“So, you look like an excellent candidate, and we’re excited to bring you on board! Please sign this contract of employment, and return it to us along with the contact information of two professional references.”
“I’m excited to be coming on board! But I won’t be giving you any references; I think that references are a waste of time for me, you, and my references.”
“Well, I’m sorry, but corporate policy is that we need at least two references from new employees.”
“What exactly is the purpose of that policy? Why do you need two references? What do you plan on doing with their contact information?”
“It’s important that S~~~Tech know exactly whom we’re bringing on board. References are an essential way to get to know the character of candidates. We will contact your references, and ask them to give us a picture of your professional behavior; this helps us know exactly what you’re like in the work place.”
“Well then I don’t have to give you anything, because giving you names of people I’ve worked with whom you can contact will tell you nothing about my professional conduct. I come into contact with many people in my professional life: some of them I get along with, and these people think I’m an excellent worker; some of them I don’t get along with, and they think I’m a slacker. No matter who he is, a man will encounter people who love him and encounter other people who hate him. But who in his right mind would ask anyone in the latter group to be his reference? Why would anyone who hated a person agree to be his reference? If you called up my references, they would tell you that I’m an excellent worker; hell, if you called up anyone’s references they would tell you that that anyone is a good worker—because everyone chooses as references people who are going to make him look good. Basing your conclusion on a candidate’s character from how his references speak about him is known as a sampling error; it would be like trying to find out what he’s like professionally by asking his mother. If you wanted an accurate picture of what I’m like, you’d take a large, random sample of my coworkers, but we can’t very well do that now, can we? That’s how it’s a waste of time for you: it tells you absolutely nothing about me, only that I can befriend two people. It’s a waste of time for me, because I have to take time out of my day to ask those two people if they can be my references in order to fulfill this useless requirement; and it’s a waste of time for my references, because they’re busy men and they have better things to do than to talk to someone for half an hour, a conversation that will provide them with no benefit. I like the people I would choose as references, and I don’t want to bother them, or put a strain on our relationship.”
“Yeah, I kinda agree with you that references are lame, but it’s the policy of this company.”
“But I have just explained to you why the policy of the company is a waste of time and effort.”
“Yes, but here in HR we’re all corporate drones.”
". . . elle, suivant l’usage des femmes et des chats qui ne viennent pas quand on les appelle et qui viennent quand on ne les appelle pas, s’arrêta devant moi et m’adressa la parole"—Prosper Mérimée
DorkShit 3 years, 5 months ago.
