How to deal with/what to say to a narcissistic mother?

[GoodKid44Participant 1524]

Women really soak up all that “everyone needs to worship the ground I walk on…blah blah blah” bulls~~~. That people love to fall for it is hilarious. It’s why the Red Pill even exists. Oh, you had a baby and you created life, so that means we should just bend to your every will when ever you f~~~ up or do wrong?

I remember in my teens, every time I’d get into an argument with my Dad, he used to always try to get the last word by saying “I’m your father, and you need to respect me…” or “respect you elders…” which, to me, meant that he never gave a f~~~ in the first place. I used to try and ask questions to see if he would rationalize with me or help me to understand right from wrong. But nope. The truth never mattered to him. And sadly that’s the case in most families raising kids.

And then most of society tries to chalk it up as “raising kids is hard…cut your parents some slack…yatta yatta yatta.” Well, lets just sing kombaya around the campfire and never take responsibility for our own actions then, because that’s exactly what that line is getting at. You know what’s also difficult? Not letting yourself get pregnant with a man who clearly doesn’t give a f~~~ about you and creating your own narrative in your psychotic mind that getting pregnant is the best way to lock him down. Or if you’re a cuck, getting a chick pregnant because you know that it will make her have to stay with you etc. etc. etc. The kids are instantly collateral damage. They didn’t ask for any of this.

So as a kid, you DO NOT owe your c~~~y parents anything. Respect is EARNED. Not given. And children are basically hostages until they can be of age to support themselves. Verbal and physical abuse are never excuses. It’s poor planning and poor parenting that are the culprits, every. damn. time.
Real love is as easy as smiling. You don’t need to force it. A lot of parents are f~~~ing idiots and their kids just have to put up with it. Some people win the genetic lottery and others just keep growing up with hard knocks. No one way is better. It just is.

What OP does and can have control over is how he chooses to deal with it. Cut the cancer out and move the f~~~ on man.

[narwhalParticipant]

I don’t think I had the same situation as you, but my mother used to be really deal with at times. I resolved the issue by letting her know that I would not accept it anymore…and backed it up.

It came to a head one night about 20 years ago when I was invited over for dinner. My mother was in a mood, and started laying into me. I told her that if she didn’t fix her attitude, I was leaving. She didn’t fix her attitude. I left.

There have been other times where there are minor issues, but the boundary was set that day. When issues come up, I remember that I can always leave whenever I want to. I have doubt she remembers that I will leave whenever I want to.

But…I think my case was a good scenario. In a way, I got lucky. I think you need to face the real possibility that you can’t have your cake and eat it to, so to speak. It may not be possible for your mother to respect your boundaries, in which case, she will either be cut out of your life or you effectively accept her behavior. It is your choice.

We all make these choices with people in our lives all the time. It’s usually an easy choice if the person is relatively well behaved, or we have little emotional attachment to the person. We only really notice it when they are not well behaved and we are emotionally attached. But the choice we have to make is always the same.

Ok. Then do it.

[Anonymous 54]

GoodKid44 wrote:

Women really soak up all that “everyone needs to worship the ground I walk on…blah blah blah” bulls~~~. That people love to fall for it is hilarious. It’s why the Red Pill even exists. Oh, you had a baby and you created life, so that means we should just bend to your every will when ever you f~~~ up or do wrong?

I remember in my teens, every time I’d get into an argument with my Dad, he used to always try to get the last word by saying “I’m your father, and you need to respect me…” or “respect you elders…” which, to me, meant that he never gave a f~~~ in the first place. I used to try and ask questions to see if he would rationalize with me or help me to understand right from wrong. But nope. The truth never mattered to him. And sadly that’s the case in most families raising kids.

And then most of society tries to chalk it up as “raising kids is hard…cut your parents some slack…yatta yatta yatta.” Well, lets just sing kombaya around the campfire and never take responsibility for our own actions then, because that’s exactly what that line is getting at. You know what’s also difficult? Not letting yourself get pregnant with a man who clearly doesn’t give a f~~~ about you and creating your own narrative in your psychotic mind that getting pregnant is the best way to lock him down. Or if you’re a cuck, getting a chick pregnant because you know that it will make her have to stay with you etc. etc. etc. The kids are instantly collateral damage. They didn’t ask for any of this.

So as a kid, you DO NOT owe your c~~~y parents anything. Respect is EARNED. Not given. And children are basically hostages until they can be of age to support themselves. Verbal and physical abuse are never excuses. It’s poor planning and poor parenting that are the culprits, every. damn. time.
Real love is as easy as smiling. You don’t need to force it. A lot of parents are f~~~ing idiots and their kids just have to put up with it. Some people win the genetic lottery and others just keep growing up with hard knocks. No one way is better. It just is.

What OP does and can have control over is how he chooses to deal with it. Cut the cancer out and move the f~~~ on man.

Hey! You need to respect your Elders young Man!!!

Hahha

KIDDING!!!!!

I agree with everything youve said.
A Fathers role is to TEACH not intimidate.

Respect is a two way street and must be EARNED!!

[ChristopherParticipant 2478]

Remove me! wrote:

1. Boundaries. Lay it out for her. She will not drop by unless invited. Do not answer the door. You will have to continually reenforce these boundaries many times.
2. With the shaming and such, let it go one ear and out the other. Then let it go

Thanks very much JD! This is good. Yes of course that is what I should say to her if she turns up on my doorstep. Cheers mate.

Remove me! wrote:

“Die” “Please” “Soon”

Thanks PistolPete 😉

Doc wrote:

WALK AWAY AND STAY AWAY. That is the one and only way to deal with narcissistic mothers.
I stay away from mine as much as possible. Even then she plays victim and tells people that I am a bad son who never visits.

Thank you very much indeed Doc. I know I am not the only one with this type of scenario and many have worse stories. So many women and mothers are narcs. My concern is that living in the area again may spark off more DRAMA than its worth – but if I learn to deal with it and leave it aside as a peripheral part of my life I may be able to live in that area. If it results in to much hassle I may decide to rent my house out to tenants and move away again.

Anonymous wrote:

I take my canoe out on the lake.
When a boat passes, I close my eyes, so I dont see the waves comeing.
I let it rock me.
Mother Natuere is my “Mum” ( for you Brits! Hah)

I like the sound of that Old Heyeka. I love nature also. A good walk in the hills has been my fix over the years.

Badger wrote:

If they cannot act civilly and stop trying to manipulate and control you, you have no obligation to put up with it, regardless what relation they are to you. Humans are the only parents who try to control their children after they have become adults.

Cheesr for the input Badger. Yes I must remember I have no obligation to this person.

Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready

[ChristopherParticipant 2478]

narwhal wrote:

My mother was in a mood, and started laying into me. I told her that if she didn’t fix her attitude, I was leaving. She didn’t fix her attitude. I left.
………. It may not be possible for your mother to respect your boundaries, in which case, she will either be cut out of your life or you effectively accept her behavior. It is your choice.

Thank you very much for your post. I think this is a good line for me to remember. I can say ‘If you dont fix your attitude I aint talking to ya’.

Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready

[BadgerParticipant 2277]

Except from Awareness by Anthony de Mello. His psychological insights are among the best I have found.

LOSING CONTROL

If you wish to understand control, think of a little child that is given a taste for drugs. As the drugs penetrate the body of the child, it becomes addicted; its whole being cries out for the drug. To be without the drug is so unbearable a torment that it seems preferable to die. Think of that image —the body has gotten addicted to the drug. Now this is exactly what your society did to you when you were born. You were not allowed to enjoy the solid, nutritious food of life—namely, work, play, fun, laughter, the company of people, the pleasures of the senses and the mind. You were given a taste for the drug called approval, appreciation, attention.

I’m going to quote a great man here, a man named A. S. Neill. He is the author of Summerhill. Neill says that the sign of a sick child is that he is always hovering around his parents; he is interested in persons. The healthy child has no interest in persons, he is interested in things. When a child is sure of his mother’s love, he forgets his mother; he goes out to explore the world; he is curious. He looks for a frog to put in his mouth—that kind of thing. When a child is hovering around his mother, it’s a bad sign; he’s insecure. Maybe his mother has been trying to suck love out of him, not give him all the freedom and assurance he wants. His mother’s always been threatening in many subtle ways to abandon him.

[ZarathustraParticipant 2246]

I have the same kind of mother and I cut off contact 7 years ago. I have never been happier. I urge you to do the same. Its not worth and she will never change. My mom and my dad split years ago so I didn’t have to worry about alienating my father so I am not sure how to approach that but you should bail.

[Secret Agent MGTOWParticipant 22558]

If she starts doing that, leave. No drama, no fighting. Just leave. You will deprive her of what she wants. She will learn she cannot get what she wants from you if you leave every time she starts up.

If your dad is okay, find time to do stuff with just you and him.

Women want everything, but want responsibility and accountability for nothing.

[Secret Agent MGTOWParticipant 22558]

Women do not “create” life. They are the oven. Men and women each provide an ingredient. God is the chef and decides whether or not to make the meal.

They cant create anything on their own.

Women want everything, but want responsibility and accountability for nothing.

[Secret Agent MGTOWParticipant 22558]

Anonymous wrote:

It’sallbs wrote:

My mother is evil.

Mine tried to shank me with a 3 point Crasftmen phillips head, when I was 14.

Red pills taken early.

It does toughen a Man up though….

Thanks Ma!!! Hahahh

Holy cow, what’s the story behind her doing that?

Women want everything, but want responsibility and accountability for nothing.

[Anonymous 54]

Secret Agent MGTOW wrote:

Old Heyoka wrote:

It’sallbs wrote:

My mother is evil.

Mine tried to shank me with a 3 point Crasftmen phillips head, when I was 14.

Red pills taken early.

It does toughen a Man up though….

Thanks Ma!!! Hahahh

Holy cow, what’s the story behind her doing that?

Dyslexicia got me thrown out of school. But mostly cause I look like my old man.
She hatse Men, and I have a BIG SPIRIT that she wanted to crush.

There was a tragedy. They though I was Dead. Gave her the news. Then I appeared. Shes been nice since then, but if I communicate with her often, hate appears. So I limit it.

[Anonymous 38]

Ghost the bitch. No disrespect intended 🙂

[MonkParticipant 17056]

Toxic people have to be cut off.

It doesn’t matter a damn who they are.

[KolaxisParticipant 668]

Ghosting for 6+ months and then saying hello one day like nothing ever happened has been pretty effective for me. My mom is so happy to hear from me that she forgets to bitch for 5 whole minutes!

Jackie: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: I think of a man and I take away reason and accountability.

[Anonymous 54]

Kolaxis wrote:

Ghosting for 6+ months and then saying hello one day like nothing ever happened has been pretty effective for me. My mom is so happy to hear from me that she forgets to bitch for 5 whole minutes!

Its about supply and demand! Haha

[It’sallbsParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

Ghost the bitch. No disrespect intended

A mother is still TUNA AWALT.

A mother does not love it’s child it sees it as a pet, a play thing, she gets a rush off on the fact that when a baby it is completely dependent on her.

http://www.leavemeansleave.eu

[shovelheadriderParticipant 2400]

I don’t know a lot of Spanish but I do know Adios

[JackinovParticipant 5229]

As others have said, just cut her the f~~~ off. Absolutely no contact with or from her.

are you a chia pet in man drag

[CrankgankerParticipant 466]

I also have a narcissistic mother. One thing I can tell you is NEVER call her that. Didn’t go over well for me.

However I have found the best way to deal with my mothers s~~~, is to just not take any. Do what you father is afraid to do.

She can divorce rape him, not you, so just give it back to her twice as hard. Do your poor ol dad a favor and bring her down a peg or 2. Call her out on all of her s~~~.

It will create drama at first , but she will soon realize that when you stop listening and caring and calling her out on her s~~~ that she has no control over you.

I would NOT recommend this with ANY OTHER women, but since she is your mother I think you can be more assertive.

Your mother wont file false allegations against you (well probably) and chances are she doesn’t want you to be gone from her life forever, unless of course she really does despise you in which case f~~~ her.

Me and my mother still have a love, hate relationship but we still see each other and call one another from time to time, and she hasn’t been nasty to me since I made her realize she has absolutely no control of anything I do.

Take this all with a grain of salt, what worked for me may not work for you, but If you don’t plan on ghosting her forever, you have to put your foot down.

Make her realize you are not her husband and that you can cut ties with her at any time you wish with NFG.

You want to make me angry? I will take a bite out of that anger and shit out success.

[HermitParticipant]

Secret Agent MGTOW wrote:

Women do not “create” life. They are the oven. Men and women each provide an ingredient. God is the chef and decides whether or not to make the meal.

They cant create anything on their own.

…..and I wish those stupid women would realize and accept that fact. I’d like to see them “create” a life all by themselves with nothing from a man. Just because they take some sperm within them, it does not make them a god or a creator.

They can create nothing. They can only destroy.

The evil in women’s hearts leaves them no moral bounds as to inhibit them from descending to the lowest levels of darkness to acquire their self entitled desires.

[Author]

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