Cutting the Family Loose

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

It’s a long story I won’t go into here but a few years back my mother “invited” me to leave the family saying she no longer felt any kind of relationship was worthwhile.

So far as I can remember, it was because I had a package delivered to her house while I was there for the holidays and the doorbell woke up her dog.

In any case, I politely packed up my s~~~ and left and haven’t spoken to her or my spineless wimp of a henpecked father since. I did, however maintain a relationship with my uncle and aunt for a while. After about six months of pressure from my mother, my uncle stopped speaking with me. I bid good riddance to another pussy of a man in my family but my aunt hung in there for another three years.

I’m pretty sure she stayed in contact with me either as a spy for my mother or to p~~~ my mother off (probably a little of both) but nevertheless we maintained contact up until last month when this went down.

I had been planning to drive to Arizona to visit her, her husband and their daughters and grandkids and had finally settled on a weekend where we would all be free. It just so happens that I have a friend who also has family in the area and was going to have them ride along with me. So I emailed my aunt and told her that “we” would be there on Friday afternoon and she exploded.

“How dare you bring someone else to my home without my permission? Where are you staying? Who is this person to you? I can’t believe you would be so rude as to bring someone else with you to a family meeting!” and so forth.

This from the woman who brings her husband and their friends with them every time they come to Las Vegas and I have to deal with these strangers if I want to have lunch with them.

In any case, I wrote her an email back and said, briefly:

1) I know you don’t want me as a guest in your home so I already made other arrangements.
2) Your insistence that family meetings are for family only is bulls~~~, citation provided.
3) I don’t need your conditional acceptance. You, your brother and your sister have been nothing but cost, effort and heartache for me and I’m over it. As of this point, you can go f~~~ yourself… the whole lot of you.

I am sure she was shocked by how easy it is for me to say such things but, as you all know, the most powerful thing you can say to someone when they try to pull bulls~~~ in your life is “no”.

I never much cared for Phoenix anyway. Now I don’t have to go there ever again.

[Jan SobieskiParticipant 28791]

I have no family. I am alone. By my choice.

I live alone, I will die alone.

Oh well.

Love is just alimony waiting to happen. Visit mgtow.com.

[Anonymous 1]

Awesome job doc…I feel you. My family tried to hold a merger inheritense above my head told them they can have it.

If we want to see someone it is cause we want to.

But if you want supoort jan you know where to come for advice

[Anonymous 42]

Damn Doc, that was COLD, nine iron to the head kind of email!

I’m damn PROUD OF YOU! FKN HOLE IN ONE! Double standard belittling bulls~~~!

Phoenix AZ, isn’t that where the lawns are made of plastic?

[EinherjarParticipant 608]

Good to hear that you that you stood your ground Doc, and did not budge when your were faced with undeserved shaming language. It proves that you have a firm grasp on your own limits, and that you are not afraid to prove your point by walking away. It is not many whom can show such a strength when it come to ones own family.

Cheers, and hopefully you might find the coming days easier now that such negativity has been cut away.

The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal - Aristotle (384 - 322 BC)

[HitmanParticipant]

Family sucks.
Good riddance.

[PistolPeteParticipant 27143]

I’m in the same boat—live alone, always have always will. My family disowned me decades ago–I was the black sheep of the family because I had a thing for guns. My old man was a 20 year army vet but hated firearms of any kind and NO it was not because of anything combat related. He never saw combat he was a career paper/desk guy so go figure.

Frankly I think I’m better off—solitude teaches self sufficiency and self awareness.

[PistolPeteParticipant 27143]

I should point out there are opportunity costs. When my old man finally croaked he left me $1.

[Anonymous 42]

PistolPete wrote:

Frankly I think I’m better off—solitude teaches self sufficiency and self awareness.

Teaches you to not f~~~ up! To watch your step, or it may be your last…

[RusskyParticipant 13503]

I don’t have much family, but immediate family – mom and brother – I do value very much.
But we never had any conflict between us
I’m trying to teach my daughter that blood family is your most important people, and that maintaining trust is very important by lying as little as possible. Not sure if it will stick, but I really believe that. I can’t imagine any situation where any immediate members of my family will have to be alienated or cut loose, but I’m guessing I’m lucky like that

proud carrier of the 'why?' chromosome

[Nathan R. JessepParticipant 1102]

Stargazer wrote:

It’s a long story I won’t go into here but a few years back my mother “invited” me to leave the family saying she no longer felt any kind of relationship was worthwhile.

I feel you’re leaving out a lot in this story. What led up to this?

[Nathan R. JessepParticipant 1102]

Stargazer wrote:

It just so happens that I have a friend who also has family in the area and was going to have them ride along with me. So I emailed my aunt and told her that “we” would be there on Friday afternoon and she exploded.

Pretty rude if you ask me. I wouldn’t be happy if a relative just assumed they could bring a random friend to a family event.

[experiencedParticipant]

“Cutting the Family Loose”
Nothing wrong with calling evil… evil.
They wanted you, by their actions and expectations, to “call” evil… good.
When a family consistently proves itself to be, dysfunctional at you, it’s time to eject.
You did good, IMO.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[experiencedParticipant]

If you’d said, “I’m bringing my bride”, Auntie would’ve said, “How dare you not have invited us to the wedding.”

Sounds like Auntie and the rest of them are big on slamming the shaming button.

Family get togethers that consist of “she/he who takes the offensive first wins” are nothing but life draining experiences.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[NerevarParticipant 8040]

I’m glad my family is really chill. I hardly see them anymore, but we’re all good. My nephew (Americans would say cousin because he’s the son of my uncle) comes by every now and then for chats and games (videogames, but also Magic the Gathering, that one great card game) and we have a good time for 3 or 4 hours until I’m out of energy. I go for dinner at my parents each week as they live a 10 minute walk away from me, but other than that nobody bothers me.

"One of the best things internet exposed is just how insane women are." - Freeman_K

[AwakenedParticipant 35202]

The older I get, the more I come to appreciate that the whole “family thing” is over rated. Just because you happen to share some DNA with these people, many think that you have to let them treat you how they wish because they are “family”. Really, why do these people get a pass in the behavior department that you wouldn’t grant to your closest friends ? Is it just so you can all sit around a turkey once a year making awkward conversation all the while trying to come up with an excuse to get the f~~~ out of there as soon as the pumpkin pie is down your throat?

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

Nathan R. Jessep wrote:

I feel you’re leaving out a lot in this story. What led up to this?

Yeah, I am. The jist of it is that I was put up for adoption as an infant because my mother was catholic and got knocked up while f~~~ing around on her husband. She “gave me up” and hid it from the family so that she could keep her five year old daughter.

Fast forward 43 years later: she and my father (whom she married three years after having me) find me and want me to come to meet them. They throw a huge family party to invite everyone to meet me and THEN I find out that not only has she never told anyone I existed but that she didn’t tell them why they were coming to the party. I was to be a surprise.

So far as I can understand, she just wanted to use me to show the family how much she had suffered and sacrificed at their hands. Feh, I’m not interested in that so I go to the party but I tell everyone the whole story as I meet them… and to make matters worse, I’m not the lost little boy she was hoping for me to be, damaged and needy because my life sucked without her, but a grown-ass man doing pretty damned good for myself and quite happy to be doing my own thing my own way.

Six months later she trumped up some “you’re just here for our money and bone marrow” story and kicked me out of the family. The rest, as they say, is history.

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

And here, for the record, is the full text of the email I sent to my aunt… in case anyone is interested.

—

So here’s the deal… I already know you don’t like having me as a houseguest so I had no intention of staying at your place, regardless. I learned that lesson the first time. I wouldn’t even bother coming by if you’d prefer. I’m flexible and understanding like that.

As for this idea that one doesn’t plan a visit with someone then bring someone else along, I’ll remind you of the time you guys were here and invited me to lunch and brought your friend with you who I ended up spending more time talking to than the two of you.

And the time you showed up with Mike and Ann [my uncle and his wife] and didn’t tell me until it was too late.

But then again, you guys don’t come here to see me, do you? You come to play and eat and spending an hour with me is just a checkbox. That’s fine, I’ve never complained… I’ve been happy that you made the effort to include me in your plans which you by no means are obligated to do.

Having said that, I was planning to go out of my way to come and see you and Joe and the girls. It so happens I have taken on the responsibility of helping out a friend at the moment and that I felt it would be fun to bring them along and maybe let them meet my family. I don’t expect you to understand it or give a s~~~ about it and I’m sorry if the though of having that thrust upon you is offensive.

But let’s be clear about this… I’m not interested in seeing you if there are going to be conditions. I’m not allowed to bring someone with me? That’s the kind of bulls~~~ Mary [my mother] pulls and it’s selfish and rude and nobody likes it. If I have a kid or are between jobs or am dying of cancer, so long as I’m not trying to make it your problem, you should be damn well happy to see me… that’s the only thing that should matter. But apparently that’s not the case.

The next time I happen to be in the Phoenix area for my own purposes, I may offer to let you have lunch with me. In fact, forget that. How about you just go f~~~ yourself and we can be done with it here and now. The whole bunch of you have been nothing but time, energy, expense and heartbreak to me and I don’t need that, you or your conditional acceptance in my life.

[RusskyParticipant 13503]

wow. that’s cold. But they had it coming, absolutely

proud carrier of the 'why?' chromosome

[AwakenedParticipant 35202]

Stargazer wrote:

The whole bunch of you have been nothing but time, energy, expense and heartbreak to me and I don’t need that, you or your conditional acceptance in my life.

Done.

Move On.

It sounds to me like you were MUCH better off before being dragged into this toxic family. There is no need to miss this bunch, and in time you will be grateful that they no longer take up any place in your head.

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[Author]

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