Divorce never ends

[narwhalParticipant]

So I got a text from my ex today that really set me off.  Before I get into that though, I think a little background info is in order.  I’ve been divorced for about 6 years now.  My 2 kids are son and daugther, 10 and 8.  We’ll call them R and S respectively.  My ex stepson is 14, he’s G, and I am still a part of my life.  I don’t pay child support for him, but I do treat him like he’s my son or nephew when I get to see him.    I am pretty civil terms with my ex.  My ex has remarried to man with 3 kids, 1 of them just turning 16.

R, my son will be starting junior high and will be playing saxophone in the school band.  He also take ju jitsiu (JJ) classes.

So here’s the text conversation:

Her: Can we talk about this saxophone thing when you have a moment?  I think you said it’s $50 a month [rental fee].  We [her and husband] are paying the $125 a month for JJ, so I was wondering if we could go in half for both.  The JJ and sax would be $87.50 each month.  It’s a large expense and we [she and husband again] need a break, but he doesn’t want to quit JJ ever.  It’s a good thing, but we have a kid in a car now [step daughter who turn sixteen] so it’s harder on us.

I don’t care about ‘we’ or ‘us’, it is her responsibility to pay for our child’s expenses.  And mentioning the car payments for stepchild really set me off.   I have no concern for that whatsoever.  But I reply calmly.

Me: I think my regular child support payments cover these expenses.

FYI, I pay over 1,700 in child support payments each month.

Her: Your child support payments cover basic living expenses, food, safety patrol, garden club, school pictures, school dances, t-shirts for each of these things, school lunches, contributions to school parties, kids clothes/shoes which are constantly changing.  The cost of JJ and saxophone are going over or I wouldn’t ask.  I won’t be able to do either anymore without help.  Not being ugly.  It’s just the truth that your payments do not cover it all, and many divorced couples split extracurricular activities.

I cannot believe all that she listed cost over 1700 a month, and am sure I am paying a big chuck of her mortgage and car payment as well.  The comment about not being able to pay for either is a bold face lie or she is really bad at math.  I don’t give a crap what others  that are divorced do, and just you have 1 friend that owns her ex does not mean I show take your crap either.  And notice the switch in guilt tactic since the first obviously failed.  Besides I do pay for extra things when I chose to, basically because it’s things I want for my children that she chose not to pay for.  But again, I stay calm.

Me: No.  I’m sure you will find a way.  I will continue to pay for things I chose to pay for above and beyond the regular child support.

Her:  No.  I have been trying to find a way.  That’s why I cam to you.  I haven’t been able to put S in extracurriculars and R in JJ at the same time. Regu…[jumbled mess that I didn’t understand] I think that is what you are supposed to do, so I’m not sure that’s “above and beyond”.  And if you are talking abo…[more jumbled mess]  And I can’t afford to keep him in everything he’s in, either.  It’s great that you pay for your kids other then G, but please don’t pay for him.  I was only asking for a reasonable and fair amount to help for something he loves the most.

No further response from me.  She is lying about not having S & R in activities at the same time.  Garden club is for S, and S used to take horseback riding lessons.  She made up that stuff about what I’m supposed to do, never heard that before    And he’s using G for more guilt, although the time and money I spend on G has always been about he and I, nothing to do with her.  And last, more guilt about what R can’t do because I won’t pay more…never mind the 1700+ of my money the she has to spend already.

Bottom line is that I can and  will pay for what my kids need as I see fit.  If she won’t pay, they I will.  I already figured I’d be paying for the sax rent anyway.  I will NOT be guilt-ed into it however and certainly based on this fluff.  I will not tell her how to spend money and I will not be told how to spend mine.   She is not the type to tell her son that I refuse to pay and use him against me.  If she does, I will tell him that I’ll always take care of him, but I will never give in to guilt, and neither should he.

 

Ok. Then do it.

[Smitty the Great OneParticipant 1535]

you are an excellent scubasteve, and we have 2 of you here at these forums….

Life is too long to play by someone elses rules....

[mgtow_85Participant 752]

You are paying child support in the same f~~~ing amount that I make in my take-home pay.

And women are wondering why I won’t marry THEM.

Seriously??? She’s f~~~ing REMARRIED, you’re still paying $1700 a month, in which case, 90 percent of the money goes into her purse and her new hubby’s wallet for THEMSELVES, and she’s p~~~ed that you won’t contribute MORE money for some f~~~ing saxophone rental fee that you never agreed to have your kid do in the first place?

This reminds me of the story where a guy gets divorced from his wife, and within the next 20 years, he has become a multimillionaire, so the f~~~ing c~~~ tries to take him to court because she wants half of his CURRENT salary, and apparently, the alimony and divorce settlements from 20 years earlier wasn’t as adequate as they could be now. She’s p~~~ed because her ex dragged himself out of the financial muck and made something of himself enough to get rich from it, and that she isn’t still married to him because she wants that money for herself.

Divorce NEVER DOES END. I don’t think it is ever completely finalized. If you survive from it financially and start to get on your feet again, she takes you back to court for a new and MORE EXPENSIVE settlement. It’s like she will always know the amount of money in your bank account. Once it gets out of the red and into the black, “I better call the courts and set a new date so I can get some more money out of this selfish bastard! How DARE he try to make more money for himself!? Apparently, I didn’t ruin him enough!”

Tell your ex-wife bitch that she’s getting all the money that the child support entitles her to, and not a f~~~ing penny more. If she tries to go to court to get the amount raised, it’ll just put her into the red by the court and legal fees alone and Junior will have to give up the saxophone. I wonder how she’ll take it once your kids begin reaching legal age, and the payments begin to drop off? Sounds like she’s pretty dependent on the $1700 a month you’re paying instead of just what her new catch happens to make.

[Smacktalk73Participant 296]

What we really need to do is SHARE this information with the world. You know how females complain that they don’t hear how much other people make at work, so they get paid less? Well, men who aren’t married DO NOT KNOW how badly married men get screwed in divorce/custody/child support. If they knew, I then MGTOW would grow a lot faster.

Keymaster, maybe we should have a forum area expresly dedicated  bad child support and divorce arrangements?  This is the area where men get screwed the worst. We really need to get out as much info as possible on it.

 

 

 

[narwhalParticipant]

My apologies for not updating this sooner.  I do have an update now though.

My ex has not brought up this topic with me again, and we have had a talked briefly in exchanging the kids again.  I found out from my son on Wednesday that his money told him that he could keep doing jujitsu, but that she could not afford to pay for the sax rental.   Of coursed, this p~~~ed me off.

I did nothing until a few minutes ago.  Sent her a pleasant email, basically stated that I heard, that I don’t believe she is unable to pay for the rental fees out of child support payments, and that I am rather concerned that she will not pay for their expense as the increase in the future.  I said I was going to pay for the rental fees because she will not, but there should be know expectation that I will and am able to pay for other expenses.

I politely told her that her reasons why I should pay were crap.   I don’t care what other people do, and I don’t care about her other expenses (and she shouldn’t care about mine).    This is probably going to get worse before it gets better, but I refuse to give in or let my kids suffer.  I’ll stick with the truth on this.

FYI, my ex doesn’t know bank account at all.  The child support money is based on my salary at the time of the divorce.  I’m sure she believes I make more. She is unlikely to ask for more any time soon because she knows she will have to pay legal fees (while I probably won’t) and that I will make her life much more difficult if she does.  Besides, even though I do make more, I don’t make that much more, and get  large bonuses every year.  But because it’s not guaranteed income, she wouldn’t be able to touch it anyway.  She wouldn’t be able to get much more.   She is much better off leaving well enough alone.

I don’t really care what she does after the kids turn 18.

And yes, what happens in divorce is a very good reason not to get married.

 

 

 

 

 

Ok. Then do it.

[Joel75Participant 14]

You are absolutely right divorce never ends.  I have a 19 and 17 year old.  My ex is also remarried and she wants me to pay child support for my 17 year old after she turns 18 because she is going to college.  I think this is very unfair my father did not pay for my college and on top of that my two children have had nothing to do with me for 3 years now because I don’t make enough money for them even though I have been paying child support for over 9 years.  I think if a child wants nothing to do with their father then after 18 I think that child support should end. At 18 you are considered an adult in this country you are legal you can going the military you can die for our country why should I be forced to pay child support?

I got a divorce and thought that my life would get better but in many ways it has not.  Also how is it right for fair for fathers to pay child support and yet their children can tell them to go get f~~~ed and not see them.  FYI I was and still am a good father I never verbally abused them, or sexually abused them, or treated them unfairly.  I changed diapers, coached their little league teams, cooked for them, spent time with them, and so on.  But the minute another man comes in that makes more money and can do more for them then F~~~ you!?  Really?!

[RoyDalParticipant]

And yes, what happens in divorce is a very good reason not to get married….

I agree.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[Anonymous 42]

Joel75 wrote:

But the minute another man comes in that makes more money and can do more for them then F~~~ you!? Really?!

@joel75 you hit the nail directly on the head! Really! The reality of these monkey branch grabbing gynocentric narcissistic females is to utilize men as a disposable unit. This is the sickness that feminism has indoctrinated into the minds of females. With women now being like that, who needs enemies? Abort women before they ever have the chance to abort you. I’ve seen too much abuse and heartless neglect to ever trust these indoctrinated women. They are toxic to men.

[DeepInThoughtParticipant 2710]

Smacktalk73 wrote:

Well, men who aren’t married DO NOT KNOW how badly married men get screwed in divorce/custody/child support. If they knew, I then MGTOW would grow a lot faster.

Oh I have seen it first hand with close mates that have gone through this. I was their support and emotional network and have seen a couple of the manliest, toughest guys I know reduced to rubble from this. It is awful.

narwhal wrote:

My ex has remarried to man with 3 kids

Seriously, wtf do divorced guys with kids get remarried and redo all this s~~~ over again? Are they that f~~~ing mad or truly pathetic mangina’s pretending to display “real man” behavior? It’s f~~~ing madness.. Power of the pussy!

Joel75 wrote:

But the minute another man comes in that makes more money and can do more for them then F~~~ you!?  Really?!

Yep! And as i said in the forum on “Biggest Lie a Woman Has Told You?” I wrote when they say “I don’t care about money, i have my own, I just want to be happy.” IS THE BIGGEST F~~~ING LIE EVER!

[BlazzoParticipant 8]

Joel75 wrote:

You are absolutely right divorce never ends. I have a 19 and 17 year old. My ex is also remarried and she wants me to pay child support for my 17 year old after she turns 18 because she is going to college. I think this is very unfair my father did not pay for my college and on top of that my two children have had nothing to do with me for 3 years now because I don’t make enough money for them even though I have been paying child support for over 9 years. I think if a child wants nothing to do with their father then after 18 I think that child support should end. At 18 you are considered an adult in this country you are legal you can going the military you can die for our country why should I be forced to pay child support? I got a divorce and thought that my life would get better but in many ways it has not. Also how is it right for fair for fathers to pay child support and yet their children can tell them to go get f~~~ed and not see them. FYI I was and still am a good father I never verbally abused them, or sexually abused them, or treated them unfairly. I changed diapers, coached their little league teams, cooked for them, spent time with them, and so on. But the minute another man comes in that makes more money and can do more for them then F~~~ you!? Really?!

 

If your kids haven’t been a part of your life for the past 3 years I would not pay a single penny beyond what you are FORCED through Child support.

Child Support (what a crock of sh*t)  call it what it really is… money for your ex to spend how ever she see’s fit.

 

I have a shared parenting arrangement.  I get my kids 1/3rd of every month and on certain holiday’s in addition to those normal days.  She gets a significant amount each month from me and there is NO accounting mechanism to insure that the money is actually being spent on the kids.  Guess how much of that money was/is being set aside for college?  NOT A PENNY.    When my ex asked me about how much I was going to pay for my son’s college I told her  I have given you nearly $145,000.00  so far, how much of that did you put away for their education…. she was indignant… none of your business was the reply….

[Anonymous 9]

Reading this s~~~ gets my dander up. I’m feeling some negativity. As my marriage crumbled I tried to curb my wife’s spending. Using things like the children’s education for reasons to try to save. Her response was that nobody ever gave her anything. She could spend it faster than I could make it.

I never missed a child support payment and in fact made 2 years worth of extra payments to help pay off my son’s student loan. I did get off easy with $500.00 a month for both kids. My lawyer said it was a sweet heart of a deal.

Fast forward to present. She contacted me telling me she was going to ask my father to co sign a loan for my daughter for her last year of university. The ex was unable to do it as she was tapped out because she had car payments for a BRAND new vehicle. Boo hoo.I gave my daughter some $$. I refused to co sign a loan as that would have forced me back to work should she default. I probably wouldn’t have been able to get the loan as I don’t have full time employment.

I didn’t get any kind of tax deduction for the kids where she got 4K back as a tax refund one year.

I drive a 13 year old truck. I worked in northern Alberta in oil camps. 2 weeks in 1 week out normally, with the last couple of stints being 3 weeks in. When I got out I would stay at a friends ranch in an old house. No running water and a wood stove for heat. Let me tell you when it was -40 C I could tell in the morning the fire had gone out. I helped around the ranch for the week I was off. I managed to scrimp and save and put some cash away so I can live modestly without having to work full time. I could work full time but I figured for what. I don’t hear from my children much unless it is me who does the contacting. And….it f~~~ing hurts.

The females seem to always have an excuse to try to go back to the well. I have a suggestion. Get a part time job. Take some f~~~ing responsibility. Do something that builds your self esteem. I get sick of the woe is me I’m a single mother BS. Seems like they are the consummate victim.

Grrrrrrr.

It does seem like it never ends. Rant complete for the time being.

[Lazarus LongParticipant 365]

Scubasteve

It may be too late for this tactic now but if it was me in your situation I would pretend like you really want to help and then ask for copies of the last 3 paychecks for both her and her now husband and an itemized list of all expenses with receipts.

Tell her that you are in some financial straights but if you both work together you can find a way to cover it.

Then once you have the information go through and highlight all the s~~~ she is wasting money on and tell her to cut all that s~~~ out and that she can cover it and much more.

At the very least it might be entertaining to watch her melt down.

Willfully turning aside from the truth is treason to one's self. -Terry Goodkind

[narwhalParticipant]

I appreciate the suggestion and the well meaning thought, but I think that’s a horrible idea.  I do not want to pretend about anything.  She even told me she’d prefer it if I said something like “gee, I wish I could help but I can’t right now” , instead of “no”.    I told her I wasn’t going to lie to her.  I can.  I chose not to.   I’m not playing games.    Besides, I do not want to see her expenses.  Not my decisions, not my problem.  As well, I do not want her opinion on how I chose to spend money.

For you guys who shared your pain, I feel for you.  There is nothing remotely fair when it comes to child support.

This episode has come to an end now though, after a few emails back and forth.  The comments from her escalated to pretty ridiculous proportions, while I tried to focus and straightforward logic.    She tried to tell me what I was thinking (even though my actions and what I had told her contradicted what she just knew I was thinking).  She tried to shame me by saying that her new husband was paying for R’s jujitsu because he knew was important.  I asked her to elaborate on that further, what she was really trying to say, but I got no response.  She told me I was arrogant, which I honestly feel is a compliment.  She told me that she was concerned that I wasn’t going to pay for future car(s) and college for the kids.  I told her I would make my decisions on that when that time came.  (It is my money after all).

So over all, it ended well I think.  She didn’t get any extra money from me.  She’ll think twice about asking for money again, and will certainly show more respect next time.  I am rather glad she brought up cars and college.  I’m sure she thought those would be decisions she would be involved, even though I’d be the one financing them.

 

 

 

 

 

Ok. Then do it.

[narwhalParticipant]

Ok, bringing this back up again.  I was dropping the kids off Saturday morning and the buzz around her house was ‘mommy got her car upgraded!’.  She has an FJ Cruiser.  She got the tires upgraded with off road tires, got new black rims.  Apparently got a lift kit or something, some other minor stuff.

She’s probably expect some polite comment, but I say nothing.  All I’m thinking about is the next time she comes asking me for money and what argument she will give about what she thinks is ‘fair’.  Also wondering if she’s driving her new husband into debt, and how long before things going to s~~~ because of it.

I am a lucky man.

Ok. Then do it.

[Author]

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