have a BA in mental health (no really, the people who study things and then fall foul of them are the worst) so I was thinking of writing up a little “Why gay relationships today are so similar to straight one’s that the outcomes are practically the same”. That’s why I sort of claim I don’t see much difference between straight and gay MGTOW’s.

[ExsliventxsParticipant 1067]

alternative_roo wrote:

I don’t suppose anyone has a tip or two on how to push myself back into enjoying life?

Sunlight. Get some sun on your face. Just stop and sit on a bench for a bit. Close your eyes, let the sun dance through your eyelids.

Your mind will be filled with things you enjoy, and things you’ve yet to try.

You’ll find yourself happier and invigorated to be active.

[VoidraitheParticipant 477]

I would certainly like to see what you come up with.

I will admit that after my last relationship ended I turned to drink for a while just because I was bored, but don’t follow that example. I figured out what to do to pass the time eventually, now I work at little home projects, play video games or tabletop RPGs like D&D with friends one or twice a week.

 

[chirParticipant]

Exsliventxs wrote:

Alternative Roo wrote:

I don’t suppose anyone has a tip or two on how to push myself back into enjoying life?

Sunlight. Get some sun on your face. Just stop and sit on a bench for a bit. Close your eyes, let the sun dance through your eyelids. Your mind will be filled with things you enjoy, and things you’ve yet to try. You’ll find yourself happier and invigorated to be active.

Unless you’re like me and Irish.  When exposed to sunlight I just simply burst into flame.

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion, it is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning; it is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

[alternative_rooParticipant 26]

@chair I’m Welsh, not that far behind you.

[ExsliventxsParticipant 1067]

10 minutes of sun on your face isn’t gonna burn you…. c’mon now, work with me here.

I’m part scottish / german / english.  I can handle it for 10minutes lol

[experiencedParticipant]

For everytime someone who’s been working out hard and takes time off, it’s the same thing: first, you may have been overtraining and the initial recovery is grande. Then there’s the break portion where you’ve now got time (that had been blocked out by training) and you’re still in shape – life is grande, then you go to s~~~ physically and then you get so used to squandering the formerly blocked out time that  it’s no longer a memory. no time , feel like s~~~ club, I know because i’ve been the president!

So, what we’ve got here is an inverse of the whole scenario. You gotta start working out some way, in whatever form you can, because then as long as you keep it up, you’ll  feel better about life’s pain in  the neck problems being perceived as smaller. You’ll also be more apt to roll with the punches when they come along.  The tough bottom line is that you’ve got to initiate the momentum. One technique is to get a blank sheet of paper and write down OK i’m gonna do this for ten days and see how I feel. There used to be a number, Guys help me out here, like 90 days that gym managements knew that if you stuck with it that long, you won’t quit, so they’d offer low membership rates to lure people in up til that 91st day. Also, if you can, do something you enjoy, or hate less. I always hated xxxxxxx but loved yyyyyyy and was indifferent to zzzzzzzz.  hope this helps.

Years ago a study showed 200mg of caffeine thirty minutes before a workout increases your work capacity by 5-7%.    Years later it was 8%.  Course, I heard of some guys that had great workouts by snorting coke right before it, but then discovered, “why work out? just do coke.” There was a girl that did the same thing with speed, saw her two years later and it had aged her.  Another girl used preparation h on her skin to tighten it up, but then accidentally brushed her teeth with it…….but i digress?

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[willastParticipant 23]

Sounds like a little depression.  I would recommend reading up on “microhabits”.  Start generating new small habits that take you where you want to go.  To start with if you can’t go out then walk to the door and put your hand on the knob.  Do that a few days in a row.  Then the next few days, just go outside stand there and go back in.  In no time at all you will say what the heck and just keep going.

[Author]

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