Buddies with new GFs – what to say?

[Silver SurferParticipant 3]

One of my closest friends has recently had his 3 year relationship move in.  She’s a nice lady, seems to have a lot in common with him, comes and drinks beer with us sometimes, seems to know how much girl presence is enough.   They are both mid-50s and he’s in the end stages of finalizing a painful divorce.

I started sharing some of the precepts of MGTOW with him.  His reaction was “you have to find the right one”.   The unicorn theory.  Do unicorns exist?    Can a divorced 50 something lady be a unicorn?

I sort of laughed at this, because we’ve taken this journey as friends, but with very different approaches.  Mine has been dating quite a few woman over the last 10 years, his has been steadfastly pretending the marriage was working till the total collapse was too obvious to ignore.  (Her gone for months on work assignments, texting to remind him to pay her bills) .

How do you deal with your guy friends with GFs, especially live ins?

What is your response to unicorn theory?

[experiencedParticipant]

Well she moved in so that’s wonderful, now they are basically married. It’s a positive sign that she seems to have a lot in common with him. She comes and drinks beer with us sometimes because she genuinely enjoys this, not for any other reason. She seems to know how much girl presence is enough at this time this is also wonderful.  She’s mid fifties and is with a guy who’s divorce was painless because he had no net worth and did not painfully lose half of ‘a lot.’ It’s reassuring that he cooled off, waited and then dated many women, trying to not repeat the same selection mistakes.  And she was willing to wait at the far end of the sidelines because she’s a great catch. He’s right, you just have to find the right one.  Two thumbs up.  Do unicorns exist? well that’s a lot more common term here than NAWALT, but of course they exist, you just have to search a little harder, find one and then you’ll be truly happy forever. Fifty something a unicorn ?  why certainly I’ve said this many times to: .

I sort of laughed too, sort of:.

His skills at pretending the marriage was working can be used to pretend that this current girlfriend will work also. If he can just get past ignoring any warning signs, “he’ll be home free!”

She is basically well on her way to being his wife, therefore the way to deal with it is to lie if anything seems uncomfortable for either of them. This is what true friends do, think of it as being politically correct.    Unicorn theory is not theory at all. It’s truth. He’s found her. He should be thankful to her. Don’t blow this for him.

By the way, make certain he has no full bottle of liquid plumber in his home. Otherwise he may spend 60 seconds frozen, staring at that bottle, not actually going to do it, but contemplating that if he does, he’s got to drink all of it really fast no matter what it tastes like, knowing there will be suffering, but then the suffering will end. He won’t actually do this of course when reality hits, but ‘just as a precaution.’

Silver Surfer, you are new. I’m not ticked at you.  I am ticked at how society is programming guys.   You’ve come to the right place!

 

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[Anonymous 0]

whenever he says “just find the right one” simply reply with “they dont f~~~ing exist”-this argument is used alot and it seems to only dissolve when the painful truth is revealed

[– Deleted on Request –Spectator 936]

Banana:

 

I’ve been looking for the “right” one since my early teens, which were almost half a century ago.  I haven’t found one yet and I don’t have a large number of standards that she has to meet.  Whenever I make an estimate of how many women might be meet those criteria, in a manner similar to the Drake Equation, the results aren’t promising.

 

I stopped searching actively several years ago.  However, if someone suitable should cross my path, I might give her some consideration.

 

[Anonymous 0]

@quarter

she may only be the “right one” for a small while

“they’re all nawalts until they’re not”

[RoyDalParticipant]

How do you deal with your guy friends with GFs, especially live ins? …

I’m as benign as possible, but otherwise, I keep out of it. It’s his life. If he needs an assist, I’ll be there.

What is your response to unicorn theory? …

Laff riot!

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[KeithParticipant 482]

This is my policy on the buds with a new GF:

Water finds its own level.  I don’t interfere and never volunteer any advice unless asked.  If asked, I am completely honest.  If I socialize with them as a couple, the rules are as follows:

1.  She can NEVER tell him what to eat/drink or not to eat/drink, if she does and he remains silent, I leave.

2.  She can offer no negative commentary, opinion, assessment or suggestions about any activities/hobbies/events that men find enjoyable because I don’t care what she thinks, she’s not involved or invited to participate.  I don’t do that to women and I don’t expect them to do it to me.  If it happens, I leave.

3.  If they are guests in my home, she may only make nice comments about my décor, furnishings, books, appliances, etc.  My home DOES NOT need a woman’s touch.  I am not interested in her opinion about the amount of floor space devoted to items she finds useless, unneccesary or “juvenile”.  If she does, I ask her to leave.

4.  If she tries to explain to me why I am and always have been single, I leave.  It seems to come as a great shock to the vast majority of women that as a single man  I am happy.  They find it unbelievable because they are idiots.

5.  If she tries to help me meet someone, I leave.

Simple, straight forward, easy to understand.  I give one “mulligan” out of deference to my buddy, but second offenses are an automatic banishment to the pointless forest.

Keith

ONCE UPON A TIME there was a man who never found a wife and he lived happily ever after. The End.

[Silver SurferParticipant 3]

Thanks for all the responses!
Keith: I really like your approach, it’s good to have your internal rules set ahead of time.

Roy Dal:  I like the light touch.  Say nothing if possible.  Why create drama, that’s a woman’s game.

Bolvar SR:  Yes.  NAWALT until they are not.  It’s hard but important to keep that in mind.

Quarter Wave Vertical:   Still looking isn’t really MGTOW is it?  That seems like a different program, forlorn, searching, rejected.   MGTOW implies being able to Step Away, without regrets, or at least without wanting back into the game.

Experienced:  Thanks for the long thoughtful comments.  I especially liked this pearl of wisdom: “His skills at pretending the marriage was working can be used to pretend that this current girlfriend will work also. If he can just get past ignoring any warning signs, “he’ll be home free!”

LOL.  That’s what I’ve been feeling, nice to see it laid out.  And this: “the way to deal with it is to lie if anything seems uncomfortable for either of them. ”

Good advice to maintain the friendship.  I’m pretty sure I’m already falling short.

 

[The_Meek_OneParticipant 30]

Silver Surfer wrote:

One of my closest friends has recently had his 3 year relationship move in. She’s a nice lady, seems to have a lot in common with him, comes and drinks beer with us sometimes, seems to know how much girl presence is enough. They are both mid-50s and he’s in the end stages of finalizing a painful divorce. I started sharing some of the precepts of MGTOW with him. His reaction was “you have to find the right one”. The unicorn theory. Do unicorns exist? Can a divorced 50 something lady be a unicorn? I sort of laughed at this, because we’ve taken this journey as friends, but with very different approaches. Mine has been dating quite a few woman over the last 10 years, his has been steadfastly pretending the marriage was working till the total collapse was too obvious to ignore. (Her gone for months on work assignments, texting to remind him to pay her bills) . How do you deal with your guy friends with GFs, especially live ins? What is your response to unicorn theory?

Hi Silver.

I assume, being at his age he knows the score. He’s been around the block. If he still has hope, then he still has hope, what can anyone say. He is to old to let anyone tell him any different.  So, I suggest you say nothing and just be there for him as best as you can. Sadly, odds are he’s going to need you.

 

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