1. Saying “I love you” immediately before, during, or following sex doesn’t count.

Fine – then I won’t say it at all.

2. Real men drive stick shift.

Aaaawww….. I have a standard transmission…  time to go pickup my tampons!!

3. I will leave if you lie.

Sounds to me like you need an ‘out’.   Well, I lied sweety – I said ‘I love you’.

4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).

And you are cute in a burlap sack! (tan single toned, scratchy bag for cartin’ taters).

5. I’m convinced I’m pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.

Er..because if you ARE pregnant you get a meal ticket – ME!!!

6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.

That is what you say to the other guy you are sleeping with.   The quintessential ‘bad-boy’.  A ‘bad-boy’ doesn’t say ‘quintessential’…

7. “Fine” is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.

OK… you look like s~~~!!  How is that?!!

8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it’s about you.

OK guys- note the word ‘MOST‘.  The other times she is rubbing one out thinking of the ‘bad-boy’ who doesn’t know what quintessential means.  Nuf said.

9. I’m terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.

I think we got some femme-style Oedipus Rex bulls~~~ going on here…  RUN FOREST…RUN!!!

10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.

Again, please take note of the ‘YOU‘.   Not really YOU stud muffin, she is making reference to the ‘bad-boy’.

11. I expect you to call me.

NICE!!!  I EXPECT….  here we go gents…

12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.

AWESOME!!  Now she is telling me not only when to call her, but now which pants I can / can’t wear!!  Am I ALLOWED to dump your ass??!!!

13. I’m scared of losing my independence.

So you are implying that I am somehow going to make you dependent??? On what – MY MONEY??!!!  OH SNAP!!

14. I’m more forgiving of you than I really should be.

There it is!!! The ‘you OWE me card’.   PRICELESS!!!

15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.

There it is AGAIN!!! The ‘you OWE me card’.   With money extortion this time – a new twist.  PRICELESS TIMES 2!!!

16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I’m not. (See directly above.)

There it is AGAIN!!! The ‘you OWE me card’.   More money spent to get outta the dog house.   PRICELESS TIMES 3!!!

And women wonder why men would rather be a ‘do-yourselfer’ (masturbate) than crawl on their belly to get a little pussy…..

7. “Fine” is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.

*** No, the new outfit doesn’t make you look fat… The pies, cakes, ice cream, and fried potatoes are doing that!

Here’s what I want from a woman:

1) Be attractive and into f~~~ing me
2) Take care of yourself and don’t be stupid, immature or unhealthy
3) Tell me what you really think but keep your crazy to yourself

I will never find all three of these qualities in one female, much less any of the other qualities. Basically if you judge females by their character you will never fail to be disappointed.

“What a woman wants!, What a woman wants!”  I’m sick and tired of what these narcissistic modern women want. How about the rules of what I want? Very simple:

1) If you ever want a new dick, politely dump me first and don’t harp at me for the next 6 months.

2) Don’t expect me to watch your vapid TV shows with you unless you’re willing to watch John Wayne movies with me.

3) Quit complaining about everything around you.  The world does not rotate around your ass.

There 3 simple rules submitted for all you womyn lurkers to ponder.

Consider it done:

4)  Swallow, then demand more of where that cum from.  While your face is pushed into my pubic bone, then you’re gone.  Before you walk out the door, bring me a beer and get Sands of Iwo Jima fired up on my big screen too.

I just love watching feminists lose it when ya’ mention The Duke to them.

1. Saying “I love you” immediately before, during, or following sex doesn’t count.

A woman once said “thank you” after an apparently much-needed orgasm.
I’m like “honey, it’s sex. Not a soup kitchen”.
Just like “i love you”, I suppose her thanks doesn’t count.

I have 3 very basic “rules” which ask virtually nothing from other humans:

1. Respect my time and property.
2. I gotta be having FUN. I can be a good friend when times are tough, but if I’m not enjoying being around you, I’m out.
3. Be direct. I’m not interested in being a f~~~ing mind reader.

I expect the same from my guy friends, but however low you lower the floor of expectation for a woman, you can always count on her to fall below it.

1. Respect my time and property.
2. I gotta be having FUN. I can be a good friend when times are tough, but if I’m not enjoying being around you, I’m out.
3. Be direct. I’m not interested in being a f~~~ing mind reader.

I expect the same from my guy friends, but however low you lower the floor of expectation for a woman, you can always count on her to fall below it.

THIS

There is also a plain “TEXT” tab on the right when composing. This will give consistent results and remove unwanted weird characters.