27 Ways to Be a Modern Mangina – NYT Article

Does the modern woman do a lot of what is being expected of the modern man(gina)? Thought not.

Forget being a modern man(gina) then. I’m off to whack a bitch over the head and drag her back to my cave.

I’m sorry, i misread the title of that NYT article as “How to be a f~~~ing pussy”

Anon Anonington wrote:

I’m going to assume it’s a good thing I don’t even know who Michael Mann is.

LOL read my mind brother. You read my mind. I take great comfort in NOT knowing who the hell that is.

Also, a modern man will never get laid. Which might explain the constant crying. Excuse me now, I’ve got to take my 4×4 down to the liquor store and then hit the gun shop.

I was 40 before I figured out that the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms was a government agency and not just a nickname for a Friday night get together. Guess I’m not a modern man, thank god.

TaxGuy wrote:

I was 40 before I figured out that the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms was a government agency and not just a nickname for a Friday night get together.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I f~~~ing loved that. A woman won’t understand it and a feminist will get angry….because she doesn’t understand it. I’m a laugh about that one all day, thanks.

What are the ways to being a modern woman? There is just one: BE A STUPID BITCH

Time for a little manslation I think. Something to show the difference between this hypothetical “modern man” and a Real Man.

1. When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn’t have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.

Damn. The author couldn’t even wait a few entries to start with the stupid. He went full retard right out of the gate. What the f~~~ Real Man buys shoes for his spouse? For that matter, has there ever been any woman anywhere that wanted shoes picked out by a man, regardless of whether they’re the right size or not?

2. The modern man never lets other people know when his confidence has sunk. He acts as if everything is going swimmingly until it is.

The Real Man speaks plainly and tells the truth. If things are f~~~ed, he’ll say they’re f~~~ed, and then work to unf~~~ them. This “modern man” will act like everything going swimmingly right up until he gets served with divorce papers.

3. The modern man is considerate. At the movie theater, he won’t munch down a mouthful of popcorn during a quiet moment. He waits for some ruckus.

The Real Man doesn’t watch movies with “quiet moments”. If it ain’t 100% ruckus 100% of the time, with added explosions and robots and s~~~, he ain’t paying for a ticket.

4. The modern man doesn’t cut the fatty or charred bits off his fillet. Every bite of steak is a privilege, and it all goes down the hatch.

The Real Man knows the whole f~~~ing POINT of ordering a fillet is all the fat and gristle gets filleted off. If the Real Man gets a steak that isn’t 100% to his satisfaction, he sends that f~~~er right back to the kitchen. It ain’t his privilege. He’s paying for that goddamn steak, so getting it the way he wants is his goddamn RIGHT.

5. The modern man won’t blow 10 minutes of his life looking for the best parking spot. He finds a reasonable one and puts his car between the lines.

The Real Man rides a motorcycle and parks wherever the f~~~ he wants. And he never gives a f~~~ about the “best parking spot”. If he wants to park sideways way the f~~~ out in the boondocks and walk in the rain, that’s what he’s gonna do. Any bitch that tries to tell him to park up close can get the f~~~ out of his ride. And won’t be getting back in.

6. Before the modern man heads off to bed, he makes sure his spouse’s phone and his kids’ electronic devices are charging for the night.

The Real Man lets his kids be responsible for charging their own s~~~. He knows that’s how they learn to grow up into responsible adults.

7. The modern man buys only regular colas, like Coke or Dr Pepper. If you walk into his house looking for a Mountain Dew, he’ll show you the door.

The Real Man knows that Dr. Pepper isn’t a f~~~ing cola. And he drinks whatever the f~~~ he wants. But he also knows how to be a gracious host, unlike this soft drink snob asshole “modern man”.

8. The modern man uses the proper names for things. For example, he’ll say “helicopter,” not “chopper” like some gauche simpleton.

The Real Man doesn’t stroke his dick over unnecessary pedantry. He gives no f~~~s so long as the message is clear.

9. Having a daughter makes the modern man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day.

The Real Man is already complete. He needs to be if he’s going to raise his children right. And he doesn’t care if his children are sons or daughters, unlike that worthless sexist “modern man”.

10. The modern man makes sure the dishes on the rack have dried completely before putting them away.

The Real Man doesn’t have time for that s~~~. The Real Man owns a dishwasher, which was invented by men by the way.

11. The modern man has never “pinned” a tweet, and he never will.

The Real Man thinks this one is especially retarded. No need to go into detail.

12. The modern man checks the status of his Irish Spring bar before jumping in for a wash. Too small, it gets swapped out.

The Real Man gives no f~~~s what soap he uses. It’s all the same; clean is clean. And he doesn’t think he’s “too good” to use up all of a bar of soap, either, unlike that soap swapping wasting “modern man”.

13. The modern man listens to Wu-Tang at least once a week.

Wait. What? That’s not a “modern man”. That’s a “90’s man”.

The Real Man listens to whatever the f~~~ he wants.

14. The modern man still jots down his grocery list on a piece of scratch paper. The market is no place for his face to be buried in the phone.

The Real Man remembers what he needs. How goddamn hard is it to remember milk, beer, bread, eggs? And he buys whatever the f~~~ he wants to eat; he’s not a slave to some stupid little list.

15. The modern man has hardwood flooring. His children can detect his mood from the stamp of his Kenneth Cole oxfords.

The Real Man doesn’t bother with such interior decorating nonsense. Straight concrete is just fine. And “Kenneth Cole oxfords”? Seriously? That’s overpriced crap for gay men, and generally gay men don’t have children to hear them “stamp”.

16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.

Only a “modern man” would let an intruder get as far as the bedroom. Oh and a Real Man isn’t going to wife up any not-Real Woman who sacrifices him so she can run away to save herself. If she can’t stand by him together, the intruder can f~~~ing well have her.

17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?

Once again the author shows he thinks the “modern man” is gay. Or actually a “modern woman”.

The Real Man uses a plain old knife to carve up melons, because the Real Man knows that a cube is also a uniform shape.

18. The modern man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.

The Real Man knows how to buy shoes that fit.

19. The modern man buys fresh flowers more to surprise his wife than to say he is sorry.

The Real Man never has anything to be sorry about. The “modern man” simply IS sorry.

20. On occasion, the modern man is the little spoon. Some nights, when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and physical shield.

Even though he has no f~~~ing clue what the author means by “little spoon”, the Real Man can easily see the blatant contradiction between this and #2 (always appearing like everything is “going swimmingly”) and #16 (being a sleeping human shield for cowardly wifey).

21. The modern man doesn’t scold his daughter when she sneezes while eating an apple doughnut, even if the pieces fly everywhere.

The f~~~? The Real Man doesn’t see what the f~~~ this has to do with anything.

22. The modern man still ambles half-naked down his driveway each morning to scoop up a crisp newspaper.

So now this supposedly “modern man” is stuck all the way back in the ’50s? I guess that’s only to be expected from some schmuck writing for an obsolete dinosaur like the New York Times. The Real Man knows newspapers are dead as the dodo and as useless as a buggy whip. He gets his news raw, unfiltered, and uncensored off the internet.

23. The modern man has all of Michael Mann’s films on Blu-ray (or whatever the highest quality thing is at the time).

The Real Man knows better than to have anything to do with the likes of Black Hat, Miami Vice, The Keep. Moreover the Real Man is increasingly convinced the author of this little list thinks the “modern man” is an overcompensating gay man.

24. The modern man doesn’t get hung up on his phone’s battery percentage. If it needs to run flat, so be it.

What was that about keeping things recharged again? Also the Real Man knows how to manage his own electronics.

25. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.

The “modern man” is an idiot. And isn’t much of a man. And better PRAY he never has to find out first hand just how unbelievably wrong he is. How the f~~~ does the “modern man” expect to accomplish anything in the scenario laid out in #16? What does he plan on doing to an intruder? Bleed on him? This author is an even bigger fool than his supposedly “modern man”.

The Real Man knows it’s never in his control whether or not he might need a gun. The Real Man is also smart enough to know it’s better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have it.

26. The modern man cries. He cries often.

Obviously.

Even though that contradicts #2. Whatever happened to “acting as if everything is going swimmingly”?

The “modern man” is clearly a pussy little bitch.

27. People aren’t sure if the modern man is a good dancer or not. That is, until the D.J. plays his jam and he goes out there and puts on a clinic.

Yep. Definitely gay. Also “clinic”? What happened #8, using proper terms?

MonkeyMind wrote:

3. The modern man is considerate. At the movie theater, he won’t munch down a mouthful of popcorn during a quiet moment. He waits for some ruckus.

He isn’t eating because he is yakking on his cell phone, which he can’t do during the loud parts.

I don’t get the “Michael Mann” reference. Is he an arch-feminist or something?

Michael Mann directed films like Heat, The Last of the Mohicans, Ali and Collateral. Really like those movies.

But I don’t see what that has to do with being a mangina.

So this modern man cries and cries often plus would never ever own a gun. Does the modern man’s wife make him lick the cable guy’s jizz out of her t~~~ once the cable guy is done with her?

F~~~ this s~~~, What would John Wayne say about this crap if he were still among the living?