Amish Auctions

[hmskl’dParticipant 6406]

If you want some free and fun entertainment ..go to a large Amish farm auction. Those Amish guys may dress conservatively in their dark blue homemade clothes and straw hats; but when it comes time for serious bidding on horses …they act cool …oh so cool. The auctioneer disperses his helpers in their white cowboy hats carrying their wooden canes with curved handles into the sea of people all wearing blue. When a piece of machinery or an animal is auctioned off, the serious bidders do so with the smallest nod or shake of their head; barely noticeable. As bidding gets close to a sale, the guys in white hats are standing and staring right next to the final bidders in the crowd and the tiniest movement of the bidders head gets a loud Yeeeeep! yelled to the auctioneer from the helpers. Finally one Amish guy just barely moves his beard face with the tiniest No, and the item is sold to the other bidder. Another thing about free Amish auctions is the food, fresh pies and sandwiches and cakes served by the ladies. Standing surrounded by several hundred bearded Amish, with a couple of hundred black buggies parked in the freshly cut hayfield ..and you’re basically the only guy wearing shorts and a T shirt ..It’s like being dropped into a different world at some rural storybook location; somewhere between Munchkin Land and the Emerald City. Almost eerie ..but, they are very nice people.

[slardy mcbardfastParticipant 118]

that’s a cool little story. well written. you made me smile. thanks 🙂

[UmbreonParticipant 152]

Auctions in general are a blast. I never had the chance to go to an Amish auction, but I have gone to some rural southern auctions.

Everything is spread out on plain wooden tables nestled in the green grass of a large field near a house that probably was a mansion back in the day. Simple tarps are stretched high above the tables held up by metal poles to create a temporary shelter from the light and heat of the early summer sunlight. Men in casual slacks and button down shirts mill around, tipping their hats to one another. Of course not all of them wear hats, but the ones who don’t typically have a handkerchief to wipe the sweat away.

The items have number next to them. They aren’t prices- they’re lot numbers! If you are lucky the lot you want will be called later in the day when everyone is broke. This means it can be yours for little or nothing! If you’re unlucky it will arrive near the start and everyone will bid it out of reach. If you keep your eyes peeled there are women with lemonade stands offering cool drinks to the guests. After all, it is Southern hospitality… and the newbie who was in the bathroom won’t outbid her husband!

Around noon everyone gathers by an old wooden pedestal and the first lot is brought up for everyone to see. The auctioneer calls out loud, slow and clear at first. A hand shoots up, and the bidding war begins. Soon he is speaking so fast it’s practically a drum beat instead of words punctuated by the occasional “Hey!” as his helper in the nice white shirt points out the order in which a hand was raised. So the numbers go up and up until the wooden hammer is brought down and the sale price is declared.

“Sold! Next item…”

And so it continues until dinner time or they are out of things to sell. The men shake hands and exchange money, the women try to pass off the last of the lemonade so they don’t have to carry it home, and everyone parts ways until next time.

Beauty fades, dumb is forever.

[Author]

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