Gentlemen, such is the nature of the beast.  There is no cure for their affliction.  Their brains aren’t  f~~~ing wired correctly.  The only solution is to avoid marriage and avoid having children.  Then you can enjoy your money and your life in peace.

I wish the government would legalize prostitution.  That would send the value of their little pot ‘o gold plummeting!  Plus there would be no incentive for marriage…not that there is for a man anyway.

Fedup,
I feel for you. Many of us do, as many of us have been where you are. At three years, you’ve made it 50% longer than I did. I’ll salute you for that. I can’t offer you much advice on what to do. Everyone in your situation has slightly different set of circumstances and for some, the cost of the exit is even worse than the cost of remaining.

On the premise that you are remaining, at least for now, I can offer you some things that got me some limited success in trying to interact with girlfriends and a spouse. There are no guarantees, but if they don’t work, I will not have charged you anything either.

I had a girlfriend who was obsessive compulsive and nagged me about tidying up all kinds of crap, in my own house, where she visited, but did not live. I watched her and realized that she didn’t realize how much she did it. I also noticed that in situations where she had reason for anxiety (big party at my house where there were many of my family members she’d never met before), she tended to do it more. This is classic symptom of obsessive compulsive personalities that do this as a means to manage anxiety.

At one point in the party, I waved her over to where I was and leaned in as though I was going to tell her a secret. She leaned in and I gave her big hug while whispering in her ear, “In the last half hour, you’ve criticized me for not using coaster, not dropping empty can in recycle bin instead of regular trash can, and about the amount of soap I put in dishwasher before starting it. Can that be the last thing you criticize me for today? I need a break from it at least until tomorrow…”. She was stunned as she hadn’t even realized she was doing it. She didn’t like being told that, but I was soft spoken, polite and private about it so she couldn’t take it as confrontational and react by escalating. It helped for a while, but with OCD personalities, once that anxiety is there, the behavior is coming out one way or another.

On trying to get her to tell you what’s wrong when she’s in s~~~ty mood and says she’s “Fine”. I once explained that if something was bothering her, or there was something she needed, she could ask me for it and have a reasonable chance of getting it… but that the odds of her getting it from me were a lot lower if what she wanted was a f~~~ing secret…

Even while swearing, I was soft spoken and polite and smiled when I said it. Smiling makes the statement a kind of trojan horse that has a chance of getting past the walls to sneak a little logic into what might otherwise be an impenetrable mindset. It’s important not to get emotional, because if you do, they will take it as a challenge to an emotional contest and almost always respond by escalating to ‘out-emotional’ you. She has the advantage of estrogen. It’s no contest. Try not to start down this road.

Think of it as dealing with the mind of a bratty little kid of say 5 or 6 years old, but in an adult body. A tantrum is waiting just under the surface, but you are not allowed to turn them over and spank their ass for screwed up behavior. They’re moody but can’t communicate why. They’re demanding but can’t communicate specifically for what. You have to be the adult in the equation. Expecting them to behave like an adult sets yourself up for disappointment. The only men I’ve known to stay successfully (albeit not necessarily happily) married for many years all approached their wives this way…like children.

She is not an adult partner. She is a petulant child that you have adopted, that looks like an adult, but can’t be expected to think, communicate or act like one. Sounds like bulls~~~?

Remember when you got married…probably in a church…with a bunch of people watching…where at some point, her father walked her down the isle an ‘handed her off’ to you.

You thought that was just symbolic, right? 😛

That’s it buddy. That’s all I got for you and I’ll admit it wasn’t enough for me to stay married. Just do the best you can with what you got…
I realize I’m giving spit b~~~~ to a man on his way to a gunfight, but it’s all I got for you.