Was thinking about Tunnelers topic on the Bromance and it brought back thoughts to a toxic friendship I had with a college friend. I met my friend at the hospital we were both doing work at prior to going to college and we had the same major.
We would spend the summer taking gross anatomy in a town close by before returning home to continue with our studies. He was married, 8 years older and my parents thought he would be a good roommate while I was away temporarily as I had never been out on my own. He was charismatic and the women loved him. I admit I looked up to him.
Things went bad right from the beginning, we had class and the first weekend he piled a bunch of beer Friday night and went out with friends from a local college, I told him ” dude this is a hard class we need to take advantage of our weekends to study and stay ahead.” He said “ill study tomorrow.” Also why don’t you relax and get a girlfriend.” He came in drunk the next morning and slept all day. He repeated the cycle the next day, slept through the day wasted study time.
Continued the cycle for several weeks…
Then one day he doesn’t show up for class, not at our apartment, misses lab, you don’t miss this class unless you are on your deathbed. I call him no answer. A day goes by I call his wife, she has not heard from him, worried for him, he finally shows up. He yells at me about how he was stuck in a town close by and his truck broke down and I should not have called his wife. I yelled back and told him I was concerned. Later found out he was f~~~ing around with some redhead.
We don’t talk much the next few weeks, He’s failing the class and finally straightens up the last few weeks gets a Tudor to help and barely passes the class.
We go back home and start taking classes for our major and we reconnect because our classmates are primarily women and the are toxic as all get out. I’ll still never forget the look one of our short female professors gave him when he commented on her foot stand, the f~~~er did have b~~~~ despite his issues, not much common sense though.
Later after graduation, he is seeking a job and ask me to give him a recommendation, he seems to have straightened himself out. I get a call from the head of his future employer, we chat about my friend and the gentleman ask me if I would like to interview as well, I tell him I am just helping a friend and colleague. Right or wrong I did not feel comfortable trying to take the job from any man I said I would help, that may be white nighting in a manner but so be it. Truth be told this place was my dream job but I was helping with my ill father and dealing with my own demons.
My friend got the job I was happy for him and his wife. Time passes and 1 year later an opportunity comes up for me to join and I jump on it. I love this place I work and continue to work there 15 years later.
The man I am replacing is cool and helps me out a lot but has concerns about my friend. My new colleagues ask me about my friend, they suspect he is drinking on the job and he is not getting his work done. I talk to him and ask him what’s going on, he deflects and blames others. I ask him if he is getting his work done and he answers matterfactly ” the bare minimum.”
My father is dying from Huntington’s disease, I have moved back in with my parents and I’m trying to keep him from committing sucide and I don’t have the will to deal with my friends problems. My boss comes to me and tells me people smell alcohol on his breath and he has to let him go, I tell him I understand.
My friend blames me for him losing his job as does his wife, they had just adopted a child. I blamed myself at the time.
We talk once over the next two years none since. He and his wife divorced, he later marries a red head ( not sure if it’s the same one he saw while we were in school, don’t care)
A month ago I saw his ex wife and we talked and she said she had not heard from him in many years and they were worried that drugs and alcohol continued to be a problem and he as not working.
Why do I bring this up?
I think it is important for you young men who might be introverted, terrible with talking to women, have no social skills but are going your own way to see the other side. My friend was a total Chad, who could charm a woman into bed in 5 minutes, he was tall good looking, full head of hair. You may be the neck bearded, living in your mamas basement type that we are accused of being or you may be Brad Pitt lookalike living it up, it doesn’t matter. No matter what you are better than Chad.
Look at my friend above, he is Chad, stop being envious of Chad. You need to think of the long game, which is you and what you want.
"what a waste of a life, to marry, give up your freedom, just for the hope of not dying alone. Don't get married Son."
Frank V. 2 years, 7 months ago.
