LOOKS LIKE THE CYAN INCUBATOR GOT SLIPPED INTO MY MORNING COFFEE> On the LOVE DRUG SOON..
Yall know me pretty well. Ive been posting for years.
Im gonna display a little vulnerability again, showing my age for one (34 in March) and showing my total inexperience with women too. Ive never been married, only lived with a woman for a few months in my whole life. Slept with less than 12 women my whole life and 10 of those were one night stands in my early twenties/teens (cant even remember any of them but I think the number was 10). Spent the last 7 years mgtow monk celibate. Not so much as a kiss from age 27 to 34 …
Im an emotional artsy kind of guy, spent the last several years to my self, sober, doing paintings and watching Sci Fi movies. Yes, I have a darker, more fierce side as well, Iam a Vet after all. I not a wimp by any means and have really become athletic again the last 2 years. I could probably hold my own against a Spec Ops guy or UFC fighter, at least for a few minutes LOL.
Can I just say, that Ive been ALONE for a fvcking long time now. Im coasting through the best years of my life sexless. This strikes me as particularly sad. I “GET” MGTOW. I could write a publishable essay on it including Evo Psych and everything. But Im also cognizant of myself. Metaphorically, if I was a big mansion on a 10 acre lot, an entire wing of the house has been boarded up. In those rooms, there is dust and no light has penetrated the curtains in many years. The LOVE side of my neuro-physiology has been DORMANT.
Am I getting by? Sure… Am I in peril of dying from lack of a cuddle/intimacy? No. Women sure are an emotional roller coaster. And the last several years has been calm, but I wont lie and say they were serene… serene would mean that those dormant dusty rooms had had a spring cleaning, or maybe some laughter in those forgotten hallways. Serene is possibly a LIE, because with or without women/sex, when are we ever truly at peace or truly happy? No Sexual Activity wasnt BAD per sey, but it wasnt good either. I am denying very real emotional instincts and ‘needs’ that ARE important for being a whole person … stifling those embers DOES take a toll, especially when youre still young, and when you go several years without sex. If one of the end goals of GYOW is Self Acutualization, how self actualized am I if I never have a physical/psychological relationship with a woman? And ADULT relationship. There is an entire wing of my house that is undeveloped.
Granted, the current modern status of women in general, makes developing that side of oneself, a bleak prospect. The pickings are slim, or diseased. The risks are more perilous than just staying Monk. But staying Monk does have consequences.
Many of you, I already know, your response is to ‘just get laid…’ pump and dump or pay an escort… Your advise is to visit the garden, have your fill of the fruit and then leave. You can interpret this as blue pill all you want but the undeveloped side, the part that is dormant, is NOT going to be satiated by shallow diving.
Its artificial. I may as well buy a Sexdoll from those TFM links because the emotional needs of connecting with a real person will not be met. Its not real, so may as well whack off on a silicone doll. PUA Philandering or paying escorts $200 is like TREX being fed instead of letting him hunt. Its a surrogate.
There is a SIDE of the male psyche that is not satisfied with meaningless fornication. There has to be SPIRIT and ART in it. That requires that she knows you well, and you her, and that its exclusive, monogamous and voluntary.
Anyway. I went on a date. The church girl. Shes inside my family’s social sphere. Although she is very new to me, she already knows my entire family. She knows my neices and nephews better than I do.
Im not claiming I found a NAWALT or anything silly like that. But I did find a woman. No kids, 32, divorced once, low count. By low, Im mean less than 5 for sure. Shes claiming 2.
Anyway, Ill spare yall the explanations or her history/past details. Ive been saying it for about a year. That I was gonna come down from the MGTOW MONK HIGH DESERT and have an adventure in the Lagoon. Ive only been on one date. Nothing has changed. I was actually surprised because she passed alot of scrutiny and standards I was going to hold her to. She flew right past that crap. She isnt a 10 at all, more like a 5 that took initiative to be more healthy. Shes a Christian, in the true sense of the word.
My main thing is, I refuse to date a woman who has floozied herself on those goddamn dating apps. Well, I found one that hasnt, which in this day and age is pretty miraculous to find a 32 year old woman with less than 5 kawk count, not crazy, no kids and pretty easy on the eyes. Also, she is a pretty decent Astrological Match. Hate to be superstious but there are many chinese years and star signs I wont even bother trying to date or befriend.
SO I WILL LET YOU KNOW HOW THINGS ARE GOING… AGAIN… I only went on one date. Thats it. No kiss or sex happened. LOL
I think Stardusk has spoken alot about this in the last year or so, and recently.
The fact that many young men, totally inexperienced in the DIGITAL AGE, … you cant just resign to MGTOW as a virgin… You cant just declare yourself an enysell and greive in a corner of your apartment from age 25 to 60 and never talk to a girl and have a sexual relationship with one.
ALL BIRDS MUST FLY! You stay in the nest and that is bad. You take a risk and FLY. Then, you appraise whats going on as someone who has flown.
ANYWAY… thats enough of showing the vulnerable side. LOL. I feel like COLIN was a few months ago. So twisted up on the inside that he started dating that drug addict bitch. HAHA> Well, I may start dating a reserved church girl…
Read more: http://mengtow.freeforums.net/thread/79/why-get-married?page=1#ixzz6CLMEDidd
Colin Combover in a Coma 6 hours, 49 minutes ago.
