I really don’t “social media” almost at all. No Facebook, twitter, any of that stuff, so posting anything seems unnatural and strange. But after lurking for a long time and reading the stories, finding the similarities, and taking solace here in putting a name and face to my ongoing sense of “what the ^&%# is going on?”; I figured I’d say hello, and my new journey towards MGTOW….
That truth I’ve seen here makes me laugh, and shake my head at myself often (thus my profile pic.) and the biggest truth I’m dealing with right now is what I’ve seen posted a few times: “taking the Red Pill is *hard*, even when you want to” is very true for me. NWALT fairy-tails, family upbringing, all that. Heck, my parents (both stupidly successful, ungodly over-educated each, and wonderful people in their high 80’s now; and serious forces of nature in a good way) have had a rock solid marriage for over 50+yrs now. I look up to that, and kept wondering why I’m not “getting it”. But with my life, I kept taking chances instead of marriage (military, started a small business, went bankrupt; did it again; go screwed out of it when I got cancer and had my business partner run it so I could deal with my 50/50 chance. (and then he runs me out of the company when I got sick… bankrupt #2…. still trying to get back on my feet from that one). So in a way, I’m fortunate that I never got marred, even into my now mid-40’s. That’s one boat-anchor I’ve seen drag down a number of my friends.
But I did the major blue pill in many ways; such as I dated a single mother and raised another man’s kid. (a classic Chad, has something like 4 other kids from 3 other mothers, that we know of at least) And now watching that kid now graduate from collage (1st in her family), and get married. Now I’m trying to figure out what kind/level of AWALT she will become. (And boy does that suck; knowing someone you raised as best you know, is STILL mostly influenced by society) I’d like to think based on her behavior that I’ve seen, and the things I’ve observed when they are not looking, that she may not be that bad; but still, I dread the day when some years to come, with her own kid in tow the “I’m not Haaaapppyyyy…” times come.
My male friends have always tended to be the Alpha’s, the Chad Thunderc~~~’s with the women tossing their panties at them left and right, and I noticed years ago that they only would talk to me to get with one of my friends. (I guess I’m the brainy, introverted one of the group. They come to me for life, business advice, and are there to help me move, and even offer to pay for my time when I don’t even ask for it, and am just helping a brother out. When on earth would a woman ever do that??) And they have always encourgaged me to do the whole PUA thing (even before I knew it had a name). But I was always thinking to myself: “what’s the point? if I’m spending all my time to become something else so that they “want” me; then what am I left with for myself?” Being fit is just plain good sense for life; but getting “swole” for the ladies seems to be putting too much of my life into someone else’s control.
But this red pill is HARD to swallow. I see the truth of it with my own eyes, but some part of me keeps wanting to throw it up and go “NWALT”; no matter the years, decades perhaps, of proof I’ve seen with my own eyes. I don’t ~want~ it to be true. But facts are pesky things. They just ARE. And they don’t give a flying s~~~ about what you want. And if you want to deal with it; you need to see them for what they are. So I keep choking it down. (good scotch helps I find. hell, even a shot or 3 of Jack helps once in a while)
As for my future, I’m trying to slowly cut ties with baby momma. (actually, a good person aside from UTTERLY unmotivated and now a landwhale) and I’ve managed to reduce the financial ties to almost zero at this point. (Never let a good personal cash-crunch go to waste, huh?) And I’m re-thinking my long term, long-distance (thank god!) “situation” with a woman 17yrs my junior. (Crazy & Entitled as they come, but damn the sex is great… yea… this one is going to be tough.)
And I’m thinking to myself; “ghosting… now THAT is something I can do…” So, eventually I hope to get myself a few acres of land out semi-no-where’s way (medical issues are a bitch, so cant be too far from a major city unfortunately); and just enjoy astronomy, and nature and a bit of hunting now and then. And then just… ghost. Hang with my guy friends, and watch them Chad all over the women, and continue to do what I do, which is ignore those walking cases of life liability.
Thanks to you all for giving one more older guy a life raft…..
Keymaster 4 years, 9 months ago.
