Catharsis!

[Mr_WhiteParticipant 48]

Greetings All.

Let me begin by saying that stumbling across this site recently caused one of those rare epiphany-like, liberating moments in my life. I’ve never written down anything remotely like what follows; and certainly not as an intro to the very few online forums I’ve joined over the years. I’m a 49 yr old professional male who-after 18 yrs of marriage-has been nibbling at the red pill for the past 7 since my divorce. In the past few days I’ve swallowed the last of it, largely as a result of discovering this site and MGTOW in general.

Blue collar background, neither of my parents went past high school, and my upbringing was relatively normal and rural. My first long term relationship began in my late teens and ended 4 yrs later with the gf cheating then leaving me for the dude. In retrospect good riddance (she was a tramp but being in “love” I chose not to see it… ’nuff said). I hooked up with a stunner by anyone’s measure almost immediately afterwards while in college and ultimately ended up with the two kids, minivan, house, etc. I should say that I’ve ridden bikes since I was a kid and until we had our own she would ride with me. After our first she stopped but didn’t try to force me to, at least directly… During those years I was working two jobs while still doing my part as the contemporary male; half of the housekeeping duties (though I admittedly enjoyed the cooking and was always better at it) and spending most weekends doing her choice of home renovation projects. Two or three times a year I would “be allowed” go on an overnight ride with the guys though during the time between I was constantly reminded of how good I had it, being able to own a bike when there were so many higher priorities (read: keeping up with the Jones’) and how thankful I should be for being able to have these two or three opportunities a year.

We began to grow apart after about 10 yrs but it happened slowly, mostly as a result of me finally seeing the futility of the urban rat race. I had landed a stable job by then (while she furthered her education), and life was comfortable-not luxurious but comfortably middle class. This is when I began to notice the “never enough” mentality in her. Happiness was always “after we get this done…” and I began to realize that it was never actually going to be all done. She also began to drink more, but more on that later. After our second child she turned completely frigid, though even before that the sex had been steadily decreasing in frequency (we all know about this…). After more than a year of no sex whatsoever she found my small (and very vanilla) porn stash, and proceeded to display her true crazy. Packed up and went to her parent’s saying we were done (yes really…) but shortly thereafter took stock of her position and backed off, telling me to just do whatever with whoever I want (sexually), as long as she didn’t hear about she didn’t care. After another year of no sex I did satisfy that urge with someone else, once, but felt guilty for years after… By this time we were pretty much living separate lives apart from parenting-her weekends were mostly spent clubbing with her gfs or if she was home, drinking to excess. Whenever we would argue she would tell me how unhappy she was and why were we bothering still being together, after which I would apologize in the interest of keeping the family unit together. Eventually however I just broke; she came home drunk and obnoxious one night and I told her that if you’re so unhappy with me let’s just end this so you don’t have to be so miserable.

Typical separation/divorce BS though I didn’t get f~~~ed in the ass too badly at first. Only after she realized how difficult it was to go it on her own did it get ugly. That said I never missed a single support payment. The way things went can be summed up with the following example. I took on carrying the “matrimonial home” myself to reduce the stress on my kids; keeping familiarity and close to school etc. while she was able to buy another house; my support payments literally covered her mortgage payment (and then some). When my kids were older and both out of grade school I sold the house to downsize. Her parents had covered up front costs of braces for my oldest and we agreed that when I received my next tax refund I would reimburse. Though when she found out I had sold and bought a smaller place I promptly received a “bill” for nearly 3 grand, most of which was “interest” based on a clause in our domestic agreement. It was a standard template and I didn’t think she would actually ever use it-lesson learned… and a major red pill moment. No such thing as a friendly agreement. This is just one example with which to paint the picture in broad strokes. During this time she also had a bf move in with her, wait for it… a bartender at one of the clubs she frequented “before” we split… I could go on but i won’t. As the saying goes, “you just can’t make this stuff up…”

To shorten a longer story she gradually alienated both of our kids through alcohol abuse and lack of actually parenting. Both of my daughters now live with me full time, the youngest a year from finishing high school and the oldest just about to move out on her own. She refuses to sign an amended agreement reflecting this, and I receive small, sporadic support payments which I don’t even bother asking for now-it’s not worth the aggravation of having to communicate with her. She’s now on her second wallet after me, living with him while renting out her own house. On the few occasions that I do see her, the desperate attempt to hide a full on wall hit does provide a little bit of smug satisfaction.

I’ll save my more recent relationship experiences for another post, suffice to say it’s been a slow but steady transition from blue to red. In the last few years I’ve purchased both the car and bike that I wanted, and i have a room in my new place that is devoted to nothing but my vinyl collection and listening to music. I got back into sport/target shooting after a very long absence, have been building a modest relevant collection, and took up another supporting hobby that I am certain has saved my sanity-reloading. I can’t explain how much I get out of this! A combination of metallurgy, chemistry, ballistics, physics; all requiring lots of reading and meticulous attention to detail. And as someone who works with computers daily, the sheer pleasure of a purely “analog” hobby is indescribable. For exercising those little ocd tendencies it also provides satisfaction beyond compare (auto correct tried to use Beyoncé instead of beyond; wtf is that about!?). No way in hell I could have taken up this particular hobby in the past… It also provides a near endless requirement for reading/research, of which I also do much more of these days.

Just writing this has been cathartic. Truly liberating. I’ve only scratched the surface of the wealth of information here, and i look forward to reading as close to every post possible and sharing my own thoughts and experiences. I have lots to say about everything related to MGTOW, having largely been living this way without awareness of a wider developing philosophy. I already feel at home and understood here, before even posting this. I have a lot so say and now a safe place to say it. Thank you all, and I look forward to contributing.

Mr. White

PS Lest it be misunderstood in any way, my handle is in reference to the Harvey Keitel character, and one of the great guy flicks IMO (were there any women in that film?)

Let go or be dragged -Zen proverb

[RoyDalParticipant]

Welcome! I’m glad you found us!

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[Blue SkiesParticipant 15665]

great story.
welcome pal!
i’m glad you found the path to freedom
enjoy the website and the forums
cheers–

MGTOW is not a movement, it is a way of life.

[AlacParticipant 18]

Welcome to reality dood! I, and probably everyone else here, know how you feel. I gotta say, massive congrats on being dad of the year brother. I know what it’s like being the only adult in the house who actually “parents,” and three of those kids weren’t even mine! I don’t have any full custody to boast about though, so I won’t lie, I’m a bit envious of you, but I got heavy respect bro.
Also, “Beyonce??” LOL. I think your computer needs a smack upside the head.

My philosophy on women: You can talk to, argue with, or even attempt to reason with a brick wall. But at the end of the day, it's just gonna go ahead and keep on being a brick wall. So you can either continue wasting your energy, talking to something that ain't even listening to you, or you can save your breath, stop wasting your damn time, and just bounce the occasional ball off it.

[Binary LogicParticipant 2351]

Sup Mr. White. Glad you could make it. Welcome. In reading your post I found that I too had experienced much of what you had.. almost word for word in some instances. Funny I suppose, how that works sometimes.You’ll find that just about each and every one of us how found ourselves in the same such circumstances. After awhile, you’ll think you’re reading a re-hash of your own entry. Well, as you can tell, there is a plethora of knowledge here. So much so, I doubt one can ever get through all of it in one lifetime. ..

I’ll echo Alac by saying congrats on being dad of the year and surviving your personal tempest. It aint’ easy by and standard. And bike you say? Ugh, how I can’t wait to get back to that glory. My last bike was a Suzuki B-king (1300cc standard).. but being how I’m kind of getting up there in age, I’m strongly considering a V-Max or H2R (the H2R for when I’m feeling… particularly daring). Regardless of what I chose, I guess the old saying holds some truth..”Those that ride rarely need a psychologist, for they’ve found their medicine…”

Anyhow, enough of my mindless dribble. Glad to have you… Steaks on the grill and beers in the cooler… enjoy.

Funny, isn't it? How women thrive on a mans time, attention and resources, while simultaneously telling him he isn't enough...

[Anonymous 42]

Welcome Mr. White, glad you stepped off the marry’go’round and got your balance back! There’s nothing more liberating than getting away from a female that’s not putting out! That’s a sure sign it’s time to dissolve that relations~~~!

Having a woman around that’s not being a woman is ridiculous!

[Anonymous 0]

Welcome home, Mr White
Jump in and enjoy. You have already helped guys that come after you with your heartfelt intro. I ride a Kawasaki Custom 900 and in the next few years will switch to a trike. I will be 67 then and won’t be ready to park it. Next year a high school friend and I are going on the Route 66 ride. Look forward to your posts.

[Mr_WhiteParticipant 48]

Thanks for the welcome all. Yeah I currently have a 2014 HD Night Rod Special; had a bagger before this one and Hondas, BMW, Triumph Speed Triple, and others. Always seem to come back to the HDs though. Will post pics in the fun stuff forum soon.

Let go or be dragged -Zen proverb

[Rat_Rod_RussellParticipant 93]

BAWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! That’s good, I’m keeping that one.

[quote quote=221051]
H2R (the H2R for when I’m feeling… particularly daring).

The H2R is supposed to be a really easy bike to ride thanks to the cam choice and the supercharger. Power like a ZX14 and balance like a ZX10 or R1 even for when you’re doing more than a straight line.

Mr_White wrote:

Yeah I currently have a 2014 HD Night Rod Special; had a bagger before this one and Hondas, BMW, Triumph Speed Triple, and others. Always seem to come back to the HDs though. Will post pics in the fun stuff forum soon.

Triumphs! Triples! The Song of My People!
I’ve got a 955i Daytona and 2 955 Sprint ST’s that are become one epic touring bike at the moment. My father was a HD guy until I put him on a Victory. Now he’ll tell everyone who will hold still how bad ass that bike was. It was too heavy for his age, broken leg and riding style so it got sold recently. So I picked up a wrecked Aprilia RSVR V-Twin to make a 450lbs very low slung 140 HP 12K-RPM bobber out of.

Also just picked a Walther PPQ to start some target practices of my own. I also know exactly where your coming from about something like ballistics and its multi discipline skill sets keeping your mind sharp and occupied. I do hot rods and race cars for the same reason. The money is crap but my mind, body and soul love it.

Glad to have you in good company.
-Russell

[RigParticipant 52]

Welcome Mr_White.
I tend to read most intros. The worst part for me is the similarity. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling that your story is “typical” in any case. But the behaviour of women… they are all like that. I’m from central Europe and my experiences are just the same (although a lot smaller). They have the same issues here, “never enough”, “you are lucky to have some freedom”, etc.

[Author]

Posts