An Introduction

[SolitudeParticipant 116]

Hello Fellow Members,

I have been a forum lurker here for quite awhile. I joined sometime ago, but have never posted before. Yet, during this period, I’ve read countless funny, informative, and frightening topics/comments. I’ve even come to view some of you as friends, despite never having had a single interaction. The internet can be a strange place, for which I am very thankful. I decided to just go ahead and get this intro done with, so that I might participate and contribute down the road. Perhaps one day I too will be a member that other lurkers come to think of as a friend. I don’t feel that my story of finding and embracing MGTOW is particularly unique or significant. Just another guy who was put through the ringer and lived to tell the tale. Nonetheless, this is my tale.

I’ve always been on the quiet and introverted side. Like a number of you, I’ve led a life more focused on solo endeavors, hobbies, education, and independence. I grew up amidst an emotionally volatile household. Nothing terrible, but I was simply subjected to the burden of relentless conflicts, arguments, and drama. In response, I learned at a young age how to size up others’ emotions, temperament, motives, behaviors so as to deescalate conflicts at home. When one starts to pay close attention to such things, even as a child, one quickly realizes that truly trustworthy people are few and far in between.

Along this vein, as I grew up, girls increasingly showed varying amounts of interest in me. However, I always kept my emotional and physical distance not wanting to (1) end up in a situation like my parents, (2) accidentally extend trust to an untrustworthy person, or (3) get a girl pregnant and disrupt a simple and happy existence. I was never anti-female nor did their attractiveness escape me. I fantasized, I dreamed, but ultimately I was cautious. I had many female “friends” (as I believed at the time) over the years. Eventually, at one time or another, I would end up having to as delicately as possible to turn down romantic advances. Almost without exception, this would lead to these supposed “friends” (sometimes of years) turning against me. Resultant rage, ridicule, ad hominem attacks regarding sexual orientation, betrayal of private details, blatant distribution of lies, or cold abandonment would ensue. As this pattern repeated, I became increasingly apprehensive about these dynamics.

I remained a virgin into my early 20s and for which I was thoroughly ashamed and embarrassed, at the time. I had turned down attractive girls and was mocked for it by my friends and ribbed by my family. I felt as if I was not living up to society’s grand expectations and offerings. What would become of me if I didn’t follow the established path to happiness and success? So, I gave in. I let one of the more confident and aggressive girls convince me to go on a date. It went well and we had fun. One event led to the next and we became a couple. We had sex. I admitted to being a virgin. She was astonished and then delighted, taking great pleasure in telling her hive the juicy details.

For the next year, things were ok for the most part. I enjoyed the sharing of interests, experiencing intimacy, trusting in another, saying “I love you” and hearing it back. Why had I waited so long? Of course, some things were worse. Like wasting so much hard earned money on frivolous things and events. Like working 60-80 hours per week at two jobs to afford my new found expenses, and still having to live paycheck to paycheck when I had so easily gotten by before. Then being criticized for having the audacity to be tired on my days off and wanting to relax. Increasingly having to abstain from my interests to fulfill her plans, without thanks or acknowledgement. Suddenly seeming to never do the right thing, say the right thing, being inherently inadequate, and needing change who I was as a person. I wondered why she had been so fixated on me in the first place, if so much was truly wrong with me. Alas, I was not one for conflicts secondary to my aforementioned childhood experiences, so I did my best to adjust and get along.

Then there was the blossoming realization of her obsession and fixation with being desired and flirted with. Her need to post selfies and scantily clad instagram pics, to my growing chagrin. Not just because I felt this was disrespectful to me as her partner, but because the act in itself is so empty and blatantly narcissistic. What’s more, a truly attractive person should have the an inner confidence to recognize that they are attractive without constant external reassurance. She disagreed. She reveled in the likes and comments. Even more so, she reveled in telling me about what new guy had hit on her. She craved and nourished a developing jealously in me. Prior to this relationship, I wasn’t a particularly jealous person and if I was, I recognized it as a character flaw and quickly tried to correct it. She disagreed.

Her: “Isn’t that so gross that he thought I’d be interested in him (huge smile)? He’s like 15 years older than me and he only dates really hot girls…Well, aren’t you going to say anything?” Me: “Yeah, I don’t know. That’s weird, I guess. I usually just tell girls I have a girlfriend and then they’re cool.” Her: “He doesn’t even deserve to know that I have a boyfriend. I just think it’s funny and really creepy. Oh, you’re not gonna believe what else happened (blah, blah, some hot guy wants me, blah blah)”…bzzz bzzz bzzz (triple locked cell phone buzzing like a god damn beehive the whole time = foreshadowing). Time passed, things deteriorated, and resentment grew.

I looked into her phone one night as she slept next to me, having essentially lived at my place for much of the relationship. I realized her nude and sexy photos she’d send to me throughout the week were not exclusive to me. I realized she was f~~~ing an ex for the entirety of our relationship. I confronted her. She broke down pulled out her genetically ingrained manipulative voodoo. Convinced me that it was mainly my fault, made promises, and we remained together. She then broke said promises and I found out. I realized her ex wasn’t the only guy she had been f~~~ing, just the one I knew about. I broke up with her. She lost her mind and became “suicidal,” revealed previous “suicide” attempts, and remember convenient “abuse” from previous relationships all to excuse her betrayals and guilt me. She convinced me it was my fault, made promises, and we remained together. Time passed, things deteriorated, and resentment grew.

Sensing our inevitable demise, she apparently had taken it upon herself to tarnish my name amongst our friends. She painted me as controlling, manipulative, violently tempered, jerk, which could not have been further from the truth. While I painted her as a kind, caring, and loving girlfriend, which could not have been further from the truth. I kept all of our struggles and her deplorable behavior to myself, embarrassed of both her actions and that I had put up with them. Time passed, things deteriorated, and resentment grew.

Again, I found out she was cheating. I then had one of the strangest encounters I’ve ever had with another human being. When confronted she transiently laughed at me, mocked me, became physically violent, and flung herself around on the floor like a lunatic. All within the same 30 minute period. I didn’t say much, extracted myself from the situation by saying I had to use the bathroom, and then drove drove off ignoring her incessant phone calls. At the time, I had no idea about the “one call is all it takes” scenario. Thankfully, neither did she or she at least got cold feet. Later on she would try her manipulations, claim to want to remain “friends” (garner another orbiter), try to back together, offer sex, etc. But the spell had been irreparably broken after 2.5 years of wasted time. 2.5 years of turmoil and sacrifice in an attempt to fit in to society and appease expectations. 2.5 years of recreating the childhood emotional trauma that I had spent a short lifetime trying to escape.

It took months to recover. Months to feel happy again in my old way of life. Months for the rage and injustice of it all to subside. I focused again on myself and poured my fixation into grad school and physical fitness. Throughout this time I was cordial and polite with the women I encountered. A few developed ideas. I cordially declined. They reacted as expected. Blue pilled friends of mine found this funny and at best ribbed me. At worst, betrayed me to score points with whatever unicorn they were chasing. Dismayed by this perpetual cycle, I increasingly felt isolated and abnormal. Then, at some point I came across Milo Yiannopoulos on youtube and first heard about this large group of apparently normal men who were checking out of relationships and saying no to the norms of society. A group of men known as MGTOW.

I typed in this website and began lurking. I found like minded men who explained in vivid detail why I felt the way I did. Men who stated that it was not only ok to live this type lifestyle, but why it was paramount that one actively embrace it. I learned about how much worse it could have been. I marveled at some of the injustices that others had overcome. Marriage, children, men who had died. The knowledge served as a stabilizing and grounding force. I completed grad school and fortunately landed a dream job making good money. All along I returned this website for reminders, advice, support and entertainment. With the acceptance of the MGTOW path and my new found time and financial freedom, I’ve been able to re-pursue old passions and hobbies. I’ve even picked up a few new ideas from some of you gents. In other words, I was able to expel the ingrained preconceived societal and cultural notions and find happiness.

So, I just want to say “hello” and “thank you” to all of you who have contributed to this site, Keymaster for keeping it all going, and to the MGTOW philosophy as a whole.

Best Regards,
-Solitude

“The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude.” ― Aldous Huxley

[HermitParticipant 1121]

If there is an award for best Introduction, I’d like to nominate yours. So much that is worthy of discussion in your statement. One note: those same guys ribbing you not getting married will be the same ones telling you how wise you were after their divorces are finalized.

I don't hate women. I just feel better when they're not around.

[reconveteranParticipant 72]

Sounds like a familiar experience minus needing a paternity test in about 60 days. Welcome home. You will find men who understand where you are and why in here. Just poured myself a Makers on ice, help yourself.

[Anonymous 3]

Your story of that relationship sounds familiar, mine was the very same.

Everything seems fine at the beginning, but that is the bait and switch strategy. Relationship makes people tired, work their ass off and still living paycheck to paycheck, and spending a lot of money on fancy bulls~~~ things, that you would otherwise spare or spend on more useful stuff.

The sharing of interests is also a bait. Very few girls are actually interested in manly fun stuff, but they pretend it to get closer to us and then extract resources and give less and less in exchange. Relationship is a bad business deal costing men a lot of money and time, with lot of strong marketing about the happiness and love, plain and simple. Even if they don’t make the one phone call, it is a bad deal.

If you added up all the money you spent on that false feeling of happiness, and the costs you spared by not marrying her and raising children and then divorce, the sum would be huge.

[MaddladParticipant 765]

Welcome buddy. Sounds like you’ve been through a bit. We’d all like to think we’d never be cheated on and they wouldnt betray us, but they all do.

Hopefully you can enjoy your life without the bulls~~~ from now on.

Best of luck. 🙂

[GregB0Participant]

Thank you for your introduction and I also compliment you on the thoroughness of your post.

Welcome to the site and I am glad that you arrived with relatively minor scarring, compared to other MGTOM.com members of course.

I look forward to reading your future posts and thread comments.

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[Joey AlfioParticipant]

And that folks is why you get yourself a fleshlight and spare yourself from a lot of the BS men like Solitude have to go through.

They are like cats — cute at first and know how to make all the right noises and movements to capture your attention but deep down inside they are soulless and calculating c~~~s always thinking one step ahead of their partner in terms of what they can extract, benefit, manipulate, monkey branch, etc.

At least you learned your lesson but you won’t be the last of those men as many still fall for the bait in terms of blue pill conditioning and the biological urge to do so.

Δεν υπάρχει τίποτε αδύνατο γι’ αυτόν που θα προσπαθήσει. - Μέγας Αλέξανδρος

[EscapedMentalPatientParticipant 1489]

Welcome home, brother.

I’m happy for you that you’ve been able to find this place of solace, logic and servitude: servitude to yourself, sir.

I like your quote, by the way. A Huxley fan, myself.

Cheers, man.

[CoolbreezeParticipant 442]

Great intro
You sound like you have your s~~~ together
Proof it happens to the best of us

[Anonymous 4]

Hi and welcome.

[AttonParticipant]

That was a hell of a read welcome.

A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!

[Anonymous 7]

Welcome home my brother from another egg donor.
There is Bud in Venoms cooler, help your self.

[AposematicParticipant 2671]

Wow. Your innate wariness of drama proved correct. It is always much worse than it appears when women go “Full Whore” on you. Sit back, watch the “first and only” love of of your life get smacked by the foreboding wall. It all unfolds, and your bank accounts by that time will be huge! It is interesting that a “forward” lady catches the attentions of a reticent man. Unfortunately, the plain stupid girls would make better life partners. Instead, you get the Narc soon to be a Narcorca ? Is her mum fat?

Afinogyny.. from the Greek Afino {to abandon/ to set down/ to leave /to allow/ to let } + Gyny {Women} MGHOW’s philosophy to not engage women without “hating them”. Narcorca =Narcissistic Orca typically spouting to a bathroom mirror taking an arms length selfie ; Wallinate describes post wall females whose SMV is terminally negligible New Years resolution "To not make women happy" . Instadestitue: yet another Neologism for Men that cohabit with women that decide to pull the handle of intervention orders.

[Anonymous 5]

Welcome brother, what a terrific intro, thank you.
It’s funny how things work out. Your “challenging” childhood wasn’t what any of us would wish for, yet it’s given you invaluable training on how to deal with people.
I notice you said it took months to get over your relationship, but men like myself who had far less training are far more Blue Pilled and naive in the way of people and we become far more deeply invested and entangled.
It took me years to really recover. Many years.

Solitude wrote:

I would end up having to as delicately as possible to turn down romantic advances. Almost without exception, this would lead to these supposed “friends” (sometimes of years) turning against me. Resultant rage, ridicule, ad hominem attacks regarding sexual orientation, betrayal of private details, blatant distribution of lies, or cold abandonment would ensue. As this pattern repeated, I became increasingly apprehensive about these dynamics.

I always thought I was the one at fault here. I thought I was just no good at all at letting women down gently. I was always looking for the magic explanation or remedy for telling women I didn’t want a relationship.
I eventually realized, there’s none!
The moment a woman has decided to target you for a relationship there’s no calm reasonable way out.
She either gets to own you,,, or she quietly hates you with a vengeance forever.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,,,(or thinks she’s scorned)

[SolitudeParticipant 116]

Aposematic wrote:

Is her mum fat?

haha. fat, ungrateful, and manic depressive. the post-wall trifecta. i’d wager the apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree. just needs a few years to ripen. 😉

“The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude.” ― Aldous Huxley

[SolitudeParticipant 116]

Anonymous wrote:

I always thought I was the one at fault here. I thought I was just no good at all at letting women down gently. I was always looking for the magic explanation or remedy for telling women I didn’t want a relationship.
I eventually realized, there’s none!

I agree completely. I have noted one extrinsic exception. The scenario when she actually gets her first chad choice during her pursuit of you. Then, she doesn’t hate you, but her chad sure will. Because from her mouth to god’s ears you’ve been trying to f~~~ her for years. Lol, the good ol’ days of youth. Can’t say that I miss them.

“The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude.” ― Aldous Huxley

[Anonymous 7]

Solitude wrote:

haha. fat, ungrateful, and manic depressive. the post-wall trifecta. i’d wager the apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree. just needs a few years to ripen. 😉

I like him already.
Cheers mate. 🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻

[Anonymous 42]

Glad you went from lurker to author!

Welcome to the speakeasy!

[MoreSkyParticipant 4865]

Solitude wrote:

I don’t feel that my story of finding and embracing MGTOW is particularly unique or significant. Just another guy who was put through the ringer and lived to tell the tale. Nonetheless, this is my tale.

Welcome and thanks for sharing. One key aspect of MGTOW is the realisation that you are not alone, which can literally be a life saver to some guys.

Excellent intros like yours are very, very important.

"...reinvent your life because you must; it is your life and its history and the present belong only to you.” It is Your Life, Charles Bukowski.

[Anonymous 13]

Welcome and a great introduction.

Their smartphones are nothing but a buzzing hive of Chads and s~~~ talking you to their HIVE and family.

They are nasty, disloyal creatures with a smart device that lets them pedal their narcissistic iniquity at light speed.

It NEVER ends.

F~~~ that noise.

[Author]

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