Confession time

[Old CurmudgeonParticipant 31]

Sorry for the long post, but it’s a long story. I’ve had a great deal of time in the past 25 years or so to reflect on my mistakes. There have been PLENTY.

After being used as my step-father’s sexual plaything for most of my childhood, I naturally wondered if I’d ever be “normal” and have a girlfriend or get married. The first thing I did, as soon as I was able, was to move away from home. I liked being alone but was too screwed up to know how to approach a woman that I “fancied”. Eventually I saw a woman who I found very attractive at the cafeteria. It’s hard to describe after all this time, but I *had* to break out of my shell and introduce myself. I was shaking like a leaf and sweating profusely – but I did it. My co-workers made fun of me because the woman was an ethnic minority. It made no difference to me because I was so determined to keep seeing her.

I lost my virginity soon after and became more comfortable around women. Fast forward a couple of years and I had a new job in an office with quite a few women. One of them hit on me pretty hard and since I wasn’t involved with anyone else at the time, I thought “what the hell, go for it”. BIG mistake. She had a hidden agenda which became obvious when she invited me to her apartment. She had “forgotten” to mention that she already had a kid. Like the inexperienced idiot I was back then I got too involved with her and knocked her up. Then she had me – and she knew it. We got married and had our first major fight that night. She had her piece of paper and didn’t care anymore what happened to me. She suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder and seemed to relish making my life hell. I stuck with her though, until four and a half years later I couldn’t take any more. I suffered from frequent, excruciatingly painful migraines and she flushed my meds down the toilet. I left her and our two kids (I don’t count the one she already had – it was mutual hatred at first sight) and set about getting a divorce. Her BPD led her to write often two letters a day (no phone or internet in those days) and usually one would be begging me to come home and the other would be threatening me with physical violence either from herself or her family. I saw my kids only infrequently because of the danger in seeing her. She tried to get me fired from my new job by telling my boss that I was drug addict and thief.

Too soon after, I got involved with another woman who, I was convinced, was the complete opposite of my ex. Another big mistake. She was also a single mom with a daughter who I adored – and still do. We moved to North America because most of her family is here, and I was desperate to get as far away from my ex as possible. We’re still married after 41 years, but the last 25 of those have been hell. I eventually wised up and realized that this wife was exactly the same as wife #1. Same BPD, same attitude etc. We were separated for seven and a half years (take it off the 41 if you like!) during the marriage so that I could deal with all the damage my step-father had done. My wife wasn’t very sympathetic about the abuse so leaving was best for me. The years we were separated were the closest to happiness that I’ve ever been. I had a series of lovers during that time, but nothing lasting. I briefly moved in with a woman from my home country, but she started cheating on me almost immediately and her BF knocked her up. I moved away as soon as I found out. Since I had nowhere to go I moved back in with wife #2. Biggest mistake of my life! I had already felt for a long time that I was just a pocket to be picked and I was right.

I am now 69, in failing health and have been hospitalized five times in the last six months. Not for mental problems either! After thirty odd years of therapy I now have my head more-or-less straight. I can look back on my life and see it more objectively than before. I lost almost everything in the divorce rape, even though we only had/have a separation agreement. I saw the panic in her eyes when the ambulance carted me off to the ER every time. It’s magical how BPD disappears when she knows that her meal ticket might die!

I’m retired now. I have no friends – she scared off the last male friend I had by falsely accusing him of trying to get me to leave her. I’ve been able to make contact with my kids from my first marriage but the relationship with my son is strained. I get on well with my daughter. My ex died in 2005 from a heart attack, so at least I didn’t have to deal with her. I have six grandchildren now and I love them all, so I won’t say that my life has been entirely wasted. I would very much like to go full monk but I’m still attracted to women. I am now wise enough to see the pitfalls of long term relationships and would avoid them at all costs.

Trouble is, I can’t go on living this way. When I was told, in hospital, that most of my physical problems are stress related, I knew that I had to leave. I can’t figure out how to do it though. I don’t have much money and that which I do have will have to last me the rest of my life. I don’t really have anything that I can sell – other than the 11 year old car that I drive, and I’m not selling that. Being on this website has helped me enormously. I’m not alone. Many of you have had it worse than I have. I’m still trying to reconcile my attraction to women while knowing what I know about them now.

TL,DR: Women aren’t really worth the trouble. I found that out too late in life.

[CPT ObviousParticipant 2729]

Helluva of story. And women are a helluva drug that will fnck your life up.

I don’t have any advice … you are in a tough spot. But thank you for sharing your story.

"You don't know a woman till you have met her in divorce court."

[StealthParticipant 5335]

I’ve been with a BPD for five years and yes they are crazy. Constant duplicity between needing your presence and fearing your abandonment, and at the same time just using you as a whipping post.
My ex wife of ten years did not die; that would have made it a whole lot easier.

Textbook answer is to cut off all contact with crazy. As you say, this can be easier said than done, especially if you’ve mixed genes with them.

The good news is, as someone once said, “A man has 24 chances a day to start his life over.” You can make different decisions at any time; no one is holding you back from that except yourself.

"Once you’ve taken care of the basics, there’s very little in this world for which your life is worth deferring." -David Hansson. "It’s not when women are mean or nasty that anything is out of the ordinary. It’s when they are NICE to you that you have to be on high alert..." -Jackinov.

[Anonymous 3]

There was one guy in the same position as you that resorted to robbing a bank and getting arrested, so that he could get away from his wife.

It didn’t work tho. As soon as the gynosystem learned why he did it they did the very worst thing they could: they sentenced him to house arrest.

Can you imagine a guy trying to escape his wife ending up locked up with her??

My advice: pretend that you lost you mind and stop talking to her. Just stare with a blank expression. Go for long walks at a very slow pace, at least near your house.

Or get out and enjoy life. Buy an old trailer and travel. Sit on the side of roads selling fruit or something (just as an excuse to be there and talk to people). Better yet, sell hotdogs with that trailer.

And last, get off women! Didn’t you have enough trouble already?

[Gravel PitParticipant]

Youre always welcome to come talk with us Curmudgeon. There are many guys here, even some in your same situation practically. We squabble a little here but we mostly laugh alot.

[ChristopherParticipant 2478]

As Stealth says cut off contact with crazy is a good plan (if you are physically able to). I like Manfreds suggestion of buying a trailer or a caravan to sleep in and hook it to your car.

Talk to a solicitor to see what your best options are ..ask what would likely happen financially in your specific situation if you divorced – would pumpkin definitely get the house.. could the house be sold would that give you some cash to buy a good mobile home or trailer or would divorce make your situation worse etc

If moving away from the house first make a checklist of the things you need – take some time to plan – keep your plan to yourself – dont leave the caravan at the house – access to a doctor etc – save or on the day take what money you can legally and the items you need – then one day load it up when your wife is not there – and just go.

Life can get better or worse in an instant. Medical negligence is one if the biggest causes of death, my niece had her health ruined after a vaccination side effect, people get injured in car accidents..etc
Get out and go somewhere new it might give you a new lease of life and optimism.

Find a good ayurvedic doctor or a naturopath for your health – can be a better option than pharmaceuticals.
I wish you the best. Pray to God everyday – even if you dont believe – the process can give you strength.

Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready

[Branched offParticipant 10929]

I am sorry to hear your story Curmudgeon. I think the only resource that is really your own now is your health. Doctors like to prescribe interventions of one sort or an other like drugs or surgery. These are very good at combatting problems but they don’t build health. They are often bad for our health, just worse for the illness. While I would never advocate abandoning the doctors, particularly if you are ill, I would advocate looking at ways you can boost your own health. These usually start with diet (and possibly fasting), particularly looking at gut health.

Anyway good luck. I hope one day you can throw her off.

A woman is like fire -fun to play with, can warm you through and cook your food, needs constant feeding, can burn you and consume all you own

[MonkParticipant 16988]

Old Curmudgeon wrote:

I would very much like to go full monk but I’m still attracted to women. I am now wise enough to see the pitfalls of long term relationships and would avoid them at all costs.

At 69, you should certainly go monk.

Trouble is, I can’t go on living this way. When I was told, in hospital, that most of my physical problems are stress related, I knew that I had to leave.

There you have it. Leave or die.

I can’t figure out how to do it though. I don’t have much money and that which I do have will have to last me the rest of my life.

As Christopher has said, get legal advice. Once you know your options you can start making decisions. One thing is clear though – if this continues, she will kill you, one way or the other.

If leaving altogether is not an option, could the house be divided into two separate apartments?

[iMickey503Participant 12465]

I don’t get how a single woman can get a free house and $$$ every month, and you have to suffer? Are you in good enough health to spend your days elsewhere?

Have your tried the VFW or Veteran hang outs? Even getting a job at some place just being a greeter is not a bad gig man. And you get to get away from the home life for a bit. You also could do some things as Mercy corps, or the Salvation Army.

You got to get away from there brother. And the more you stay away, the better your life will be. See if you can be a Christian missionary. You get to be away for a long time. And they pay a bit of money to you for stuff you can buy or need.

The big thing is to get your health back on track. But please, post more often here. And maybe start making videos and post them on Bitchute or Youtube. You meet many good people out there. And its good to showcase some of the things you know. It keeps the mind fresh.

You are all alone. If you have been falsely accused of RAPE, DV, PLEASE let all men know about the people who did this. http://register-her.net/web/guest/home

[Old CurmudgeonParticipant 31]

Monk (thanks for the reply, man) suggested that I get legal advice. It was doing that that alerted me to the loss of my dower rights. My separation agreement was dated 1991. I’ve been living with her again since 1994 and assumed that the agreement would become void after living here for three years, which is the minimum here for common law relationships. I thought I was covered either way – we weren’t divorced and we had been cohabiting for over three years. No dice – agreement still in effect.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, I was told that there was no way of getting my dower rights back unless wifey applies to the court on my behalf. That ain’t goin’ to happen. Women don’t give s~~~ like this back – they want it all.

I asked another lawyer if I would have to pay alimony after a divorce and she said “Of course; do you want me to calculate it for you?” I told her not to bother since, whatever it was, I couldn’t afford it.

On the plus side (wait – there is one?!) the house is 1 1/2 stories. She lives on the main floor and I live upstairs. We sometimes don’t see each other for days, which is fine with me. I’II probably continue like this until one of us dies. The survivor gets everything material and the deceased gets freedom.

[MonkParticipant 16988]

Old Curmudgeon wrote:

As if that wasn’t bad enough, I was told that there was no way of getting my dower rights back unless wifey applies to the court on my behalf. That ain’t goin’ to happen. Women don’t give s~~~ like this back – they want it all.

It doesn’t help you now, but there’s a lesson there for our lurkers – get out, and once out, stay out.

On the plus side the house is 1 1/2 stories. She lives on the main floor and I live upstairs. We sometimes don’t see each other for days, which is fine with me.

As per my previous. You might make further ‘improvements’ to the property which basically mean that it is divided into two separate apartments.

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