I personally cannot say for certain that I even truly know what a "Red Pill" actually is, aside from a Matrix reference to "Wake Up". In this knowledge, I will be using this section more as an "About Me" section, rather than simply giving a short story about a single moment (an "awakening", if you will) in my life.

First and foremost, allow me to state quite plainly that I am a disabled American Marine Corps veteran (OIF/OEF/9-11) with severe PTSD (both service connected, as well as pre-service connected - and technically some post-service connected as well, but that will be touched upon further in this self description). I served honorably from 2000 until 2004, wished to continue my service, but was unable to do so due to injuries sustained while on active duty. Since my discharge from active service, I have had no assistance from the V.A., and virtually no assistance from the government. My service records have been altered, as has my discharge status. Essentially, I have been railroaded. Used as a tool, and then discarded. A large factor in my deciding to join MGTOW (the site, not the movement - I've already had my own beliefs for quite a long time now, though they may not align perfectly with the total MGTOW philosophy) was viewing the "Feminists Will Never Understand" VEVO video, obviously in the videos section. While I understand that the video is from a legitimate recording artist and not necessarily member of MGTOW itself, I can at least appreciate people who take the time out of there lives to acknowledge me. The video felt like my life, to the letter. From the isolation, to the temporary (recurring) homelessness, to the failure to adequately reintegrate myself into "normal" society...to the acknowledgement that a US veteran commits suicide on average once every two minutes. All things I've experience personally. It's been a very long time since something non-physical (as in, something I can physically touch in my own life) has brought me to tears, but that video did. Again, I know it was from a legitimate recording artist, and not necessarily a man "of" MGTOW, I'd still never heard it before, so finding it here, while I browsed through the videos simply dabbling....I can still appreciate people who appreciate me.

Despite all of my veterans related issues, I still have managed to become engaged (though never married) three times, with three drastically different women, since my release from military service. All were traumatic, though the last two hurt for very different reasons than the first. My first fiance was murdered, and while obviously traumatic I understand that this has no bearing this site interests, so I'll not delve into the matter further. However, the second and third both left for very different reasons.

The second, or first relevant to the sites interests if you will, left on account of lies - her lies. After dating for nearly a year and a half, and almost another six months of engagement (we had no official wedding day, merely a commitment, or so I thought) I find myself dumped, for a friend, because "she can't take the lies." I already knew that the friend in question was a womanizer, so I easily knew that the relationship wouldn't last. True to my thoughts, she came crawling back in less than two weeks. While everyone was telling me to just be done with her, including myself, I decided to try to make things work, but demanded an explanation about what these proposed "lies" were. I was met with the following response: "Do you even know my name?" She had lied about everything. Name, age, birthday, fathers name, fathers job...literally everything. Less than a week into this attempted rekindled relationship, she leaves me again stating that "Things just aren't the same". Well, of course they aren't. It's been nearly two years, and I just discovered that I know absolutely nothing about you. "But everything I ever said I felt about you was real!", yet nothing you ever told me was the truth, so how can I believe you? But, I digress.

Between this engagement and the next, I can't help but include another relationship as well, albeit just a dating scenario. This being one of the most bizarre female financial relationship issues I have personally ever seen (which is odd, considering it happened in my own life, and I can't even find something online that comes close - in my opinion). Wherein, I had a fairly stable and lucrative career at the time, fell into a dating relationship with a woman who already had two kids and no father figure to be heard of, still, I tried. As per the 'norm', I found myself supporting myself, the woman, and both her kids. Putting food into two fridges, paying two sets of utility bills, and at least half of the time making two different rental bills. Obviously all the while providing additional financial services to the household - presents, gifts, surprises and the like. And yet, I notice that she's growing more and more distant. She's not going out, so I don't suspect that she's cheating or anything. But, clearly she's more distant. She's playing online PC games geared towards children (probably geared around 11-15 year olds, though I don't remember the name of the game). This doesn't particularly bother me, as I enjoy video games far more than I probably should myself anyway. Yet, I keep feeling that there's a problem. About a month and a half into this PC gaming...thing, she informs me that she's leaving me, even though she clearly knows and understands that in doing so she wont be able to support the roof over her head. Why, you may ask? Well, that's a question I had too. Turns out, it wasn't the game, but another player in it. Some other player, I'm assuming to be a male, had been speaking to her, buying her things in the game with real money. After some digging (including her inviting me to play the game with her), I discover that she left me because some other man (I assume) was buying her cosmetic items (beauty items... cute outfits, wings, little fake pets, and the like)...in a video game. That didn't last long, obviously, as it's rather difficult to continue to play a video game, when you have no internet....or power for that matter, as you can't afford to pay your utilities. Even moreso, when you lose the roof over your head, because you can't afford your rent. Obviously she tried to get me back, and I'll admit I did consider it, for her children at the very least - I didn't, and don't, believe that children should be forced to suffer for the stupidity of there parents - but the damage had already been done.

Moving on, my third engagement. My third, and currently final attempt at marriage was with a very shy, yet very physically needy woman. Her family loved me, even her feminist mother seemed to enjoy me being with her daughter. While I'll admit, for the most part genuine shyness is something of a turn on for me (usually), I felt it only right to work on her self-confidence. Shy is cute, but needy isn't. After several months helping to build her up, she starts telling me about some of the breakthroughs that she's had on her own. One in particular was important to her; contacting her first crush from way back in elementary school and telling him about her former crush. I wasn't bothered by this, heck, I was actually proud of her. I didn't see a threat, as the guy was living in another country, and she couldn't go more than a few days without having me over. Yet, right as rain, less than a month after that I get a call, "I don't love you, and I don't know if I ever have." Turns out I was just a tool. A charismatic tool, and a partial financial means to an end.

I was crushed, sure.. But a couple of things I've learned over the years are: Wisdom comes from experience, and, What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

Thank you for reading this.