A waste

[narwhalParticipant]

A while back, my son was playing in a flag football league. One of his coaches was one of the most interesting and entertaining guys I ever met. Bald head, long beard, carefree attitude. The guy had barely ever watched a football, much less coach, and he readily admitted it. He was only there because his daughter wanted to play (she knew less then him, barely tried, and quit rather quickly) But he was a spectacular coach. Every kid on that team was happy when they saw him coming. The all felt better about themselves, their abilities, and what they could do on the field. Even the parents were happy to see him. Even the other team liked that he was there.

He and I are very different, but we talked a bit and it was clear we saw eye to eye when it came to what was important for kids.

Yesterday, I was at a pizza place with my kids and ran into him. I didn’t recognize him at first as he had shaved off the beard. I pointed it out to my kids and they all got a big smile on their faces. But he, he wasn’t smiling. You could tell that he was frustrated with his ‘happy wife’ who’d obviously hit the wall but living life stress free. I doubt she had a job as she was in ‘comfort clothes’ while he obviously just came off a job site. One of his kids was crying, and he was trying to deal with it while mom was oblivious.

I got his attention and he immediately got up to shake my hand, and then shook my son’s hand, giving him the same respect. I talked to him briefly and he said things were ok, but it’d been a rough couple weeks. Seemed pretty clear that he was worried about work, money, and taking care of his family.

I don’t know exactly what he did for work, but he was likely a painter or something like that. He should be a teacher. I have no doubt that was never remotely an option for him. He would not fit in with the teacher crowd at all, he has no credentials, and he would surely be pushed out once everyone saw how good he was with kids. I would not be surprised if he has criminal record as well.

In the grand scheme of things, it’s minor, but still, it’s a waste. I have no doubt he loves his kids, but if he had never married, if he had been encouraged to do what he’s good at instead of being a ‘real man’, if schools weren’t so wrapped up in feminism, there would be one very happy successful man, and an army of happy children growing up to be adults who believe in themselves in all they can be.

Ok. Then do it.

[globemasterParticipant 443]

Society has become specialized, professionals have taken over. Doesnt matter you are talented or not, as long as you are professionally qualified you can do anything, if not its the otherway .

Maybe if he was single and unmarried he could have followed his passion.

[OgreParticipant 5863]

Narwhal, he made choices every step along the way.

While I respect your concern, he has chosen his prison as we all have. Consider that he probably got rid of his long beard because she didn’t like it.

Until he lives for himself he may be lost.

I know, I was there a couple of years ago. He may be salvageable, but you could spend years working on him just to have him relapse. That sadness that you saw was probably because he knew he compromised every day, and it got him momentary gains.

If you ever get him alone drop a hint, give him the website here, do whatever you can… but any lost potential that you see may be just that.

I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.

[narwhalParticipant]

I don’t know his history that much, but sure he made mistakes along with. I have no doubt he felt like marriage and kids was the way he should go, as many of us did.

I don’t really think he ever had much shot at being a teacher, and probably never even thought about it as a career for him. I just imagine a world where teaching wasn’t thought of as a woman’s profession, where credentials were of less importance that actual talent, and there was actual people involve with kids encouraging their growth instead of classifying them. In my head, I’, imagining an apprentice system, although I’m sure reality doesn’t match my head.

As far as talking with him. I am not one to break up a marriage directly, and I don’t know him well enough to advice. He and I are not at all alike, and I’m not that outgoing, although I considered asking for a number or something and see about meeting him for a beer.

I do think he almost assuredly doomed to his life of stress, at least until his kids are out of the house. I don’t get the impression he would divorce, nor do I think his wife would possible consider trying to trade up, since she is no where near a special snowflake.

Ok. Then do it.

[Author]

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