Best Friend Snagged by a Girl on Tinder

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

My first post… thank you for reading my story about how I used to have a very good friend… let’s call him Bob.

Bob was a “man’s man”. He was a few years younger than me and, although he hadn’t quite established himself as an individual,  he owned a house which he ran as a “brotel”… renting rooms out to his buddies to pay the mortgage… drank and partied a lot and essentially lived a life every twenty-something guy dreams of.

He hooked up a lot… mostly with cougars who prowled his neighborhood bar and, somewhat less frequently, with women his own age who were equally as carefree and unattached as him. He was also the kind of guy who is addicted to his own testosterone and into dangerous behavior… extreme sports, drunk driving, lots of casual sex… the usual “young alpha guy” stuff.

Then he discovered Tinder.

He swiped right for everyone… casting the widest net possible to snag as much action as he could get and, for a while, it worked. But it wasn’t long before he met his Waterloo… let’s call her Susan. Susan was a couple of years younger than him, athletic and pretty (though not nearly as hot as some of his other pulls) and had just moved into town from the midwest. She was, she claimed, looking to make new friends and was “just curious” about this whole online dating thing, not really looking for a hook up, of course. Right. So why is she really on Tinder? To find a wild and carefree mustang like my buddy, ride him, break him and put a saddle on his back… which is exactly what she did.

Once she got a foothold in his house (men, never let a girl have her own toothbrush at your place) the brotel thing came to a screeching halt. The friends were kicked out one by one and her dog was moved in, the place was re-decorated and he stopped returning my calls and texts (probably because I’m the oldest and most confirmed bachelor of the bunch and would have talked him down from the ledge he was on). Now his social media is full of pictures of a clean cut and stupidly docile looking Bob in pastel v-neck sweaters with Susan and her friends at nice restaurants, on trips and at family parties and weddings… it won’t be long before he’s married, cut off for good from his friends and self-identity and then divorced, crushed and strip mined for everything he could possibly be worth for the rest of his life.

Here’s how she caught him: She figured out he had money (owned a house, drives a fancy car, has an idle lifestyle) so she went out and got drunk and went home with him within the first date or two and gave him the ride of his life. Then in the morning she made him breakfast, cleaned up a bit and took his car out to get it detailed. It was the car that got him. He told me how amazing it was to have a woman who cared about his stuff. Well yeah, that’s because it’s about to be HER stuff.

There was a moment where he almost got away… we (his friends) got together and discussed it and some of the former brotel residents staged an intervention, apparently taking him out and convincing him to break up with her… which he did… for about 8 hours. She went to pieces so dramatically that he took her back almost immediately… and now she’s got him pinned to the mat.

The moral of the story is that nobody is wholly immune to the clever machinations of a really determined woman… and that the guys who seem to be the most innately MGTOW can still be lost to us if they don’t get into the community and get the word into their heads before some woman gets her claws into them.

And as a followup, don’t trust a woman who is on a hookup dating app yet claims to not be looking for hookups. She may actually be telling the truth and have a much more elaborate strategy in mind.

[liventhedreamParticipant 42]

Yep, this story rings so true for a few guys I used to know. I really liked how you added her tactics, because that’s exactly how it happens.

Its no different than a con-artist, or people that suck up to use you for their own ends. Its seems like a lot of nice gesture’s, but its really her claiming ownership, like an animal marking its territory. Her taking the car to get detailed is a perfect example, I wonder what kind of ride she has/had (probably a s~~~-box like they all have) and how clean it was (filthy, I have no doubts).

Her argument when he broke up was probably one of guilt “…but I’ve been so nice to you, look at all the improvements I’ve made to your life…!”. What she’s really saying is “look at all the bulls~~~ I had to go through to make your world palatable for me!”. Its this sentiment that really gets on my pecks.

Here is a scenario, imagine a women who has all the material worth this guy does. Now, they meet and have drunk sex, and lets say there is some chemistry and they want to keep going. I can practically guarantee you a successful women is not going to be in such a scramble to molly maid her way into his life. She may be anal about cleanliness (as successful ballbusters tend to be), but she probably would just say “clean your ride, or we’re taking mine”.

The motivations are completely different, she will blatantly tell you the things she can and can’t live with rather then try to sneak all the changes in under  false pretenses. This is why I personally would give successful ballbusters a bit more leeway then the maid trying to use favors to get the keys of my little kingdom. They may be more demanding, but at least there honest and upfront about it (still do not want, lol).

Anyway, good story. My I saw this happen to my brother pretty much.

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

re: her response to the (temporary) breakup…

Almost certainly she made the case for how much better his life was now that she was there. He was already feeling the internal pressure to get his act together, clean up his house, separate himself from the more juvenile elements of his lifestyle up to that point… as most men with sense and a bit of taste and style will do when we get close to the age of 30… she accelerated the change for her own benefit but he was going that direction anyway, just for himself.

What she almost certainly did was present it as a binary choice: “Do you want to go back to living in a dirty house with those loser guys who are just freeloading off you… with no direction and in trouble all the time? Or do you want to keep on getting your life in order, hang out with adults who are going places and have a sense of purpose in your life?” The implication being that it was SHE who made all those adult moves possible and that without her, he would never amount to more than he and his friends had been in his mid-twenties.

What’s important to be aware of, as you said, is the technique… here’s what I saw:

1) The Foothold – first a toothbrush, then a pair of panties left under the sheets, then a small drawer for her hair dryer and makeup, then her dog… because she’ll be more likely to come and stay over (the promise of more frequent and better sex) if she’s got a little comfort and a place for her stuff. But once a woman gets her stuff in your place, it becomes her place. That’s why they kept a live nuke under the base in Stargate… if an alien force ever successfully takes over the base, you nuke it to prevent them from using it as a forward position from which to take over the whole world.

2) The Cleanup – throw out the old food, clean the car, spruce up the back yard, put a top over the gaming table so you can eat in the dining room… then its new places and new friends and new clothes and suddenly you’re not you any more. She went along with the boys at first to go shooting or sporting events or casino nights to “prove” she was cool, like one of the guys. But it’s not long before they don’t do those things any more. As his friend, I should have spent more time talking about how he could have made the cleanup transition on his own while maintaining his identity.

3) Social Pressure – meet her girlfriends, then her sister, then her family and adult friends and suddenly you’re living in her social world and subject to her social powers. I don’t want to meet a woman’s friends and family in the first six months… their *sole job* in this is to suck me in and provide social pressure to make it hard for me to bail out when it’s time for me to go. The effective lifespan of a “casual” relationship… the point at which she starts talking about marriage and the future… is about a year. Cut that down to six months if you’re hanging out with her family and going to weddings with her. As his friend, I should have held on tighter and not let him get suckered into becoming part of her social world.

4) Isolation – I saw the two of them at a restaurant he and I used to visit the other night. they sat at the next table over but I barely got a hello from him and a half-nod of recognition from her. He didn’t take the time to strengthen and cement his own sense of who he is and what he’s about so now he’s her boyfriend and doesn’t have anyone or anything to go back to. By the time we did our intervention, it was too late… he’d already bought the idea that his awakening as an adult was due to his love for her and the support of her friends and family, not something that would have happened anyway in its own time. Rather than stepping in to try to save him, he saw us as bitter and jealous and almost certainly was lead to believe by her that at least one of us wanted her for ourselves.

The fact is that these are the same techniques used by cults, pyramid scheme businesses and military forces to onboard new recruits… hook them with something appealing (sense of power, wealth, adventure, access to new women, purpose and meaning) and help them fix up their problems (while making it clear they could never have done so on their own). Then entrap them in a new social group with a new identity and cut them off from everyone and everything they knew before.

And what’s at the end of that road? I’m sure we can all guess.

[liventhedreamParticipant 42]

I completely agree with all these sentiments. This goes with my whole feelings about men and women in general, people act like they need some sort of catalyst to change their world and make improvements, and that’s just not the case.

Its why I also can’t stand clingy women either, that lend their entire existence on what’s going on in your world.

People make this assumption that somehow some other person is supposed to complete them and fill in all the missing question marks, and this sounds good for romance movies, but its not how reality works. People need to be a whole person first and get there own s~~~ together (whatever that is), then start shopping for something more then casual sex.

Absolutely that’s how cults work, people use that as there catalyst and framework to build a new life. The fear of doing something alone and completely of there own accord (or, figuring things out on there own without being spoon fed someone else’s cool-aid) is so strong for most people its why they suddenly find themselves in some life they had no hand in creating for themselves.

I don’t really think there is much you can do when someone starts down this road, because in their eyes your just keeping them down…or in this case she can make that argument. They are making change and its seems to be making a positive impact just like you said, they just can’t see they are being coerced into someone else’s idea of who they should be.

Good conversation!

 

 

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Great posts @docfenderson. You’ve got it licked, man.

A big welcome to MGTOW.

In 2008, I thought I met a GREAT one. But underneath her mask, she was one dangerous snake. EVERYTHING was great until I invited her to a married friend’s Christmas party. Now, I realize once you ask a chick to something like that, it makes you a “couple”, but I know how women operate so it was a TEST for me to see what she is like with my friends. There was something about her that didn’t jive, and until this night, I hadn’t seen what she was like around other people in my social circle.

This chick was so slippery in her motivations and slimed her way into everyone’s rolodex within 4 hours. By the time we left the party, she collected around 16-18 new contacts in her phone. JUST met these people and thought she was best friends with all of them. One of them is the sister of a well known film director, and she’s like “OMG we SO have to go shopping some time!”. Creepy as s~~~.

Think FATAL ATTRACTION / BUNNY BOILER.

She even talked about us like we were a “we”.

“We” doing that next weekend…..
“We” are planning a ….
“We” would love to have you over….
You know what I’m talking’ about.

On the way home she was all “oh yeah Jim…. and Annie (actually Anne, not Annie)… Christina and Tim are great…..” she was going to call them on Monday and arrange to have them over to (are you sitting down) — OUR place. She had planned to stay the night without me knowing, so when I told her she could (because it was late and she had been drinking) she goes to her SUV and pulls out TWO big duffle bags of outfits, makeup, and curling irons and s~~~.

Holy f~~~. Did that ever freak me.

But she had no idea who she was dealing with (and never knew a red pill man from what I could tell), so I clearly had an advantage because I saw all of it like NEO could read Matrix code. The next morning I pretended I got a call from work and had to go in. She thinks I’m gonna leave her at my place while I’m out for a few hours. Hehe. Fat chance. But kicking her out and sending her home was like getting a camel out of a tent. I’m serious. I actually had to be rude about it.

…. but what she didn’t know…… while she was in the bathroom, I deleted ALL of my friends contacts from her phone.

I thought it was only a couple of days before she would freak and discover it and question me. That day never came. I am certain she saw all my friends contacts removed and realized she got sniffed and smoked out. I only wish I could see her face when she realized I deleted myself from her phone too.

I’m telling you boys, there is no limit to the slippery s~~~ women do.
ALWAYS stay one step ahead.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[RoyDalParticipant]

Ooh! This thread brings back memories. Scary memories. Taking the Red Pill is a smart move!

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[Author]

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