Home › Forums › MGTOW Central › A sorry but familiar tale
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sidecar 4 months, 4 weeks ago.
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I’ve been married (2nd) for 41 years and have, by my first wife, two children (!) in their forties and one Millennial by my second wife. Several years ago I managed to re establish contact with my first two children (who still live in Europe) because my first wife had died. I have visited them, met my two grand children and also met my biological father after being separated from him for 53 years. My mother knew that I wanted to meet him but, unsurprisingly, she refused to tell me where he was. It was only when my father’s second wife died that I was able to contact him because of an obituary in the local paper. I was lucky enough to have about thirteen years with him, almost all of it over the phone because he was in Europe and I’ve lived in North America for forty years.
My second marriage hasn’t worked out either and she will soon be 75 and is suffering from dementia. My relationship with both sons is tenuous at best, but I’m close to both my biological daughter and my step daughter. I now have four more grand kids.
I can’t escape this horrible second marriage because of finances. During a period of separation from my second wife I lost my dower rights to the house that I spent most of my life paying for, but still pay all the monthly bills. I spoke to a lawyer several years ago about the possibility of completing the divorce but was told that I would have to pay alimony. That’s completely impossible because I’m on a basic state pension.
I’d like to hear from you guys who may have a similar experience because I can’t quite figure out why my relationships with my daughters are really good but with both sons they are completely indifferent to contact with me. If it makes any difference, both sons way out-earn anything that I was able to achieve – the first is a PhD and the second is an IT guy.
Bottom line, I suppose, is that if I ever manage to escape this marriage (alive), I’ve learned my lesson. MGTOW! Women just aren’t worth the drama, are too entitled, too devious and too expensive to bother with. How, oh how, I wish I had leaned all this before it was too late. It’s not fun approaching 70 facing these problems. I always thought that by the time I hit my sixties I would have solved all the big problems and it would be plain sailing from then on. Yeah, right. The problems are more difficult and more numerous than ever!
Welcome bro
Single mothers treat sons like a designer husband
THE PLANTATION HAS NOW TURNED INTO THE KILLING FIELDS . WOMAN ARE NOW ROLLING CAMBODIAN STYLE .
Its not a crime for a man to be poor and stay “married”. You can be able not to afford her expenses if you stay married. Let em build up and when she goes, declare bankruptcy.
Women want everything, but want responsibility and accountability for nothing.
Welcome. I am sorry to hear of your troubles. A gynocentric society can bleed a man dry and leave him with very little if things go wrong for him. It looks like this is one to sit out because you will be too punished for getting out.
I hope you can grow your relationships with your sons. I remember my brothers and I all had bad relationships with my dad after my mother left him but we gradually came back to him as we began to see there were two sides to the story. A son can feel very protective of his mother and if his father ceases to be around or is upsetting his mother, he will feel it is his duty to take her side and resent his father for not doing so. Daughters love the attention of their father. If you have given them attention and affection when they have needed it, it is logical that they should be fond of you. All families are different and I may be wrong in these assumptions but I would tend to try to make time to see your sons and participate in their lives and they may grow towards you.
A woman is like fire -fun to play with, can warm you through and cook your food, needs constant feeding, can burn you and consume all you own
This really is a tale of how that Happily ever after ends up. Everyone has this idea that growing old gracefully heroically is going to be there as you age. It’s simply just not true.
It’s not a fairy tale watching your wife die even if you love her. It sucks. Some would argue its better to hate your wife as you get older so it better to see them go. I don’t know what camp has the better deal. They both suck.
I can tell you about my 2 older sons. I don’t really talk to them. One, I don’t think I have heard from in 3 years, but I think they only thing we share is a last name. The other is making his way in life and trying to figure things out. All I can do is hope they are happy.
Sometimes , just knowing that your kids are doing great is the best thing ever. There is a LOT of pride in that.
I have to ask you since I am interested, what are the things you really still want to do or accomplish? Maybe what you missed out on? It may not do much for you, but I for one would love to know what it’s like being in the 70’s. Something that is only 30 years away for me.
Do you still enjoy music? TV or sports? Do you still like cars? Do still enjoy the holidays?
Like what do you do for fun? And what do you think being married took away from you instead of giving you?
You said you have a family, was it worth it you think? Or do you think life would have been better being single. Some others in that age bracket seem to think so. Or being single is not as good and is depressing.
It’s been passed around here that life has no meaning. What do you think about your life? And did you think it was worth it?
Man, I would love to hear back on this stuff from a guy that has your experience in on these things. Once you get here, you tend to stay around. The insight on MGTOW is addictive. Strange as it is, men don’t really get together and talk anymore. And we happen to be one of those places that we can do that. So would love to hear from ya.
ALso, if I may… Do you still find women attractive at your age? And what do you think any other men that you know have it better then you do? For example, have better wives, or happen to think that love is even a thing with women as they grow older—-or is it just more of a thing that women just simply settle, and know they can’t do any better from your opinion.
If there is one thing that I think would shed a lot of light on Long term relationships, do you think when you first started out it would have ended up this way? And is there anything that would have made your situation better if you did them?
Thank you for posting Old Curmudgeon.
You are all alone. If you have been falsely accused of RAPE, DV, PLEASE let all men know about the people who did this. http://register-her.net/web/guest/home
I’d like to hear from you guys who may have a similar experience because I can’t quite figure out why my relationships with my daughters are really good but with both sons they are completely indifferent to contact with me.
I am completely estranged (my choice) from my adoptive family and I have minimal contact with my biological family. I haven’t seen any family at all in over 15 years. It is what it is. You cannot maintain relations with people who are not open to it. Sometimes we just have to accept it and move on. Be thankful that at least things are still good with your daughters. That’s better than what many other guys have…
Its not a crime for a man to be poor and stay “married”. You can be able not to afford her expenses if you stay married. Let em build up and when she goes, declare bankruptcy.
What about a Senior’s Home (once the wife is gone)? Here in Canada, they have Senior’s Homes for pensioners. They take three quarters of your pension in fees but you get a cot and three hots. Would that lifestyle be acceptable Old Curmudgeon???
My second marriage hasn’t worked out either and she will soon be 75 and is suffering from dementia.
What will be your position when she finally becomes mentally incapable? It might be advisable to seek professional legal advice.
… I can’t quite figure out why my relationships with my daughters are really good but with both sons they are completely indifferent to contact with me. If it makes any difference, both sons way out-earn anything that I was able to achieve – the first is a PhD and the second is an IT guy.
The boys may have been poisoned against you – this is very common. It may also be that their glittering lifestyle doesn’t leave much room for anyone else.
As for the girls, don’t expect too much from them. Female nature will out.
Welcome
Many us have similar stories with various outcomes. What will your outcome be we can’t know. Do know there are a real men here who share your pains and have suffered your dilemmas.A gynocentric society can bleed a man dry and leave him with very little if things go wrong for him.
Don’t blame yourself. Many a man has done all the right things to no avail under a system stacked against him. We just do not see how bad it is until it happens to us.
If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.
I suspect daughters are programmed by evolution to be more friendly to their father’s than sons, who are expected to make their way in the world and find their own women. I think it is kind of a version of keeping things prepped for the doing the familial version of “reverse monkey branching” if the first guy they get with falls through.
All my life I've had doubts about who I am, where I belonged. Now I'm like the arrow that springs from the bow. No hesitation, no doubts. The path is clear. And what are you? Alive. Everything else is negotiable. Women have rights; men have responsibilities; MGTOW have freedom. Marriage is for chumps. If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart-R'as al Ghul.
Sorry, but I’ve been out of it with illness in the past few days.
My relationship with my sons is poor IMHO because they see me as a loser – they have done so much better in life than I have. They also haven’t experienced what I did when I was a kid. My mother re-married – to a policeman who was a prolific pedophile and who used me as his personal sex toy every day for nine years. It would be no exaggeration to say that it has ruined my life. I’ve been in therapy on-and-off for over thirty years, taken a mountain of useless meds and had a pretty severe problem with booze that I’ve only recently been able to partly overcome.
At this stage of my life I’m so beaten down by my experiences that I have little motivation to do anything much. There’s nothing that I feel able to do, no ambition left and totally burned out from continuing to work for 25 years after I should have quit. I missed out on a lot because of the poor choices that I made before I went into therapy. Getting older isn’t much fun, at least for me. I have a long family history of Alzheimer’s on my mother’s side, with all from my great grandmother down to my mother dying of it. I have good reason to think that I now have it too. The only upside of old age, if you can call it that, is that time goes by more quickly – useful because I live in a part of North America that has viciously long and cold winters.
I still listen to music sometimes, usually classical or 60s pop. I haven’t watched TV for nearly ten years because I got fed up with the constant misandry. Time goes by so quickly that I hardly notice holidays and have some difficulty remembering what day of the week it is – a result of being retired and having no fixed daily routine.
There’s not much that I do for fun – going to a restaurant with my only (male!) friend is about it. Marriage has taken far more FROM me than it’s GIVEN me, even when the kids are taken into account, and being effectively estranged from my sons really hurts. I would like to be a part of their lives but I can’t insist on it. If I could live my life again – no scratch that, I WOULDN’T live my life again. Does life have meaning? Not for me. The meaning of my life is to suffer. That’s it.
MGTOW might turn out to be my salvation. It’s very difficult to be positive when most of my life has been so relentlessly negative. I apologize to those who think that I’m so negative, but “thinking positive” is just too much of a stretch.
I do still find women attractive, but it’s rather like eating junk food. I like it but it isn’t good for me! I hope that I’ve learned my lesson and would avoid women like the plague, but I’m old enough to never say never. MGTOW keeps me on the straight and narrow!
The bad choices that I made with both wives was largely down to my lousy childhood. I have only been in love once – not with my wives – but it was unrequited. I confess that the one thing that might get me involved with a woman again would be the experience of loving and being loved back. My one love was over thirty years ago. It never really crossed my mind when I was in my twenties or thirties that I would end up like this.
I’m so grateful to all of you for your kind replies – it makes such a difference to me. I find it very difficult to find male friends locally because my life’s troubles have made it hard to find much common ground with “normal” guys. I feel at home here! You give me hope!
Old C. — Thanks for sharing your story. Your path obviously hasn’t been an easy one. Hopefully you will pull up a chair and stay for a while. Maybe you will find some answers here…or at least a measure of solace that you are not the only one going through such things.
Marriage has taken far more FROM me than it’s GIVEN me…. I do still find women attractive, but it’s rather like eating junk food. I like it but it isn’t good for me!
Amen brother! That is a great analogy.
"You don't know a woman till you have met her in divorce court."Sorry, but I’ve been out of it with illness in the past few days.
My relationship with my sons is poor IMHO because they see me as a loser – they have done so much better in life than I have. They also haven’t experienced what I did when I was a kid. My mother re-married – to a policeman who was a prolific pedophile and who used me as his personal sex toy every day for nine years. It would be no exaggeration to say that it has ruined my life. I’ve been in therapy on-and-off for over thirty years, taken a mountain of useless meds and had a pretty severe problem with booze that I’ve only recently been able to partly overcome.
At this stage of my life I’m so beaten down by my experiences that I have little motivation to do anything much. There’s nothing that I feel able to do, no ambition left and totally burned out from continuing to work for 25 years after I should have quit. I missed out on a lot because of the poor choices that I made before I went into therapy. Getting older isn’t much fun, at least for me. I have a long family history of Alzheimer’s on my mother’s side, with all from my great grandmother down to my mother dying of it. I have good reason to think that I now have it too. The only upside of old age, if you can call it that, is that time goes by more quickly – useful because I live in a part of North America that has viciously long and cold winters.
I still listen to music sometimes, usually classical or 60s pop. I haven’t watched TV for nearly ten years because I got fed up with the constant misandry. Time goes by so quickly that I hardly notice holidays and have some difficulty remembering what day of the week it is – a result of being retired and having no fixed daily routine.
There’s not much that I do for fun – going to a restaurant with my only (male!) friend is about it. Marriage has taken far more FROM me than it’s GIVEN me, even when the kids are taken into account, and being effectively estranged from my sons really hurts. I would like to be a part of their lives but I can’t insist on it. If I could live my life again – no scratch that, I WOULDN’T live my life again. Does life have meaning? Not for me. The meaning of my life is to suffer. That’s it.
MGTOW might turn out to be my salvation. It’s very difficult to be positive when most of my life has been so relentlessly negative. I apologize to those who think that I’m so negative, but “thinking positive” is just too much of a stretch.
I do still find women attractive, but it’s rather like eating junk food. I like it but it isn’t good for me! I hope that I’ve learned my lesson and would avoid women like the plague, but I’m old enough to never say never. MGTOW keeps me on the straight and narrow!
The bad choices that I made with both wives was largely down to my lousy childhood. I have only been in love once – not with my wives – but it was unrequited. I confess that the one thing that might get me involved with a woman again would be the experience of loving and being loved back. My one love was over thirty years ago. It never really crossed my mind when I was in my twenties or thirties that I would end up like this.
I’m so grateful to all of you for your kind replies – it makes such a difference to me. I find it very difficult to find male friends locally because my life’s troubles have made it hard to find much common ground with “normal” guys. I feel at home here! You give me hope!It’s easy to see how your young life harmed you , I would guess you married as you felt it was what to do and would bring you peace, well with women that’s not possible.
Congratulations on your honesty , as has been said try to find some joy every day whether nature , sport , reading ….
Being honest is not being negative , without honesty you can’t move on.
she will soon be 75 and is suffering from dementia.
I hear that wandering off and getting lost and dying from exposure is a serious risk for people with dementia. Hopefully you’re doing everything you can to protect her from that.
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