Asking for advice

[YuriParticipant 185]

Disclaimer: This story might be a bit gushy and is full of teen-style bile inducing romanticism.

My fellow men,

i come here as a young man to ask for some advice from other men, no matter what age or experience as i have got to decide on if I take a certain action.

But first, let me ask you all another question:
Was there ever a woman you regretted not approaching or going further with?

While all of us here I think, including me, have already come to accept and live with the fact that essentialy all women are the same, and that in the modern world we will never be able to have a proper relation with a woman, I do have one niggling thought, a regret that is following me.

You see, back in 2011, when I started to go to the Slovak equivalent of high school, i had to travel in from my village to the city every morning. And as such I had to take a city bus afterwards to the school. After a while, i couldn’t help but take notice of a certain girl traveling with the same bus every morning. She seemed to be about a year younger than me, and to this day, in terms of looks was unlike any other. For in a sea of westernized modern Slovak females that all walk around with their fat asses stuffed into skinny jeans to hide their rolls, with their leather handbags, headphones in their ears or talking on their iPhones mommy and daddy bought them, along with enough makeup on them that makes 18 year old girls look like a worn out 35 year old, sat a youthfull girl wearing simple and yet stylish clothing with absolutely minimal makeup, looking out the window, lost in thought and looking sad. No headphones, no iPhone, pretty much nothing. I can best describe it as seeing an unicorn. Even her complexion seemed to indicate foreign roots.

We started eying each other, in the sort of “Junior High f~~~ f~~~ game” kind of way, sneaking looks in each others direction, even locking eyes every time i got out of the bus. Looking back, i probably should have just taken the f~~~ing hint and tried to start up a casual conversation, but being 16 and already having an opinion on women, i was wary of it.  This went on for about the whole school year. After it ended and the next one began, she was gone, seemingly started taking a different bus after starting high school herself. I thought that this entire episode is over, and yet, another year passed and i still couldn’t forget her. I just played it off as puberty hormones doing their thing.

But now, three years later, about 2 weeks ago, my mind again started wandering in that direction and has stayed there since. I am wondering now if i am just being completely stupid here and it’s just remnants of society, women and family indoctorinating me that there can be even such as thing as “The one.”

As such i have a question to ask you: should i make an attempt to search her out again and see if after all these years there still is some interest, or should i just take a cold shower, slap myself and be off with it.

 

The right man at the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.

[RoyDalParticipant]

The best fish is “the one that got away.”

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[KeymasterKeymaster]

1. Interesting questions.

2. Be careful with advice. All advice is useless and people can only offer that which comes from their own meandering experience. Your choices are all half chance. So are everybody else’s.

3. You should assume any advice you get on the internet is certain to yield long-term negative outcomes. This is not always true, but I have to say that to protect your own best interest.

4. Welcome and thanks for joining.

5. Was there ever a woman you regretted not approaching or going further with?

Approaching? Almost never, because women are a disappointment most of the time and VERY seldom surprise me.

But there was VERY cute chick at my local outdoor breakfast spot a couple of months ago. I was facing her table. She was facing mine in a very pretty dress. She was looking off into the distance and playing with her hair like in a tampon commercial. The best girls are a 9. A 10 is one that is YOUR personal type. She was a 10 to me only because she wore her hair half up like Ariana Grande. I like that. I said “you look deep in thought”. She she said “what?” like she didn’t hear me. I repeated it as if she were deaf over the street noise. She said “oohhhh”. I realized she was dumb as rocks and she had the kind of creativity I have come to expect. She went back to playing with her hair and staring into space as if life was a tampon commercial. I smiled and opened my laptop and she didn’t exist anymore.

Suddenly, Jeff Goldblum (yes, the actor) bumped into my chair. He had his dog on a leash. He excused himself. And I said “nay, chair found a way”. A line from the film Jurassic Park. (“Nature finds a way”). He thought it was hilarious and we chatted for a bit. I met him once before in another city many years ago. We once shared a set of weights together at a gym for about 10 minutes. He didn’t remember but was amused by the story. I told him I remember him practicing his tap dancing in the empty gym room afterwards and told him he was pretty good. He was floored that I remembered that.

The girl saw the interaction. There I was chatting up a major movie star as if he was a friend. And she kept looking at me. (social proofing). Im pretty sure she was too young to know who he was, but the dude has charisma. She had to go, but as she walked away, she kept looking at me and even stopped and turned around to stare – probably realizing that I started something and she screwed it up. I almost would have called her over but she already ruined it with her stupid “ooohhhhh”, so I let her go. It’s not often that I would drop what I was doing to have sex on the street with a chick who’s name I don’t even know, but this one I would have. Right there on the sidewalk in front of everyone. 99.999% of women don’t have that effect on me. It’s rare. But no I don’t regret a thing.

Going further with?

I’ve heard it said before that men often fantasize about ex-girlfriends. I don’t know if that’s true, but there was ONE I thought about for a while until I saw a recent photo where she aged pretty badly. She was still pretty OK, but her hands and neck looked as old as Madonna’s, so i have since blocked her out.

should i make an attempt to search her out again and see if after all these years there still is some interest, or should i just take a cold shower, slap myself and be off with it.

No. When you don’t know a girl you should never care about how she feels about you. Her interest in you should not be your first concern. You want to know if YOU are interested in HER (and not the other way around). Too many guys want to find out “if she interested”, but women don’t work like that. The interest must be YOURS in order for something to get going. Many times a woman will be interested if you show interest first. At the time, you were not interested enough to pursue it yourself, so that should be your best indicator to let it slide.

From now on, ask yourself “am I interested enough?” and if the answer is yes, sure, go for it if you want and see if she responds. But until she makes an effort to MEAN SOMETHING to you, her interest should mean nothing to you. This helps a man deal with “rejection” very easily. Since she doesn’t MEAN ANYTHING to you yet, her “rejection” can’t possibly mean anything to you either. Understand? This will make it easier for you to care less if she is NOT interested and that’s the position you want to be in.

Probably not what you wanted to hear, but like I said, don’t listen to me.

Welcome.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[YuriParticipant 185]

2. Be careful with advice. All advice is useless and people can only offer that which comes from their own meandering experience. Your choices are all half chance. So are everybody else’s.
3. You should assume any advice you get on the internet is certain to yield long-term negative outcomes. This is not always true, but I have to say that to protect your own best interest.
Thank you for the advice about…advice (we have to go deeper). Trust me when i say that i sort of had this view already, but i really felt the urge to share myself with other men and see what they have to say, was actually hoping that you personally would answer me. Wish was granted it seems.

“Am i interested enough?”, that i must say is a very good question, and a good form of advice. Personally i hardly ever strike up conversation with women, as i don’t speak the language known as “Facebook”, and most of them seem to be the same anyway.
But i have decided on the middle-approach. If I am to ever see her again, I shall approach her, and just outright ask her a simple question. “Hey. Remember me by any chance?”. Depending on her reaction and answer, i will see if there is anything there at all.

The right man at the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

was actually hoping that you personally would answer me. Wish was granted it seems.

You were looking for a reply from ME? Do we know each other? I thought you were brand new here. But it was my pleasure! Delighted it was your wish(?) but I admit I don’t quite understand. This being Men Going Their Own Way, I would think you might prefer to look at a PUA forum for that (or something along those lines) so telling me you wanted me to reply comes as a surprise.

And to that I would add….

To my core, I’ve been a MGHOW in spirit and attitude for a long time. Although I continued to be involved with them, I generally don’t take an aggressive approach to pursuing women for all the obvious reasons – including those I mentioned. Especially when they are a disappointment. For me, it’s “One chance. Per chick. Per Lifetime. No exceptions.”. I may show a minimal amount of interest (and initiate an interaction of some kind) to feel her out, but if there is no response, I next her. For good.

If women “s~~~ test” men, then that is me s~~~-testing them right BACK.
You had a chance, sweetie. You blew it. Take care.
Then she is forced to think “s~~~ no guys hit on me, but I should have talked to that guy who said hi.”

Yeah you should have. Too bad. Your loss.

Even if she has a change of heart, she would have to work to get my attention back. And even when they DO, I would find it VERY annoying, because she didn’t respond or give any indication at first. She didn’t have the creativity, or sense of humor, thought or even a willingness to bounce the ball back…. and that’s like playing tennis with a WALL – using a ball with no air in it. Forget it. Not worth the effort. It’s not even fun!

••••

There is breed of female monkey, and when they are “ready” and open for a mate, their vaginas swell WAAAY up to the size of a football. Yes, really. It turns a bright shade of PINK which a male can see from a mile away. This is TRUE.

Human females are NO different.

Knowing this, a girl who is “ready” will let it be known that she will be receptive to you – in SOME way. ( Playing with / fixing her own hair is a good sign ). But if she is closed up, you can pull all kinds of tricks out of your ass like Johnny Magic and the wicked awesome, and it won’t make any difference. So I found myself limiting myself DELIBERATELY only to those women who were willing to play a little game of tennis. Some guys take no interest as “a challenge” and will aggressively pursue her anyway, but I just don’t see the point. F~~~ her. She is clueless. Bad at flirting. Get lost.

I’m not interested in slaying her fire-breathing dragon for a bulls~~~ opportunity to climb up to the highest room in the tallest tower just to kiss a sleeping princess. And I can’t believe the number of men who ARE. That s~~~ is exhausting.

I only care about the monkeys with the big swollen pink vaginas that are obvious about it.
If she doesn’t look at me and go “yum”, she doesn’t matter.

Just like Katy Perry’s song, “The one that got away” is not about HER. It’s a song about the GUY. It’s a song about YOU. YOU are the one that got away. When it comes to women, there is no such thing as “the one that got away” because that implies you were interested in “catching” her as your possession. Women look at MEN that way. We are the ones that got away. Instead of YOU wondering if she was the one that got away, flip the script, adjust your thoughts and realize – if there was any spark at all – she is thinking of YOU as the one that got away. Probably right now.

A marriage contract, committed relationships and “oops I’m pregnant” are a TRAP for a Man. The man who successfully avoids them is “the one that got away”. You got away. You got off easy. Think of it like that, and you will feel good about letting her go.

Hey, remember me by any chance?

If you ever see her again and are inspired to start something up, remove the question mark.
First rule of salesmanship: If you give someone a chance to say “no”, they usually WILL.

Try this instead.

“Hey. I remember you.” and watch her response. Carefully.
If she doesn’t appear excited about this, next her and move on.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Zoby TwoParticipant 83]

I met once this kind of girl … I spoke to her … and 2 days after, I slept whith her. She was a whore. She told me she had more than 30 men (she was 24 !).

Even girls who look nice and sad can be bitchies. She cheated on me 2 months after our relationship and she left.

 

[YuriParticipant 185]

 I thought you were brand new here.

Been lurkin’ so hard, racial minorities wanna find me.

To be honest, i was just very curious as I generally am about if you ever  personally had a experience with a woman that you later regretted not going further with. Please don’t take this in the wrong way as if I am trying to invade your privacy. Just yknow, some healthy oldschool curiosity of the young male.

 

YOU are the one that got away.

I guess the best way i can look at it is from a biological/evolutionary standpoint. For if we take two groups. In one group, there are  100 women and 1 man, and in the other 1 woman and  100 men.  In both groups, all participants are willing to reproduce. In the first group, within a year, the man can have “produced” 100 offspring without a hitch really. He didn’t really have to choose as he easily is able to reproduce. In the other group however, things get complicated. The woman is faced with a choice as to which man is, and let’s not bulls~~~ around here, the best sperm donor. She cannot have every mans child, so she is forced to choose, and then she has only “produced” a single offspring.  But what if she made the wrong choice? What if Nr. 47 was  a better one? What if a month after birth she meets the 101st candidate which seems to be the perfect one? Or what if the “perfect” one was the guy she did not approach 4 years earlier in the bus?

It is a pretty barebones explanation, but it’s really how i have come to see it. For even if a woman says that she “Doesn’t want children.” she still only sees in a man what he provides to her in material terms.

The right man at the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.

[Anonymous 14]

<cite>@mgtow.com said:</cite>

From now on, ask yourself “am I interested enough?” and if the answer is yes, sure, go for it if you want and see if she responds. But until she makes an effort to MEAN SOMETHING to you, her interest should mean nothing to you. This helps a man deal with “rejection” very easily. Since she doesn’t MEAN ANYTHING to you yet, her “rejection” can’t possibly mean anything to you either. Understand? This will make it easier for you to care less if she is NOT interested and that’s the position you want to be in.

But isn’t this contrary to the MGTOW philosophy? Forgive my question, I am just an MGTOW initiate at best compared to you and your experience in this movement. But my principle in life, right from the moment I developed interest in the opposite sex has been that if I ever commit myself into a serious relationship, especially because of the fact that I am a hardcore monogamist, she must definitely be the one to pop the question first. I don’t want her to go down on her knees with a diamond ring as they expect us to do, but she must be the one to ask, not me. Can’t say I’ve had much of a success with a maxim like this in dealing with the opposite gender but its probably due to my reclusive lifestyle more than anything else.

I too have had more or less experienced just as the OP, the pain of not approaching that perfect girl, the one that got away(or so I though). In my case its a bit more complicated. She was the first girl I befriended in kindergarten and grew up with all throughout elementary school and high school. She was slim, athletic, shy and polite and had short hair, a lot like Catherine Bell from Jag. In other words she was just perfect. But unfortunately(or fortunately) for me, my elementary school was hell for boys. It was managed by feminist nuns who openly declared their belief that boys were spawn of Satan and female teachers who loved to abuse students, especially the male ones, even sexually. I witnessed the vile indoctrination she went though first hand which turned her to this violent, boy hating, feminist bitch by 2nd grade. She did some things to me, especially because I was close to her and a legitimate target, made me despise her so much so I stopped talking to her.

When I moved to high school which was a boys school and right beside my elementary school, my mind started playing tricks on me. He absence made me forget all the mean things she did to me and whenever I saw her in our school bus, made me want to just approach her and sweep her off her feet. Then every time I felt like that I remembered the things she did to me and stopped me right in the track. My friends use to tell me that she checked me out alot. She even asked a couple of friends of my about my interests etc. But it just never happened and after I graduated I started feeling like a complete loser for blowing my chance.

Then I looked for her everywhere and eventually found her few years later on Facebook. But to my horror she had changed completely. She now had long hair, was obese, wore too much makeup. I was utterly shocked but was willing to overlook everything and then I saw it. Her Facebook page littered with typical male bashing ultra-feminist posts. And that was that. Blocked her immediately.  Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Right now I am a lot like Andy Dufresne from The Shawshank Redemption and the scary part is both Warden Norton and Captain Hadley are also part of me. I have a poster of Catherine Bell on my wall and I am still digging my tunnel. Except its turning out to be way more than 500 yards and all I am doing is swimming in drainpipe full of s~~~-smelling foulness you can’t even imagine. But I still have hope and just like Mr. Dufrense said, “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies“.
I just hope I find the exit before Warden Norton and Captain Hadley catches up with me. 😉

 

[KeymasterKeymaster]

But isn’t this contrary to the MGTOW philosophy?

Good eye, and Yes. But it was directed at Yuri – and only Yuri – in answer to his direct question. I did clarify the MGTOW attitude immediately after as well, and I was also clear about him asking a more PUA-inclinded audience instead of me/us. But he wanted to hear what I thought.

Triklops said:

“she must definitely be the one to pop the question first.”

That’s a good way of putting it, but that’s just like MGHOW saying “I will never approach them”. Being receptive to a woman and even acting on her initiation is still a MGHOW. “Sex if it’s free”, some say. I have gone along if the interaction was natural and effortless, but I sure as f~~~ would never take her out for dinner, or go out of my way to plan a date, pick her up, or any of that s~~~ ever again.

Almost everyone already knows the unspoken reality that women DO NOT INITIATE — in almost all cases. So whether you make up your mind to never pursue them (or openly declare that you will only wait for women to show interest first) it’s the same s~~~, really.

if you ever personally had a experience with a woman that you later regretted not going further with.

Well if you mean like did I feel a “connection” and I wondered where she was long after she was gone….. yeah ONE ex girlfriend (who i many times regretted dumping), but that didn’t last. I was cruel about it too, so I shouldn’t even have thought about it. And there was my prom date who I was SOOOOO in love with and could’t have, but she liked guys in their 30s.

But by age 26 – 30, the concept of “the one” became a joke. I didn’t pine after them anymore. The dynamic had changed and they were pining after me. At 31 I was dating a few 18-21 year olds one after the other, and had NO IDEA how that was even possible…. considering 13 years prior, they wouldn’t have touched me. This made pining after “the one” (or “the one that got away”) kind of silly and a joke.

---

But what if she made the wrong choice? What if Nr. 47 was a better one?

THIS IS THE QUESTION OF THE MONTH. You don’t even realize how good and important it is.

Women do not “choose”. YOU do. Since almost ALL women do not initiate sex, dating and mating, they choose NOTHING. YOU do. Your hypothetic example is not based in reality. In reality, a woman could “choose” if she wanted to…. but women are COMPLETE S~~~ at finding “the right” guy. You know it. I know it and they know it. Their process of screening and understanding how mate selection works is SO skewed and f~~~ed up.

A woman can only “choose” from the men who FEEL LIKE showing interest in her. You have a WORLD of options. You can approach 100 women and 2-3 of them will have sex with you. A woman will pass 100 (or 1000) men a day and she might walk right past 10 possible husbands. Because women do not initiate (or know how to REALLY screen men) she isn’t choosing jack s~~~. All she can do is wait for 1 / 100 to approach her and then she has to f~~~ing decide what to do from there. If 0 / 100 talk to her, she’s going out dancing with her girlfriends. YOU can go out with a chick TONIGHT if you really want to. All you have to do is ASK a girl you like. A woman has to wait to be asked by a guy she likes. He has to want her before she can “choose”.

---

What if Nr. 47 was a better one? .. is the question women ask themselves every f~~~ing day.

They ask themselves this question about men they said NO to!!!
They ask themselves this question while sitting across from their husbands!!
Every woman’s husband is NEVER her first choice.

Ever notice how women have ONLY NEGATIVE THINGS TO SAY about their ex boyfriends?
HE was a jerk. He was an asshole. He was a cheating f~~~ing prick. He was a slob.

She will never admit “god I am such a f~~~ing stupid bitch and I treated him like s~~~. No wonder he left me. There goes a winner. I f~~~ed up.” No woman has ever said that out loud to anyone in her f~~~ing life. She needs to brainwash herself into thinking EVERY ex boyfriend is a f~~~ing bastard, otherwise she cannot LIVE with herself for making a wrong choice. They know they are s~~~ty at closing, so they brainwash themselves to hate EVERY guy they couldn’t hang on to or keep around for more than a shag.

---

“that asshole just used me for sex!”

No he just didn’t LIKE you. Accept it.

---

When a man chooses a mobile phone… he compares the POSITIVE features and makes a purchase decision based on that. When a WOMAN wants a boyfriend or husband, she does the equivalent of smashing every mobile phone on the ground. Whichever doesn’t break and is willing to put up with her s~~~ (tests), THAT’S the one she ends up with , and she will now brainwash herself into believing he’s “the one”.

Therefore: “The one” … is bulls~~~.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[YuriParticipant 185]

my elementary school was hell for boys. It was managed by feminist nuns

Oh wow, i will have nightmares about this for a few days now.

She was the first girl I befriended

This reminds me of another situation, a little bit similiar to yours. Back when i was 4 years old and still lived in the city, we used to come to this village i live in now for short vacations. We always stayed in a little house that we owned, and just down the street lived a certain girl. Half-Slovak, Half-Gypsie mix (trust me if i say that this is pretty unique for…certain reasons), i was approached by her and we ended up playing together every single time i was over, according to her i even ended up giving her a kiss once. We ended up moving over here when i was 10 years of age during the summer, and for 2 months i saw her almost every day. In the sort of innocent kids way i got a lot of “firsts” from her. And then…things happened. The summer ended, school started, and for reasons unknown to me she decided to join the other group of people in school, for there were two. The “We Hate Yuri” group and the “We Are Indifferent to Yuri” group. She joined the former. So for the next 6 years she decided to be my enemy. Her loss, pretty much.

Then, High School started and i didn’t see her for two years.  Until would you know it, who decides to show up at on the first day of school at the bus stop? Yes, it was her. And oh my, i did not know if to cry or laugh. From a small, beatifully thin girl she changed into something…else alright. Her once flat tummy was now spilling over her skinny-jeans which struggled to contain her massive thighs as if they were Cthullu. Her push-up bra and glittery tramp vest had quite the problem to hold her stretched out t~~~. And her once exotically beatifull and unique face now resembled a bulldog that was in some terrible accident. Honestly, to burn a manatee in effigy would be an insult to the manatee.

You might say that my above paragraph is a bit rude to her, that maybe there was a reason for her weight gain. But no, there wasnt. She was just your typical modern female. iPhone in one hand, cigarrete in the other, dressed like a cheap whore and incapable of comprehending why she is still fat even after doing Zumba once a week.

I did not laugh, nor cry. I just sort of smirked as the lyrics to “Sweet Victory” played in my head.  As you might expect, with the logic of a total…woman, she approached me again, all smiles and s~~~, thinking that i forgot the 6 years of suffering from grade school. I decided to have some fun with her, lead her on for a few months as if something was going to happen between us, and then just dropped her the same way she did me.

but women are COMPLETE S~~~ at finding “the right” guy.

This reminds me so much of older sister. I might tell the whole tale one day, but a short version would be: she spent her entire 20’s leading men on by their nose, using them for herself. Be it for tech support, transportation, money source or just to make herself think that she still “got it”. Before you know it, she is 28, the Wall is approaching and she is crying above our eldest sister freshly born son about how she wants a baby and a man to “love her”. Then, would you know it? Suddenly a few months later she has moved in with a man that owns a big house, a Mercedes in the garage and seems to be quite well off. She is pregnant with his child and they are getting married. Suddenly she “found the right guy.”  To say her judgement of him was a bit off is an understatement.

The right man at the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.

[PresidentLaneSpectator -21]

Whew, I have to say I have quite the situation on my hands. My wife is an amazing woman a lot of the time. There are times though when it drives me crazy how she acts. I love my kids and I don’t want to go through messy custody issues so I’m seeking advice on how to “tame”, “control”, or “handle” her outbursts. She says it’s my fault when she gets mad and HITS me. She excuses her behavior for the name calling, yelling, and cussing over very small situations, i.e.: Telling the kids they need to finish their food or they won’t get a dessert or snack later. She responds “You’re such an asshole if she doesn’t want to eat it she doesn’t want to.” Then if I respond to that at all, even calmly, she says “You’re a worthless piece of s~~~ and she doesn’t have to listen to you”. Just an example. Advice is much appreciated with this.

[FitzBonesParticipant 304]

I’ve heard it said before that men often fantasize about ex-girlfriends

Guilty. To be fair, my ex was always gorgeous and why I went out and I GOT her. Even after our son, she still has a f~~~in bangin body.

The best fish is “the one that got away.”

Referring women to fish is absolutely fantastic and so fitting.
Just like fishing, the ‘one that got away’ is always going to be the cream of the crop because you honestly dont know otherwise. Over time, memories fade and change and what might have been a 6 or 7, becomes an 8. Over time she may even become a 10 if you constantly think about it. Ignorance is bliss mate.

@presidentlane

Remember what folks have already said in this thread about advice from the internet. I myself always found the best advice are words that make you think
Do you WANT to stay in that relationship? Do you ever feel that the way she treats you is deserved or accepted? Do you believe that the way she treats you will affect your kids as they grow?

"If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run,"

[Author]

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