Home › Forums › Blue Pill Hell › Are you ever sick of it all?
Tagged: I do not care
This topic contains 21 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by 
flightspace 4 years, 7 months ago.
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I’m sick of everything, the people in this world, the choices i have, the hand i was dealt. i spent the last few years of my childhood in an unconstitutional private prison, paid for by my sociopath father operating on the will of my manipulative martyr of a mother who literally had me kidnapped and tortured and then had the nerve to guilt trip me about not wanting to sit in some theater and watch some chick flicks with her on my one day of freedom before she threw me in another. I never did anything to deserve it, i was never a criminal like my brother, i never robbed a kmart like he did, i didn’t even smoke weed until college, my father was just physically abusive, my mothers was emotionally abusive and my brothers used me as a scapegoat for their troublemaking, treated me like i was somehow mentally ill for reacting to any of that bulls~~~ with the slightest bit of anger. Every time i reacted they’d bring up and exaggerate some temper tantrum i threw when i was 7, to the point where it wasn’t even events they were remembering correctly, my father doesn’t even remember choking me on christmas when i found out where he hid the christmas presents and he strangled me until i promised not to tell my brothers, but he does remember the time i pushed my brother for basically trying to have weird annoying foreplay with my ear. Except he doesn’t remember a damn thing that my brother did. They literally force me to live in the wilderness for like a year, and then they threw me into what was basically a privatized concentration camp, and i barely escape there alive because going your own way inside can be a death sentence, and if it isn’t the violence that gets you, its the stress. In fact the only reason i survived that level of PTSD is because after my face started swelling up and i was getting rashes from the stress, after weeks of pleading them they finally took me to a doctor who prescribed me a steroid so my entire immune system wouldn’t turn on itself and my kidneys would shut down.
And after all that you can bet i was dead set on getting the hell away from my family after that, i moved to the opposite end of california, enrolled in college, but my father made damn well sure that i had no ability to find a job, get a car, or get into a decent school because he pulled me out of my first and only full time job and drivers ed in a college accredited public school to basically taking mediocre independent studies behind bars, because he has this sick idea he can condition me to some kind of abusive codependence and the f~~~ed up part is he’s right. He’s the only reason i’m in this situation, but without his money, i’d be homeless. And to make matters worse a good friend of mine who used to work with him convinced me to trust him to pay my tuition when i know its just a lie to screw me over worse for fun and another good friend of mine convinced me to trust a different campus of a school that had already suspended and threatened to expel me based on lies a feminist said about me and reassured me that having my degree would prove to employers that i show “commitment and persistence”, and that that was most important to them (still unemployed months later). Of course, neither of these things worked out for me because my father screwed me over, forcing me to scramble to file myself as a “non-dependent” so i could take out student loans to pay for the classes i had already taken, that he refused to pay for because of a form i’d already filed weeks ago, blaming me for not having omnicient and ever present control over a piece of paper that had already left my hands of which i could do nothing about… And of course, THAT resulted in the incompetent financial aid office being literally an entire fiscal year late to file my student loans, which they didn’t fix, didn’t notify me about, and avoided my calls worse than some ex girlfriends when i tried to contact them about it. And of course the entire thing culminated in 15 grand that i owe to the government in student loans, and another 12 thousand in cash my school says i owe them because THEY f~~~ed up, only not on student loans–no, they want that money NOW. or its going to affect my credit. which will eventually leave me homeless. and they turned down my appeal. oh, and not only that, but they failed to notify me when i would even be graduating, and eventually got around to it so late that i had to pick my cap and gown up from a warehouse that i cant even get to because i dont have a car, and even though i ordered a cap and gown THAT DAY with 1 day shipping on amazon its still going to be until friday until it gets here, which is a DAY AFTER my graduation. Which means i’ll have to wait another 6 months for that. Oh, and last but not least, the unconstitutional private prisons i’m suing for imprisonment slavery and child abuse have somehow managed to escape prosecution by literally doing NOTHING. Years of fighting them in court, and the judge just drops the case, out of knowwhere. Which also happened to another one of my lawyers cases even after a judge said he would, so on top of all the rest of my problems my lawyer thinks we have some kind of corrupt cabal of judges to fight against, and we now have to refile the cases in california and start all over.</span>
Oh and thats not even the women part. But you guys already know about all that.
Hey flight … I would say .. how you doing .. but 😕
Something triggered you today. Wanna talk about it? or has it just all boiled up?
The s~~~ load from your ‘potential’ past life is an inhuman weight to carry … and that’s why I’m going to say this …
You must find a way … a mechanism .. to let all that s~~~ go.
I’m not saying forget it …. you can’t … but unhook it from your soul. Because you are letting them f~~~ you up from afar. Don’t let them do that.
I had around 10 years of that and all it did was cast shadows around me.
Once I let go the sun started shining again.
If you keep yourself hooked in …. you will relive over and over and over.
F~~~ them Flight … f~~~ them off.
It’s just a lever in your head … pull it. ☺
Well if i deal with this situation wrong there are consequences. That may affect the rest of my life and cause me to live through even more unliveable burdens. I know people who have been imprisoned by those places and they’re still having nightmares after a decade. This kind of PTSD isn’t something you easily outgrow. Not without family i dont have, friends who are more present, and support networks that aren’t extended to me. And the friends i do have mislead me, even the good intentioned ones. Their optimism is never my solution and i always wish it could be. But i’m not getting anything from websites like this either. I see that people come here because they have nowhere else to vent their negativity, but i’m just trying to escape mine, not take on yours. Which is crap because i don’t think its too much to ask i just can’t accommodate anyone elses baggage right now. Art or music doesn’t do it for me anymore, weed ceases to make me apathetic, i only worry because my life is on the line and everyone keeps telling me i’m being the negative one. I’d give anything for a way out. One way out. I want to go live in a forest, or a deserted beach somewhere, but land costs money i dont have. Its like every road leads back to the same place, pure unfiltered crap.
But yeah its not even one trigger, its every day with this crap, every day something new. the camels back has been broken a while but they still keep piling straw on. I honestly don’t even know how im alive with how the stress is taking its toll on my body but i sometimes wonder if i’m going to die like this. if this will be the greatest i ever achieve
I have PTSD from a messed up childhood too, although it sounds like you have been through way more than me.
The PTSD is going to be a battle your whole life. If you have not sought counseling, and possibly meds, I suggest doing so – the sooner the better.
PTSD is definitely a situation that has a “hair trigger” response, it is tough to overcome. Unfortunately, from a psycho-babble perspective, the best advice I can give another man is “just let it go Jack, just let it go”. If you haven’t watched the series LOST, I highly recommend it; they are all tortured souls all of them have to come to the conclusion of “whatever happened, happened”, and notably there was a scene with Jack when someone says “just let it go, just let it go”.
That is the only way I can stay away from PTSD triggers, “just let it go”. Well that and a lot of Chronic, a lot of chronic!
Sovereignty above all else.
Even if you moved to a desert island … it wouldn’t solve the issues because they will travel with you.
Baggage ….. can be put down.
What do you think would happen if you just stopped?
I’m not being flippant. What would happen?
I have/had Compound PTSD. I won’t go in to why but suffice to say …. just like you … I reached a point where the whole of the world, society, family and friends were against me.
I can tell you this with 100% certainty …
The answer is within you and only you can find it.
There is nobody out here can get it for you. However, we can help you look, make suggestions that may help.
We want nothing from you. We do not want to take any of your remaing energy.
No … what WE want is to give whatever help we can …. no charge …. but just one debt.
‘When’ you’re out of the other side of this …. help some other guys.
i dont know which is the hard part, letting it go or it not letting me go. i thought seeking justice would help me get closure. but seeing how corrupt our justice system has become feels like someone s~~~ting in your soul. i just want one day where its not my whole life, my future and everything on the line against impossible odds. i did see a therapist at one point, one who wasn’t owned by a corporation. but basically all he could say was damn, that sucks and prescribe me benzos. but talking to him wasn’t helping. reminding myself wasn’t helping. and i can’t run from it, god knows i try. its like that shins song, “every turn its this front and center, like a dot stuck square in your eye. every post you can hit your faith on is a pie in the sky, chock full of lies, to be devised to make sinking stones fly”. describes it exactly
Sounds like you could use Shiatsu massage it is relaxing.
http://altmedicine.about.com/od/massage/a/shiatsu.htmI suggest you read this book it can help many people. The ebook is only around 100 pages the book you buy will be the full version of the book.
http://www.amazon.com/Awaken-Giant-Within-Immediate-Emotional/dp/0671791540
https://www.tonyrobbins.com/ebook/
"If pussy was a stock it would be plummeting right now because you've flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too easy." - Dave Chapelle
Truth Law Justice
These 3 are completely different things.
Truth & Justice have been abducted and ‘hidden’ in the law.
You know … as we all do ….. man is disposable … we all know that.
Nobody give a s~~~ about us … NOBODY.
But at least we know where we stand.
Three times I was broken down and three times I had to get back up.
Courage? No …. Strength? No …. Honour? No … what made me get back up? ….
SPITE …. full on F~~~ YOU C~~~S.
There was nothing nice about it or me …. but that’s what I needed to do.
So f~~~ it all off … as KM said
“You can’t fall off the floor”
Press the button a blow them all up …. detach the hooks. Clear you mind … and …. F~~~ Them Off.
Don’t you dare do something stupid though ….. coz I for one am already invested
Ok?
Benzos are s~~~, nothing but a sedative. Most PTSD guys will benefit from SSRIs, aka Zoloft etc. But you will want to see a specialist, to make sure there is not another “co-morbid” imbalance hiding in there too.
Sovereignty above all else.
Anonymous13You need a good friend, a strong and compassionate man, but they’re usaully out chasing pussy around or working for their slave master wives/baby’s mamma(s). Modernization has culminated into a simple manifestation of anti-male in the west and modern times anti-human everywhere else. There is an old bible proverb, iron sharpens iron, there’s an equivalent in every culture. Go to a ju jitsu gym, go to an AA for men, go to a church group for men- if you can set through the preaching, it isn’t gay (and who gives a f~~~ anyway?) you do need to get out there and hang with the bros. F~~~, I do to, but I always p~~~ off everyone’s girl friends, thus p~~~-off everyone it seems.
Flightspace…My name is Dakota and I don’t sugar-coat s~~~. So take this for what it’s worth knowing that I want the best for every man, including you, who wants to go his own way. I said, who wants to go his own way.
Firstly, I can assure you that no one gives a s~~~ about your cap and gown or whether you march or not. I can assure you also that in six months, those who may have pretended to care about seeing you march will even care less. Furthermore, in five or ten years, YOU won’t give a s~~~ about that f~~~ing cap and gown. You will also come to the correct realization that college was a ruse from the beginning and that half the s~~~ you learned is irrelevant and the other half is laughable. College is a business and you are the customer and no one gives a s~~~ whether you received a good product. You got what you went for…that piece of paper. That is ALL that counts. Now go snow somebody into believing you’re educated and worthy of a job and get on with your life. Leave everyone behind and go your own way. Will it be hard? F~~~ YEAH!
Bad s~~~ happened to you and me. No doubt. Like you, I was too young to seek justice or know any better. Do you know what happened to me when I didn’t seek justice? I simply went on with my life…like billions of people all over the globe do everyday when they crawl into coal mines, wipe their elderly parent’s asses, roll their electric wheel chair using their mouth after a motorcycle accident, lose their houses in tornados, or watch their children slowly waste away in cancer wards all over the earth. Fight yes, but know that you will not win every fight in life. Here is wisdom that is not taught in uni for 200k: Life is f~~~ed-up on planet earth and it will not stop being f~~~ed-up until our Sun goes supernovae.
Others have suggested that you seek help, perhaps in the form of anti-depressants. This sounds like good advice for you. You sound like you’re redlining. A car in the redline will be a wore-out POS in no time. Deal with that. Your 20s will be especially difficult but it does get better. Family can be especially difficult. I live thousands of miles away from my nearest relative and we get along great. Now.
One last thing…lawyers will tell you ANYTHING to keep you writing checks; if you don’t keep the fish on the hook there’s no chance for a meal. Good luck.
Dakota, I could not have said it better myself.
Sovereignty above all else.
Anonymous0The power of MGTOW is indifference. PRACTICE: I DO NOT CARE. VERY EFFECTIVE
Yeaaaaaahhhh…I LOVE THAT!!!!
Practice apathy? Who needs practice? Practice is for amateurs.
"You can keep your soul, I don't want a cell-mate." - Them Crooked Vultures
Have you ever been falsely accused of rape or sexual harrassment? If you were and if your Dad thinks that you are guilty, then that could be his motive for abusing you. By the way what kind of prisons were they? Were any of them alternative schools like the ones made for kids in juvenile detention?
I'm married to the game,but she broke her vows.
Have you ever been falsely accused of rape or sexual harrassment? If you were and if your Dad thinks that you are guilty, then that could be his motive for abusing you. By the way what kind of prisons were they? Were any of them alternative schools like the ones made for kids in juvenile detention?
If you count being accused of being a rapist for literally just saying hi to a girl at a bus stop. Or getting almost expelled because a feminist lies and says that you said all rape victims deserve it. But no my father was always convinced despite giving him absolutely no reason to think so that i’d somehow turn out the next jeffrey dahmer, even though he’s far far closer to a murderous sociopath than i will ever be.
But no not alternative schools so much as private corporate prisons. They market themselves as kushy summer camps, and defend themselves in court as a medical institution but thats just to avoid litigation for basically being concentration camps. Like, look up the stanford prison experiment and it was like that, only about 50 times worse, with this whole cult like culture of mormon pseudo-psychology. You can look it up, Island View and Provo Canyon. I wasn’t there as a convicted felon, i didn’t have a crime, i wasn’t on drugs, and i wasn’t mentally ill. Of course, they tried to tell me that i was, but the story and diagnosis changed every year to fit their narrative. I’ve literally been “diagnosed” with everything in the book at one point or another. After i left, i told the entire story to a real psychologist who basically told me everything they said was a lie and i just had severe PTSD from it all.
Disobey them or choose to believe something different than what they tell you to believe, and they will throw you in a white brick room with no windows and no doors, for days on end, physically blocking your escape. This could be literally for something as simple and hypocritical as just telling them they’re trying to force their beliefs on you. If you try to leave that room, 3 of them will pin you to the ground, break your arm, ribs, or throw you through windows if they have to. These are all things that happened to people while i was there, and i saw and experienced many of them firsthand. Kids have literally died because the holds they use cut off your airflow, and when the kid told them he couldnt breathe, they said if you can talk you can breathe.
If the white room doesn’t work, they put you in a room with all the other kids who have been brainwashed into being their prison guards (who act literally just like the sociopathic bullies in the stanford prison experiment, its uncanny) and they all collectively yell at you and degrade you all at once and if you try to say ANYTHING while they’re hurling abuses at you, they call you defensive and act like just because you protest it that means you’re bringing it on yourself. The same kids will later jump you in a back room, and the staff will leave the room and let them. And if that doesn’t work they put you on communication restriction for weeks on end, something they call IF or internal focus, make it so no one can talk to you or even acknowledge you exist, you’re forced to sit at a desk all day and write essays for a condescending tribunal to approve you’re remorseful for ever having questioned that you need to be there. And the only reason you need to be there is because someone paid them to say that. Literally the entire purpose of this place is to tell you that you have an incurable permanent brain disorder, and then contradict themselves by demanding that you “fix” yourself, which literally just means believe everything they order you to believe. If you be their bitch for long enough, you get a pocket radio! YAYYYYY!!!
And the staff working there are not licensed medical professionals, they’re brainless college kids that are no older than i am now. they’re trying to get our court case thrown out on the grounds that its a medical malpractice suit and i’m past the 2 year statute of limitations, but our rebuttal is, for it to be medical malpractice, you have to actually practice medicine, and they don’t. They literally put me on a medication that made my face swell up and gave me rashes, and apparently i was the only one that actually read the side effects that said if that happens its a result of a life threatening condition, and to cease taking it immediately or you will die. Of course, they reassured me that they would not take me off of it, and that if i tried to stop taking it, they would pin me down and inject it into my ass. The only reason i DIDN’T die, was because they tried to cover their asses by taking me to an allergist who declared i was sensitive to corn and peanuts, 2 things i eat regularly without any negative side effects, and the allergist prescribed me a steroid to keep my lungs from collapsing and my immune system from shutting down.
This is all stuff they’re not even legally licensed to do. They’re self certified by a board both medically and academically thats actually owned by the same umbrella corporation that owns the school, they’re not affiliated with the state medical boards or any legitimate medical associations, and the only Phd on the campus is a guy who just signs off of any number of medications after reading biased reports and secondhand opinions written about you by the guards.
By the way, i just heard recently about an 8 year old kid who was sent to this place called San Marcos, and he was so traumatized by the way they treated him, that when he got home he was p~~~ing and s~~~ting himself. This is all because he was being bullied at the school he was at, to the point of trying to commit suicide, and rather than do anything about the bullying the school district decided he was the one that needed therapy, and they didn’t have the resources to send him to therapy so they locked him up in san marcos instead. Now they’re trying to send him to Provo Canyon, the same place i was locked up at, which is the worst of the worst. From what i’ve heard from the people who got transferred to from San Marcos it was pretty f~~~ing bad but not quite as bad as bad as Provo Canyon, and juvenile hall was a f~~~ing cakewalk compared to either. I debated running away and committing a crime just so i could get send to juvi instead, because at least then i’d have a sentence to serve instead of being held there indefinitely.
Anyway the umbrella corporation is spending a lot of money on a smear campaign trying to get his mother declared as an unfit parent for fighting them on this, and if anyone was in need of the MGTOW community, its Daniel.
Please contact his mother and show your support!
http://www.abqjournal.com/562116/news/finding-a-place-for-daniel.html
daniel.needs.your.help@gmail.com
Also if you want to know the long list of facilities involved in this kind of rampant institutionalized child abuse…
http://www.heal-online.org/thelist.htm
It is very, very long.
Also if someone can get me in touch with some press who can run my story, its hard getting anyone interested in these kinds of civil rights violations. The court is literally being bribed to just throw our cases out.
if you watch this documentary on MKULTRA, the same types of mind control experiments done en masse in these facilities were also practiced (and disproven as effectual) by the CIA in now declassified above top secret projects. oddly enough some of the facilities i’ve been at have been open since the 80s, just after MKULTRA and MKSEARCH was dismantled. I wouldn’t be surprised if these facilities were a continuation of these projects and the CIA was secretly affiliated with them. In fact i’ve tried to look up some of the psychiatrists associated with MKULTRA and i’ve concluded they may well be associates of Dr. Pearson.
There is a clip of of one of the subjects of the MKULTRA experiments, who was lured in with the same pitch Provo Canyon and Island View uses, and there is a part where she says she walked out of the facility (which i wasn’t even able to do), says she saw a car going by and she wanted to jump in front of it. But she was terrifyingly afraid of what would happen if she failed to kill herself. The first time i saw that, i cried because that was exactly what was going through my head when i was on IF, i wanted to slit my wrists with a wood chip, hang myself in the bathroom, but they failed to give me a way to do it without a chance of failure, and if i couldn’t do it right, they would all humiliate me and accuse me of attention seeking. The only reason i didn’t is because i was afraid of that chance of failure, i still think dying then would have been better than the two more years of that i had to endure.
It sounds like the CIA is continuing the MKULTRA experiments without authorization. This raises a lot of questions like(Why experiment on troubled teenagers?). What did they want from you? Why would they want to take an eight year old child away from his mother? What do they want out of him?
I'm married to the game,but she broke her vows.
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