A woman's solution-less problem in marriage.

[narwhalParticipant]

Something KM said in a different thread “Ex is now engaged” got me thinking. I was going to respond there, but realized it was a complete tangent and should be a different thread.

The sub-topic was about women will marry the next guy after breaking up with you. Is it just settling? Is it just to have the wedding? Is it just the wallet?

Eventually I connected the dots and decided I was never going to be the “I guess you’ll do” guy.

I think it goes further then that though. It doesn’t even stop with the wallet either. One of the things my ex told me years after we were married was that she knew who I was, she thought I would change. “You’ll do” because they don’t see you, they see you as something moldable into what they really want.

One thing I’ve always know about her is that she liked fishing…and I had never been fishing before in my life. She thought she could mold me into liking fishing. What’s funny about that is, I think she is partially right. I did go fishing with her and her family, and I did like it to an extent. I didn’t know what I was doing, needed to be instructed, and all that. But I don’t think she liked that. In her mind, I didn’t like fishing, and I didn’t want to go again.

The reality is that not only did she want me to like fishing, she wanted to be taken fishing. To be lead. And I wasn’t that guy. I would follow and would do so, but I couldn’t lead. She didn’t want to lead, she wanted to follow. Certainly not at first. So I wasn’t moldable after all, at least not with more effort then she wanted.

So it’s a catch-22 to the ‘mold him’ plan. How do you get a man to follow you and lead at the same time? Of course, the answer to that is, you manipulate him. But there some situations that are beyond even the power manipulation.

Can any other divorced men see similarities in their ex’s behavior?

Ok. Then do it.

[Anonymous 18]

I think you are looking at this through a microscope. She didn’t want to be lead anymore than she was wondering, ‘which men in her past would have been a better replacement for you in present’.

With the exception of very handsome &/or famous &/or rich and powerful men, most guys don’t have the abundance phenomenon going for them. On other other hand women have options in their prime. They just have to breathe and be alive for men to be interested in them.

It creates a huge gap between how guys think of women. Their world looks entirely different than ours. To us a woman we fall in love with is everything – the good and the bad. We want to make it work.

Women don’t feel that way. For them men are like imaginative items. They want to mix and match the best traits of all men she knows/has been with. That’s why almost every woman out there has a checklist. She will call those deal breakers but in essence its her traits of choice she desires in a man- or blend the best of her fantasies in one man.

Instead of wanting to change the man, I think women just settle with a man who seem to have more of those checklist items than not. She knows the man won’t change or grow into more but her nature is impulsive.

You tried to accommodate and it wasn’t enough. In her mind the next man would though. And the hamster keeps on running until she is old and wrinkly.

[RoyDalParticipant]

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
― Albert Einstein

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[Mr. SpockParticipant 10911]

Women always love men that they feel they can manipulate. If they can’t manipulate you in some way, they drop you off their radar. Women equate being able to change someone with manipulation. Women learn how to manipulate at a very young age. They feel that once they get a guy interested in them that changing them is part of the manipulation process. The men that they cannot change get dropped and labelled as disappointments. “He wouldn’t change” in c~~~-speak translates into ” I couldn’t manipulate him” which isn’t entirely the truth.

Feminism isn't about equality with men, it's about leverage over men.

[narwhalParticipant]

@iLearn, I think you are dead on regarding comparing your current husband to previous men they’ve known. Of course that’s never said, but my ex actually did that comparison for me. While separated, she actually told me she had friends that she thought were better fits for me then she was. It seemed an extremely odd thing to say at the time.

I have no doubt that women expect to be able to change a man once married. I also think they want to be lead. My ex actually admitted that she was attracted to that aspect of me as well.

I agree my attempts to accommodate were not enough, and they never could have been.

Ok. Then do it.

[MGTOWmonkey aka No More Fucks To GiveParticipant 6635]

Mr. Spock wrote:

Women always love men that they feel they can manipulate. If they can’t manipulate you in some way, they drop you off their radar.

I will have to disagree,from my experience women are more attracted to men that cant be manipulated because it shows his ability to lead and not be swayed by other men or women. Also unmanipulated men can be the ultimate challenge and women get wet for such challenge to place a pussy whipped trial on said guy,if that doesnt work,she goes harder raising the stakes.

Never lose sight of what brought you here.

[Author]

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