death and awalt… For those in doubt

[GeraldParticipant 3620]

1/5/18
Flying on two very early flights this morning, this is a trip I don’t want to be on. I am flying to retrieve my wife’s remains.

Not only is that weighing on me, but the fact that sitting here, on the plane, with no desire to read my book, I opened my memo app on my iPad and found notes from when things were pretty dark between us. Our relationship was not good, and ended in a very bad place.

The notes reminded me of how deceitful and manipulative a woman can be. My wife began “being with” her first “friend” over a year ago. She indicated multiple times to me how they were just friends, and he was helping her while her and I were working through problems. Being the simp I was, and wanting to believe it, I suffered through four months, one visit from him and weeks upon weeks of separation. During that entire time I was constantly told he was impotent and I had nothing to worry about. He was a raging alcoholic (verified) and the impotency made sense with his war injuries.

That ended around February.

Since then she found a new ‘friend’ and now that I have been through his things that I secured in the house where they were living, after changing the locks, and went through much of her stuff… Much more to go… I can verify this “friend” was just as much of a raging alcoholic as well… And that they were intimate.

The blue pill simp in me wants to forget it and just go on… But since this site has opened my eyes to AWALT, I see more and more evidence of it every day.

This was a horrible way for this to end. The psychological damage will be with me for a while, as I have to deal with her estate and her remains, all while supporting my daughter (her biological daughter). I love the kid, so isn’t a problem (she is an adult anyway, having turned 18 a while ago).

For those who say… My woman isn’t like that… She is. If you ‘sense’ anything wrong, it is. Even the most non-confident, 5 out of 10 woman (and I am probably being generous there due to my goggles), with no prospects… Can find a loser who will take her on.

A) don’t be that loser
B) yes, your girl is like that, will never convince me different
C) do not co-habitate, do not marry, do not give up your sovereignty

This is a horrible process, and a horrible thing to go through and I don’t wish this on any man (ok maybe the two she was f~~~ing, but no others). Men, protect yourselves and focus on you. It is the only way forward.

Yes I am angry, yes this is testing the limits of my stoicism, and yes I want to run and hide in embarrassment, but I will not. I may still lose out fixing her estate, but that is one time, and not a lifetime. I know men, “it won’t happen to me”, was what I said as well. Guess what, it will.

YOU are the motive power in the world… Build, accomplish, enjoy… And don’t be like me.

No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.

[CarnageParticipant 22113]

Message received loud and clear.

Your ex? Sorry, that dead bitch.

Yes AWALT.

Do not shed a tear, she doesn’t deserve it.

To those following me, be careful, I just farted. Men those beans are killers.

[RomulusParticipant 4667]

If you ‘sense’ anything wrong, it is

I agree Gerald. I too knew long before I would admit it that something was wrong. My wife also had a “friend”. To this day the fact that I “knew” it and was so far down the rabbit hole with my simp behavior and believe system…….it bothers me.

At first I would try to rewrite the narrative in my head to make it out that I wasn’t such a stupid f~~~. I was trying to save the marriage. I think its best to trust your wife. I stayed for the kids.

No, I was a stupid f~~~ that thought serving on the pussy farm was the highest and most important thing I could do with my life.

The point is, it hurts brother…..but you are not alone. Growth often comes from pain, and I now look at things a bit differently. I accept what I was. I accept the internal shame that the way I acted at that time causes me. I grow.

I am no longer under the illusion that propelled me at that time.

I bought that freedom with my pain and humiliation, but its all mine.

I wish I could have the time back. I wish I had been less of an idiot. Stood up for myself like I feel a man should. Well, I didn’t back then and I cant do anything about that. But I do balance that with the notion that…….if I hadn’t gone through that baptism of fire, I would not have been reborn.

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

[HermitParticipant]

Romulus wrote:

I wish I could have the time back. I wish I had been less of an idiot. Stood up for myself like I feel a man should. Well, I didn’t back then and I cant do anything about that. But I do balance that with the notion that…….if I hadn’t gone through that baptism of fire, I would not have been reborn.

Yes, sometimes we have to burn to learn. Man, have I been burnt……….but never again.

The evil in women’s hearts leaves them no moral bounds as to inhibit them from descending to the lowest levels of darkness to acquire their self entitled desires.

[xanthineParticipant 4903]

Hang in there brother. Once all this is done, you get a clean slate. No child support, no vaginamony, no splitting your assets. You get to walk on as a new man. That is the rarest gift.

Her final gift to you was proving that you were right…and you are right, to feel the way you do. This will never happen to you again. You know better now.

Stay strong brother.

[Branched offParticipant 10929]

Death is both a revealer and a concealer. It can drive a man crazy trying to find the truth about a woman who dies suddenly. Some things come to light but then the one who has died is not there to explain them.

In the end at some point one needs to say “AWALT, it was not truly personal” While it is true that not all women are doing things behind their men’s backs, all women have the capacity to do so if circumstances and personalities combine to bring that out. It is human nature and we can’t escape that.

Don’t be too hard on yourself at a hard time Gerald. We all lose some times in life. Winners learn from their losses, the people I would call losers just keep making the same mistakes again and again. Someone who never loses badly is very very lucky but probably has no character to remark on as he has never been forced to look inside himself and has little to teach his friends.

A woman is like fire -fun to play with, can warm you through and cook your food, needs constant feeding, can burn you and consume all you own

[CombatRollParticipant 2594]

I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but shove those feelings in a corner where they can whither and die.

You were forsaken by a lying bitch. (sorry to speak ill of the dead).

Do not feel any guilt and do not feel any regret. You did nothing wrong.

Pull up your boots and get the estate settled. Take some of the inherited money and take a badass trip. You deserve it. You took the high road and trusted her and she lied. F~~~ it. Go to some kick ass place in Thailand and party like a rock star.

Be decadent for a bit and treat yourself and report back.

Cheers,
CR

[Anonymous 12]

You have done nothing wrong so no reason to run in embarrassment.

What you wish you had detected was the true nature of the beast.
earlier.
and acted in a more stark, direct, decisive manner.
This might appear to be a reason to be embarrassed. It is not. I believe you have a word for that: hindsight… when after the fact you discover the truth and tell yourself “i should have known”.

Call it a learning experience.
Confirmation of “not yours, only your turn…” in the ugliest manners i can imagine. nowhere to put your emotion, as the one person who should have known has gone.

Life is treating you with a spiked Baseball bat, and your suffering is hard to read.

Even a man of little imagination can picture you, standing in that room and finding… clues…
kneeling on the floor and the head in your hands, lost, confused, in all kinds of states.
Wandering around the home she lived in and wondering what the firetruck are you doing here… get me some Napalm imma burn this part of my life out.
out of this world and out of my soul.

I am sad for you and send you my thoughts.

But you are a Man. a Man takes care of himself, you know how to do that too.
So get it done, because you can.
And then leave that part of your story in a closed chapter, and keep on living.
Healing.
Distancing yourself from that Monster.

Not today?
Then tomorrow.

Bike.
Sunset.
New destination.
Yes.

[MonkParticipant 16988]

You were dead to her, long before.

And now after the night, the dawn.

[GeraldParticipant 3620]

More and more comes to light… And the darkness recedes and I see more clearly what was happening. I will post another synopsis with everything new…

No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.

[Jack HarperParticipant 2863]

Gerald,
I do feel bad for the emotional pain you are feeling; however, at the risk of sounding utterly cold this is frankly the best turn of events a man could hope for in this situation as far as I’m concerned.

[Anonymous 54]

I wish you strenght to finish this part of your journey.

Life often isnt one thing or another, but rather a sometimes bizzar combination of things.
See it through with the knowlage that you are good Man.

[CombatRollParticipant 2594]

@gerald

So how did she pass? Was it related to her unhealthy druggy lifestyle??

[Anonymous 12]

Jack Harper wrote:

…this is frankly the best turn of events a man could hope for in this situation as far as I’m concerned.

Can you imagine The Bad times he dodged… the bad times he dodged!!!
The Price is now, but at least This man gets to live his life without a monkey on his back, biting his neck and pulling a chain

[Author]

Posts