Age gives you wisdom after the event, and I can now see that the verbal put-downs were part of the mindless blue pill manipulation tricks that I allowed to get to me when I was young.  That was the whole aim – they were intended to turn me into a Blue Piller.  In my case, it didn’t work, at least not fully.  I largely retained my individuality, and that is my victory, but it came at a price.

I grew up among people who were not like me.  I was intellectual and bookish and interested in academic achievement, and I was psychologically bullied and excluded for this, which had a long-term effect on me into my 20s and 30s.  The mind is moulded by early experiences, and it’s difficult to change this unless you have support or guidance from wiser heads.  I should have been seeking out peers, people my own age, who were more like me, but I grew up in an environment of little money and few horizons and I was boxed-in.  I allowed others – idiots, unambitious and unintelligent people –  to define me and demoralise me, and my life went down the drain, my potential stunted and my talents left to rust.

In hindsight, I can see two things:

1. I needed guidance and support from a strong male mentor, but this was lacking.  I grew up believing my father was a strong person: a handy, blue collar man’s man in some ways, which contrasted sharply with my nature and created conflict and tension between us.  I can now see that my father was in fact a weak man, like all the men around me.  I was made to think I was the weak one, the boring one, the pathetic one, the outcast.  In reality, I was the nascent strong man, but this strength didn’t flower.  MGTOW puts this properly in perspective.

2. Most of the poison and put-downs came from women/girls around me – “You’re boring”, “You never talk”, etc. – or from unintelligent blue pill men: schoolyard psycho-bullies and my own father, then later people in the workplace (mostly female).  Working with women is a nightmare.  In reality, they were the boring ones and I was the interesting one, but I took their comments to heart and allowed it to define me and create this self-loathing.  This happened because I was not educated in this important subject: there was no web back then, no coherent concept of MGTOW that men got together and discussed, so I had no reference point for understanding what I was going through.

It was like being psychologically tortured and blaming myself for it rather than blaming the perpetrators.

What now?  I’m not sure.  I am at the age now where I care little for women other than for satisfying any chemical/hormonal need I might have for sex.  I believed I could love a woman but now I don’t think I can.  The behaviour of my cold, abusive mother has been put into perspective by MGTOW.  I sought therapy over the years, but the therapists were female, and I can now see why they had no understanding of my problem.  Women are shallow and are totally lacking in empathy.

@StargateSG, Good point!

Every day I was beaten as teacher looked on.

I escaped in books …. flash gordon … bleep and booster …. marvel etc but also ‘speed and sound’ tech magazines.

In one of those I read about a guy that fought back. I fought back at school the next day … and for almost two weeks after …. I was black and blue but so were they ☺

I kept a low profile from then on and have been happier when alone.

Back then it was The Irish, Africans, Indians and Jews …. they all coped it one after another ….. now it’s just all males of the above nations and then some.

But … I’m still here … like a c~~~roach …. and I see other men doing the same.

This is a good thing ☺

I was the guy that put his head into his books all the way up until my senior year of highschool. Then I became the “cool” guy and it carried over into college. Guess what, I was kicked out of the first college I went to. That’s one of the things being the cool guy gets you, nothing. Only thing I have to thank my blood sucking wife for is that she pulled me out of it and got me back in line. Other than that she just basically drained me for everything else…but I survived and will come out of this in a much better situation.

Women are shallow and are totally lacking in empathy.

Yep. That’s pretty well all you gotta know. They are designed to seek male economic and social provision first and foremost.

“You’re boring”, “You never talk”

I never really liked school once I went past the age of 12. I like learning about things by myself, being forced to learn stuff by heart to pass some stupid tests never really interested me. Especially when I know that it’s stuff I’ll never use in the future.

I had the “You never talk” pulled on me quite a few times too.
Well yeah, no s~~~ I didn’t talk to people all that much in high school, when you see the level of discussion there, always stuff about who dates who and basically just petty bulls~~~ that was none of my business.