So, I was thinking about buying a new car. I see a great many cars sitting on the lots and they all look spectacular. So I decided to do a little investigation. I looked at the features, at how comfortable the drivers were in those cars, at how the cars took care of their owners so well. I thought, what they hey, I could get one and be happy. Everybody told me it was a great idea and one of the best investments of my life. I looked at the car reviews and as it turns out the only negative reviews were form drunken losers who steer their cars into trees. I figured great, the only people who have negative experiences were just losers.
It’s a sure win, but still, I was curious. Don’t cars instantly lose a seriously chunk of value right off when you drive them off of the lot? Also, what about maintenance. I search for information online concerning these and I was told it’s unfair to factor in maintenance, especially after everything the car does for me. I felt bad because those were indeed good looking cars and they seemed so nice. I also wondered how long those cars would stay looking so nice. I asked in this forum, and it was insane. I couldn’t believe the reviling responses.
Maybe the car is so good that people don’t want to talk about it.
Anyways, I decided to check out a car lot. I went to a new dealer and they guy made me feel uncomfortable. He kept on making references to how these cars would make me feel like a man. He often made comments about the curves of the cars, how they sounded, how they purred like kittens, how I need to stroke them right right, and how they reminded them of his mother. I thought it was odd but whatever. So, I saw a car that looked nice and pointed it out. I approached the car.
The car alarm went off immediately. I was thrown out of the lot immediately. I was shocked.
So, I went to another dealer. I asked the man if I could approach the vehicles and he said sure. I had to carefully approach it because of it’s highly sensitive alarm. He informed me not to touch the car, unless the car said it was OK. There were all these rules and stipulations. I was told it shouldn’t be too hard to learn them. I decided that these must some awesome cars should all this be there, that they have to be treated like they’re the most valuable things ever.
I did approach a car and I said, “Wow, what a beauty.” The car honked angrily. I was confused. The man told me that I need to understand that the car is a precious instrument and I need to love it for it’s carness, it’s motor, it’s delicate handling ability and self-driving capability. “OK, sorry,” I said.
Considering that car was no longer responding to me, we found another car. I approached it and it wasn’t so hostile to me. I figured, “Awesome, I figured this out. I’m going to get my wonderful car now and be happy.” She allowed us to take her for a ride. So the salesman and I hopped in the vehicle and went for a spin. The vehicle handed alright and I said that I preferred something with a bit more finesse with less slack in the steering. The car comes screeching to a halt. The car had an ejection see… nobody told me about it.
I had to walk home.
I felt bad that I was so judgement to the car. I didn’t know I had so much power of that car that I damaged its self-esteem. Oh well, better luck next car.
The next day, I couldn’t approach any of the cars on that lot, because they all thought I was a bad driver. After all, I was so bad that I had to be ejected. I was worried that I’d be considered like those drunkards who totalled their cares so foolishly. I’m not going to be like those idiots, no way. I left that lot and went to another.
Finally I went to another lot and after doing all the learned protocol, I hopped in the vehicle and went for a spin. This time, there was an update and I had to let the vehicle drive itself. The car went where it went to go and only cared about it’s needs. I was told that drivers constantly oppress their vehicles and these vehicles being so good and yet under privileged that they know better. I felt so sorry for their mistreatment. What kind of loser mistreats their car like this? I am better than those drivers. There were several near misses with a few tractor-trailers that scared me half to death, but I’m not going to hurt another. It’s just the oppression from the other drivers on the road. They’re trying to run her off because she’s a self driving car.
Anyways, we finally get were we’re going. I told the salesrep that I would think about this when I go home, but I wasn’t allowed to leave. I owed them some money for allowing me to test drive the car. When I protested they told me that I should be thankful to pay this. I get to make the car happy. I paid, but I wasn’t sure why.
Later, after realizing that all the problems where my fault, that I would just have to improve myself, I thought I’d go back and buy one.
I went to that dealer and asked how much. I was shocked at the price. I figured I couldn’t afford that! Then I was kicked out. I was told that I must prefer one of those Jeeps or something.
I looked around at other lots. I found the used-up junkers that I could fix up and use, I found the busses that guzzle gas like crazy. Then I found a used lot. I went to it.
The place was run down and many of the vehicles were already leaking oil. These vehicles had been driven around quite a bit and longed for another driver. I looked through the lot until I found one that wasn’t so bad. It didn’t run very well, but it was so eager to run. I decided that the price was within my range and bought it.
The thing fell apart immediately. Then I had to buy mandatory upgrades. I tried to sell it but nobody would take it. Eventually the car looked at the newer cars and that’s when things changed. That car was being driven around by all these other drivers, and was talking about it with it’s other cars from that same lot. Later, that car went back to the dealer on it’s own accord.
Then I was in for a total shock: if that car rejects me, the dealer gets 50% of everything I owned plus a stipend for the rest of my life. I went to the courts to protest this but they just said that I was a total loser who couldn’t grow up and learn how to take care of my car.
Puffin Stuff 4 years, 9 months ago.
