Sup, fellas. I’m new here and want to tell my story about how I came to find MGTOW. Maybe some of you will it useful.
It’s been almost a year now that my last girlfriend and I officially split. There’s nothing particularly interesting to say about the relationship, just the usual realizations that “I love you” really means “Keep doing things for me” and that all those gut feelings were a more subtle intelligence seeing the truth (not just insecurity). With these revelations came the usual bitterness and depression, but this time (the third time) was different. This time I looked back at the previous 8 years of my life that I spent mostly bitter and depressed about s~~~ty relationships, and decided “No. I’m gonna let this bury me.”
Jumping back in time for a second, when I was 16 I studied philosophy under a male yoga teacher for 3 years. When I say yoga I don’t mean the western representation of it as an exotic, “spiritual” way for women to get a nice ass and a strong sense of self righteousness (I’ve been practicing yoga since I was 11, so I take issue with its misrepresentation); what I’m talking about is the philosophical discipline. Yoga has been defined in the Bhagavad Gita as “skill in action”. All this is important, because without this education in critical thinking and practice in perspective shifting I don’t think I’d be the healthy contented person I am today.
So, after my most recent relationship had officially ended and I was alone feeling like I’d wasted the past several months on an energy leech, and all my recent good memories were ruined by the reality that I was the only one who had placed any value in the alliance, that’s when recognized the position I was in. Not a good place. Tears and anger had gotten me nowhere in the past. In fact, all that did in the previous 8 years was distract me from my pursuit of enlightenment and further entrench me in bitterness. Some self-analysis was in order. I decided to pick up the densest philosophy text in my library: Vasistha’s Yoga. Over 700 pages of a conversation between a sage and his distressed pupil. I began reading it intensely, and, like taking a hot shower washes away grime, reading the wisdom in my hands was instant relief.
The funny thing about truth is that even though it sets you free and can improve your life in every way, it is completely neutral. What did I read about that made me so relieved? Personal responsibility. Madness, right? Sure, when something bad happens to you it’s easy to play the victim, but by doing so you not only do away with the burden of responsibility, but also the power to rectify your own disposition. I accepted my role in what had transpired and analyzed my failures. Chief among them was my misplacement of value. What logic is there in conditioning one’s satisfaction upon anything external to oneself? You only create a rigid expectation that can be smashed without warning. A quote I like from Vasistha’s Yoga is: “The yogi knows that it is one’s own mentality that turns sweet things into bitter things, and friends into enemies and vice versa. In the same way, by changing the angle of vision and by persistent practice one can develop the taste for the study of scriptures and for japa, etc, which were uninteresting earlier. For these qualities are not in the objects, but only in one’s own thinking.”
This wisdom has brought me not only back onto the path of responsibility and self improvement, but on a path of understanding. I notice a lot of people have stayed angry at their exes and used that anger to justify the their dismissal of all women. I wanna tell you that that’s not necessary. Empathy is not altruistic. It wasn’t until I accepted the role I have in the way I perceive events in my life and came to understand that even though my ex did have an effect on me, her actions were completely beyond my control, that I was able to look at her point of view without anger. Through empathy and a realistic outlook I was able to forgive her. I didn’t tell her I forgave her, or anything like that; I just forgave her. I have no more feelings of entitlement to her affection or approval. Likewise, I expect nothing of other women, or people in general. I enjoy as much as I can and let go of that which does not want to stay.
Focus on yourselves, guys. Yes, society is structured poorly for your desires, but even if it wasn’t, it could change in an instant. Perspective is your only true means to contented living. Everything else is a bonus.
It’s past my bedtime, so I’m not checking this for errors. Hopefully it’s fine as is. Night!
RoyDal 4 years, 9 months ago.
