A Difficult Beginning

[LDream5Participant 27]

Hello guys, my name is Justin and I am currently 27 years old. (Birthday fast approaching too. This month.)

I created my account last year and honestly, I haven’t been on here much at all. I first found out about this site through some video Karen Straughan posted on youtube. Surely some of you know who she is by now, because I’m pretty sure she is supportive towards this movement and men in general. I was initially interested because there was a lot going on at the time and I was becoming aware about certain things…about myself and about society. I was also starting to become more confused about women and why I feel like I keep fighting losing battles. I really would like to have a family one day, but I’m so damaged right now that I’m really not the man I want to be…I still feel like a kid really. Confused and easily manipulated.

I am going to see a therapist this Wednesday for one of my first meetings. I’ve been depressed, from what I can remember, since around the time high school started. I am told that I have bipolar disorder, but I can’t be sure…sometimes I feel it’s really just hard to classify a mental disorder. Some days I’m fine, but others I’m just a wreck.

When I was young, my father really pushed me to play lots of sports…even two leagues at the same time sometimes. I enjoyed sports…but sometimes since my dad pushed me so hard. It kinda deluded the fun factor for me, I suppose. Often times when I didn’t do well enough, after the game, he would pretty much chew me out all the way home. Maybe half way through, stopping, and giving me a sort of silent treatment. Like he was just so disappointed with me and I just felt so bad. Sometimes he would say something like,”It’s like you’re afraid of your own shadow!”.

Sometime around 8th grade my parents got a divorce. And I still remember the day my dad told me and how sad it made me. I guess I thought that it meant we wouldn’t be a family anymore. I started getting depressed more and I ended up telling my dad that I didn’t want to play sports anymore. I wanted to do something else…maybe something I could choose. He really didn’t like that, but it was as if he just decided to stop telling me what to do. In a way kinda leaving me a bit misguided.

When high school came, I completely stopped hanging out with old friends I used to. I found a new group of friends and pretty soon found myself doing drugs with them. I felt really misguided. This was also an age where I started questioning things more and seeing what reality was really like. I felt then that really I wasn’t so much a kid any more. I was beginning to see that the world really isn’t that kind of a place. Through media and even my own experiences with being bullied at school.

I started to really develop this disorder of mine then, I believe. Though my mom thinks perhaps maybe it has been going on all along. She said that I used to get really frustrated about small things that would help me avoid embarrassing situations. I’m talking like Kindergarten and such. Like not being able to tie my shoes back then and being ashamed to ask for help. So I’d beg her to double knot them. lol I was always kind of a “momma’s boy”. I lived with her, just me and her…right after the divorce. She always taught me to be the nice guy. The one who respects others. In a way, it’s great…but at the same time it was kinda damaging too. Because in no way did it prepare me for life…or being a “man”. Not even sure what being a man is all about, to be honest.

Relationships didn’t help me realize it either. There is one in particular that is bothering me the most and it’s with a girl that I’ve known for about 8-9 years now. We’ve always had an off/on relationship though over those years. Initially, I met her and attracted her with my sense of humor. That and I guess I seemed a bit more confident back then. She was really into me bad at the beginning. I think it kinda scared me away a bit. She would come stay at my house often and I just felt like maybe at the time…I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted. After a while of me not living up to her ideal partner, she moved on. To an old friend. One of the people in that group in h.s. I hung out with. I was never really great friends with him in particular though. It had turned into really a love triangle. One year maybe she would just get tired of him and they would break up…then she’d come back to me. Then vice versa. I never really spoke to him about it, but he knows about it as well as I that it’s going on. It’s a strange relationship.

I feel like relationship like this one made me even worse for wear. She’s told me recently that she doesn’t want any relationships at all right now, but that she misses that new feeling of meeting someone. I get it, I do…but I’m not about that, I don’t think. Just the way I’ve been raised…I am the nice guy, remember? I’ve come to respect honesty and loyalty. I’m just not experiencing this though. I know I may never with her, but I keep thinking about her and finding it hard to move on…because she’s my friend too. But it really makes it hard to be just her friend when I have all of these feelings for her. I feel it isn’t just her either…seems like a lot of girls my age are like this. They seem happy to not be “tied down” so they can be flirty and probably pursue many guys.

But it leaves me feeling like there is just something wrong with me. Like I’m the problem…and who knows? Maybe I am. I’m obviously going through a lot right now. I let things people say or do affect my well being…it’s not worth it. Like for instance, I’m going to these therapy sessions now because I had to go to the hospital last week. I wasn’t feeding myself and was just laying in bed for like two days. It made me sick of course. (I weight like 130 pounds at 27.) This is my mentality any more. I don’t feel confident in myself, I feel confused about how to operate, how society works, how women work, how to approach women, what it means to be a man, and learning how a man (this day in age) should treat women. Even though I’m in no way ready mentally for a relationship given all my problems.

I was really hesitant to write this and this is actually really hard for me to do. Kinda worried about what some of you may say or what advice you have to offer me. But…I need to move on with my life and figure out things. I hope you guys consider this an okay thing to post. Hopefully it’s not out of place or anything.

I’m going to keep exploring this site. Some of the videos really piqued my interest. I’m just ready to learn mostly and hoping that maybe this will be a good outlet. My way of creating change in myself.

[Anonymous 42]

Thanks for sharing your deepest thoughts and troubles. We’re here to help you pull the needles, razor blades, pins, and splinters from your mind, Many of us are older and all of us are wiser. You’ve come to the right place for mind therapy not offered anywhere else on earth.
Welcome gut-the-nut-house, I’m Dr. MG-Tower, PHD Gynocentrology, it’s my pleasure to help you any way I can!
Welcome and enjoy your stay!

[CPT ObviousParticipant 2727]

Howdy Justin,

Welcome to MGTOW. No worries about what you posted. Today’s world can be tough to navigate.

LDream5 wrote:

Not even sure what being a man is all about, to be honest.

That’s because the world has distorted the role and purpose of men.

LDream5 wrote:

I feel like relationship like this one made me even worse for wear.

Relationships are confusing and extremely taxing. Consider removing yourself from them while you get things figured out.

LDream5 wrote:

I need to move on with my life and figure out things

Sounds like you are working through some things. It takes time. This site has a lot of information to help you take control of your life.

"You don't know a woman till you have met her in divorce court."

[CaliParticipant 753]

Welcome, LDream5.

I’m glad you’ve made it here, and I hope that this site is helpful to you as you improve your health.

There are a lot of red pills on this site. Read through the archives, and read the forum posts. If you have any more problems or questions, feel free and post them here. We’ve had members who would have committed suicide if it weren’t for MGTOW, and we really do care about your wellbeing.

Good luck with therapy. Let us know how it goes.

Just a misogynist virgin hiding away in his mother's basement. Nothing to see here...

[Anonymous 54]

LDream 5 welcome.The world is confused.It offers no clear definition of what Men are supposed to be.I hear this alot from guys your age. Your 20’s are the age when you sort things out.Its great to be a nice guy,but the world doesnt reward nice guys any more. The truth is you have to be tough. I beleive you can do this and still ne a nice guy. Dont bother with people who dont appreciate your kind nature.I think people should always be them selfs.How can you be happy pretending to be someone your not? You sound depressed. I hope your therapy will help,but just be yor self and try and build your strenght. We got your back my Man!!

[HitmanParticipant]

Welcome brother.
Stay a while and it will make sense.
No shame here for you. Only eons of male experience and wisdom.
This is where sanity exists.
I found a lot of mine here!

[Blue SkiesParticipant 15665]

welcome pal.
we’re here for you.
i’m glad you found the path to freedom.
enjoy the website and the forums.

MGTOW is not a movement, it is a way of life.

[LDream5Participant 27]

Thank you all for the warm introductions. This definitely feels like a safe place to express my views and frustrations. Maybe even to make sense of them and find some of the help I need moving forward.

I’m already a little concerned about my first appointment. Not even sure where to start sometimes. I’m supposed to go every two weeks. My therapist is going to be a woman. That’s a bit of a concern to me, if I’m honest. I just feel like I really need to speak to men about it. I really could use some more male role-models in my life. At least I know maybe I can find that here.

To CPT Obvious: I agree, I’m really starting to see just how damaged society is in regards to men/women. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time really. I think it’s messed my head up too because we had a certain structure going on for centuries. Now, it’s kinda disappearing or has already. I think it’s possible even that because it was a certain way for so long…it’s almost genetic. Isn’t it? My subconscious helped me realize that something just feels ‘off’. Like men’s learned experiences are still there in my mind…they are just suppressed.

Oh and I’ll be sure to post some updates. Wednesday is my appointment, so I’ll try to post after it.

[Anonymous 42]

LDream5 wrote:

My therapist is going to be a woman.

You’re bringing a Formula 1 to a bicycle mechanic, women have no idea on what it’s actually like to occupy a mans spirit, You’re asking the blind to tell you what they see. The best you’ll get are some generic cookie cutter answers, we’re good at digging deep into a mans soul better than any woman can. Don’t expect any miracles from female guidance, in fact, look out for the gaping holes.

[CPT ObviousParticipant 2727]

LDream5 wrote:

To CPT Obvious: I agree, I’m really starting to see just how damaged society is in regards to men/women. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time really. I think it’s messed my head up too because we had a certain structure going on for centuries. Now, it’s kinda disappearing or has already. I think it’s possible even that because it was a certain way for so long…it’s almost genetic. Isn’t it? My subconscious helped me realize that something just feels ‘off’. Like men’s learned experiences are still there in my mind…they are just suppressed.

It is very “off”. I grew up in the 70s and 80s, and I can attest that the past 10+ years has really screwed up male/female roles. Historically, when this happens, the civilization as a whole crumbles.

LDream5 wrote:

My therapist is going to be a woman. That’s a bit of a concern to me, if I’m honest. I just feel like I really need to speak to men about it. I really could use some more male role-models in my life

There are a lot of therapist out there and all are different with different styles. I don’t know what your arrangement is, but I would recommend that you insist on a male therapist. But even that is not enough, make sure he is someone that you can identify with and really helps you.

"You don't know a woman till you have met her in divorce court."

[LDream5Participant 27]

Anonymous wrote:

LDream5 wrote:

My therapist is going to be a woman.

You’re bringing a Formula 1 to a bicycle mechanic, women have no idea on what it’s actually like to occupy a mans spirit, You’re asking the blind to tell you what they see. The best you’ll get are some generic cookie cutter answers, we’re good at digging deep into a mans soul better than any woman can. Don’t expect any miracles from female guidance, in fact, look out for the gaping holes.

Exactly my sentiments. How do I really know if these people aren’t already standing on one side of the spectrum? For all I know, she could be a feminist. Also, I don’t really feel comfortable talking to a woman about the concerns of a man. For one, I’m way better at writing how I feel than explaining vocally. I do have some social anxiety. Harder for me to search for the things I want to say when I feel pressured by the flow of vocal conversation. There is more of a rhythm to it. Whereas in writing, I can take my time. I need practice and to get to place where I feel more confident about it. I say therapy alone is really going to help change that…regardless of who it’s with.

I wish I just had sort of a male life coach. Or something like that. Someone that can be around and someone to go do things with. I don’t have many friends because I’m like this. Pretty anti-social currently.

[mp357Participant 531]

Just my 2 cents on the therapy,and i mean no offense,but in my experience therapy can be tricky for alot of us who question things and find life and society confusing. Therapists usually don’t think outside the box and are trained to bring their patients back in line so to speak. And me personally couldnt go to a female,her experience of life is totally different than a man’s. Best of luck tho if you pursue therapy.

[LDream5Participant 27]

mp357 wrote:

Just my 2 cents on the therapy,and i mean no offense,but in my experience therapy can be tricky for alot of us who question things and find life and society confusing. Therapists usually don’t think outside the box and are trained to bring their patients back in line so to speak. And me personally couldnt go to a female,her experience of life is totally different than a man’s. Best of luck tho if you pursue therapy.

Yeah, I’m very weary about this whole experience. I’ll see how it goes. I’d much rather have a more hands on treatment like I just described in my previous post.

[LDream5Participant 27]

My arrangement by the way is that it’s a voluntary rehabilitation. I went to the hospital when I was sick from not taking care of myself. My mom took me there and she has been stressing out about me getting help, I think. So I decided I would seek treatment. Tired of feeling this way…not only for myself, but I know it bothers the people that do love me.

[Anonymous 54]

When speaking with a female most of us will edit things would say to other Men. Therapy is not a good place for that. Id bet my bike shes a feminest. But you never know in life. Give it a chance. But dont be afraid of saying this isnt working for me ,if thats the case. We cant go fishing together on here,but there are plenty of Male role models and friends here for you.

[LDream5Participant 27]

That video ‘On Civilization, Society and Women’ is definitely really concerning to me. I really worry more for how this is all affecting our society. Kinda angry, really. How do we stop this madness before we topple over? What can I do?

[LDream5Participant 27]

Welcome LDream5, as far as mental therapy goes, all you need to do is study everything that is said here on mgtow.com, try to come here everyday, many of your questions will be answered, you’ll be able to see the bulls~~~ like Neo sees the matrix. We are your brothers and were here for you, anything specific, just ask. And please take care of yourself like eating. I don’t think you need that therapy, unless it’s something for your body and it helps, but for your mind, definitely stick around here. You will become Neo, God bless you.

I love that. I was literally thinking last night about re-watching the first Matrix. I really do want to be able to see through the bulls~~~ too…just like Neo in the Matrix. xD

[Buller100Participant 2189]

Well good are are looking to understand how you can move forward, you are probably vulnerable watch of for predatory women looking to enslave you for 25 years then taking most of your resources.

Good luck, there is some great advice and views here.

[Truthseeker82Participant 6406]

Hey welcome and glad you found one of the last safe places for men in cyberspace. For starters – you will not be judged here – we all have different backgrounds, viewpoints and different paths to taking the red pill. What we do all share is the desire to live our lives grounded in reality and on our own terms – not those of a society that is rapidly collapsing. I think therapy can be helpful – but as others have said – it is essential you be comfortable with the counselor. It is possible a female can be an effective counselor for some – but remember it is impossible, no matter how professional they are – for anyone to separate themselves totally from their indigenous gender. For my money, I would find a male one. No matter what, best of luck to you and stop by often. We are 14,000+ strong and growing every day.

[Rat_Rod_RussellParticipant 93]

I’m a tick older than you so I know what you’re saying about being confused by the world we live in now. I was recently in a LTR (Long Term Relationship) with a female working on her PhD in therapy education so I have some unique dealing with these people from a different angle during that time in my life. I’m an engineer and I like philosophy but here’s a simple example of how most conversations went with these people. 1+1=2. Unless its large integers of 1, say 1.3 + 1.3 that equals 2.6 which can be rounded up to 3. Cool, under odd circumstanced 1+1 can =3 but only under those conditions. That about as complex as that can ever get. This pack of Doctor Shrinks in Training wants to tell you 1+1 = 0,….. or 1………, you know, if you feel like it, or they say otherwise.

They were all hard core feminists, even the guys. I have had conversations with the ex where she ended in tears because I told her straight up that I wasn’t a feminist and that holistically the concepts was sexist by its most basic definition. I would argue each and every point she made into the ground with logic and facts placed in various analysis and debates but they always come back to the same general consensus that feminism is about special privileges and not about equality. There for making it, by definition, sexist. “You think I’m sexist *and tears*” Remember, if she wrong but starts crying it’s still your fault. There’s no winning with a zealot of a religion and that’s what these people have turned themselves into.

My point. Their whole system is like that. The training they get is from other teachers who think the same way. They surround themselves with like-minded people and call it “right” based on this skewed basically inbreed consensus. So with my experience I would say go with your gut after talking to your new therapist. There are some red pill women out there. There was one teacher at my Ex’s school that I met who called herself an Equilest instead of a feminist. She had some knowledge of male inequality at the hands of feminism. But she was also ostracized by the rest of the faculty for this belief, again despite the facts. Go with your gut. If what she’s telling you doesn’t feel right or it doesn’t make since? That’s millions of years’ worth of male evolved psyche telling you that something is wrong. Move on and look for a male shrink.

I’m still new to the community but I’ll recommend what I liked most in order for you to consider yourself. You need knowledge. There are some good books out there that will get you pointed in the right direction and occupy your mind while giving you a better understanding of the world around you from a male point of view.

First I would recommend a book about male hormones. As you stated, your body is a wreck. Your body is the meat rocket ship taking you through this life. It makes the chemicals that effect your mind so a basic knowledge of how and why your body works will do you wonders. I was the other way going into the red pill research like you are now. I was 260lbs when I took the pill and as of this morning I’m 210. Every day I improve my diet and give my mind a challenge and I feel way better. I can do more and it makes learning about this f~~~ fest called life much easier. Bear with me, the title sucks and I would have never picked this book up if It was not literally put in my hands by my own brother, “Man 2.0, Engineering the Alpha” yes it’s that bad but the information is amazing! Look online *hint hint nudge nudge* and you can find the audiobook so you don’t even have to muster the f~~~s to read it, just listen to these guys explain their experiences and make nerd jokes about your health. After you read it you’ll understand that right now what you probably need the right food (eggs and chicken with lots of fat and butter actually) and some sunlight more than anything but they will explain why and how this works to you.

Then you’ll want some better information about why and how the world is the way it is with these women at the helm making us all crazy. I’m on my second read through of The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi He does and awesome job explaining why these women think the way they do using evolutionary psychology and other observational sciences that should make a lot of since to you.

I think “The Manosphere” by Ian Ironwood is a good introduction to the various worlds of men in this online century and a bit of its evolution. It is a good one to put on that list but at that point I think you’ll also have a solid direction as to where you want to go and start looking for more information from those sources.

Welcome brother, enjoy the stay. No one will judge you here. We only want to share our experience with you so you can take what you need to help yourself. You’ve taken a step in the right detection with your intro and the conversation so far. That’s how men work on a problem one step at a time.

[Author]

Posts