Divorce Settlement Negotiations

[BlakeGuyParticipant 287]

I am in the process of negotiating my divorce at the moment (well separation). Thought i would provide some details.

It is funny because she started the process over money. Makes me laugh so hard, because she did not realize how badly she was going to do in the proceedings. So now she literally will not be able to get a place to live, without a large mortgage unless I cut her a break. So she is squirming away being nice to me lol. So funny, i have not even used the line “well you started the proceedings so you can eat the results”. I had everything planned beforehand because if she had not started the process I would have. So my situation was set for a divorce process while she went into it rushing to try to and get a lot of money, but she is now learning she will not get much.

So I have to decide how mush to give her out of either kindness or perhaps accepting that my moves were a little too aggressive. We have adult kids and i want them to do well so consequently i have a motive to give her a break as they will need some support from her.

I will actually be extremely happy and very comfortable coming out of the process. My main strategy was to make as much of my income business oriented so that it was not based on steady employment. I let her accumulate physical assets while i accumulated none. I turned down my income tap knowing that i should focus on activity to build future incomes rather than focus on current incomes. I went minimal well before the proceedings so that my entire pattern would be low cost, hence dependent on low incomes and low stress. So my plan is to give her a lump sum and say ok this it it, take or leave it. I will cover all future liabilities in the deal and have her sign to that affect. This way she is unlikely to risk reopening the deal to try to draw from my future incomes.

Let the good times roll

[Charles in chargeParticipant 76]

Hello BlakeGuy. I’m not sure which country you’re in, but in Britain there are firms of solicitors (lawyers) who specialise in representing men in divorce proceedings. They’re geared to assist men in fighting the bias of the legal system and the shrieking harpy who is seeking to denude them of all assets and deny them access to their children. If you have access to such a firm, and the assets to engage their services then perhaps seek some advice.

Your plan as laid out seems sound to me, but would be good to ensure no loophole is left unclosed!

To embrace a woman is to embrace a sack of manure. -Odo of Cluny

[RhinoParticipant 3477]

Your children are adults, she is an adult, you don’t need to cut anyone a break period. She wants to still divorce rape you if she can this is a war there is no room for kindness here at all. She is a female she will land another beta fish to mooch off of you don’t need to worry about her well being. If she can’t find a man then she will have the state to protect and feed her. You need to stop being a white knight and start downing those red pills more because if the roles were reversed she would take everything and have you penniless, homeless, and destitute as much as possible.

In your own words you admit she was going for the money so your relationship was based on a lie to begin with. Where she screwed up was not having a beta male provider waiting for her once the divorce process was finalized like most women do. So you now have to save her for not planning to screw you over properly? Wake up bro this is a time to teach her a hard lesson of life that women can’t always get what they want. My advice is keep as much of what you own as you can giving her only the minimum of what the law allows. If you give in to her now she will always be around you trying to get more they are parasites that need to be cut out of your life forever.

Or you can give in to her and help her out and feel good about yourself only for her to continue her manipulative ways to try to force more resources out of you while playing the field and screwing over the next guy she tries to trap to get double the reward. The choice is yours but I know which one I would choose.

Edit: You will never be able to cover all your basis by doing this because anything she signs now can be tossed out in court if she has a good lawyer. Her lawyer can claim she was under financial duress at the time because she was about to be on the street and had no choice. Nothing you do now to protect yourself will help you in the future even prenuptial agreements are thrown out of court look it up you would be surprised what lawyers can do these days.

[bstoffParticipant 4865]

Rhino hit the nail on the head and I think almost any experienced MGHOW will tell you: GIVE HER NOTHING! If the law allows her to TAKE anything from you, let it be that and nothing more.
You are white knighting here, maybe even feeling guilty for what you think you are winning, and definitely setting yourself up for a big fall when your income increases. You might think you have outsmarted her now, but in the future, her lawyer(s) can convince a judge you somehow cheated her out of money she was entitled to. You can lose future income for life, regardless of how much you make, once a judgment is reached.
Even if your children weren’t already grown, you don’t need to enrich your ex in order to help them. You can help them directly at any time you choose, and under your own terms, not hers or the court’s.
Lawyer up and prepare for battle.
Believe me, this is only the beginning.

[Jack HarperParticipant 2863]

Divorce is war. Show no mercy.

[Anonymous 1]

The only part that worries me is you said separation. I knew a few people my father who got a separation and it never ends that way. Break it off completely. I agree wholeheartedly with this is war. Don’t let up. If roles are reversed you could be sitting in a cell over a phone call. Or a box under a overpass.

[Anonymous 43]

don’t be a pussy. there is no room for nice. nice will cost you now and more later.

end the marriage, end the transfer of cash. the perq to being married to you was the provision of food, cash and shelter.

you don’t give gas money to the dude you sold a car to, do you? do you go over and wash and wax the old car?

she wants out, fine. out is out.

[Anonymous 43]

do not take on her future liabilities….jebus on the cross, a future liability might be a 9000sq ft house, a 200 foot yacht and a fleet of Bentleys.

give the c~~~ nothing. that is your opening position, nothing is also your fall back position and you hold that position until some idiot judge f~~~s you over.

wait, your opening position is she gives you money. then the fall back is give her nothing. how reasonable you are to abandon your demand for her cash.

why am I upset about your deal? I didn’t get a chance to negotiate…all I got was s~~~.

[RhinoParticipant 3477]

Good advice from everyone and I also forgot to add you don’t know what she has planned up her sleeve with her crafty lawyer. Listen to May 7 he knows what he is talking about he went through exactly what you are going through right now. If you let off the gas pedal going up a hill you are going to crash and burn.

Put your foot down and divorce her as fast as possible. Her lawyer is coaching her right now on how to get you into trouble with the law so she can maximize her profit. Don’t be surprised if you see the cops rolling up to your drive way for false domestic violence or rape charge if things don’t go her way because that is what desperate women do these days.

[BlakeGuyParticipant 287]

Your children are adults, she is an adult, you don’t need to cut anyone a break period. She wants to still divorce rape you if she can this is a war there is no room for kindness here at all.

So basically this sums it up. I happen to be sitting on all the power. A rare situation. It is just a question of how kind I should be. I can make out like a bandit and actually feel i can make out too well. I know that sounds white knight but i am not that white knight. I actually need to be able to talk to someone about it. It is a legitimate tough call. I have zero divorce stress, i mean zero. I only have the stress of deciding what to do as simple as how much of a break to cut her.

Yes my children are adults, but in todays world far from being able to stand on their own feet. She has to take that burden, i can’t, i am just too occupied with travel and company work.

Let the good times roll

[BlakeGuyParticipant 287]

heh but for sure thanks for all the replies, each one is a legitimate thought engager and as i sit here having a beer i can take some time to think about this, thanks to you guys.

Let the good times roll

[BlakeGuyParticipant 287]

Good advice from everyone and I also forgot to add you don’t know what she has planned up her sleeve with her crafty lawyer.

So this one i will use a lawyer to made sure I am covered. It is interesting. Sure I will learn a lot about the process over the next month or two. My starting point is to get her to table her position vs a zero base position from my lawyer and see what the difference is. I wont rush any decisions. Then I have to find out if i can stop her from future moves, but if you guys are right, I cant stop her from future moves. If i do give her something, then i need to find out if that something can remain part of the calculation if she goes after my earning growth in a couple of years.

Let the good times roll

[BeerParticipant 11832]

I’d give her as little as legally possible. If the tables were turned and you felt like she had the upper hand, do you honestly think she’d be giving you more than the minimum she could get away with?

[RhinoParticipant 3477]

Do as you wish you asked for advice we gave it the great thing about MGTOW is you can listen or not choice is up to you. You may think you are in control but this is your life we are talking about don’t take it lightly. You sound like you already won a game that hasn’t even been played yet your hubris will be your downfall if you continue with this mentality but again do as you wish.

Ask any divorced guy on here what their outcome was and 90% will tell you they got divorced raped. I think I remember reading only two stories where one guy got off with mediation and another guy got full custody of kids and he was able to keep his house. Those are very low odds but if you think you are in that 10% group to win you know your situation better than us. Either way good luck and let us know how it goes.

[BlakeGuyParticipant 287]

He Rhino, (and all) I appreciate it, really, what i am reading is that there are unknowns and consequences of these unknowns that will p~~~ me off mightily and I should keep every square meter of ground that i have.

I will also be blunt with her saying if she makes it a battle she will get a battle. I will have the lawyer understand this as well; that i am prepared to give her a hand but only of the process is clean. If her counsel elects a dirty, aggressive or time consuming approach, then i will just sit back, hide behind the lawyer and let the games occur.

I am pretty sure if i tell her to play nice then she will not play nice, if i tell her that being aggressive will hurt her, then she will be aggressive, if she is aggressive and mean, then cool, really, i can sit back and just defend and enjoy the day. I know if she does this, she will end up being bitter for the rest of her life. Me personally i am easy, it is just another business deal, I prefer to have her remain happy and even happy to give her money to help her stay happy. But if she wants a fight well then that is as easy as can be.

My kids are fully able to observe our behaviors and see it for themselves. It might cost twice as much in legal fees but will result in a better financial deal for me.

Funny, i did not even want to get a lawyer, i just said, we can do this deal ourselves, no problem, all just numbers and the charts are available on line anyway. But she got a lawyer and her lawyer insists I do, so i have one now and after spending a couple of hours there i can see that i owe her little. That i am happy to give her 5 to 10 times what my lawyer says i owe her. So yeah she can have that if she is nice i do not care. But if she fights then i can sit back and keep what i would offer in my pocket. She can go through a very emotional process if she wants too, but me i wont get upset, no f~~~ing way. If she wars i go behind lawyer, if she is polite i will help her.

I do not want my kids seeing a war, but yeah according to all of you i am dreaming, so i will take that as solid advice and expect a war and start the process stacking my chairs as high as i can on my side of the camp. If she plays nice, and accepts my willingness to help her out, then we can have a smooth process. If she wars then she can expect a lot of blood and it wont be my blood, it will be her blood and sadly the kids will have more stress than is necessary.

I will go forward thinking about you every step of the way, so Rhino, Beer, May 7 2020, Kowalski, Jack Harper, bstoffers, charles in charge, thank you so much.

May 7th – if you do make it into the big smoke then i am happy to buy you a few rounds.

Let the good times roll

[I am SpartacusParticipant 164]

I’ve never seen a separation not end up in divorce.

"I am Spartacus!", said Spartacus.................and everyone around him.

[Xavier MaloryParticipant 65]

Rhino wrote:

Your children are adults, she is an adult, you don’t need to cut anyone a break period.

I agree wholeheartedly. If you really want to help your kids out, set aside money for them exclusively. Better yet, put it into a trust! Your ex doesn’t need an ounce of pity from you over ADULT offspring.

The trouble with "Facts" and "Opinions" is the average idiot thinks they're synonyms.

[CombatRollParticipant 2594]

DO NOT CUT HER A BREAK! If the shoe were on the other foot, would she cut you a break?

How about “Break it off in her”? Thats the only break she should get.

[narwhalParticipant]

Do not let the government require you to give her any more money then you have to. If you want to give more money with the idea that it could prevent her taking you back to court, then discuss that with him.

We are talking about a contract, a legal document. It’s business and should be treated as such. Use your lawyer. Part of his job is to talk to her and her lawyer on your behalf, because he isn’t swayed by any manipulation. You are subject to it, even if you think you’re not.

And do not listen to whatever she says she believes is fair. When a woman says it’s fair, she only means she thinks she deserves it, she has no concern for what you get out of the deal.

Look at it this way, even you do want to give charity to her, you don’t want that as a legal obligation, it should be your choice to do after the divorce is final.

Ok. Then do it.

[MarathonManParticipant 77]

Good luck Blake! I’ll be looking on with great interest…

I’m in a slightly different position – but still stand to gain much much more financially from divorce and separation than my wife does. Its only really when I analyse all the figures and crunch the numbers that I realise quite how much of my income has been lost in ‘wife tax’ over the years and getting free of that burden will mean even if I’m asset stripped in the process the income increase will mean I could rebuild very quickly.

That being said – I, like you, am very conscious of how any actions will be perceived by my kids. I dont want them to see me as the guy who destroyed their mother. I tried to find ways of negotiating arrangements to make sure she could stay in our old house and have bent over backwards with ideas that would leave me very financially disadvantaged. She keeps turning those ideas away and I fear I may have to end up going with a default position of ‘sell & split’. The longer this limbo of not getting it sorted continues, the harder I’m becoming and the more likely it seems an acrimonious outcome will be the result.

I’m lucky that around here there’s no such thing as ‘alimony’. I’d have to pay a small amount of ongoing child support with 50/50 care and a slight disparity in income, but apart from that once assets are split thats it there’s no comeback for more for her.

That being said – its probably time I spoke with a lawyer again and started to line up my ducks… the idea of trying to get it all sorted between us and just use the lawyer to document and file the consent orders, is looking more and more like fantasy!

Unlike others here (who I respect are coming at it from their experience in their location with their legal system) – I dont think men getting screwed by the legal system is a certainty and I still like to have a bit of faith that it ought to be possible to untie a marriage without giving 80% to the lawyers to argue with each other and increase the misery.

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