Hello and happy to be here,
To start off I apologize for the wall o text. I have been girlfriend-less my whole life and of course that was due to fear/anxiety, parental upbringing, hindsight/foresight, observations around me, and ran off of logic/reasoning. I don’t have a huge circle of friends but a handful of trusted male friends and few close female friends. At the age of 30 I had a minor mentality change and I lost weight and tried dating.
Of course due to my severe inexperience I’ve failed horribly and now that I think about it the dates weren’t dates at all but most likely rather out of pity. My friends tried setting me up with women they knew were single and some that were single mothers as well. I being the former rational beta white knight and still fantasizing about Disney romance BS went along and was still met with failure.
I was met with 3 failures that taught me a very good lessons about reality in the dating world. The first failure was when the girl had me wait a week before our “coffee” get together only to invite a male “friend” of mine that I thought I knew, basically the whole thing was horrible and I felt like a third wheel. From then on the guy that I thought was a friend clearly made it clear that we weren’t friends and although did not voice it, clearly did not like me bettering myself.
Second failure involved a single mom, I decided that night to socially drink and naively I let the panther into my room after debating the origin of a drawing that I drew a long time ago and ultimately got devoured. Yea, one night stands are nice but I expected more and didn’t get that. She later told me her fwb wanted to make it serious and told me not to tell him anything. So, I cut off all contact and was left disappointed by the whole interaction.
Third failure involved a young woman that I partially knew prior for a year. She just got out of a bad relationship and after a few months I decided to pursue her, we went on 2 outings and planned for a third outing. The week before the outing she went cold and disappeared from me, no text, avoided me in public, etc. She flaked out on me, I cut contact for awhile but soon later talked to her again to find out why she flaked, gave me excuse and told me she wasn’t ready for anything, so I believed her. Made plans to meet up again but again, she flaked out on me a 2nd time and offered to reschedule, at that point I declined and never contacted her again. I find 2 months later from a mutual friend that during the week she went cold on me before the 3rd outing she slept with a guy who had a notorious reputation of sleeping around, cheats on his girlfriends, and at the time had a girlfriend too. Her number 1 choice failed and she then branched to another guy. At this point I was disappointed with her character but what was more surprising was the fact that she started to cross my path in public like trying to grab my attention and it p~~~ed me off quite a bit. I was angry mostly for the fact that at one point she ignored me and avoided me like the plague then all of a sudden she intentionally started crossing my path in public, unfortunately for her I wasn’t stupid so I ignored her existence and carried on.
I was frustrated with everything and my friends couldn’t give me any useful advice whatsoever or any legitimate answers. The usual BS like:
“I don’t know what’s wrong with you”
“You’re not trying hard enough”
“You’re trying too hard”
“You’re such a nice guy, I don’t understand..”
etc…
So I went on the internet and started reading, started researching, and I somehow stumbled upon MRA, AFVM, MGTOW, Karen Straughan, Spetznaz, Barbarossa, Sandman, Tom Leykis, etc… I went on a marathon absorbing, listening, and reading every piece of knowledge that gave me some semblance of an answer to my plight. And, I was surprised because instead of it being useless like the answers above, they were all logically sound and made perfect sense. Everything that I semi questioned about in my youth have been answered not with BS answers but answers backed up by logic, reasoning, and facts.
I believe I am finally starting to pass my red-pill rage. I have recently declared bankruptcy(for being to nice to my family and friends) and am now starting over but this time being a little more selfish now. I am aiming to get my graphic/web design career started and am confident that I am a different person compared to my 30 year old self. I am now trying to build more body mass with bodybuilding and I am now more social with women than I ever was in my past. I have taken a liking to airsoft and now just trying to move forward in my life.
Generally I am disappointed in women and the decisions in their lives, their choices in boyfriends, way of life, etc… Don’t get me wrong, I love women, their bodies and their feminine traits. However it’s really hard to find any worth in them now, especially when I am told by my female friends that I can only date single moms and unattractive women because of my inexperience and age.
Thanks for reading,
