….no wait, wrong intro…..sorry, here goes:
Gentlemen: I am a man.
A flawed, formerly blue-pilled-dumb-ass man. One who is very thankful for all of you, your experiences, and most importantly the painful lessons you’ve all selflessly shared. I’ve been lurking for a bit, always with the same thought running through my mind, “DAMN IT!!! I knew it!!! I wasn’t crazy….I’m not alone!”. For that, my sincerest gratitude.
What brought me here?
The red pill was really a very slow IV drip over my adult years. There were always aspects of western societies feminist hypocrisy which always drove me nuts. Yet I was a white knight, the (too) nice guy, a willing drone for whatever damsel would grace me with some attention and (maybe) validation. A former nerd with low self-esteem but a hard-on that wouldn’t quit. I would see the outright criminality of our legal system destroying men in divorces, while believing there was the right NAWALT woman who was my equal. I would observe the double standards in the workplace where women could get away with murder and lower standards, while simultaneously buying into the narrative that I was an honorable breadwinner and good provider & protector for my family. There is more. Much more, however at this point it’s preaching to the choir. I feel like a retarded man-child eagerly & excitedly explaining to Stephen Hawking that ‘there are planets out there, man!’. Where patiently, after a few minutes his mechanical voice responds in it’s well known Speak-n-spellish way, “Get. Out …Now”.
Regardless, as time progressed I was having trouble reconciling my observations with the blue pill conditioning until at last I reached a tipping point. The blue pill universe simply crumpled to the floor like a tissue paper evening gown at a JayZ concert. The IV bag was drained, and it rained red pills as if fired from an A-10’s Gatling gun. Not just in the realm of women, but of politics, philosophy and religion. You know when you build a large jigsaw puzzle over time? It starts slow. Then aspects of the picture start to emerge (and it gets faster) and those last few dozen pieces make EVERYTHING fall into place. That excitement! The realizations you suspected and were so close to now materializing before your eyes! Followed by the perfunctory and singular statement in one’s own mental voice, “I am a dumb f~~~”. But no more (dear God, I hope not anyway).
Captain Ahab’s Resume
Immediately after college I married my girlfriend. She was only the second person I’d had sex with and thought, “Yes! I’m in love and I’m good enough, smart enough and she likes me!” (Stuart Smalley’s voice of course). Well, six months in I realized the monumental mistake I’d made. This white whale just wanted to punch the perfect-marriage checkbox on her to-do list in order to impress others around her while she focused on her career, grad school and everything else except her husband. I was nowhere near being a priority for her. Finally, after four years I had it and said I wanted a divorce. Then magically, as if pulling a rabbit out of an anorexic lizard’s ass, she became pregnant. And of course, she was on the pill! It was a blessed miracle! No. We all know what happened here (except me at the time). Long story short, 7 years, countless battles and sadly, one formerly excellent hairline later, we finally divorced. Fortunately, it wasn’t divorce rape. I gave her two simple options: we do this win-win (equitable and fair) or lose-lose (I burn everything to the ground and no one gets anything). To take a page from Ronald Reagan’s cold war stance, I deployed M.A.D. (Mutually Assured Destruction for the kiddies reading this). She chose wisely.
Not Choosing Wisely 2 Years Later
I found what seemed like the perfect antidote to my past, horrific white whale (metaphorically as well as physically) and remarried. A single mom. Who knew as much about finances and adult responsibilities as a goat knows about operating the Hadron Super Collider. Shoot me. Twice, please. I am still married. It hasn’t been all bad, however the realization that I married a mental child (and all the headaches that come with that) finally broke the blue pill conditioning. I am now in this odd state, but more at peace with myself than I ever was. Yes, I find myself trapped behind enemy lines like Benjamin Netanyahu at a Hitler rally. But none the less I know where I am….
Now What?
To quote Neo from the Matrix, “I know you’re out there. I can feel you now. I know that you’re afraid… afraid of us. You’re afraid of change. I don’t know the future. I didn’t come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell how it’s going to begin.”
Thank you for taking the time to read my introduction. I will most definitely continue to read, absorb, learn and now participate here on MGTOW. And if your kindness allows but a small indulgence, I hope to be of some assistance to others.
God bless, Brothers. Good to have finally found home.
FrostByte 1 year, 11 months ago.
