A Damned Fool in need of Deconditioning

[BalthazarParticipant 722]

well i have been checking out stuff here for awhile but had been putting off doing my intro. I want to actually do a decent job and there is a bit to tell so that could have been another factor in the procrastination. i imagine that i will do it all in a couple installments in order to get the whole story in.

i would have to say that i’m a glutton for punishment. i’m 30 yrs old and have two young children with two different women. i’ve been heavily indoctrinated with the blue pill, so neither was an accident nor is me being single now a lacking in my commitment to make a family. my parents are still together and very heavily imprinted the whole “stay for the children” nonsense, which definitely makes sense in one way but not when it’s ruining your life. basically both women wanted to move on because they didn’t want to put forth the kinds of effort that was being required from my end. so the hypergamy kicked in and they sought out a “better situation.”

so in my young adult life before i started having kids i only had one highschool sweetheart type girlfriend. there were many women that i had been with and spent time over the course of years but no other “serious relationships”. my parents as mentioned definitely put forth the ideas of service to and need of family and as i got past my early 20s my mother was always pushing for grandchildren. i definitely imagined having a family the older i got and longed for the type of female companion and partnership that i now realize doesn’t really exist.

so at a certain point in my life experience i met a girl that i enjoyed. it was very much casual and our time together mostly consisted of doing recreational drugs/partying and having sex, which was good. it wasn’t a relationship and i spent some time continuing to be single and stopped hooking up with her for awhile. eventually i revisited it and she put in some serious effort to try and get the hooks in. the sex was great, she did many other things to try to please me and was very explicit about professing her devote loyalty to me and honoring me as a person she wanted in her life. this all stroked my ego pretty well and i decided to start dating her. at this point i had been living with my parents after returning home for about a year and a number of factors were pressing me to get out of that situation. so i decided to move in with her. things seemed pretty decent for awhile but eventually all sorts of red flags went up. she became physically abusive to me, she was a whore for others attention, she became hyper dramatic in confrontations, she went out late doing who knows what or who all the time etc. but unfortunately i kept at it with her and quite a bit of time passed.

eventually i got to the point where i was beyond my partying stage and told her i wasn’t interested in being with her if that’s where things were going to continue to go. i wanted to progress in my life towards stability, goals and aspirations. at this point she still had me hooked enough that i really bought into her supposed total devotion and loyalty. i thought that even if she behaved in a lot of ways i didn’t agree with that if she would just settle down that she would really stick things out with me and make a lasting bond. basically i tried to make a ho a housewife. i got her pregnant and so the real fun began. actually while she was pregnant it was one of the best times in our relationship. she behaved herself for the most part and cut out all of the unhealthy or destructive habits that a mom should. we spent a lot of time together and it was very intimate and wonderful. she stopped working about 2 months out from the delivery and i was able to support her after the baby was born. and once he was that’s when things turned to s~~~.

about a month after the baby was born she started going out again. i’m not trying to paint her as a total bar fly or drunk, it wasn’t that often. but when she did she had no control over herself. she is one of those people that gets high on other people and the excitement of a social situation where once they’re at a certain point no amount is enough. she would make stupid decisions, leaving me home with the baby all hours of the night when i might have to work the next day etc. during this time i was able to work full time and have a flexible enough schedule to care for the baby half the time so she could attend college. eventually i started to get really p~~~ed and we fought over this kind of stuff quite a bit. then she conveniently “fell out of love with me”, so that we weren’t “together” even though we were and i paid for everything. she even suggested that i move out with my friend that i was doing a farming project with but continue to pay for her to have the apartment. this went on for about 2 months until we had one particularly bad fight which amounted in me folding our laptop backwards, verbally threatening her and storming off once she threatened to call the police. i came back the next to grab some clothes before work to get out of there for a longer period of time and she had me arrested.

so it turns out the night before she had the neighbor take her to the police station with the broken computer. along with it she brought my ak 47 which had some interesting “assault style” attachments with two high capacity magazines. at this point i will be clear that i never threatened nor implicated threat with this weapon and it never came out of it’s case the whole time we lived at that location. because of the date of manufacture of aforementioned weapon it was grandfathered in as legal to possess but all this nonsense happened right after sandyhook and the wonderful safe act that passed in my state ny. needless to say the cops were chomping at the bit to make weapons arrests because of the political climate at the time and brought me up on charges with ever having their special weapons investigator check the thing out. so with all of that said and done she had me removed from the home that i solely paid for with a no contact restraining order, i was also charged with harassment, felony criminal mischief for breaking my own computer and two weapons possession felonies. and to top it all off she went in and filed for sole custody of our son which made things even more fun because it put me in this wonderful institution in our county called integrated domestic violence court. basically one judge presides over both your criminal and family court proceedings. all of the family court s~~~ is pushed through as quickly as possibly to f~~~ you over before your charges are even addressed and a lawyer wants to be paid for two “separate” cases to represent you for each issue. of course the judge “temporarily” removed my rights to custody immediately at the first hearing because of all of the bulls~~~ charges i had been brought up on… so anyway i think that’s as far as i’ll make it tonight, more to come

This body holding me is a reminder of my own mortality. Embrace this moment. Remember, we are eternal and all this pain is an illusion.

[The Manipulated ManParticipant 1856]

Greetings Balthazar,

You have arrived at a great place to learn how to take better care of yourself from now on. Keep up your good research here on MGTOW.

Balthazar wrote:

my ak 47 which had some interesting “assault style” attachments with two high capacity magazines. at this point i will be clear that i never threatened nor implicated threat with this weapon …. needless to say the cops were chomping at the bit to make weapons arrests

You may be supprised to discover that you are not alone. Too many men have made the mistake of showing woman their weapons in a foolish attempt to provide a sense of protection or what ever. In blue pill land, isn’t that what you are supposed to do with your “soul mate?”

This big mistake often ends in disaster for most men.

Finding a man with fire arms in his home means that a woman doesn’t have to injure herself to have him arrested.

Balthazar wrote:

integrated domestic violence court. basically one judge presides over both your criminal and family court proceedings. all of the family court s~~~ is pushed through as quickly as possibly to f~~~ you over before your charges are even addressed and a lawyer wants to be paid for two “separate” cases to represent you for each issue.

The crap I went through is lightweight compared to the newest “family court” nightmares.

The gynocentric legal s~~~ just gets worse as time goes on.

I look forward to reading the rest of your story on this introduction thread and your other future posts.

You can have some good years ahead as soon as you fully understand and consistantly behave like MGTOW is the only real path to freedom.

What happens when a man finally comprehends the cold and calculating thoughts that are going through a woman's mind, while her eyes are brimming with tears?

[Jan SobieskiParticipant 28791]

Welcome home brother!

Love is just alimony waiting to happen. Visit mgtow.com.

[The_YoungParticipant 1073]

Thanks for letting us hear your story, Balthazar. It f~~~ing amazes me how a woman can turn from the sweetest most loyal bitch in the world, to just a total psychotic bitch. I love reading introductions like this because they are the greatest reminders to those experiencing blue pill withdrawals that All Women Are Like That. Women will never make you happy. The only thing women can do is frustrate your dick and empty your wallet.

Really f~~~ing sorry to hear about your AK though. Your ex doesnt have any idea how precious a grandfathered automatic weapon in the US is.

Brother, we need to stick together.

[BufordParticipant 935]

That’s a hard, harsh way to find the truth out mate. It’s all relative of course, but I never went through a lot of the stuff that guys go through on here all the time.

The best we can do is just be here I guess.

Just remember you’re a man, and that you can overcome all these things on your own.

Good luck and welcome.

"This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin' around with those show folk fags. - Sheriff Buford T. Justice"

[The Batman 2020Participant 2112]

Dont show the ladies your gats. That’s the first thing they will scream to the 911 dispatcher. I listen to the police scanner and 75% of the time when a woman calls 9-wah-wah she tells them their are guns in the house, or car. It is a tool for the female to have you extracted with extreme prejudice. DON’T SHOW THEM YOUR GUNS

Your 20's are for learning, your 30's are for earning.

[BalthazarParticipant 722]

hey thanks for the encouraging words and advice fellas, so here is installment two:

eventually once all the court stuff was resolved i was limited to visitation with my son but surprisingly the bitch was actually fair about it and i’ve had my son on average about half the time since then. as far as the criminal charges go, the harassment and gun charges were thrown out and i was forced to take a plea bargain to knock the felony criminal mischief down to a misdemeanor. that resulted in 3 years of probation and about $3500 in court fees, supervision fees and lawyer fees. it’s been about 3 and a half years since it all happened and i’m also lucky to say that she never took me for child support.

in that time, i went to go live with my buddy that i was doing the farming project with. the piece of property was a land trust that was basically a 300 acre nature preserve with a trail system and a portion of tillable land with a barn and some assorted equipment. basically the directors of the place said that we had free reign over everything for our creative efforts as long as big projects were passed by them, anything we did would not infringe on other members use of the property and everything would follow sound ecological practices. i really enjoy plants, gardening, landscaping, land management, forestry etc. so this was really a dream come true. i was in shock for quite a while from what happened to me and this place was medicine. we grew about 500 lbs of tomatoes our first year, i did tons of hiking and jogging on the trails, woodcutting, trail work, artistic installments, maple sugaring, snow shoeing. we even threw a small music festival. it was awesome. it was both the most constricted and freest time in my whole life.

but as much as i was growing in some ways, i still hadn’t learned all the things that i should have from the horrific previous experience. i have many realizations in my life but find that it’s not always easy to apply them to different situations where they’re appropriate. for instance, nothing really is the way you imagine it to be, your imagination is a construct of your mind which is not the true nature of the thing in question. i think this really applies to my idea of having a family. i was never even close to having a stable family situation with this woman but i imagine that i had been and that it was just out of my reach. i longed to recreate my idealization of the whole thing. if i was smart i would have stayed away from women for a long time, but i wasn’t and still am not. eventually i met another lady that i thought was a nawalt. i told her the truth about everything and she accepted me. we hung out on the farm all the time and she helped me with my work. i was really into her because she practiced herbal medicine and i wanted to help her create a business with my plant cultivation skills. she was sweet to my son and supportive of my life and the difficulties i had been and was working through. the sex was plentiful and great, i could literally get her to make a wet spot that covered the whole bed. and like a dumb ass, so eager to recapture my lost family, i got her pregnant too. way too early on to know her true character i might add.

once she was pregnant then everything had to change in her mind. we couldn’t live on the farm anymore because it wasn’t a “normal situation” for a baby. i also had to get a better, higher earning job. she was ashamed that she hadn’t waited until she found herself in the perfect princess dreamland of a marriage and house etc etc., so she hid it from everyone until she couldn’t and then said it was an “accident”. and there were other warning signs too: she was neurotic, anxiety ridden, insecure and vain. at one point she told me that she had a very difficult time sustaining physical intimacy long into a relationship, but that “i was different” and she’d never felt the way i made her feel. instead of taking this as a clear forecast of my future with her, i let it stroke my ego and thought i was a total stud. but still everything seemed alright until the baby was born. we were “in love” whatever that is, and the sex was still plentiful right up until she was too pregnant for comfort.

after the baby was born everything i did was wrong and she could talk for 5 days straight about everything i ever did that wasn’t right in her eyes. i had absolutely no say in how the baby should be raised. she resented me for “getting her” pregnant because her life could be different now if that hadn’t happened. and once again i was the beast of burden, allowing this one to stay home as well to raise the baby. her whole demeanor changed towards my son because she had her own now and took out all of her frustration with me on him when we had him. and the sex was absolutely non existent, 5 times since the 18 months that my daughter has been alive. if before there was an unlimited amount of wetness, now at least for me,there’s an unlimited amount of dust and cobwebs. i took her on dates, on trips and vacations, i did all the right stuff to provide for the kids and her, take care of the home etc. and it didn’t matter i’m just beta bucks now to her. she had conveniently “fallen out of love” with me. so eventually i got p~~~ed and said i wasn’t her f~~~ing roommate and if she was going to act like that, when was she moving out? i didn’t literally mean it, my intention was to let her know that her behavior needed to change. but she took it literally, so from that day forward her mother started helping her to look for somewhere new to move to behind my back. she moved an hour and a half away taking my daughter from me, so she could be with her sister.

and on top of all of that bulls~~~, she’s in communication with my previous baby momma and told her all the s~~~tiest things she could to change her opinion of me. so now i went from having my daughter full time to one day a week and my son half the time to every other weekend. my relation to the two most precious people in my life is dictated by two narcissistic c~~~s that hold my relevance in either child’s life a far far distance behind whatever their priorities happen to be at any given moment. so if i were to give any advice out at this point it would be, seek companionship out in quality friendships and not women, use your sexual energy as drive to work towards your own goals rather than chasing women and if you’re about to make an important decision that is highly emotionally motivated, go jerk off and then see what you think about it.

This body holding me is a reminder of my own mortality. Embrace this moment. Remember, we are eternal and all this pain is an illusion.

[EyeswideopenParticipant 2930]

The_Young wrote:

It f~~~ing amazes me how a woman can turn from the sweetest most loyal bitch in the world, to just a total psychotic bitch.

Yes, yes it is. Been there and have the t-shirt. It truly does take your breath away does it not?

I have learned to accept that like a light switch being flipped, when it is over, it is over in their heads.

As you know, with the last 40 years of women, past sacrifices and loyalty are meaningless.

Balthazar wrote:

very difficult time sustaining physical intimacy long into a relationship, but that “i was different” and she’d never felt the way i made her feel. instead of taking this as a clear forecast of my future with her, i let it stroke my ego and thought i was a total stud.

Heard this one too from my ex – f~~~ me is it that common? It was her way of explaining away the rampant carousel riding she was/had engaging/ed in while simultaneously increasing her SMV (sexual/social market value) so I would pay full price. I did. Wish I know then, what I know now.

I also let it stroke my ego big time. It’s part of manipulation and the trap.

Balthazar wrote:

she had conveniently “fallen out of love” with me.

Heard that one too. This is excuse making, rewriting history, and gas-lighting all in one.

- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein

[Enjoy The DeclineParticipant 1719]

eventually i met another lady that i thought was a nawalt. i told her the truth about everything and she accepted me.

Let me tell you something about people in general. Never talk sh*t to people about other people. No mater how much the person you talk sh*t about wronged you, it might just bite you in the a** just because of the fact that you are leaving it up to chance that those two might go against you if they ever do meet each other, and they would do it out of convienance. Plus, these days, it is a small world out there and there might even be a chance that she already knows her already. When you told her about the previous relationship also, you basically helped her out in knowing where you are coming from so that she would then more accurately know how to do the next moves in dealing with you. You need to have a sense of mystery in order for her not to read you like a map. Maybe, when you told her your story, she thought that you were basically advertising to her that you are a sucker even, which is sick in her part. I know that I might be brutally honest, but this stuff needs to be said and I respect you that much to do it. Moral of the story, try not to explain your quarrels with people to females, you might give them unnecessary information that they can use against you out of convienance. Have a sense of mystery with other females.

"Question everything" - Albert Einstein

[BalthazarParticipant 722]

well i explained it to her because i had to be honest about the restrictions on my life from being on probation and all of the legal nonsense. and unfortunately they do know each other because the 2nd one took care of my son from the first when he was with us. so the fact that they cultivated a relationship has come back to bite me. basically after the 2nd one moved out she kept telling me that we were still a family but just “separated” for now. i told her to leave me alone and that i did not want to spend time with her, so she called the 1st one up to stir the pot and cause drama between me and the 1st. it’s like they’re teaming up on me.

This body holding me is a reminder of my own mortality. Embrace this moment. Remember, we are eternal and all this pain is an illusion.

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