Afraid I'm being played the fool

[GeraldParticipant 3620]

Well, it seems to have started again.

If you read my intro you know that a little less than a year ago my wife and I separated over various issues and she left to go back to our hometown. During her stay there she spent most of the time living with a guy who was infatuated with her though she was never intimate (fully is impossible) according to her, with him. That went on for a few months and we got back together and we finally got rid of him.

Well, I thought… about a month ago my wife found out the electric and gas bills at his house were in her name and hadn’t been paid in months. I can’t say whether he switched them to her or she did while she lived there, but somehow it got f~~~ed up and f~~~ed up my wife’s credit. She supposedly straightened it out.

Now, this morning I woke up with a weird feeling. She and my daughter had been gone for two weeks visiting relatives in Florida. They got home two days ago. My wife hasn’t come to bed with me either night. The first night I woke up in the middle of the night and went looking for her, found her on the porch on the phone. I didn’t disturb her, but thought that was weird. Went back to bed and when I went to work, she came to bed.

Last night, she got ready for bed with me then left the room as I finished getting into bed. She never indicated she was staying up, but she didn’t come back to bed all night, and I awoke to find myself in bed alone. When I was getting up she came in, went to the bathroom and went to bed. I got ready for work, went out to the living room to put my shoes on and leave and her phone was laying there. I couldn’t resist (first issue on my part, the jealousy) figuring out who she had been talking to two nights back, so I looked. And found multiple calls from a guy she went to high school with in another state, all night long the past two nights. Hours of conversations.

I’m being played. So, based upon what I’ve read here, I have started logging everything for evidence. I think I’ll turn on detailed billing again on the cell phone and have it mailed to me. I’ve got another year to prepare everything, as my daughter will finish high school this year and I’m not moving her in her senior year. I’ll continue to let things ride, play the stoic front, act like nothing is wrong, and collect. I hate this s~~~ but best to have everything together for when the inevitable happens.

I know this is little information to go on… but I surely feel since I’ve started working towards being MGTOW that I have a right to know these things, why shouldn’t I? I also feel I have the right to prepare and defend myself… and I am tired of working two jobs to only have to put up with this s~~~. Maybe I’m over-reacting but I’m p~~~ed this morning… and maybe this isn’t the right forum to air this, but had to write it somewhere. And here seemed better than confronting her until I know the full details.

No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.

[JosephParticipant 9]

Hey Gerald,

I truly don’t know what to say except that I am sorry that you are having to deal with this s~~~!

[Dirtydog73Participant 232]

Its where it starts….then the lies of where they go and who they see…..staying out all night cause they cant drive after drinking….at the “girlfriends” house….they forget you can call and ask a few days later …..did she stay there …”no”
And thdn comes facebook and the constant ding of the instant messenger and the pics and sex memes etc….its all downhill from there

Fed, Fucked, Appreciated. The three simple things men want, but women will never grasp.

[WarratahParticipant 895]

Gerald, you know how this is going to play out.
She moved out before, that didn’t work out so she moved back in with you. Not as a wife (else she’d be in your bed) rather as a housemate. Now she’s lining somebody else up.
At least you know. This gives you time to get your affairs in order (business, money & lawyers) because you know what’s coming your way.
I’m just amazed that she’s not playing at being the dutiful, repentant wifey. Normally they do, just to lull you into a false sense of security and then WHAMMO!
It’s s~~~ – but at least you know whats coming!
I’m sorry for you, it’s not pleasant.

...And in our own despair, against our will, Comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. - Agamemnon; by Aeschylus

[narwhalParticipant]

I’m truly sorry you’re having to deal with this. However, it sounds a lot like you’re letting this stuff happen to you.

I completely understand that you don’t want to cause turmoil for your daughter, but your wife is causing the turmoil, not you. Any stress that’s put on your daughter is because of your wife, not you.

I highly recommend that you confront your spouse regarding the phone calls. Tell her that you know it’s going on and that you do not approve. I don’t recall if she works, but I would tell her that if she is going to use the phone to cheat and disrespect you and the marriage, then you will cancel the phone contract.

She is welcome to leave, without your daughter, if she doesn’t like that, but you are not leaving. If she continues to behave in this cheating manner, you will not hesitate to let family and friends be aware of her nature, if they don’t already know.

Point is, it doesn’t sound like she’s playing you, she’s doing this right in front of your face. She isn’t hiding anything. Acting like you don’t see it will accomplish nothing. Your daughter isn’t stupid either. She knows exactly what’s going on. You are being a good parent by demonstrating how you behave when someone treats you like s~~~.

Ok. Then do it.

[WarratahParticipant 895]

Personally, I wouldn’t confront her until I had plenty of evidence, spoken to my lawyer and put my business affairs in order.
A confrontation now might lead to her suddenly moving out and that’s going to need lots of Gerald’s money …
I’d allow her to set up her next victim, let her move out/in with him and then give my lawyer the green light.

...And in our own despair, against our will, Comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. - Agamemnon; by Aeschylus

[WarratahParticipant 895]

That second job – would it be possible to temporarily ‘lose’ it?
At the moment you’re working it for ‘the family’. In a few months time you’ll be working it for alimony …
As Bob Dylan sang ‘When you ain’t got nothing, you got nothing to lose …’

...And in our own despair, against our will, Comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. - Agamemnon; by Aeschylus

[JosephParticipant 9]

Absolutely speak with the devil’s advocate (attorney); BUT best to quit your second job because she’ll say that she’s used to living a “certain” life style (your additional sweat and blood/Labor).

[GeraldParticipant 3620]

Understand the points about the second job but it is an effort to reduce our debt load which has gotten out of hand. Am working to pay things down and be able to provide at least some seed money for my kid if she goes to college next year… am spending it solely on bills/debts, well and taking myself out to lunch once a week.

No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.

[BadgerParticipant 2277]

Listen to WarHar and consult with an attorney. A divorce attorney will help you and prevent you from making any disastrous mistakes. He might also tell you how to handle the phone calls. Mention the second job to the attorney, because WarHar and Joseph’s advice about quitting it despite your debt load might save you a lot of cash in the future. You are in a legal contract and you need legal advice on what to do if you intend to end it.

[BoarParticipant]

Badger wrote:

Listen to WarHar and consult with an attorney. A divorce attorney will help you and prevent you from making any disastrous mistakes. He might also tell you how to handle the phone calls. Mention the second job to the attorney, because WarHar and Joseph’s advice about quitting it despite your debt load might save you a lot of cash in the future. You are in a legal contract and you need legal advice on what to do if you intend to end it.

You already know how this is going to end. Plan for the endgame for you and your daughter.

Untamed wrote: Quit complaining and Go Your Own Way in whatever manner suits you best.

[Anonymous 42]

RUN

[experiencedParticipant]

Warratah wrote:

That second job – would it be possible to temporarily ‘lose’ it?
At the moment you’re working it for ‘the family’. In a few months time you’ll be working it for alimony …
As Bob Dylan sang ‘When you ain’t got nothing, you got nothing to lose …’

Joseph wrote:

Absolutely speak with the devil’s advocate (attorney); BUT best to quit your second job because she’ll say that she’s used to living a “certain” life style (your additional sweat and blood/Labor).

Badger wrote:

Listen to WarHar and consult with an attorney. A divorce attorney will help you and prevent you from making any disastrous mistakes. He might also tell you how to handle the phone calls. Mention the second job to the attorney, because WarHar and Joseph’s advice about quitting it despite your debt load might save you a lot of cash in the future. You are in a legal contract and you need legal advice on what to do if you intend to end it.

Sorry Man.
Quit the 2nd job NOW.
Stash cash NOW and not at a bank.
You have to have cash to fight her later: court and your expenses.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[CodeBleuParticipant 161]

Hypergamy is a motherf~~~er Gerald. Women have no agency to their instincts. She’s s~~~ testing you if not blatantly cheating. Listen to these guys, get your affairs in order and do what’s best for you and your daughter. Your wife is only doing what’s best for her. Be the better adult and nip this in the bud before it causes you any more grief.

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