Home › Forums › Introductions › At the beginning of my new MGHOW journey
This topic contains 12 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by 
JediTim 5 years, 2 months ago.
- AuthorPosts
Wow. Where to begin. I’ll start off by saying I’m very new to the MGTOW movement and still trying to figure out what GMOW means in light of the current state of things. It was actually the utter failure and hypocrisy of “The Married Man Sex Life” Forum that drove me here. I highlighted my current situation, asking for help on what to do and was entirely shellacked by women and white knights for my actions and inquiries. I’m hoping the MGTOW community is more accepting.</div>
I grew up, like I would imagine most of us did, taking the blue pill and believing in the marriage/fatherhood fantasy. I can remember even from grade school thinking that being a husband and dad would be the pinnacle of my existence. I dated seriously and monogamously throughout high school and college and denied myself the party scene. My entire self-worth and value was wrapped up in the opinion of whomever my long-term girlfriend at the time was. I had chronically low self-esteem because I was overweight and struggled with acne as a teenager; I believed that any woman that was with me was doing me a favor. Physically, I was too afraid – for fear of religion, and disease, and pregnancy – to have sex with any of my girlfriends until I was 20. One of my girlfriends was several years older than me and lived with her mother to care for her, and would allow her mother to make constant racist comments to me throughout the duration of the 18 month relationship. Her mother was Cuban and I’m half-Mexican. Her mother would call me a half-breed of half-breeds. I remained confused why someone that said she loved me would allow me to be treated that way. It took a year and a half to realize I was the one in charge of liberating my own self.I had a casual girlfriend when I met my current-but-divorcing wife. I was so smitten with cupcake (soon to be wife) upon first sight (I was platonic friends with her sister) that I cut off the casual girlfriend so that I could date cupcake. The trouble was, cupcake wasn’t interested. She is seven years older than me, but still allowed me to relentlessly pursue her until a few months later when she agreed to meet me for lunch and proceeded to tell me she had been the mistress of a married man for 4 years, was still in love with him, had absolutely no feelings for me, and I was quite literally the opposite of her ideal man. As a glutton for punishment, I told her that I was going to be in her life, whether it was as her lover, husband, boyfriend, or f***buddy. I continued to pursue her, making countless mix CDs for her, writing love poems and leaving them on her car, and generally trying to woo her. She was cruel and perseverant in trying to express her extreme disgust for me. Still I continued for several months (8 months in total) until she finally met up with me and told me she “gave up” and would “give me a chance.” I remember sitting in her car and feeling…absolutely nothing. No joy. No elation. Just numb.
We dated for two years before getting engaged. The first year of dating was so full of conflict that my father would regularly pull me aside and say “you shouldn’t be fighting with her so much. relationships aren’t supposed to be this hard.” But in my mind I rationalized that love was work and I was doing the good work in service of love. The physical relationship was tepid at best. She had informed me that after her four year affair with married man, she promised herself she wouldn’t have sex again until she was married, not only for religious reasons, but also because she “valued [her]self” too much to be a harlot again. The infrequent times that we did hookup were clunky, felt forced, and were “turn-based” rather than an overriding passion she and I shared for each other’s bodies. As the relationship discussion turned to marriage, I was transparent and honest about my need for regular sexual activity as well as the need to feel desired, have passion etc. I consoled myself that the clunky physical relationship was a result of us not having gone all the way, and would sort itself out after the nuptials.
I got engaged at 24. She – as an artist – had such a specific idea of what she wanted in an engagement ring that it only took 5 trips to a custom jeweler, three months salary, and a very concerned jeweler that told me in seriousness upon my final consultation and 5th ring iteration with him, “If she doesn’t like this after all this effort, she isn’t worth marrying.” Throughout the tail end of the dating, and throughout the engagement, I was plagued with doubts, red flags, and every instinct telling me to leave. But then I would pity her sad stories of one night stands and how her heart had been broken, and she had been used by the married guy. I stayed. Amidst frigid feet. And guilt of how much her father was paying for the wedding. On the wedding day, I felt numb but was coached on by the cheers of our friends and family members – all of whom thought she was incredible. And I reminded myself that I was achieving one of the huge milestones within society. The wedding night and finally consummating the marriage was one of the most disappointing episodes of my life. But again, I reminded myself that for me – it had been love at first sight. I convinced myself there was something wrong with me and I needed to learn contentment for all my blessings. During the honeymoon, I literally counted the days until I could be back because I missed my family so much (I now see that this was a result of my then-codependence on them. My relationship with my family is now solid and healthy and non co-dependent), and in my mind consoled myself with the fantasy of getting an annulment when we got back home.
Like many men, I was half-roped, half-pushed into buying a house a year and a half after we were married. I liked our apartment-living and wasn’t as eager to have children as she was, but she kept claiming that her biological clock was ticking. Within the span of four months, I started my MBA program, had my entire family move across the country, bought a house, and found out she was pregnant. She told me she was pregnant by sending me a picture (back then I had a rudimentary clam shell mobile) while I was in class. I knew immediately what it was and shamefully my first thought (shame only because I love my daughter so much) was “S~~~. I’m stuck with her.” I didn’t know how to respond. So I didn’t. When I got home she hadn’t understand why I hadn’t responded and was angry, and I lied and told her that the picture was too blurry.
After my daughter was born, all semblance of affection from her to me dried up. She had accused me throughout the pregnancy of being the type that would love his kids more than her. Quite the opposite happened. Feeling absolutely neglected, after six months I began an emotional affair and hooked up briefly with a co-worker over the course of about two weeks. My conscience ate me alive and I confessed the next morning. As my daughter was staying with my in-laws, she proceeded to physically beat me for 15 minutes knowing full well I wouldn’t strike her back. Then she left for her parents. I was dazed. We were able to patch things up and went to couples counseling for a year upon her insistence. Then she insisted that I go to individual counseling for the better of a year. Which I did. A beautiful baby boy followed. As did my feelings of attraction several months later for a neighbor and a brief fling over the course of a few weeks. One morning after I had emotionally checked out, the wife and I got into another argument (the kids were again at my in-laws) wherein I finally confessed that she didn’t fulfill me and I didn’t think I fulfilled her. She agreed. I told her our sex life was awful and klunky and always had been. Again she agreed, and suggested marital counseling and sex therapy to which I said no way. A week later, the neighbor’s husband caught she and I playing footsie under the table. I confessed to my wife that I thought I wanted to be with the neighbor. She took our children out of their beds, kicked me twice in front of them, and proceeded to leave with them in the night.
I spent two weeks railing the neighbor until I broke things off and made a conscious effort to restore my marriage. During that time she said I couldn’t see the kids unless I signed a separation agreement. She had retained counsel two days after the footsie event. I had none, was confused, and had no idea when I would see my children again. After two weeks of not seeing them, I finally agreed to sign whatever she would place in front of me so that I could see my kids. We met at her pastor’s house, wherein I proceeded to beg and grovel for the restoration of our marriage, even if just for the sake of the children. The separation agreement gave me one overnight with my kids and one dinner visit. I protested that it wasn’t enough. The pastor said that if I truly wanted to build trust, and consequently save the marriage, this was one to do it. When I protested that the visitation wasn’t enough, he told me that they were where they belonged – with their mother (who was and is still staying with her parents). Like a fool, I signed. The next day, she filed for divorce, unbeknownst to me. She proceeded to allow me to give her lurid details regarding the affair, as well as continue to beg for the relationship. 8 days later I discovered she had filed, and charged me with adultery, and was suing for sole custody (in my state, anything less than 128 overnights is considered “sole” and results in a much higher child custody rate). She said it was a “practical” decision and she had moved quickly so that she could be awarded back payments of child support after the divorce.
I’m currently in the midst of living the nightmare of divorce most of you have wisely sought to avoid. I can tell you primarily that divorce is far worse than anything those of you that have not been through it could imagine, and I don’t say that as a badge of honor.
I believe that the first steps in going my own way are in 1.) Taking the red pill. It is painful but necessary. 2.) Owning responsibility for my actions. Faced with an unhappy relationship I acted out in ways that were regrettable.
My next steps in going my own way are surviving this divorce, doing right by my kids, becoming stronger as a man, living for myself, rebuilding my financial life, and finally putting women in their proper place in my life, and getting validation from within, not a woman.
Wow. I am pretty sure you will be left high and dry- time to consider level 4…. At least my Ex initially pretended to give me some access rights, which in the end dried up to 2 four hour weeknight visits (basically to feed them) a week. I then pulled the pin and have no contact other than paying child support. I live one street away.
Afinogyny.. from the Greek Afino {to abandon/ to set down/ to leave /to allow/ to let } + Gyny {Women} MGHOW’s philosophy to not engage women without “hating them”. Narcorca =Narcissistic Orca typically spouting to a bathroom mirror taking an arms length selfie ; Wallinate describes post wall females whose SMV is terminally negligible New Years resolution "To not make women happy" . Instadestitue: yet another Neologism for Men that cohabit with women that decide to pull the handle of intervention orders.
Hi o2tosin, thanks for taking the time to read and respond. What is level 4? I’m still new to these concepts. Thanks.
Weclome Jedi! And thanks for joining, Tim.
Enjoyed your intro yesterday, just no chance to get back until now. It’s a meaty one. Thanks for taking the time to tell it. Please don’t be put off by a lack of fanfare… intros are profound and hard-hitting. It takes a while to absorb or articulate a proper reply. Sometimes they are so devastating a reply that does it justice is just not possible. There are far more lurkers than participants, so also know that your intro is for them too.
I happened to notice your query about “the 4 levels of MGTOW”… which is a concept that acts as a sort of “measuring stick” (or thermometer) to describe the degree of MGTOW a Man is at. The red pill journey and gate of arrival is not the same for every MGTOW.
Where o2tosin and I might be equal stages of MGTOW and have had very different journeys…. I’ve not personally experienced the degree of legal and financial suffering he has. But for the moment, I leave you with “the 4 levels of MGTOW” as a lead in. (below)
Welcome again.
INTRODUCTION TO THE 4 LEVELS OF MGTOW
(other materials can be found on this)Level 1: Situational awareness
This level includes men who are aware of the realities that face them in society, and yet deem the risks acceptable to have a go at playing the game.
Level 2: Rejection of long-term relationships
The MGTOW rejects all form of long-term personal relationships with women, including but not limited to marriage, cohabitation of any sort which might be classified as common-law marriage, picking up for a single mother’s children, or any action which might be used in court to turn him into her legal indentured servant.
Level 3: Rejection of short-term relationships
The MGTOW rejects all form of personal relationships with women, including dating, one-night stands, friendships, etc. Any contact with unfamiliar women is kept strictly professional and at a minimum.
Level 4: Economic disengagement
The MGTOW refuses to produce more than is strictly necessary for his individual survival. He will limit actions that are punished by taxation without jeopardising his way of life and acceptable standard of living.
Men have a surplus of labour. Where previously, he exchanged this in marriage contract for a woman’s sexuality in order to have kids….. he understands that he doesn’t need to work like a slave to support 4 , when he can quite comfortably work 1/3 as hard, take a little time off and enjoy his life (and freedom) for a FRACTION of the cost. PLUS, in doing so, he also removes money from the governments pockets — intentionally — as a way of “starving the system” that so pitted against him.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.She had accused me throughout the pregnancy of being the type that would love his kids more than her.
I’m sure thats the way its supposed to be. When I was still happy with my ex and our son joined us, we both agreed that it should BE that way.
Still I continued for several months (8 months in total) until she finally met up with me
I did much the same and have come to the conclusion that no woman is worth chasing, or waiting for. If theres no mutual attraction or spark then dont waste the time on em. Its a lesson that is usually learned the hard way.
Welcome to MGTOW! While every journey is unique, you’ll find some similar stories and understanding here
"If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run,"
Incredible story my friend, and welcome to MGTOW!.
I was plagued with doubts, red flags, and every instinct telling me to leave
So true on every level. My Ex wife, during our dating years was an incredible Woman, however there were subtle signs and hints i would push aside and not think too much about until years down the road when the true HER came out. Always follow your instincts. Glad you took the red pill and are on your way to a better future, good luck in all your endeavors.
Stay Strong Brother!.
"If You have the Tooth of a Whale, You must have the Whale's Jaw to hold it". (i.e. One Must have the right qualifications for leadership) -Hawaiian Proverb
Brothers, I want to thank you for taking the time to read and in some cases, respond. While I recognize that the thrust of GMOW is forging a fulfilling and individual path, it is comforting to know that I have a brotherhood of understanding, acceptance, and crossroads with others.
That’s the beauty of it. While it’s very much individual, it’s the mutual understanding with other men (who have woken up) which is so comforting …. in a world where you just don’t get any of that. It’s actually WORTH more to know there are tens of thousands of other men ELSEWHERE who are forging the same individual paths, even though you probably don’t know any in your personal, everyday life.
It’s a touchstone. That pebble in your pocket that keeps you grounded.
You can’t talk to it. It doesn’t love you. But it’s there.A MGTOW can get more value out of his OWN REAL life just by reading other MGTOW – and exchanging ideas in some remote marketplace – than he ever got by decades of interaction and personal relationships with everyone else. It’s remarkable really.
You can sleep next to your own wife… but married men are arguably the loneliest. Even the PUAs who practice “game” to keep their relationships alive, can’t talk to any women about it. “Game” requires a man be constantly operating on a more “aware” plane than she. He adjusts his actions and responses to something that “works” rather than what he wants to do, or what comes more naturally. And this alone, will KEEP him alone.
MGTOW are not lonely. Not in the least.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.@keymaster, I wish every blue-pill man could read those last three paragraphs in your post above; they are devastatingly accurate.
In the three months since cupcake left me and took my kids, the only pangs of loneliness I’ve felt have been at moments when I wish I could share in my children’s lives and can’t because of the separation agreement she got me to sign after withholding them indefinitely. I have never – not once – for a single moment, been lonely for a woman, much less her. And even the pangs of loneliness for my kids are more akin to a gentle sadness and desire to be in their lives as father. The pangs of loneliness I feel for my kids are different than the utter isolation I felt before she left. Now, I go to sleep alone, lost in my happy daydreams or thoughts (or on some nights, with hugs from my kids). Before, I went to sleep with giant pillows stacked between me and her. I am alone, but I am no longer lonely. Loneliness – for me – was the forced isolation of needs that I expressed but that weren’t good enough to be acknowledged by another. Married loneliness seems like a paradox, but our culture has perverted the ancient social contract/institution into this paradox. I get fulfillment from my solo hikes in the woods, and shared beers with my brothers.
Realizing that fulfillment and happiness comes from within me, and choosing to voluntarily use my gifts for my beloved children but never for a woman, have been liberating beyond measure.
Blue pill spectators – Key is right – marriage is NOT the antidote to loneliness – YOU ARE.
…. liberating beyond measure
It was around 2008 when I was walking to work. I never felt as good prior to that random Tuesday. I just stopped giving a s~~~ about female approval. Not One. Single. F~~~. to be given anymore. I was totally by myself and out of town on a business trip. I don’t even know what prompted it. No devastating event to speak of. No tragic experience. No bad date the night before. (although there have been too many to mention….)
There I was. I knew nobody in a city of 8 million. Back home, I had dinners, parties, attended countless BBQs, a girlfriend and events filled with people and good times, laughter, but felt like the only one there. But on this day, the only thing missing on me was a cape. I even remember walking into work and wanting to tell EVERYONE what had just come over me. It was like I learned “the secret” nobody ever tells you, and I kept to myself.. because if you were to see this walking down the street, you would think he was crazy:
I can’t bottle or sell it, but I would.
And I would be rich beyond my wildest dreams.If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.that was very well written sir. Welcome to the forum. How I remember the stacked pillows faze of a failed marriage. Please know that you are not alone. You never were alone. I can remember the moment that someone else came into my marriage and totally turned my world upside down. That someone was ME! That priceless moment when cupcake stopped mattering and you and you alone became important again.ni feel your pain brother. That moment is an earth shattering realization that you have allowed yourself to be used by an ungrateful self centers manipulative entity, incapable of reciprocating the energy and effort we as men freely and blindly give of ourselves for their benefit at our expense. I feel for ya bro. Know this you are where you need to be and from now on till hell freezes over you and your happiness is the goal. Go find it, it’s yours for the taking.
I love to read your post sir, its like an infusion of MGTOW. When I have doubts and the old blue pill me starts to speak in my head, just a few reads of your wisdom sets my head straight again. This thread is priceless for that, and I thank you for that.
@mobyco – I appreciate the encouragement
@keymaster – I would echo Mobyco’s sentiments – reading the clarity and advanced nature of the road you have carved for yourself is genuinely inspiring and refreshing.
Gatsby cheers to you both (I love that .gif!)
- AuthorPosts
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
921526
921524
919244
916783
915526
915524
915354
915129
914037
909862
908811
908810
908500
908465
908464
908300
907963
907895
907477
902002
901301
901106
901105
901104
901024
901017
900393
900392
900391
900390
899038
898980
896844
896798
896797
895983
895850
895848
893740
893036
891671
891670
891336
891017
890865
889894
889741
889058
888157
887960
887768
886321
886306
885519
884948
883951
881340
881339
880491
878671
878351
877678
