Dealing with a Narcissist

[Bronco164Participant 41]

Hey everyone. I was reading this article and I realized it related almost exactly to my most recent interaction romantically with a woman. I decided to tweak it to my own experiences and want to share it with you guys in hopes to at least help the purple pills from getting into a relationship like this. So here it goes:

Narcissism: “A pattern of traits and behaviors which signify infatuation and obsession with one’s self to the exclusion of all others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one’s gratification, dominance, and ambition.”
“‘I am in love with you’, I responded. she laughed the most beguiling and gentle laugh. ‘Of course you are,’ she replied. ‘I understand perfectly because I’m in love with myself. The fact that I’m not transfixed in front of the nearest mirror takes a great deal of self-control.’ It was my turn to laugh.” – Anne Rice, Blackwood Farm

My life with a Narcissist – A Personal Story
In the beginning, she was considerate, understanding, charming, suave, loving, and this is what “sucked” me in. I WAS IN LOVE – hook, line and sinker. The relationship was intense and romantic, and she wanted to spend most of her free time with me. She used cute plays on my name like “Mattakai” and “Mathias” (my name is Matthew). she told me that I was handsome and “just perfect”. She made me feel secure in the relationship and said things like, “she would always be there for me” – as if she was going nowhere. she kept telling me how much she loved me, and needed me, and that she had never met anyone like me. However, this was short-lived because after the “honeymoon” or “sucking in” stage, the tables turned. Why? Well, Narcissists love the “honeymoon” stage, where they can just have fun and not be responsible or accountable for anything. Nor do they have to deal with any real issues that are necessary to take the relationship to a deeper emotional level. she loved the romance, adoration, admiration and uplifting that I gave to her… and I think she thought she had found the one who would tolerate her weirdness without questioning it. In the beginning stages of our relationship, I never questioned anything because I loved her and completely trusted her. What I did not know at the time is that she did not have the ability, or willingness, to move past this stage of the relationship and that soon she would get bored. She groomed me and trained me up to be the perfect source of her narcissistic supply. Getting her attention and love made me very happy – so in reply, being her constant source of attention, sex, affection and nurturing was absolutely no problem for me at all, and in fact was very easy for me to do naturally. I loved her and I wanted her to be as happy as I was.
So what happened after the “honeymoon” stage? “Was it something I said?” I saw a change in her which resulted in a change in me. I was still her eager, willing, worthless, doting floor mat – but I started asking questions because things did not seem right later on in the relationship. I thought I was doing something wrong – that it was me that was the problem… I also felt that perhaps I had failed to do something that I should have done or said. Was it something I said? I would re-hash conversations over and over again in my head. For fear of losing the love of my life, I used to end up apologizing for something that was not my fault, and that I did not cause or create. In fact, often I did not even know why or what I was apologizing for, but I did it anyway because I did not want to lose her. Then I started to see a side of her that created so much confusion for me. With no valid reason, she started distancing herself from me, failing to keep arrangements that we had made. She seemed distracted and would make excuses. When I tried to establish what was going on, and told her I felt we needed to talk about things, she quickly distracted me by sidestepping the questions. (Narcs are brilliant at dodging questions that they do not want to answer, or in fact cannot answer, on important issues that affect you). One time after probing, she admitted that she had changed towards me, but offered no explanation or a valid reason why. She made me feel like I was going crazy, especially when I caught her out on a lie. I was still blaming myself for this wrong turn our relationship took, when everything was clearly on her. She lacked the heart and courage to progress our love.
Narcs are very subtle liars – they simply omit information and say things like, “You took it out of context” or, “I never said that”. A few more classic examples are, “You read into everything I say and hear things that are not even there” or, “The reason I never told you the truth is because you always react just like this”. One of my best was, “But I told you”, when we both know she never did! “She made me feel like I was insane and was suffering with short term memory loss” So yes, she made me feel like I was insane and was suffering with short term memory loss, and all this made me paranoid, distrustful of her, insecure, sad, out of control, fearful, drained, lethargic and vulnerable. Awful feelings to have, especially since I was never normally like that. she just became a lot of hard work and was high maintenance – I felt that she was not putting any effort into the relationship and that I had to do all the hard work to keep us together. The only thing I was 100% sure of during this devaluing stage, was that I loved her even more, (now that is insane, isn’t it?). And so I carried on like this, even though there were so many unanswered questions and concerns I had. Deep down I knew things were not right – but I could not put my finger on the exact problem though. She created smoke screens, and I so wanted to trust her. So I kept trying to “behave” and in the process I neglected my job, rarely met up with friends, began to slack off in school – my personality changed, (I became an introvert). And worst of all, I became complacent. It was okay to be ignored, it was okay for me to do things I would never normally do, it was okay for her not to call or to go out of her way for me, or it was okay for her to disappear from time to time, it was okay for her to forget plans we made. I also made up excuses for her in my mind to make myself feel better. I lied to myself that it was not her fault or that she has so much to deal with or that she has lots of stress. The bottom line here is that she conditioned me to accept her bad behavior, and not to question her or show how upset it made me that she did this to me – because she was “normal” and I was labeled the one with unreasonable demands. I ended up turning a blind eye and pretty much suffered alone. I allowed my boundaries to be bent – I allowed her to overstep the line. She once said to me, “I feel like I hurt you sometimes. Do you not feel hurt by what I say?” To which I answered, “No I don’t and it’s because I understand you and love you”. I was her perfect supply. What I found was that as long as I was submissive, made her life fun, praised her and gave her all the attention without expecting or demanding anything in return, things went well. The moment I started to express my dislike of something, disagreed with her or if I expressed my own opinion that may not have coincided with his, I became a threat to her perfect world of control. And this fact points clearly to what exactly happened. One week before the break-up, I met up with her after a few days of minimal contact from her. Once I arrived, I could tell something was wrong. She acted guarded and as if I had done something terrible, when I had honestly done nothing. You see, this is what narcissists do. They shift the blame to others because they couldn’t live with themselves if they felt like they’re the reason for something wrong. Long story short, we ended up talking to which she claimed “we just aren’t on the same page”. I reassured her everything was fine and of course I wanted to meet her every demand – so I played along and worked extra hard on making her happy. I bought her gifts, sent her love texts and even spiced one of our evenings by taking her out to a fancy shopping center relatively far from where we lived. None of that mattered, though…
That’s when she went “cold” on me, giving me the silent treatment. I was cut off and abandoned, (she ran away – disappeared) – which is the only way a Narc knows how to deal with this, and also her way of punishing you for non-compliance. With a Narc, it’s all about her – her day, her life, her ambitions, what she is doing or going to do. She feels she is entitled to constant attention without having to invest anything more into the relationship other than the initial time it took her to “suck you in.” Why? Because that’s what she wants, that’s what she expects. “She was looking for unconditional love, but was totally incapable of giving it back in return.” And the worst thing is that you have to tolerate her indiscretions and her unacceptable behavior if you want her to stay with you. Of course, this is an unrealistic game to play in the real world, and I started to realize that that was all it was to her – a game. To add to the confusion, she would say she loved me after our break up. She claimed I was the best boyfriend she’s ever been with (a very narcissistic thing to say, as if she rates all the guys she’s been with by a rubric – but I took it as a compliment), and went on to tell me how wonderful I am, but I figured out that it is not the kind of love normal people are familiar with. She was looking for unconditional love, but was totally incapable of giving it back in return. She wanted her needs met, but didn’t give a damn about what I needed. She loved the way I made her feel and she loved the way she made me feel – desperate and needy and stupid because that puts her in control. Which begs the question: “Does this mean she never loved me and never had any real feelings for me?” Of course she had real feelings for me, but they sure as hell were not love. After my research on Narcissists, I learned that they only love to the extent that they are able to love. I say this because love does not use people, love does not abuse people, love does not devalue people and most of all, love does not ABANDON people and toss them to the side like rubbish. I, (the dumpee), was devastated and emotionally I had been reduced to a mere “zombie” of my former self. I immediately started researching everything and anything on “relationships”, “men who just disappear”, “booty calls”, “will she come back to me”, “no contact”, “how long would I have to wait”, “what must I do”, etc. Every day I learned something new – but the articles, although very valuable and informative, just didn’t quite fit her profile and/or our situation in its entirety.
It was at that point that I realized, “wow, my ex-girlfriend is a narcissist.” And then I felt a lot better knowing that I won. She saved me a life of torment. I was relieved to be out of such a horrible, toxic relationship knowing very well that this person who I absolutely adored – she never felt the same way. She only gave the illusion she felt the same way in order to feed her selfish and egotistical views. I know the next poor guy that runs along and gets caught in the same trap I did will suffer the same fate. And I feel so sorry for that guy, but the one thing I do know is that… I’m free. She can’t have everything she wants, and she wanted me to be her slave. Not anymore.

You get what you put in. Unless, of course, you’re dealing with a narcissist… -Bronco164

You get what you put in. Unless, of course, you’re dealing with a narcissist…

[experiencedParticipant]

First! Sorry you had to go through all of that brother. I am truly glad that you are here at MGTOW.

Your situation reminds me of:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miss_Havisham

AND:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Estella_(Great_Expectations)

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[RoyDalParticipant]

experienced wrote:

First! Sorry you had to go through all of that brother. I am truly glad that you are here at MGTOW.

Your situation reminds me of:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miss_Havisham

AND:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Estella_(Great_Expectations)

Says it for me!

You will find narcissistic sociopaths at the top and upper-middle of every organization chart, be it politics, business, police, and military. Either avoid these toxic persons, or pretend you are going along to get along. I recommend the former, as soon as you can set up your personal finances to do so.

EDIT: That quote came out looking funny. I think there’s a bug in the software. I’m putting it in italics to make it clear who and what I’m quoting.

EDIT the second: Now it looks right. Oh well, that’s the computer biz.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[Bronco164Participant 41]

Haha, I agree man. And that computer stuff is my niche! B.S. in Computer Science, almost done!!! I hope the head organizer for this MGTOW website see’s this and hires me as I.T. 🙂

You get what you put in. Unless, of course, you’re dealing with a narcissist…

[WorkhardParticipant 343]

Oh man, Bronco 164, you pretty much described my 8 year relations~~~. Did we date the same girl? I can totally agree with you on so many of the things you mentioned. Nothing made me more mad and upset than her blaming me for things that SHE had done wrong.

So many days I would meet up with her after not seeing her for a week and she would be so cold upon seeing me, as if the sight of me alone made her mad as hell, wanting to start a fight over absolutely nothing at all. She just wanted to fight and nothing I could do or say would cheer her up. She was always calling me an asshole and I took it for so long but I guess I sort of did eventually turn into a mild asshole because the more she pulled s~~~ like this I would try my best to put her in her place, that or just walk away entirely.

I know exactly what you mean when you say that you felt like something was wrong with you. Truth is there isn’t it was all her. Nothing in this world would have made her happy. Nothing.

Sounds like your honeymoon phase lasted longer than mine. Mine was maybe a month at most and then things went directly to s~~~…jealousy, controlling, manipulative. I could go on and on but you know exactly what I’m talking about. Isn’t it such a relief that we don’t have to do that anymore? That we see that it’s not normal or acceptable? It was never love on her end, it was just about what I could do for HER, what I could give HER, there was never any reciprocity. So glad it’s over. If you ever start forgetting how s~~~ty things were with her then just remember this quote someone else on here used “never lose sight of what brought your here.” That brings you back to reality pretty quick.

Anyways, let some other Chad have her, more than likely she’ll never be happy and he sure as HELL won’t.

[Greg HondaParticipant 6406]

@bronco & Workhard,

Me too. It was hard reading the OP as it brought back bad memories. Mine lasted over 10 years on and off. Ashamed I had so little respect for myself to allow this. When I finally woke up to the deception my best years were over, (or it felt like it). My salvation was drug fuelled Hedonism where I lived for myself and my nights out. I replaced the Love High with the Amphetamine / Extacy High, Good swap.

My view of women afterwards was poisoned. Some women suffered who didn’t deserve to. I was just sure I wasn’t going to suffer again.

I like many others on here, am a survivour. I wasn’t meant to be a slave. If I can’t have a partnership of equals I choose no partnership at all.

These people, Men and Women, poison our need to love. They steal from us.

I wonder what fate awaits them?

It's Time to get Wise

[Chaff/FlareParticipant 3235]

Holy s~~~! Was she a 5.4 Cuban chick with herpes and a mole on her left foot?

When you find yourself in the majority, it's time to reflect.

[Jack HarperParticipant 2863]

Hey, Bronco. Welcome. I went through a similar situation with my ex-wife. Between dating and marriage we were together for nearly 13 years. When she threw me away it was devastating and has taken me years to recover. Talking with a friend about it he is the one who asked specific questions about her and based on his own experience told me my ex was NPD (his own mother was NPD and his childhood was HELL). Anyway, as you have done I did a lot of research and reading anecdotal stories and listening to the stories of survivors shared on YouTube. They are incredibly destructive and it is disheartening knowing that there are real life Vampires like this out there. And what is worse from what I’ve read nearly all girls have some degree of narcissistic traits now with the advent of social media. Things are getting worse.

[ApexScorpionParticipant 602]

As stated above and in the replies, I can directly relate. Different face, different body….but the same mind.

When you become codependent, and she does a sudden switch, something inside you changes, personality wise.

I remember being so light hearted in my last relationship, but after the honeymoon s~~~, boy did things go dark. I couldn’t even hide it on my face. She knew. Things were never the same. You can’t hide the pain of discomfort, confusion, and disappointment.

Be glad it happened this way.

….Other women can wait 30 years and 3 kids later.

You will push past this with a new sense of self and awareness that is too great for any woman to penetrate. Protect yourself. No woman won’t.

[Anonymous 5]

Welcome bronco!I had the same emotional beat downs too she would be so controlling it made me hate myself even though she started fights and yelling at me for no reason I was so alone I was always left out on gatherings .

[bigboy83Participant 11312]

Look up Top 10 signs of a Psychopath, they all relate to women.

Blaming others, Check
Liars, Check
Cheaters, Check
Manipulators, Check
Self-centered, Check
No Sympathy towards others, Check

Well you get the point…..

Shit Tested, Cunt Approved.

[Jack HarperParticipant 2863]

bigboy83 wrote:

Look up Top 10 signs of a Psychopath, they all relate to women.

Blaming others, Check
Liars, Check
Cheaters, Check
Manipulators, Check
Self-centered, Check
No Sympathy towards others, Check

Well you get the point…..

NPD is a form of psychopathy

[NotaFoolParticipant 134]

First thing is this, I’m sorry for all of the hurtful, painful, living awake nightmare that narcissistic women put us through. They are not human. They are some genetic mutation from the alien race that propagated mans existence on Earth. That’s my thought. I say that because they all, this goes for male and female narcissists, they all use the same tactics, they have no empathy towards other humans, they don’t care what they say or do to get the fuel or supply they need to exist. They say the same exact lies and react the same exact ways as other narcs when they’ve never met another. Why don’t they meet each other and ruin their own race? They can’t. They meet another narcissist and they know there is nothing for them to feed on, they don’t have emotions for their vampire needs and they refuse to fight with anyone who knows their game. Because they cannot lose. They cannot and will not give in, admit to any wrong doing or apologize even when caught in the act or shown actual evidence and proof of their wrong doings. They will turn things around and make you the bad person and use anything they can to ruin your life, your career, your reputation and your mental being. There is very little humanity in them. What little bit they show is only from what they learned as children to get through childhood without being singled out early on. If you noticed, narcissists have a limited amount of adult traits. Their thoughts and their actions and reactions and their choices are all the same as a child between the ages of about five or six up to about age twelve or thirteen at the most. For example – a five year old will sneak into the kitchen and eat the chocolate cake that wasn’t supposed to be eaten until dessert tonight. But, the child is so selfish and doesn’t care or has no knowledge of how consequences happen. They don’t have a grasp on how their actions cause and affect other things and people. So the child eats a piece of the cake. The mother walks in the kitchen sees the cake with a piece missing and calls for the child to ask what happened to the cake. The parent knowing that there is no one else at home and there are no siblings, and that the child who still has chocolate frosting on her face around her mouth is guilty. But asks anyway and the child denies eating the cake. No matter what that kid swears they didn’t do it. Sometimes they do that from fear of punishment of they’ve been abused. But, they learn that most of the time the parent will say okay and let it go so the narcissistic personality is awoke thinking that they can do anything and lie and get away with it. That carries over to adulthood. Especially with women because they can do no wrong and if they do get caught they can cry or scream rape or tell everyone you are a stalker or abusing her and everyone takes her word for it.
They are little kids mentally in adult bodies and they will stop at nothing to get what they want. They will lie to your face that they didn’t f~~~ the guy pulling up his pants in your living room while she has cum on her face just like the chocolate frosting from when she was a little girl and she will never admit to anything ever. The smallest arguement that she or he is going to lose, no matter how small or insignificant, they will without thinking twice, destroy a relationship, your life and stop at nothing to make sure that they never have to admit guilt or fault. I’ve been the victim of exactly that situation. And it is like being awake in the most unbelievable, nightmare ever. She did things and said things that made absolutely no sense and made the worst choices possible that made things worse than it should ever have been, on purpose rather than just saying sorry or I won’t do that again or I didn’t mean to hurt you. She would rather throw away over two years of being best friends and more because I confronted her with lies that were just way too much to let go. There is only so much that anyone should be allowed to get away with. Had I known it would turn into what it did and that it would turn her into the monster that she became and the endless Hell on Earth she put me through I would never have confronted her. I would have walked away and that’s the advice any psychologist or psychiatric professional will tell you first thing when discussion is about narcissistic people. If you see the signs run away as fast and as far away as possible from that person. When every mental health professional starts off saying that about someone, you better do what they say.

" if women didn't exist , all the money in the world would have no meaning" Aristotle Onassis "Women are like Elephants, everyone wants to look at them but, nobody wants to have one" W.C. Fields

[TheFreeManMGTOWParticipant 119]

I can relate to this. I wasn’t dating or married to a narcissist but I was mad for one and it lasted many years.

I consider it the reason I am MGTOW today. The emotional trauma of dealing with a woman like this really damaged me inside.

I learnt the hard way that the woman I wanted to love didn’t exist in reality. I saw just a fake mask she wore and fell into her trap.

I consider myself lucky I didn’t get too deeply involved but the lessons I learnt will help me avoid evil parasites like them.

Their mantra must be – it is all about me!

The problem I see with women today is they have been conditioned to be more narcissistic than ever before. Impossible to have a healthy relationship with them. Avoid as much as possible. Run away as quickly as you can.

[Author]

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